Losing our way

We've done BLS with DD ever since she started solids, and I've always been really keen on the ideas behind it, as it fits in well with my ethos. But recently I feel that we're going off track.

First a bit of history; DD has always struggled to gain weight, she was labelled FTT as a young baby and although I questioned what we were doing after further investigation and thought i decided that she would get there in her own time, and maybe she was just this way naturally.

A few weeks ago DD was hospitalised with dehydration and a virus. She then caught gastro from the hospital so was sick with that when we got home too. When she went back for her checks she still had issues with her lungs, so was referred onto a paed. When we saw him he was concerned by her low weight (which was even lower after a few weeks of very little eating while sick). He prescribed her losec for silent reflux, which worked amazingly, and also told me to keep encouraging her to eat etc.

She's gained over 600g in about 6 weeks - I'm guessing through regaining a lot of what she lost when she was sick plus the fact that the losec allows her to feel more comfortable with eating.

He was also concerned about her iron levels and said it was important she had meat - which she's generally not keen to have.

She was also diagnosed with a peanut allergy a few weeks ago, and I am starting to suspect a dairy intolerance, which fills me with dread as her favourite foods are cheese, sour cream etc. So all in all there's a lot going on food-wise!

Since this appointment we've been watching what she eats and piling the pressure on a bit. When she won't even try things or touches them to her lips only we tell her to 'show the birds how to eat...' etc. She's also become really really fussy and very limited in what she'll eat, and there I am telling her 'you must eat some meat before you can have some more pasta etc. These are things I never wanted to do, and don't really believe in, yet we're doing them.

I think DH and i are worried, and finding that mealtimes are becoming stressful, and of course some of that stress is being reflected onto DD. I don't want to have a battlefield at the dinner table every night, that's why we did BLS. But i don't know how to make sure that my daughter is nutritionally sound without guiding her through her meals.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for in this post, part vent, part advice, and I think i just needed to offload this too. Sorry it's turned into a bit of a rambling thread (I'm not very goods at keeping it short....) but if you have any advice or just a perspective on it I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Swoop I have no advice for you hun as I haven't been through this, but I just wanted to send you a giant hug - it sounds like you are doing everything you can. I hope someone can offer some useful advice xxx

I feel for you too, you're really caught between a rock & a hard place. I think you're right in not wanting to make it a battle; I don't think there's any problem with compromising where you have to. And making it a game is a great idea (love 'show the birds how to eat!)

Have you tried putting just meat on her plate to start with, and offering other foods later? Maybe a mince dish that can be mixed with pasta? (although if she's really picky I guess she could pick it out). Is she more of a grazer, will she pick throughout the day if you offer it to her at random times?
Vitamin C is said to aid iron absorption... maybe a multi-vitamin?

I know it's kind of normal for toddlers to be fussy in general, and quite likely she will grow out of it - or she might just not be a big eater. If she's gained 600g in six weeks, I would consider that really encouraging in itself, (Pie isn't much older & I doubt she has gained that in the last few months? it seems quite a good gain to me) try not to stress too much & keep doing what you're doing :hug:

Just wondering what make the Dr think her iron is low? Did he test it? or was there something in particular that made him think that?

Thanks Mrs P and Fleur.

Fleur, I am going to try just putting meat on her plate, good idea! She will eat sausage and ham (though I don't often let her due to sodium and other preservatives), spag bog (as long as the mince is fine enough) and very very occasionally roast chicken. She is a bit of a grazer too, but we already account for that and she will carry around food with her as well as having snacks in the pram/car etc all the time.

They didn't test her iron levels, he just looked at the whites of her eyes, and I also think he's a bit anti-extended breastfeeding which might have led him to that comment, not that it will make me stop! Idid buy a kids multi vit with iron but it made her so constipated that I stopped it after 2 days.

The weight gain was huge, but to me that suggests that the reflux has been a big factor in her weight gain, and now it's under control she's able to gain weight properly. It's so hard to know whether her fussiness is due to being a toddler or other issues. I am so frustrated, trying to make sure she has a balanced diet, but also wanting to let her lead the way.

Huge hugs babe, it sounds like you've had a really rough trot! :hug: :hug:

I wonder if her fussy toddler stage is just coinciding with her illness period - therefore compounding the issue and stress? I was reading that all toddlers go through a fussy period (whether BLS or puree) - maybe this is hers? I know it doesn't help the stress levels though.

