3rd MC in 10 months how do you find the strength to get through it all.

After getting my BFP on my bday on the 9th of Jan. we were so excited and happy to have fallen pregnant again after 2 MC since April 2010. I had 3 ultra sounds 1 at 5 weeks, 1 at 6 weeks and another at 8weeks 5 days all detecting a lovely strong HB from bub, then Saturday 2 weeks ago I had a gall stone attack they sent me for an ultra sound the very next morning to find bubs heart had stopped beating at exactly that moment I was having the US once again our hearts have been ripped open and left to bleed dry. My DR tells me I had a 1-2% chance of MC after having detected such a strong HB at my US which leaves me feeling like where did I go so wrong to lose our little angel this time around. I was 9 weeks and 4 days PG when bubs heart stopped and that was the day of my last US.
My GP has now given me numerous BT to start checking for a reason as to why I am MC and another DR tells me today that all my BT have come back neg. to everything they have tested for and he then tells me this is a good thing, well NO it's not a good thing to me as I need and want to know I have lost such a heathy little bub in the first place.
Tonight I sit here in my bedroom feeling lost and wanting answers I know I probably never will get, I have cramps that feel like I am in labour and I'm sure I am about to gush out at any second.
My GP now wants to refer me to a fertility specialist but I have no idea where to go from here, the DR not my usuak DR tells me today JUST KEEP TRYING, I felt that was such a HUGE slep in the face to me and my bub that I have lost.
Not sure if I am asking for advice but I will take it if any one can give it, it has taken e nearky 2 weeks to even work up the courage to post in here again.
Thank you in advance for your support.

Oh hun, I have no advice, just :hug:

I am so sorry... Definitely get in to see a FS because I don't think 3 MC in a row is a good thing :(

:hug: so sorry for your loss

Hey chick, thought you had been quiet.
I wish I had some wonderful soothing advice, but all I have is empathy and all the support you need.
:hug:

I have been in that very sucky 1-2% too, and it seems all doctors learn the same lines, cos I've heard those exact ones. I'm so sorry this has happened.

Oh Hun, I'm so sorry for your loss :( My heart just sank for you, I was just so happy to hear of your BFP and was hoping like mad this was the one for you xoxox I hope things can only get better and that you don't go thru this again xoxoxox :hug:

:hug:

Definitely see a FS so you can get some answers.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I agree with toomanyshoes definitely see the FS Hun. It's just devastating what you're going through and so hard to continue trying. Have you considered seeing a naturopath? If you're in Melb Gina Fox at Fertile Ground is fantastic, I saw her & was put on vitex & got my sticky bub 4 months later.
Be kind to yourself hun, wish I could give you a big hug!
Hope you've got plenty of support around you at the moment.

Clairesmummy- :cry: I am so sorry hun :hug: We have had really similar experiences, I have also had 3 m/c after having a healthy pg. My last m/c was in august last year, and i had a d&c so that the baby could be tested, because they kept telling me it was the baby had problems, even though they'd never tested them. It turned out that i was pg with a little girl, and there was nothing wrong with her.
All the tests i had done came back normal....except my progesterone level. I am pg again now, 10w atm, and have been taking progesterone pesseries and so far so good. Maybe get your levels looked at???
Im sorry they said just keep trying, it's very hurtful and makes you just want to punch them in the face.
I hope what iv'e shared has helped in some way, and definately go to a FS, they will support you while getting pg, and when you are pg. They may be able to give you answers.
Fly free little angel, and watch over your mummy xoxox

Thank you all so much for all yhour kind words I truly appreciate them more than I can explain in words at this time. I am still having cramps at the moment and have had them most of the night as well. Not alot of bleeding yet just some spotting but with all the cramping the bleeding won't be to far off going by me other MC.

