Have been pondering the reasoning behind getting married for some time now.... and was wondering if anyone wanted to share their reasons for getting married, and also how their relationship with their partner changed afterward?
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Have been pondering the reasoning behind getting married for some time now.... and was wondering if anyone wanted to share their reasons for getting married, and also how their relationship with their partner changed afterward?
I always wanted to get married before I had kids and do things the so called 'traditional' way, that was just what I wanted. I wanted the big white wedding with flowers and fairy lights and tiaras. Marriage did not change a single thing in our relationship. For us, a child changed things a whole lot more!
we got married coz we love each other but also because we agreed we wanted to be married before our son was born we wanted to be a 'proper' family if there is such a thing lol
i dunno about our relationship changfing it seemed the same to me we were already living together at the time
I'm like Lily Dust, for some reason for me being married and then having children felt right. That being said if a whoopsie had of happened it wouldn't have been the end of the world. For me personally I'm glad I did get married and then have children, I like that we all have the same surname and I feel like we all belong together we are the R****** family. I think it made it easier to change my name as I moved to my husbands hometown and no one new me anyway. It would have been harder to change my name if I lived in an place and everyone new me by my maiden name.
I'm suprised myself that I did feel strongly about marriage as I grew up with parents who had a volatile marriage, and have now gone through a bitter divorce.
I was with my fiancee at the time and was having a hard time of it. A best friend (Male) said to me "It won't change just cause you are getting married, it's just a piece of paper" That was some of the best advice I have ever got and 2 weeks later I broke the engagement.
I was already friends with my now husband at the time of breaking the engagement (he wasn't the one that gave me the advice) and not long after we started dating. I used to always say to mum as a kid "I will be married on the 2nd Saturday of September when I am 24 yrs old" and she would reply with "what if you are single". 9th September 2000 Andrew and I were married after 4 years of living together and 5.5 yrs of dating. I was 24 yrs old ;) So maybe I got married to prove mum wrong LOL. 10.5 years later we're still going strong.
haha, welll..... this is going to seem silly, but hubby and I originally started discussing marriage because the school we work for wouldn't give us the reduced rental option to live onsite as we weren't married!!! Of course, that's not THE reason we got married. We got married because we knew we would and that particular catalyst was as good as any other. Our relationship changing? Well... we did kind of step up the 'responsible married people' identity a little. We bought a house, moved in together (we'd lived separately because of work, it just happened that way) and waited 7 years before having a baby (not entirely deliberately LOL). I do believe we would've been together whether we got married or not. I'm glad we got married, but I would've been happy as long as we were together in whatever form that 'together' was, and I'm sure we still would've had kids :) .
for us, it was the next step iykwim. I got sick of explaining we weren't married and having different surnames. We also wanted to have a family name for when we had children. I also wanted to "lock in" my man lol ... not that he was going anywhere i suppose! However, that's all just practicality.
Emotionally something special happened the night we got engaged. I can't put words to it, we were just so much closer and really truly felt like a unit. it was just so amazing to feel free like that and so full of love and good vibes... it was 1000 times better again on our wedding day.
the wedding itself was amazing and I love being married to my DH. I love we declared ourselves for each other only in front of all our family and friends and made commitments to each other through our vows. It certainly, for us, added another dimension to our relationship and a deeper feeling. a deeper sense of connectedness that I really didn't appreciate or understand til I got married.
But it really is a horses for coarses sort of thing. it works for us but thesedays I also don't think it's the be all and end all of relationships iykwim.
We had always planned on getting married but getting preg sort of moved that along a little faster. I dont regret getting married preg or not having a HUGE wedding. I think we prob still would have done it the same way. For me it was wanting to be a family with all the same name. Coming from a single parent family I didnt want my kids to have a different name.
In regards to has our relationship changed..... think its a bit early to tell yet as we have only been married for 3 months this week
We got married because we love each other. the timing of our marriage was related to having a child but either way we would have gotten around to it eventually. We didn't feel any pressure to get married before having our son it was what we both wanted (if that makes sense)
Marriage didn't change things at first but over time I believe it has or maybe it is all the children as well that has changed our relationship. We are more in love now as you grow and mature your love grows too.
I think marriage is a big step but so is having children. I have a few unmarried friends who have children with their partners and no intention of ever getting married.. Some are very much in love with each other and others you wonder why they are even together..
But that is going off topic lol.
I wanted to be married before we had kids, because I wanted the same name as them on the birth certificate. I also didn't want them to think we got married because we "had to" so we married before TTC.
The main reason for the timing of our marriage was our intention to emigrate. The visa application was slightly easier if we were married, and it eased some of our guilt about leaving our families (at least they got to see us married).
Noooo aussienic, not off topic at all, its exactly what I'm trying to get my head around!:
DP and I have been together for over seven years, have lived together for four years and bought a house together 2.5 years ago. And we'll be parents this year.... he would love to be married to me, but I feel like I just don't 'get' it.