I guess just trying to get what you can into her...... I know your paed would like more meat for iron etc, but is there other new things you could try with her? Perhaps make some new things, and when you and DH are eating, make a fuss of how nice it tastes? And does she want to try some?

I'm rubbish babe, sorry! :hug: :hug:

Oh Swoop, I can feel your frustration with this issue through your post - :hug:

I think just offering her foods that you know she should be having/recommended is a great idea. That way you are still doing BLS but just guiding her with the goods to try. THere's nothing wrong with that, it's like if a japanese person did BLS, the baby would get lots of rice whereas in a western society, rice would most likely only be a sometimes food. I know you said you don't like feeding sausage etc but what about doing meat based meals with the meat a bit hidden. Maybe that goes against BLS too. My best suggestion would be home made sausage rolls. They are really easy and you just use puff pastry and put whatever you want with the mince. I do spinach, ricotta and mince ones and then roll, cook and we love them. I actually haven't tried them on DD yet..........but I've been thinking about it. You could even make them really fun shapes for her to get more interested/involved.

The whole BLS thing is supposed to be easy, please remember that. Try not to overthink it and trust your DD. The pead might have been surprised by her low weight but with these allergies being diagnosed, I think BLS is even more important now than before as babies tend to know what they can and can't eat instinctively.

Ooohhh and I just had a thought - tonight for dinner we gave DD some taco mince with kidney beans and DH said she picked the kidney beans out and ate them. I think beans are a really good source of protein/iron as well so maybe try that?

:hug: You are doing an amazing job.

Hi, Swoop,

Having a sick child is going to be the thing that undermines the confidence of even the most confident mother. But you have to know that you did not cause this situation - but that you are responding to your little one's needs in the most loving and attuned way. Children with allergies and intolerances are high needs kids. They are often slow to gain weight - and there is a high correlation between reflux and allergies - they are on the same spectrum. The good news is that largely children will grow out of these things. Allergies and intolerances are partly due to genetics (you can't do anything about that) and partly due to environmental factors we don't yet understand (can't do anything about that either)
My best advice - don't make it into a food fight. Help guide your little one - model my eating the same food as you are giving her. Keep meals fun and social. You are doing a great job with her

Another thought (Pie loves spag bol too).. and while as adults we like heaps of variety, I don't think it hurts if they have the same thing three times a weel, lol. Maybe you could freeze portions of the things she does like, and serve those up often.

Also broccoli is high in iron, and was one of Pie's first foods, she absolutely loved it, chunks of steak to chew & suck on as well.

You're doing wonderfully well :hug:

Sounds incredibly frustrating and stressful. I completely understand what you mean when you say somehow you have found yourself doing things you never wanted to do and don't believe in, I went through that too with DD1 but for a different issue.

Some things that popped into my head when I read your post was that there are many good ways to get iron into the body that don't involve meat! Maybe you could speak to a dietitian or nutritionist for help. I like Fleur's suggestions of something like broccoli or some meat to suck on. A "meat with handle" lamb cutlet is a favourite here where DD2 just sucks the meat juices and theoretically gets a good dose of meat juice/iron. Again, as Fleur mentioned in a previous post, there is evidence that the body is better able to absorb iron when it is eaten with vitamin C, but rather than using a multi vitamin, try serving a food high in vit c with a meal. Serving an iron source you know your DD will be more fond of with something like tomato, red pepper, kiwi fruit etc might take the pressure off in your mind. Another food high in iron attractive to children are dried apricots. You just might need to watch the sulphites in them if your DD has an intolerance. Most people are fine with sulphites but some people are sensitive and need to avoid them.

With regards to food choices, again, I like Fleur's thoughts that it doesn't hurt them to have the same thing a lot. I absolutely go with what the children want here even if it is banana, three meals a day for a week ;). I just figure as long as it is healthy and they want it, they must need it. It must be a whole lot harder when you are looking at weight gain though to keep this in mind. I can only imagine. Barb's advice that intolerances and allergies can be linked with slow weight gain shows you are not alone in what you experience and again, maybe a dietitian (a specialist) could offer some advice and assurance.