Yas I have always felt that something just is/was not right with my hormone levels mainly Progesterone as I would O and always seem to have a short LP of around 8-9 days then when i went in to see my last so called OB/GYN he never did any testing at all just gave me an ultra sound and put me straight onto Clomid with no BT apart from what my GP had given me and they showed no Oing. I fell PG on my first round of Clomid (this pg) and still he never did any testing at all only US which to me at the time was weird but I just told myself he knows what he is doing he is the specialist. I have read so many other ladies journies on here and they mostly all say about all the tests they have had done when seeing a specialist and I was not offered anything apart from scanning. We are now looking into finding a good FS on the Sunshine Coast as we have now decided it is time to move from western QLD where good DR and FS are to hard to come by and also to be closer to my family and my sister for thier support through this nightmare. I wish you all the very best with your PG hun and sending you massive amounts of sticky vibes, thank you for your advice I truly appreciate it.

Big :hug: darlin. I concieved this pg on clomid too, it took me 3 rounds but i got there. I had progesterone monitoring 1 cycle before i started and then every cycle i was on clomid. BUT i had progesterone pessaries to support/ lengthen my luteal phase and maintain the pg. And i think it's working, i haven't had an alive baby at 10w since my son.
I hope you can find a good FS, that will support you through this horrible journey. My OB gives me weekly u/s per my request, and emergency appointments if im cramping (i have a serious bladder infection it turns out) I think it's so important for your peace of mind, your already going to be terrified enough next time IYKWIM?
If you need anything feel free to PM me, do you know what tests they have done?
GL sweetheart, keep us updated and i'm thinking of you xoxox

So far my GP has done alot of BT on me since finding out bub had passed she is concerned about 1 test in particular as it came back with high numbers and I can't remember what it is called but it picks up any swelling in your body, she also done testing for auto immune diseases, kidney/liver function, lupus, thyroid, diabetes, toxoplasmosis and many others but they have all come back neg.

I'm so sorry for your losses. A LP of 8-9 days is a worry. I think alot of time we have an instinct for these things that some doctors just ignore. After my m/c, I had BT during my next pregnancy. I started spotting 5-6 weeks and my progesterone was low. I started progesterone suppositories and did not m/c. I have a LP of 10-11 days and figure maybe there's not enough progesterone, maybe there is. It doesn't hurt to take it JIC and if it prevents a m/c for that reason, then great. If there's something else wrong with bub, it won't prevent a m/c but at least I'll know I've done all I could.

I hope you get more answers from another Dr soon.

Tash~ With both my other losses I started spotting very early on in my PG but this time everything was going along great than everything so quickly fell apart on us this was the first time we had gotten a HB the other 2 angels never recorded a HB at all. And to top it off the DR I had to see yesterday tells me if you need someone to blame for your MC blame your partner as this could be his fault for your recurrent MC. He was just a heartless young quake I never wish to see ever again and I can't wait for me GP to come back to work again.

Ouch - that's awful. What a horrible thing to say!

It does remind me. DH and I both had karotyping (chromosome analysis) to check if there was a genetic reason for m/c. Something like a balanced translocation can cause recurring m/c. It's an expensive test but may be something worth looking at (about $400 pp). Did you have bub tested?

Im so sorry for your losses. My first angel had passed before we saw the heartbeat but we heard a perfectly healthy heartbeat just two weeks before I lost the second. Its so hard and Im glad you are getting tested.

How dare that Dr blame your partner! Im sure he is going through enough!:hug::hug:

Clairesmummy- Can you find out what test came back abnormal? My advise is to get copies of all the tests you have had done and keep them for your records, and take them to your FS.
Hun, your doctor is an *******. I would swap doctors hun.
I understand how upset and confusing it is to see a HB and then have them pass away shortly after. I seen lily's heartbeat 5 days before she passed, and everything looked normal with her (turns out everything was normal) but i didn't know she had gone until 3 weeks later.
Hun, i think you just need lots of :hug: :hug: :hug: right now, especially after your horrible doctors comments, and i think we're all happy to give them to you :hug:
Hope you get a good nights rest and peaceful dreams xoxox

hun big hugs from me also, i am appalled the dr said that to you, he should be encouraging you to rely on your partner for support not suggesting blaming each other for something you have no control over, im so angry to hear that happened to you

:comfort: I know I have posted this many times before but it was sent to me during some of my lowest of lows with my losses it helped me to reflect to take a step back I dont know if it will help you but it has a wonderful meaning behind

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

Sorry babe no advice just lots of big :hug:s

Im so sorry to hear what you are going through and heartbroken for you
what a horrible doctor that is to say something so cruel
Huge hugs to you:hug:

How's everything going hun? Have you been back to the doctors? Thinking of you xoxoxo :hug: :hug: :hug:

First of all I want to thank each and everyone of you for your suport and hugs.

