My Confession - I've started doing a bit of CIO.. and I am so much happier.

I never thought I would ever do it, but the last few nights I've stopped getting up to DD's cries at night. She has been waking up around 6 times a night for the past 8ish months and I fed her/rocked her to sleep every single time, without fail.
I've had enough.
So one night I just didn't. And she didn't cry, more just whined tiredly. For about 10mins max I think. And went back to sleep!
I have been continuing this and she still wakes up a few times, but cries for probably 1 minute.
I just want to know; if I use this technique at nights, but comforted sleep during day naps, is this going to confuse her??
Any advice is welcome.

Hi turtleschell

I have always responded to my children when they cry during the day, but at night I will leave them for a few minutes and have done since about 12 months. It's usually easy enough to tell when they are having a gripe in their sleep and when they actually need some comforting and I don't believe they have suffered for it. They know I will always come if they are really upset.

I am the same as traveller, at night time I leave the girls to see if they settle a bit. Most times they go back to sleep. Dd2 sometimes won't if it's her teeth or if she gets out of bed and can't find her way back.

I still get up to Ds straight away.

I don't get up to every cry either (I wait until it has gone on for 30 seconds without stopping before I go in but only in older babies, over 6 months) - babies have sleep cycles and they can stir during their sleep cycles. If they are picked up and disrupted every time they stir during their sleep cycles, they can learn to wake up entirely between sleep cycles which might be why your bub was waking up 6 times a night.

I did do a sleep school when my DD1 was little because we were desperate and had no support or anything. While we don't do the CIO stuff the way the sleep school said to anymore - we do co-sleeping and a range of other gentle parenting techniques to calm our babies down now, I don't think the information that they told us about babies and their sleep patterns is entirely irrelevant.

The sleep school suggested waiting 30 seconds before going in because often babies will stop crying within 30 seconds if they are self settling. They say 30 seconds of continuous crying though so if they stop crying during the 30 seconds, the time starts all over again. I don't watch the clock too much and I don't restart unless there is a long pause in their crying. I can kind of tell from listening to them for a little bit whether they need me or whether they will go back to sleep on their own.

As far as daytime sleep goes - I don't think it will confuse her too much. Does she often wake up and then go back to sleep during a daytime nap? If she learns to self settle at the end of every sleep cycle during the night, you might find that after a few days, she gets better at self settling during the day.

I would probably give one little warning though - when my DD1 was about 10 months old, she started became really hard to settle to sleep and resettle after a sleep cycle and so we left her to CIO. We followed the age recommendation of the sleep program and did the whole 30 sec, 2 mins, 4 mins, 6 mins etc intervals of controlled comforting. In the end, D1 freaked out entirely whenever it came to bedtime and would scream if we just walked into her room to put her in the cot. We gave up with the CIO strategy because she was so distressed and started rocking her to sleep. It was a mammoth effort to get her to sleep and when we finally did, she slept so lightly that if we tried to put her down in her cot, she would wake up and scream. It took her about 5 weeks to get over 5 days of us leaving her to CIO. Her cries though were really distressed while she was crying it out and we gave up doing it because it was heartbreaking. I guess my advice is - you know your baby and you know her cries. If she is just whimpering, I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing if she resettles on her own for a short period of time, but if she starts to sound worked up at all, don't leave her. My kids have never put themselves back to sleep once they reach that stage, they always need comforting eventually and I have found it so much harder to calm them down once they get to that point. I think you probably know all that already, but I thought I would put it here just in case :)

I'm similar also - I find that people who frown are assuming I must not be able to distinguish between distress and grizzling. If it escalates I'd head in (or kick DH, lol). To be honest, it was less a parenting choice I made and more something that happened because I'd spend 5 of those minutes trying to wake up and Sleep-Nelle desperately begging the baby to stop crying, and by the time I woke I'd usually realise that bub was starting to settle.

This might be off topic, but I've discovered something with DD - sometimes babies just have a 'whinge' then sleep. DS never did that - he was crying in distress, that was it (until very recently). But DD can cry a little (different to a distressed cry) and then sleep.
anyway, I'm sure you know when she's really in need of comfort and when she's just settling herself

ETA - I discovered something every other parent in the world already knew :)

This is exactly what we ended up doing with DD and she didn't suffer confusion at all. Infact, it worked the first night and from then on only woke up when she was genuinely sick or in pain. Glad you found something that works for you.