Other ideas for interest, at your DDs age I used a bento box idea with DD1, putting a few choices in something like an egg carton, a (plastic) take away coffee tray or a real bento tray. She loved the little compartments and happily worked her way through them. That way I could present a 'balanced' meal and let her guide me to what she was needing. (I will be implementing this again once DD2 gets over being more interested in the underside of her plate... ;))

ETA: ways to boost iron intake

I'm On my iPhone so can't reply properly because I want to look back and reference what you've said, but until I get the chance I wanted to say thank you so much for all your kind words of encouragement and reassurance, I really appreciate them. And thank you also for all the terrific suggestions, there are definitely a few we can try here.

do you do meatballs? DS used to love those - we'd puree the mince so it was really fine when he was little (weird texture, but he could eat it easily)

MS - yep, I totally think the fussy toddler period has kicked in at the same time as her illnesses. I've talked to others in my MG whose little ones have suddenly become very fussy too. We got fish and chips tonight (not a great choice, i know, but it's only an occasional treat) and she started shouting about chips as soon as she smelt them, but wouldn't even consider putting a piece of fish in her mouth, whereas not so long ago she loved fish. We do make a big fuss already about how lovely things are, but she's a stubborn little lady, and once she's made her mind up it's rare she'll budge. If i tell her to try something she will usually put it in her mouth but pull a face before it even hits her lips... I still tell her to try stuff though, on the odd occasion she goes back for a sneaky second bite, then a third... etc!

Starangelk, i tried exactly that making homemade sausage rolls a couple of weeks ago. She loves the ones from the bakery, but the ones at home didn't do it for her, I suspect it's the texture. I actually suspect a lot of her fussiness is related to food texture. I might try again and see what I can do to make the meat bit more mushy, if you know what I mean! She love love loves helping me cook, so I will definitely get her involved.

Barb, i do hope she does grow out of all these things. I know you're right about making meals fun and not having battles. That's what my instinct tells me, but then I start to worry and it all goes a bit wrong again!

Fleur, i totally agree - we have a freezer full of spag bol, and we eat it at least once a week if not more often. I pack it with so many veggies too so I know she's getting tonnes of good stuff when she eats that. Brocolli is always a good option for us, she usually loves it, although I've noticed less so recently, but still will usually eat some if it's on her plate. She won't even go near steak just pan fried, but I did make her a beef and beer casserole out of the BLS cookbook last winter a few times and she ate it then. I think I'll give that another go - thanks for jogging my memory on that one :)

Jackrose, so sorry to hear that you went through this same sort of scenario, it is so stressful! Thanks for the link about iron, I'm going to look through it. We were due to go to the allergy dietician at RPA a couple of weeks ago, but DD and I were both had awful colds when it came up. Given they'd only made contact the week before to book us in i assumed we would be moved back a couple of weeks or something, but when I finally managed to get through to them (had left a voicemail to reschedule because the lines were constantly engaged) the next appointment is in June and if we can't make that one it's next year! I am so so so frustrated that we let that opportunity pass - had no idea it was so hard to get an appointment with a dietician!! I love your bento box idea, it's brilliant! I'm going to go and buy one asap.

MadB - yep, I do meatballs every so often, but i find she will eat around the meat then, whereas when I use almost the same ingredients to make spag bol she had no choice but to eat it coz it's stuck to the pasta! I must try making ikea style meatballs at some time though, she vacuumed them up last time we were there!

Thanks again for all your input and encouragement, i really do appreciate it. Kepp 'em coming, I have had so much inspiration from this thread :)

My DD still only likes smooth soft things; smoked salmon, tofu, steamed carrot, rice.
She won't eat any meat!
I haven't got much advice, just suggesting that you research what other foods are high in iron and go down that path. Also remember that vitamin c is essential for absorbing iron, so always combine with oranges or something for dessert!
Hope things go better, and don't feel guilty about having to go down a different path. That's what makes you a good mum; you do what's ultimately best for your child.

I found also with a fussy with meat toddler is those cubes of frozen spinach are awesome to hide in sauces. It's also an extra source of veg with the bonus of iron. The fact that they're all portioned makes it easier to pop a few out and chuck in sauces/soups/casseroles/meat loaf etc. I also defrost them and whip them through omelettes and scrambled eggs. I'll send you a PM with a link for an awesome FB page with recipes that are easy and you can try with bubs. Quite a few have worked with Pixie!

HTH!

Thanks turtleschell, glad to know we're not the only ones who have done bls but still have a little one with texture preferences!

