Do your children have to ask to get food?

Wasn't sure where to put this sorry if it's the wrong area!

Do you make your kids ask you before they get some food/drinks from the fridge? My kids have just started helpong themselves, and in the past few days, I have found them eating food which I haven't given them. Just now DS1 helped himself to some crackers int he cupboard while I was emptying the dishwasher!
I don't know if I should discourage it or not! I always had to ask for food when I was little. I still do when at mums or dads houses. Actually at anyones house I will ask, even if they say help yourself.
I think it's a good idea for them to ask as I can then regulate what they eat and when. So they don't eat not so great food (we don't really have junk in the house) when it's near lunch time or what ever, and I can just make sure they're getting a good variety and healthy options, plus talking to them about the foods they should eat. I don't think they would make good choices all the time! I do let them choose food to eat, but will tell them why or why not it's good/bad to eat.

So am I being a food nazi by not letting them get their own food, sometimes without me knowing they're eating? They are only 2 1/2 and almost 4, they really don't have any idea about what is actually healthy or not!

My kids have to ask me. It's not about being a food nazi, it's about ensuring they are eating the right types of foods, ensuring they are not wasting it, and ensuring they are not snacking all day so they don't eat their dinner. Otherwise they would just eat junky foods all day and waste alot of it too.

I have food at their level they are allowed to help themselves to whenever they like. Cut up fruit in the fridge, sultanas, dry biscuits, apples and bananas not in the fridge. They have to ask for other things, but i think it's good for them to be able to help themselves to healthy food choices. :)

My kids have to ask for food - though there is not much opportunity where they need to. We eat at set times during the day and food is not generally available outside of those times for a couple of reasons - I don't want to be cleaning up food all day long. We eat together at set times (morning tea and afternoon tea included) and then I only have to clean up once but if I let them have food constantly, I would do nothing else with my day but clean up food. Also, nutritionists say that it is good to get their body clocks operating on set eating times and creating a pattern of grazing isn't so good for them. So at those times, food is not available even if they ask.

Every morning, I make the kids' morning teas, lunch and afternoon teas and put them in the fridge. At food times (10am in the morning and 3.30pm in the afternoon - straight after Playschool, lunch is at 12 but I usually have to tell them when), they don't have to ask, they just go to the fridge and get out their food container and drinks. If I am feeding or trying to rock my baby to sleep, it means they can organise themselves and don't have to ask me. Generally though, they don't have anything else besides what I pack up for them.

I guess they don't just help themselves to anything in the fridge or cupboard. When they get older and don't make so much mess and are able to clean up after themselves, I don't imagine that they will have to ask for food but I will also probably have foods that they know they can help themselves to (like fruit, yoghurt, cheese, crackers etc) and that they need to ask for anything else. I would probably make it conditional that they clean up after themselves though.

Our kids have to ask. I never did as a kid (but I was a really light and pampered "picky" eater - totally my mother's creation I might add!!)

I don't want the boys eating half an hour before dinner then not eating dinner and then wanting a sandwich just before bed. I don't want them snacking on fruit all day (too much fructose is not a good thing for anyone). I don't want Flynn eating a kilo of cheese a day (which I am SURE he would do if I let him - he is a dairy fiend!) I don't want Oliver eating nothing but olives. Both try to get into the unwashed carrots in the crisper which drives me nuts.

I think its good to encourage them to ask so they know not to help themselves at other peoples houses too. Also you don't want them getting themselves filling snacks just before dinner or high energy stuff just before bedtime...

DS1 asks (well for things he can say) as we have a gate across kitchen as low oven. He does open fridge and ask for things and will go into back pack for snacks if we are out or if its left within reach.

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but i think it's good for them to be able to help themselves to healthy food choices. :)

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That's what I want for my kids too, that's why I feel like a bit of a nazi, I want them to choose, but (being kids!) they don't always make good choices. I will have to do what you da and just put the foods they *should* have, or can have at any time in their reach!

Same as Junglemum, the kids have access to stuff they are allowed to eat. I don't buy stuff I don't want them eating. I want them to be able to regulate their hunger independently, so that means if they are hungry (Darcy mainly) then I am good with them eating something. Sometimes I'm not in a position to help her either (in the shower/toilet/doing something for Nate) so her being able to get her own is helpful to me. We also have a water cooler that they both have free access to.
That's not to say though that I don't judge if she's had enough and tell her no more if I think she's had enough or it's too close to dinner etc.
I also think that asking at other people's houses is different to at home. My kids would never dream of not asking at other people's houses.