Please be warned that the following info is very graffic and could be disturbing, sorry if TMI here. I was woken at 5am with severe cramping that continues until 8am when I got up from our table and took one step when I felt a pop inside and then gushed watery fluid,blood and bub, I then raced to the loo to change my pads as I thought I had just started bleeding heavily when I got to the loo I found bub on my pad. Bub looked like a normal 9week 4 day bub to me he/she has 2 eyes, 2 arms and 2 legs still with a very small tail and measuring about 3cm long. I then rang the DR and he said I could take bub in to have him/her sent away for testing at Brisbane if I would like to do that. This time the DR was very cautious with his words and gave me some very kind words as he said that bringing bub in and putting bub in a container was a very hard thing to do especially when you are by yourself, as DF had to work this morning and this was the last thing we expected to happen today. It will take about 2 weeks to get any results back from the lab and I personally do not think they will find anything wrong with my angel. My bleeding has no eased off alot and I no longer have any cramps so with out being able to find the right words to explain myself I guess the worst is now over with this MC.
I am heart broken that you left us my darling, but please fly safe and be free with your little brothers or sisters that we never got to meet, you will all always be in our hearts and our dreams and please know mummy, daddy and big sis will always love you all forever my angel babies.
xoxoxoxoxox

:cry: Oh, hun, that's terrible! Lots of :hug: :hug: :hug: It would have been so hard to place bub in a container and send bub away.....thinking of you lovely xoxoxo
Im so sorry :cry:

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I really feel I had to do it to know one way or the other if something was wrong with bub or not IYKWIM. I am hoping and praying it will give the specialist something to work on when I finally find one and hopefully it will change our luck around and then my angel wouldn't have passed for no good reason. I am totally devastated today and it was just horrible to go through seeing bub so lifeless and he/she felt so cold to touch.

Im so incredibly sorry you had to go through that, especially alone :hug: I hope you get some answers soon.

Clairesmummy -so, so sorry for what you have gone through esp today. I think you have done the right thing though taking the baby in for testing. Hopefully something will come from it that lets you move forward & get some answers. So very sorry though that you have to suffer yet another loss. I have had 2 losses at 12 weeks & then last month an early loss/ mc. I too will be following up with testing if anything more goes wrong for me. When you think of the pain & heartbreak some of us have to go through when there may be a simple cause/ solution - I think we owe it to ourselves to trust our instincts & not be deterred by ill knowing Dr's.
Anyhway, rant over. I will be thinking of you & sending you healing vibes over the weeks ahead.
xxxx

Sweetie - I am so so sorry to hear of your loss.... again. Will be back in soon to respond.... just can't find the words now.. Hugs.

Clairesmummy, how are you going now? have you got any results back? I pm'd you. i just want to let you know that i am constantly thinking about you and are sending you hugs xx

Im so sorry for your loss. M/c again and again is so very cruel.

My last m/c was 2 months ago and it is still quite hard to deal with sometimes. I hope you are doing ok.

Thinking of you.

Dory, Melster and Diamond Girl ~ Thank you all so very much for your thoughts and hugs, it means alot to me more than words can explain. No results from bubs testing as yet should get them sometime next week.
I'm not doing very well at all, I feel so alone in all this and really feel like no one cares, but that is so far from the truth. I have a great DH who is very supportive and so are my family and friends but I still feel so alone and feel like I am living in a black hole that is spiralling out of control. I can't seem to find any motivation to do even the simplest of jobs around the house and I have never been like that, I used to always keep myself very busy all day.
Everyday that comes by nothing seems to ease the pain of what is now my life, I lost my baby then 1 week later I lost my dog which again broke my heart even more she was my mate and my true support and strength and now she has also been taken from me. I have no idea where to turn or what to do next, I feel like I am pushing everyone away that I love as I am now scared I am going to lose them as well. On top of everything else I am having huge problems with the MIL who is a total ***** to us and couldn't give a rats backside about what we are going through.
I don't know if we will ever TTC again as this loss has broken my heart but in saying that I also want answers as to why I am losing all my babies, I always thought god looked after good people but I have my doubts about him as well.