Yep, did it with my DD too - by listening to her cries I could tell the difference between the grumbly grizzly but will probably go back to sleep in a few seconds cry and the "mum I need you" cry. Often it is a lot easier with the grumbles and grizzles to let them just gradually settle back to sleep as going in to them may well wake them up completely then you have a well rested (so they think) wakeful bub to try and convince that it really is sleep-time.

But definitely, if the tone of the cry changes to definite/demanding/distressed crying, go in and comfort them.

I personally wouldn't say that you're doing CIO anyway. From what you're describing it sounds like sleep grizzles... Both my little ones do that where they'll roll over and have a cry/whinge or something in their sleep... it's kinda like talking in their sleep in a way... where they're not waking up as such but grizzling and resettling :)

I am going to try this!

We do it with DD - and some days if she's really in need of a daytime sleep I do it during the day too. :) No harm done to her...I think she sleeps better that way, if that makes sense?
You will be able to tell if she needs you to go in there for anything. :)

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This might be off topic, but I've discovered something with DD - sometimes babies just have a 'whinge' then sleep. DS never did that - he was crying in distress, that was it (until very recently). But DD can cry a little (different to a distressed cry) and then sleep.
anyway, I'm sure you know when she's really in need of comfort and when she's just settling herself

ETA - I discovered something every other parent in the world already knew :)

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My little one sounds like your DS. She doesn't grizzle or whinge, if she is crying she needs me. I don't really get how CC would work, but maybe for a kid different to mine it would.

Sweets, I wouldn't call this CIO at all! I did it with my daughter too, ignored some of her overnight grizzles. They were half-asleep grumbles more than anything but I had been responding to every one of her wake ups. I think there is a HUGE difference from letting a child grizzle while they put themselves back to sleep to ignoring a crying / distressed baby.

I have done this with mine too.
I usually lay there half awake just summoning the energy to get up and they go back to sleep.
I really do think there is a big difference to those upset need you now mummy cries to the little grumbles and whinges over night

Well this is reassuring! I have been feeling so guilty about it, but it really is working well. I feel like such a hypocrite too, but I think you guys are right. It's not really CIO, it's more like Whinge It Out.
Although now her day naps are different, she takes ages to go down and has a tendency to wake up halfway through.

Is she 8 months old? For day sleeps... Elijah was shocking, always waking after 45-60 mins and needing resettling... it's only in the past few weeks that changed and I was like WHAT and checked on him lol. I just rolled with the days so long as the nights were better. For me, nights were shocking until 14 months old... on average every 2 hours and that was a good night!

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I personally wouldn't say that you're doing CIO anyway. From what you're describing it sounds like sleep grizzles... Both my little ones do that where they'll roll over and have a cry/whinge or something in their sleep... it's kinda like talking in their sleep in a way... where they're not waking up as such but grizzling and resettling :)

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i agree. i witnessing "CIO", or "controlled comforting" at sleep school. the midwives would leave a baby to scream hysterically for hours. not 30 seconds.
I don't think you are doing CIO at all.
i met people who had been to the Sleep Doctor - the method was "shut the door and don't go back in for 12 hours, even if they cry". That is CIO (to them), child abuse (to me).

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Sweets, I wouldn't call this CIO at all! I did it with my daughter too, ignored some of her overnight grizzles. They were half-asleep grumbles more than anything but I had been responding to every one of her wake ups. I think there is a HUGE difference from letting a child grizzle while they put themselves back to sleep to ignoring a crying / distressed baby.

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Totally agree. CIO is letting you baby cry for longer and longer periods of time, regardless of the type of cry. There is a huge difference in waiting to see if your baby is just having a grizzle or if they truly need you to help. I do the same with both of mine and even did it when they co-slept. Kids can also be very noisy sleepless, both of mine often cry out while asleep or dreaming, they aren't even awake in the slightest.

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i met people who had been to the Sleep Doctor - the method was "shut the door and don't go back in for 12 hours, even if they cry". That is CIO (to them), child abuse (to me).

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:( That makes ME want to cry! Those poor babies :(

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Well this is reassuring! I have been feeling so guilty about it, but it really is working well. I feel like such a hypocrite too, but I think you guys are right. It's not really CIO, it's more like Whinge It Out.
Although now her day naps are different, she takes ages to go down and has a tendency to wake up halfway through.

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Do you think this is due to your changes at night, or just something else going on?