DH asked - he wanted to be married because his parents had a long and happy marriage. i wasn't sure - my folks relationship is anything but healthy so i was a bit jaded about the idea. we talked about it and realised we wanted to be together for life, so he proposed to me the night before he met my (ill) grandmother. We got married only a year after we got together because he wanted for my nan to be there to see her last grandchild married. Unfortunately, she was too ill to be there, and her sight had failed so she didn't get to see photos - but she was knew we were married and we were happy. She died four days before our first wedding anniversary (2 years to the day after DH and I got together)
Being married was never going to be crucial to us being happy - but it was a chance to celebrate our relationship with our friends after a year of crap. changing my name from my fathers name (a man i detest) to the name of a man i love and respect was a huge thing for me. and now that we have DD, sharing a family name makes me a much happier person
We got married after being together for more than 10 years, it was never that important as we knew we loved each other etc. After we got engaged people kept telling us stories of people they knew that seperated after they got married after so long - people are just sooooo fullof good advice and stories aren't they?
We actually did it because we felt like we wanted to 'offically' become married - kind of felt like we were anyway IYKWIM and because both of our dads had some health issues so we wanted to do it while our whole family was around.
Has it changed things? Not so much but I do feel that I try harder to be a better wife than I ever did at being a better girlfriend.
As soon as we jumped in the limo at the end of the night of our wedding we were just bursting with happiness and we don't regret doing it when we did.
I got married to pi$$ off my Mum. Because I knew what I was doing and I was right.
I was oh so wrong.
Always listen to your Mum. I've been single for nearly 5 years now!
We got married because it was something we both believed in. We started for a baby 6 years ago and got engaged around the same time. Whichever came first suited us just fine. We had a beautiful day together and wouldnt wish for anything to be different. I love being married and my hubby is proud to call me his wife. To expand our little family now would just top it off :)
We got married because we wanted to. Why did we want to? Well, we wanted to cement our relationship. But for me, the cement was the engagement. For me, getting engaged was more important than being married. Engagement is the intention to spend the rest of your lives together, the wedding is just the piece of paper to prove it. We loved standing in front of our family and friends and having them witness our promises to each other. How did our relationship change? It didn't change at all. The only thing that changed for us was the rings we wore on our fingers and my last name. I am a massive fan of marriage :)
I wanted to get married as I felt, for me, that I needed that extra commitment. DH said he was always committed to me and know that should have been enough, but I needed that extra step. We only had move in together due to moving interstate, it would have been silly to try and set-up two homes. So we weren't living together due us wanting to be defacto (hope that makes sense). It is very easy to just move in with someone, which I had done in the past and same with friends. We were not planning on children, so having children played no part in wanting to be married.
Also a wedding, even if simple is something nice to do. I was bagged for having a wedding, should have just eloped, but I thought it was nicer to get family and friends together for a celebration rather than for a funeral, which seems to be the only other time family makes an effort.
a lot of people think it is harder to walk away (if things go wrong) once marriage is there. but in your case you have a house and a child together so it is just as hard. Some people think oh its just a piece of paper but it is also a public promise of what you want for each other and how you feel about each other.. Does that make sense?
Dh and i were just talking about this last month (our 12th wedding anniversary) We both agree our getting together date means more then our wedding date but that doesn't mean we don't celebrate our wedding date. We do. I also said I wonder if we would have ever gotten married if there wasn't a baby on the way. Dh said we would have but maybe not when we did. He was planning to propose on Xmas day but ending up asking me in November when I found out Ds was on the way.. but anyways.
What does marriage mean to you? I am not very good with words. I don't think I could really put into words what marriage means to me but I guess from a public point (ie family and friends) it is important. it is showing them I have the love and commitment to him and to our children.. I hope that makes sense. I am also not a fan of a huge wedding as I don't see the point. I would have been happy just to go down to the court house and get married lol but Dh wanted the whole family wedding thing (he has a large and very loving family) We had a lovely simple (and cheap) wedding.
i should add we were together for nearly 4 years before we got married. Moved towns together and bought a house.. but i knew he was the one for me as soon as I laid eyes on him. I can't explain that part it was just meant to be
From the first day I met my DH I wanted to be his wife I love being his wife and as someone said we are the ***** family. I did not necessarily want the wedding (we both hated organising it) but we wanted to be together for ever in the eyes of god, the law and our family.
I was actually quiet surprised about how important is was to me. I honestly think it has made us stronger.
But hey thats me and each to their own :)
I have never had any visions of getting married nor pre planned a wedding.
I do/did believe in the institution of marriage. My parents have one of the most solid marriages I have come across so that lays a great foundation of belief.
When I got with DH, I just wanted to marry him.