Sweetie - first things first - big hug. I wish I could just come out and hug you and help you through. I know where you have been, and it's a dark scary place. There is hope and there is light, but it's a fight to get there.

Second - Inanna has a great sticky on the sorts of testing that can be done for you after recurrent m/c... I'll post the link in here - the best thing to do about it is to get knowledgeable. So ask your GP for copies of all the tests results that have come back for you. Get those little test results in your hot little hand. It means when you do go to another Dr that you have all the info right there and don't have to wait around.

Here's that link https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...rmation-25483/

Third - if you're really wanting to explore all avenues and you have some $ - try seeing a reproductive endocrinologist or an endo that specialises in reproduction ( they will be better able to help you with your progesterone and hormone questions) and possibly a reproductive immunologist ( this is a more emerging area of reproductive medicine, Dr Sacks in Sydney specialises in this area and there is another Dr in Melbourne) Dr S offers ph appointments. I had an appointment with him but didn't need it... so did one of my friends.... so maybe just maybe even just having an appointment will help bubs stay sticky? If you're moving to the Sunny Coast, then Brisbane is not far away from there really. Not if you want to see a specialist.

Fourth - how you got to meet your little one is very traumatic.... don't discount that in your grieving. As shocking and traumatic as it can be though, that wee one is beautiful, and got to know their mother's touch and feel her tears. That is truly a beautiful gift for both you and your wee one. Even though your wee one was cold to teh touch, your love warmed their soul and will evermore.

Fifth - sweetie - multiple losses are hard, very hard. It's normal to feel so very alone and to feel so very scared about losing those you love. It's normal to feel scared and to be in a dark place. I knew however, when all of those things stayed with me for a while, that it was time to get help. I know it's hard where you are to access services, so I'd recommend you call SIDS and KIDS they offer telephone counselling as does Lifeline. I know it's hard to make that call, but you need someone, other than DH, and BB and friends and family to help you through....

24 hours bereavement counselling 1300 308 307

And a link to their website Bereavement Support | Sids and Kids

Fifth - For me there is no answer in God. I was raised in the church. I think I was raised with a view of a benevolent God - that is a God who looks after good people. I am a good person more or less. I don't believe in God anymore. That's just me. There is no God conceivable to me that would take my 3 perfect children from me and make this journey so very hard for so many other women. I also can't believe in original sin, my angels did no wrong and were pure souls. But those questions are for another time.

Now is the time to focus on you... go gently my sweet one as you start to heal both physically and emotionally. I hold you and your angels close to my heart.

Oh sweetie how did I miss this? My hearts breaks for you. This is so unfair,:hug:

ClairesMummy, Im sorry you are feeling so down. I know how hard it is, and how alone you feel, even though you are supported by a great DH and friends. Me too. Everyone expects you to just get over it, and its not really socially acceptable to talk about it, so it can stay bottled up if you let it.

Dory has given you some great advice, and you really should consider ringing the number she has given you, especially as you feel that you cant do ordinary tasks.

Still thinking of you sweety.

Clairesmummy I have been thinking about you since your loss. Multiple losses are so hard and it sounds like the MIL issue is making a hard time harder. It can be a lonely time. I know i also had that 'black hole' feeling for a while after each loss. Things started to improve as i physically got better. I hope you will start to feel a little better soon. I hope if you feel like you are having trouble getting yourself through the day you will find someone you can talk to (as Dory suggested). Huge hugs... I hope some 'sun' starts breaking through the 'clouds' soon.

