in crisis

Hi i am new here and also new to Australia, just recently arrived last sept of 2009 with my daughter. been married to a filipino but a citizen of aust for more than a year now. and now had our first child.
Ive been trying to keep all my emotions, problems and devastation regarding of whats happening to my life being w him since i came here as i dont really know anyone in here, and got no relatives at all. I cant even trust my parents in law as all of them were being too unsupportive and cranky, we are living w them since i came here and my husbnd doesnt want to let go of his family. My husband has been abusive to me and my daughter upto now that we had a child, he hasnt change, has been controlling, and most of the times, asks me to live the house w both of my children.

Im not introduced of what and how life is going in Australia as i observed him not wanting me to learn things on my own, i am scared because i dont know anyone and what to do. I am afraid for my children as well..

I have tried to research and seek all the avenues where i could find some help regarding of our situation. But stil cant have the strength to leave our of this place.
I really wanted to leave as much as i could, as he has been treating us really awful and controlling everything. What makes me having the desire of leaving is because of how he has been treating me since i came here and my daughter as well. Hes not being good to her, and he had promised me that he wants to stand as his father for my 4 yr old child, and ever since we came here, as time goes by, hes being too nasty on her, she doesnt even go to any school or groups to play with any other children. We have been isolated here, and when i kept asking them to let us go out, he always being too rude on me, i felt really bad, and been like this for such a long time now.
Plus the fact that i cant come back home to my country anymore because both my parents had passed away long time ago and my granny who raised me since i was a child also passed away, last december of 2010. I know this is really hard and a sad story. But i wanted to find a solution to all of this and overcome everything.

I just had a temporary resident status and will be getting my permanent by sept, of this yr. together with my daughter. He has been telling me to leave this place and report me to the immigration so i can be deported. I hated him for being such an immature and irresponsible person. I felt so down that i trusted him, leave my carreer and my family behind in the Philippines to make it up to him, and this is how he'll repay me. I wanted to move on and make it on my own with both of my kids.
I felt so sorry for them most specially with my daughter. Ive been bearing all this feelings for such a long time, and i cant stand it anymore.
i dont know how to leave and start again. as i worry for my kids and myself too much.

Hopefully no one would judge in here. and gave me advises that can help.

Thanks!

Charisse, please go and get some independent legal advice. There are Women's Legal Services in each State which can help. If he is abusive, you may be able to obtain an INtervention Order which will prevent him from coming near you. Please contact your local Women's Legal Centre or your local Legal Aid office. They can refer you onto counselling and other services which may also be of assistance.

Good luck.

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Charisse, please go and get some independent legal advice. There are Women's Legal Services in each State which can help. If he is abusive, you may be able to obtain an INtervention Order which will prevent him from coming near you. Please contact your local Women's Legal Centre or your local Legal Aid office. They can refer you onto counselling and other services which may also be of assistance.

Good luck.

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Hi divvy!

Thanks for the advise. I have tried to seek some help, and i had this social worker who helps me out regarding on what to do. It is really a big decision to make, and such a hard thing to leave as i considered this as our home. I hope u understand how hard it is, i was trying my best to search for more supports as i am very ignorant in this country, It is really scary though. But having the motivations to fight for our rights for my children. I dont have a work, doesnt know how to drive, nothing at all.
Hopefully, i could be able to get through this soon!

My advice would be go to your local or trusted doctor/GP. They are aware of services and can arrange things in the office while you are there in consult. Its also good for you to talk to someone who can support you in real life, and they can do that also.
I hope peace enters your life and heart soon
xx
And for what its worth, I know how hard it can be to leave when things aren't how they should be. Its not a decision anyone ever wants to make, but if you stick to your guns time will make it easier to deal with. Lonliness and survival are not reasons to stay, not saying thats your case at all though.
xx

:hug: to you, you just sound so miserable. Have you tried any charities like Salvation Army, they can help you with some accommodation so that you can leave, you can't live like this. You can do it, things can get better for you and your child. I've been in an abusive relationship too I understand how hard it is to leave. If you are an Australian Citizen you are in this country legally and he is only saying that to scare you. So sorry you are going through this.

Regards,
Dianne

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:hug: to you, you just sound so miserable. Have you tried any charities like Salvation Army, they can help you with some accommodation so that you can leave, you can't live like this. You can do it, things can get better for you and your child. I've been in an abusive relationship too I understand how hard it is to leave. If you are an Australian Citizen you are in this country legally and he is only saying that to scare you. So sorry you are going through this.

Regards,
Dianne

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yes i am. I have tried to ask the social worker who visits me before, and she has been working for me to get through this. Its just that it is really hard to get out. As we are living with my husbands family too. Im really having a hard time.