DD has to ask for food, and then can help herself to it once she has permission. I also need to monitor the intake of her food because otherwise she doesn't eat enough of the right foods and would be happy for custard and yogurt to be her only sources of nutrition. On that note, even DH has to ask before helping himself to certain foods, just in case I was saving it to make dinner or a desert. He learnt the hard way, when he had to go to the shops a few times to replace what he ate, and would rather choose another option.

Mine ask for food, yep. Some days they just go help themselves to a piece of fruit without asking but that's cool with me.
They don't ask for drinks cause their water bottles are filled and either in the fridge or around the house where they left it last.

Our rule here is they have to ask for food BUT they are allowed to help themselves to fruit and water. We are trying to cut out bad foods and also to get DS2 to eat all his dinner so i like to know what they have and how much.

I to on the hols pack all there food into their lunch box's and they can eat that only.Saves mess and i know exactly what they are having.

Oh and yeah, i'm the same as Kim, if it's too close to dinner or i think they've had enough i say no. Or i move the food.
I don't find it interferes with their eating times at all. They tend to go for a mid morning snack and sometimes after a nap in the arvo. They don't eat all day. I think because they know it's there they can get it if they are hungry. If they did just graze on fruit and yoghurt all day and not eat their meals then i would have to look at changing our approach. But works well for us now. :)

The same goes for water, i have a jug for them with an easy pour lid at the bottom of the fridge and they help themselves. Being 2 and 3 we often have water spills while pouring, but i think it's good for them to learn to do it themselves. :)

ETA- My kids would never help themselves at someone else house! :o They know the difference. :)

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Our rule here is they have to ask for food BUT they are allowed to help themselves to fruit and water.

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We have the same rule here. I don't mind them helping themselves to fruit and water.
They are not allowed anything an hour before dinner....including fruit.

My kids are fussy eaters so i only allow different foods that arent filling and arent junk at hip height
I let them help themselves but they know its not allowed at someone elses house..
i also dont buy lollies and chocolates anyway so they only have minimal choices to help themselves to anyway and that way if they dont feel like whats there then they have to wait for the next main meal as i cook 3 meals a day when they are home

We are the same as Junglemum and Kim.

I have always had a draw available at child height full of the foods for DD and from about 18months she began accessing it herself. DD2 at 10months is getting very interested in it. Our fridge is upside down (or right way up in my mind ;)) so the children can't really reach a shelf until about 2.5-3. Now that DD can reach it, some food and drink is available for her there.

Even though my children can access their own food if they want it, so far I have found they don't tend to go for helping themselves unless it is a meal time anyway and I am happy for them to have input into what they eat. Maybe it is partly a personality thing, I can imagine I would be a bit more strict about food access if DD was pushing boundaries and helping herself to food at all times or not regulating her intake appropriately. As it stands she is doing well on her own and has always really enjoyed the feelings of independence it has fostered. As for asking, DD tends to ask anyway as she helps herself "mum, can I have some of these?". Often I need to open something so I imagine that would help keep excess grazing in check. It usually starts a dialogue about whether it is an appropriate eating time anyway.

I do believe in encouraging independence and allowing children to have control over decisions in their lives. That said, I do have a very easy going child. I was the same as a child but my older brother brother was the complete opposite (the word ADHD comes to mind!) If I had a child like him, I don't know that I would be so easy to let him just go as I can with my DD. I guess it so depends on your children :dunno:

I have a cupboard in which they can help themselves when they want. I do make a rule though that there is no food after 4pm otherwise they will not eat dinner. There is some crap in there, but most of it is lactose and fructose free due to Ashton, and he knows what he can and can't have.

We have a water cooler, and they know they can have water when ever they feel like it.

I don't mind if the kids don't ask (cept junk food) but they even ask for bread & water!!!

Personally, I wouldn't let a 2.5 and 4 year old help themselves....I think that is a little too young. However, my older kids (10 and 15) will come home from school and make themselves a sandwich or grab a peice of fruit. If they want something like a packet of chips or biscuits they do tend to ask. I'm not sure how they learnt which things they do/don't have to ask for....it just happened, LOL.
We have a water cooler that they can help themselves to whenever they want, but they do have to ask if they want fizzy drink. (which we don't often have in the house anyway).

Our kids have to ask for food and drinks other than water.

We have chilled filtered water on tap they can help themselves to whenever they like.

I think its good manners, I always did it when I was child and I like to know what they are eating/how much etc. It isn't about restricting their food but making sure they are getting enough, the right things and not eating just before a meal.

I haven't read other responses but our rule has always been that our kids are allowed to help themselves to fruit & vegetables. DS2 often walks around munching on a carrot, straight from the fridge.