Actually I wanted to scream from the rooftops that he was the person I wanted to grow old with. I wanted to stand and declare that before my friends and family and before God. And have a great party to celebrate that.
Initially it didn't change our relationship. Children did that more, but as you grow together, comfort and contentness I think add to it's value.
DH and I have been together since we were 13. What started out as the usual awkward/cute high school romance grew into something more serious, and over the years our relationship matured as we did. By the time we turned 18 we'd been together for over five years and getting engaged/married felt like the natural next step. We got married the day before I turned 20. Like others have said, it didn't change our relationship... though our relationship has continued to evolve and change as the years go on. Having DS changed things more than marriage, that's for sure!
We're now in our 12th year as a couple, and 6th year as a married couple :).
Because we wanted to and it felt right for us. We didn't want to have kids without being married, but that wasn't our reason for doing it when we did. We just wanted to cement it, make it real for everyone else around us. And it somehow made things a little sweeter, nicer. I found it is different, not the love or how you feel about each other, but the feeling I had about me. We were together for almost six years when we got married, lived together for four before the wedding and we've been married for six. DD came along just before our forth anniversary.
I had never considered marriage until I met my dh. It just felt right, he's my best buddy and I love him. We had a very small ceremony and dinner with immediate family.
As lots of the others have said, marriage on it's own didn't change our relationship, it was kids! It's not a bad thing, it's just a different dynamic. We can't be as impulsive as we used to etc. I would say I definitely love him more though, I think seeing him as a father did that.
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I never thought we would get married, we were together 9 years before we did and for most of that I just wasn't interested in it. I wanted his surname, I didn't like my own and over time I had also realized that I didn't want a wedding but I did want to be married, I wanted to be able to say husband and be his wife (strangely though I find it hard to refer to him as my husband still - just habit I think). DH had said that was too weird for me to just take his surname - so I asked him on Feb 29th. and we got married a year later when I was 28 weeks pregnant, very small informal ceremony. I don't think has changed our relationship at all.
A lot of people including myself thought I would marry my bf. I still think about it.
I got married as part of a dream. I had a torn family as a child. By the time I was 14 I had lived with my aunt, Nanna, mum, dad, aunt 2, friend and finally foster home.
Dd was 2 when I got married and I love dh and will do whatever it takes to make us work.
My biggest dream in life isn't a career or money or a home it's to have a family. I want to give my dd what I never had and I want to be part of something I missed in my childhood.
Dh was never my forever man....... Bf was. But I got lucky, we have had huge downs but my dh tries his best when I am down, he takes care of me, has a great family, and i think myself very lucky to have married my gorgeous daddyduck!!
I struggled leading up to the wedding, was I doing it for the right reason, was he??? But now he is my forever man and I couldn't be happier
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Because we wanted to.
And out relationship didn't change. Kids do that, not marriage!
this is very interesting
i have currently been with my DF for just over 8 yrs and we only just got engaged on christmas day :) we currently have 2 children together ( we were together for 5yrs before we had our first baby and 8yrs for our second)
i never was a big believer in getting married i never really understood the whole concept of it, we had kids and i finally decided i really wanted to get married and DF i think also finally realised he wanted to marry me so we all have the same surname and can actually be classed as the 'C***** Family' which to me now makes sense i am excited to take on his last name and actually have the same name as my children instead of telling everyone their lastname is different to mine
We have also lived with each other since we were together for about 5 months, quick i know but just how things turned out and i wouldnt change anything for the world of me, i will agree with everyone else though that kids do change things but as my DF said if we can have kids and stick together then why not get married its nothing different really but a ring and a piece of paper to declare our love witch we already know whereas kids are a totally different thing!!!
Nothing has changed we both love each other still the same and im sure getting married well we both are excited about it but also dont think it will change much except for the fact i'll be his wife and he'll be my husband instead of just my partner/fiance
im now excited but mighty nervous to get married next year! :) we are planning on getting married on our 10yr anniversary
may i also add we both come from broken families which i guess could also play part in why we have waited so long to get married also
i moved in with my now dh 3 weeks after meeting him, bought a house 1.5 yrs later, engaged, and then married after being together for 2 years.. for us, we were so in love (still are) it just seemed like the next step for us, and the right thing for us, as everything else moved so quickly.. plus we wanted to be married before we started a family!
i couldnt imagine doing it any other way, or with anybody else!
I wanted to get married, DH wanted to get married - we met each other and would have pretty happily married each other after about 4 months! Except for I wouldn't get the wedding I had planned for all my life. We had to be engaged three years so I could get that.
I don't know if it would have lasted - we had some odd years together as an engaged couple. Marriage hasn't changed that much about us, nor has having children: we always took each other a bit for granted and stayed in a lot LOL!