Crazylady, i'm a spinach convert :) I have a bag of it in the fridge and constantly chop bits into things, as well as those cubes in the freezer. As long as i don't put too much in they work really well :) I'd love that fb page - thanks!

I just wanted to update on what's happening at the moment. This is becoming less about BLS and much more about health issues....

I took DD back to the paed yesterday. We started off well in that he is happy with her weight gain (she is still in 3-10th centile but is gaining at an expected rate so all's well there. In spite of tooth after tooth after tooth breaking through she's been eating loads recently, the meat etc is often being eaten through slightly sneaky tactics, but it is getting eaten a bit as well as broccoli, spinach etc. I think the losec/chiro is helping her so she is happier eating too. I am often astounded about how much she is eating and she keeps asking for more!

The allergies seem to be mounting up though - recent reactions include grapes, raisins, those Belamy's freeze dried apples and somethign this morning which may have been soy or dried cranberries, both of which she has eaten previously and neither of which have caused a problem before. She's getting a rash round her mouth from lots of foods. We've cut back severely on dairy and the paed has advised to continue like this. He's suggested not removing it entirely but definitely keeping it at a reduced rate as she seems happier like this. I'm finding that the dairy substitute foods aren't going down well with her though and instead I am gradually finding alternatives. We're going back to an allergist (a different one) who will likely do more tests than the first and will also give us a follow up plan this time.

The big blow though was that she still has problems with her chest/lungs and they are worsening. She has crackles in both lungs now as apposed to just one last time in spite of not having had a cold for a few weeks. She has aspiration and her breathing rate isn't great either. The paed was worried about her immunity (as am I) - she gets every single bug doing the rounds and takes 10 days to fight it off every time. She almost stops eating each time too. We have to take her for blood tests and xrays for numerous things (I can't read his writing on the forms and I can't remember each and every thing he mentioned - wish I'd taken a notepad and someone else with me so I still had the details now...) as well as a sweat test for Cystic Fibrosis :cry: We are, as you would imagine, pretty worried about this. I am trying to stay away from Dr Google, but it's so hard. I don't know enough about it to just leave it with the little knowledge I have. My mummy's instinct tells me there is something wrong, but I don't think it's as major as CF, although that isn't stopping me from worrying/wondering etc. We're waiting for the appointment to come through for the sweat test then we can have all the blood tests/xrays at the same time.

So that's where we're up to for now. If anyone has any experience with any of this and can put my mind at rest/let me know what to expect etc I'd love to hear from you.

For anyone I'm friends with on FB, please no mention on there atm - we've decided to keep it from our families and save their worry until we have some more info. I did tell me mum last night because DH was in meetings until really late and had forgotten his mobile phone (d'oh) and I just needed to tell someone.

Big hugs swoop, so sorry this is happening and I hope and pray the tests come back with an answer but an answer that is easily resolved. Xx

Thanks starangelk, it means a lot to have your kind words.

Swoop, poor bubba and poor Mum. Hope you get some answers soon.

Oh hun, that's horrid! I hope you get answers soon! I have baby brain really bad right now so can't put my feelings into text. I guess I'll just give you a HUGE :hug: and cross my fingers it all works out soon for your DD!

Thanks girls. It's scary times right now... just wish it was all over and we knew the outcome (and it was something really simple too - of course).

Oh Swoop, that sounds really stressful. I hope you get some answers soon :hug:

Just updating to say that we're going next Tuesday (19th) for all the tests, not sure how soon after that we'll get results...

Glad you have an appointment made, at least that gives you a date to move forward with. Hopefully results won't take too long. Fingers crossed for you :)

I hope you get your test results soon, and thinking of you. I know how hard it is when what you hoped/planned to do (lovely light-hearted positive BLS'ing) runs into health issues and it all gets so much harder. I think you're doing a great job with her food and it comes through that you are trying to hard to do the absolute best that you can for her with her food in trying circumstances. Sending big hugs :hug: and fingers crossed for good results (as you said, with something simple & fixable to explain the problems).

Thanks. We had the tests last week but the sweat test didn't work as she didn't sweat enough so we have to go back in a couple of weeks to have it again. I'm going to drop the xrays in with the paed as soon as I'm back in Sydney - our chiro looked at them and said she saw more tissue fibre than should be there, so I want the paed to look at them asap because dr google certainly hasn't been my friend for that one. The blood test results should be there next week too.