I think of you everyday just at a loss for words for what you have had to go through.
Dory had all the good advice
Just wanted you to know we haven't forgotten you
Im so sorry your angel couldn't stay with you
:-(

Clairesmummy, i can hear you're pain and it makes me so sad! Can you go to counseling at all? is there anyone near you? What about anti depressants for a short while? do you think they could help at all? You're grieving and its totally understandable you're feeling the way you do and feeling in a hole. Give you're self permission to grieve. Give you're self permission to be in that hole for a little while and then you'll have to start digging you're self out. I dont think there is any easy quick fix, except time........I know what you're saying about being alone but having people around you, just as long as you know there are people around to call on when you really need them. TTC'ing will be the last thing on you're mind, and dont even worry about that until you have had time to grieve for you're babies and until you maybe have some answers. Maybe once you get you're results that might help a little bit. I so wish there was something i could do to help or say that would make things better for you. I am here any time you need me and i am thinking of you. Big hugs

Heya sweetie - how are you going today? Have the results come back.... if so how are you processing them? Hugs. Today I want you to consciously do one nice thing for yourself - it can be anything, a nice cup of tea, a bath, brushing your hair, sitting outside for a moment and just breathing, but what ever it is, do it consciously and deliberately. Hugs

First of all I want to thank you all so much for your words of advice and your great support in this horrible nightmare I am going through right now. Without you all I would be a total mess by now. I have had my bad days no doubt about that, where I just can't see the end of the tunnel but the last couple of days have been ok for me where I am starting to see the light again and have even started thinking of our future together as a small family of 3. I have been asked to come in and see the DR the sent bubs away for testing but I said NO to that and have made an appointment to go in and see my usual GP to get the results as she is so much more caring and supportive than the other DR I had to see while she was away. I am now sitting here thinking that it has to be bad news for the DR to ask me to come in and see them about the results cause if there was nothing wrong they wouldn't ask to see me so quickly. I have no idea what could of been wrong with my baby to make him/her pass I am totally at a loss as to what to expect from the testing they did on bub, I am petrified about getting the results tomoro afternoon and have no idea how I am going to cope with hearing any type of bad news. If there was something wrong with bub what should I expect to hear and is there anything they can do to stop it from happening if we ever decide to TTC again? I have so many questions and I have no idea where to start with it all.

Dory~ With out your words of advice and your loving support for me through all the losses I have had I would not know where to turn, you have given me so much hope and so much inspiration I can never thank you enough. You truly are a very special woman and very gifted in being able to give such knowledgable advice to us all.

Kell~ Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts that truly means so much to me, I greatly appreciate you caring and all your hugs darl. xox

Diamond Girl~ Thank you so much for everything you have said, hugs to you for your support hun.

Melster~ Thank you to you also for keeping in touch and your words of advice and support. xox

Joeve~ Nice to see you again it's just a shame it's not for happier circumstances darl, thank you for your support. xox Hope you are still enjoying your horses, mine have been a HUGE benefit to me through this loss, they are my rocks for emotional support.

PossumMagic~ Thank you to you for your support and advice darl, I hope all is going well for you. xox

big :hug: honey, i wish i could hold your hand and go to the dr with you, i'll be thinking of you and waiting to hear how you go

Minnie~ Thank you so much darl, you are truly turning out to be my gaurdian angel through all of this. Hugs to you as well darl.

Clairesmummy - oh sweetie, thankyou, thankyou so much for such kind words. But you're most welcome... just glad to try to help and even better that I may have actually helped.

Now about tomorrow? I would be totally flabbergasted if the Dr's just called you up with the results, whatever they are. I would EXPECT the Dr to sit down with you in a long private consultation and go through the results gently and carefully, and give you time to cry and ask questions. So don't assume the worst just cause you're going in for an appointment.

About how you'll cope? You will cope... whatever the news and however you respond.... that's your coping. You don't have to be brave or stoic or anything in particular. I would take a list of questions that you have cause if you're like me you never remember what you wanted to ask and also ask the Dr if you can talk to them at any time over the phone if you have any further questions.

GL sweetie and glad there is some easing of the burden....