I am not an australian citizen yet, but my 9 weeks old son from him is.
Thanks for ur advise. Can u tell me more of how did u make it yourself.

hi

there is a place called department of housing. you can look them up on the Internet . They can help you get temporary accommodation to leave straight away or help you get move into a house , and help with paying then rent long term as they have cheaper rental properties ... Have you spoken to centerlink?

I was in a very abusive relationship, physically and mentally for 4yrs. He had driven all my friends away to isolate me, many times I tried to leave but still in some weird way loved him and thought I can change him but couldn't. When I actually did leave it was in desperation, I just couldn't take any more. It's hard taking that very first step but it is all so worth it for yourself and your child. If he is physically abusing you, call the police they can help you too and as Divvy said you could apply for an Intervention Order.

Regards,
Dianne

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hi

there is a place called department of housing. you can look them up on the Internet . They can help you get temporary accommodation to leave straight away or help you get move into a house , and help with paying then rent long term as they have cheaper rental properties ... Have you spoken to centerlink?

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Thanks. i might check it soon.

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I was in a very abusive relationship, physically and mentally for 4yrs. He had driven all my friends away to isolate me, many times I tried to leave but still in some weird way loved him and thought I can change him but couldn't. When I actually did leave it was in desperation, I just couldn't take any more. It's hard taking that very first step but it is all so worth it for yourself and your child. If he is physically abusing you, call the police they can help you too and as Divvy said you could apply for an Intervention Order.


Thanks very much for the advise Dianne.
Hes not physically abusive but torturing me emotionally and mentally.
I think theyve got history of mind disorders base on my observations, because same as his brother and father. I would really wish i have the strength to leave. I just couldnt take it, im just worried about my children spec my 9 weeks old son.
I know it is hard, but i would really want to try.
Thank you for at least being there by giving some advise.
I wish we could be able to talk by messenger or chat/facebook sometime.







Regards,
Dianne

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If you click on the little blue f under my username that will add me to facebook.

Regards,
Dianne

got it. thanks

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If you click on the little blue f under my username that will add me to facebook.

Regards,
Dianne

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i added you already! thanks!

I was wondering if there's a local group of migrants that can help you? Sometimes a local community centre or somewhere like that can be of assistance.

Just remember that emotional abuse is just as bad, sometimes worse than physical abuse.

Regards,
Dianne

I am so sorry you are going through this Charise :(
I can really feel your sadness and fear :hug:
My story is very similar to Diannes.
I was in a relationship with physical, emotion and mental abuse for 4 yrs. It only got worse.
In the end I called the police and they made him move out and go to anger management.
I understand how hard it is to leave and end the relationship but you can't or shouldn't have to live in an abusive situation.
It is not good for you or your children...particularly your daughter.
Emotion and mental abuse can be worse then physical.

Thank you so much to evryone who has been there to support me at least in a way of giving me advises like this. I really wish I could make it on my own. I know it is getting worser and worser for me specially with my daughter, and it is really hard to cope because i couldnt stand torturing my mind from evrything he does to us. I don't know when and not sure how but all I know is I need someone to help me out leave this situation. It's really hard knowing that no ones gonna be there and u are very strange to a place where u didn't grew up..

:hug:
Oh sweets sounds like you have had a rough time since coming here!! I don't have any advice different to what the girls have written above, but just keep your chin up and keep asking around to see if someone can help!

please keep safe!!

Where in oz are you??

Sorry for quick reply, but I'm in my phone.


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Hi Yules, why do u ask where I am.

I would imagine so we can help you find help that is local to you, or indeed if any BB members live nearby?

Yes exactly what emc2 said. My dads wife is Indonesian so might be able to help.


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lives at new south wales.

What a shame, she is in wa.

Are you earning some if your own income? Centerline or otherwise, or did your husband have to sponsor you to go to oz? I would imagine it would be hard to leave if he legally is responsible for you (father and husband aside)..... As harsh as it may sound, immigration may end up deporting you if you leave him unless you proove you can support yourself.

An awful situation I really hope something good happens for you.

If I was you though. I'd probably go home. :( your husband doesn't sound like he cares. Awful.


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As i have said. I got my son which is a citizen of australia, and he cant just deport me right away, as hes been so abusive of me and my daughter. If i declare that, i dont think immigration would be on his side. I have my children w me, and im not going to give them for him to keep.

I am working out with a social caseworker now. thanks for ur opinion anyway!

Oh, I meant for the kids to go with you, not stay with him, no way!

I lived in Singapore not long ago and we had a Filipino helper who was in a similar situation to you. Her husband in phillipines is awful so she left her kids with her mum and went to Singapore to support them. From what I understand from her, it's hard for women there, even educated ones, so you have to do the best you can for your children.

I really hope it all works out for the best for you and your kids.


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