My kids don't have to ask to have a drink, they get their own. We have food they don't have to ask for like fruit, veg and sandwiches but they know if they want anything other than that they have to ask.

we're not at that stage yet lilas but we are planning on having DS ask for food ... at least at first so I can help him make the good choice ie fruit, dry biscuit etc but once he's a little older - say from about 5 onwards I'll probably adopt a freer approach like some of the mummies here - where he can help himself. Hopefully by then I've instilled in him an idea of what is an appropriate choice and when.

I like that 'nothing after 4pm' rule (sorry can't see who posted that now) so am stealing that one! lol.

I find also, with myself, sometimes when I'm hungry I'm in fact thirsty ie dehydrated. So I'll be making sure DS has a big drink of water, and then if he's still hungry 10 minutes later, we'll get something to eat. but we live in the NT so it's extra extra important for me to make sure he's hydrated iykwim.

i don't think there's anything nazi-ish about it... it's just another thing you have to teach your children so they grow up as well-rounded, healthy people.

My kids have to ask for food. If I let them help themselves, even to so-called good choices, every apple in the fruit bowl would have a bite taken out of it. Not even mentioning the mess...

I think it is a bit much to want a 4 year old to make "healthy" food choices. I do give my children choices: do you want an apple or a banana. would you like peanut butter or cheese on your sandwich,... that type of thing. Not: have a look in the fridge and see what tickles your fancy.

I offer food at certain times during the day. Outside of that, they have to ask. Even my 1 1/2 year old comes to me and says: "apple" or "want biccie"

By the way, I don't care what nutritionists say. But there is no evidence that children who graze are worse of nutritionally or will become obese. It depends very much on WHAT they are grazing on. I believe in eating when you are hungry. Not just when some arbitrary time for eating has come. Of course within reason. But if my child is hungry half an hour before dinner, I see no problem giving them a healthy snack, like a piece of apple or a handful of nuts, to tide them over to dinner.
Same goes for breakfast. I know many people believe in eating straight away when they have gotten up. I find neither of my kids will eat more than a mouthful straight away. They usually refuse even that. They do much better with a slice of apple first, then have breakfast about an hour later.

my children have to ask to get food, that's just how i am. i find it irritating when they just go and help themselves. but then, my kids are grazers, so i know if i give them free reign over food, they would be eating ALL day! but it depends on your child. another poster mentioned having food down at their level to help themselves, i think that's a good idea. i do think it's good manners though that they're taught to ask for things before they take them, especially at someone elses house, so it sounds like your little ones are very good-mannered! well done there :)

Thanks everyone, now I don't feel ilke such a mean mummy!!
I don't expect that my children should know what healthy food is or what they should be eating, which is why I try to monitor it. I just had the thought that if they were going to get food out of the fridge/cupboard, then perhaps I should give them a little more free reign of it all. But I am confident int he way I am doing it. As I said I just didn't want to be a nazi about it! We don't have actual junk in our house, like chips or chocolate or anything like that, but I do make treats like biscuits and muffins and we have rice crackers and sometimes muesli bars and things like that, that they shouldn't have all the time, which I store in the fridge/cupboards and DD can open the containers to get at them. I will be starting to make up a lunch box for the kids and leaving it at their height so they can eat what ever is in it rather than raiding the cupboards, plus they get a bit of a choice of what to have without it being anything and everything that's in the cupboards!
I have tried leaving fruit at the kids level, but they will either only eat a bite out of each piece then not eat any more, or they eat fruit all day, which isn't healthy for them! So I have put the fruit bowl up on the kitchen bench again. They always have water for them to drink and have the occaisional drink of diluted juice and a drink of milk every day. They are grazers and will eat aaallll day which I don't mind, as long as it is healthy. Plus I like them to try dinner, it's the only meal I want them to at least try. DS1 is a terrible eater at dinner and a fussy eater anyway and will often go to bed without having eaten anything at all, just having a drink. I won't feed them for about 1 1/2 hrs before dinner at least to try to encourage an appetite, but DS1 doen't seem to care! But I am happy in the knowledge that he's eaten well all day. If he hasn't then he can have an apple or carrot before bed. Not much, but healthy and something in his tum.
Thanks again for all of the advice and opinions!

I'm sure you have thought of this, but i just thought I'd suggest it anyway:
If your son is not interested in dinner, maybe try serving him the leftovers at lunch the next day and effectively turn lunch into dinner? Some kids just don't want to eat at a certain time of the day (like mine don't wanna eat first thing in the morning). Rather than resorting to all kinds of trickery to make them bend to your schedule, you can just work with it (which is pretty much what you are doing anyway).