I married the man I loved because I'm a traditionalist and it was the next step, but mostly I felt that taking that time, and expense (although it doesn't need to be $$$) to get up in front of friends, family, and even strangers to make a formal declaration of commitment provides a level of security - even if it's just mental (although there are still a few legal rights that are automatic or at least easier to enforce in comparison to being defacto) - for both of us and our children.
We didn't live together before we got married, so marriage changed us quite a lot, but that is most probably more learning how to live with someone else, making joint rather than individual decisions - that sort of thing. I agree with the others that children change the relationship more, because you both take on new roles in relation to each other and a third (or fourth/fifth etc) party.
We got married for luuuuv :inlove: dh proposed 2 weeks after meeting and it was very romantic! it's our 5 year anniversary in May and we've never looked back.
Because I figured 'why not'.
We had been together for a year & were talking about having a baby (I already had Panda), my younger sister asked if she could be a flowergirl when we got married & that kicked off the conversation.
Not to sound too fickle about it but I also knew of couples who had been together 7+ years, gotten married & then separated a year or so later. I thought there wasn't much point in waiting if you were comitted, you may as well go ahead & do it.
I was 19 and I knew that we would change & grow over the years.. I said to my uncle on my wedding day if we got 5 good years I figured it would be worth it. We had our 14th wedding anniversary this month, so I guess it was worth doing :p
ETA - as for changing things - it didn't really, although I think possibly it did make me feel more cemented within the relationship. Maybe. Our relationship has changed an awful lot over the years though, it is definitley not the same as it was when we married.
DP and I are not married. We have been together for 6 years, 4 months and two days, and met afew months before that. I would have liked to do things the 'proper' way, he thinks marriage is silly. 'Whats a piece of paper going to prove?'. It sends me crazy. He asks me why i want it, and I feel that 'because I bloody well want it', should be a sufficient answer. There's heaps of reasons why I want it, some of which I can't really describe. For me, it's an urge, similar to the one you get when you know you really want a baby. I just want it :(
I never believed in marriage or understood why people bothered. My parent's marriage was a disaster so not a very good example. I also started to believe it was all part of a patriarchal conspiracy to enslave women and formalise prostitution. It wasn't until my mum married my stepdad that I had an aha momrnt and realised it was about love and respect and honouring the other person.
I had a defacto relationship for a while that I kept thinking would end in marriage despite my mum's terror of me being with someone she thought was abusive ( what do mum's know....in my case she was so right). There were a number of issues i was too scared to address but i figured they'd be fixed when we got married. It wasnt until I had another aha moment that I realised you marry a person as they are and love and accept them for it. If you want someone to change, dont marry them. If you need someone to change that much, they're the wrong person.
Later, after taking a few years to grow up, I met my now DH. I didnt see the point in living with someone unless their was an acknowledged commitment. For me there was no point in shacking up and having kids if we weren't in it for the long run. This isnt a criticism of others, but from a practical and emotional point of view, I dont understand buying property and commiting to a 20+ year mortgage with someone unless there's a deeper commitment there. It's one thing to make a business decision but I'm too wary of sexually transmitted debt to make investment decisions with a bf.
Anyway, we had a chat and agreed we both wanted marriage and kids. He proposed 9 months later, we moved in together a month later and got married a year after that. I cant say anything's really changed except the commitment feels deeper. I would probably make more of an effort for my DH than I would for any BF. But then, he's the love of my life and he treats me like a queen. He's more than worth it.
I got married because I love my DH so very much and u couldn't live without him by my side.
It's not just a piece of paper for us. Its a commitment for life, a deep and meaningful promise.
Till death do us part.
:)
It's our first anniversary today :) can't believe it's been a year already.
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Happy anniversary Lysndan :)
It was lust at first sight for us.... And we were 15!!!! We were both instantly attracted to one another.
We were friends for 2 years and then lust turned to love and we started dating when we were 17.
When we were 19 dh propose and we started trying for a baby. We got married when we were 20.
I could not ask for a more loving husband, we are best friends and he supports me in everything I do. We have been married for just over 2 years and have been together for 5 years tomorrow :) IVF has been a big hurdle in our marriage and I truly believe that if we survived that then we can survive anything.
i moved over from the uk and i wanted to wait as i didnt want to feel like i was getting married to get the visa. made getting the visa alot harder but im glad we didnt rush into it.
we had DD1, werent really in a financial possition to get married then, but it didnt really bother us that we werent married, we knew we would be soon enough.
We were very much in love and felt it was the next step. wanted to be husband and wife. i dont think it changed anything but we had our second baby 6 months later and thats changed a few things!
i loved our wedding, it was the best day ever.
We got married cause we had started trying for a baby and I wanted to have the same surname as my children. I LOVED being a wife and being married.
As it turns out, I am now divorced and have changed back to my maiden name, so having the same surname as my DS wasn't that important after all LOL