I know newborns cry a lot but ....

how do you control it ??

Aneta was ok when she came home , but now its not that ok :(
She cries between feeds ( actually screams ) and we dont know what it is ... she farts heaps , burps really well, so I dont think its gas.
I called the CHCN and she told me to give her as much as she wants per feed ( formula fed ) and then not give her any milk for at least 3 hours. If she cries during those 3 hours give her water or a dummy. She spits the dummy out , and hates the water *sigh* Even as im writing this DH is walking around trying to calm her down ... and theres another hour until her feed ! ! !
Somebody tell me this doesnt last forever :(

OK It doesn't last forever :) It could be a number of things hun and unfortunately you just have to go through that mental list, hungry, wind, nappy, overtired?? Is she screaming more after her feeds?? Do you think it might be reflux??? Sorry I don't want to give you more things to stress over just trying to think what it could be.

Hang in the sweety, it will get better. Sorry I have no miracle solution for you though just know that your not alone, most babies go through something like this at some stage or another.

Newborns do cry alot, you can't 'control' it, it's their only language (which is also a survival instinct to ensure you will respond) and it slowly will get better as you learn her cues and she is able to communicate in ways. Pinky has a book '100 Ways to Calm the Crying' which has stacks of ideas, here are 15 of them: 15 Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep.

There are also articles on the main site about crying: The Crying Game

Some babies do cry more than others, my first was a very unsettled baby and I had no support, so it was no surprise I ended up with PND. Call upon your supports, you can call upon post-natal Doulas and make sure you start getting time out early on. I barely get time out from my two, so when I do they get really upset (hence me too!) as they are not used to me going out. Welcome to motherhood - it is very tough but if you can call upon support its the best thing you can do - I found the hard way that no-one will come and help you unless you specifically ask.

Maybe she is hungry? 3 weeks is a growth spurt ( and 6 weeks) and I know with Matthew I was always feeding him - but he was breastfeed so not sure if it is any difference? Maybe the ladies who formula fed as well could help...

She isn't cold or hot? Have you tried wearing her? Maybe she just wants comfort? It is hard to guess... it is tough and hang in there. It definitely doesn't last forever.

mmm Matilda was very unsettled as well & at 6 weeks we found out she had reflux which caused her screaming for over 6 hours a day. Like Trish said you start to break down the could be's but note when it happens & what happens to settle her. I would take her to your GP and make sure she doesn't have something like reflux or colic which causes quite a bit of pain for these little bubs. Like Kelly has said its very tough when you have an unsettled bub & can cause heaps of emotional turmoil... Take time out and refresh. Take turns taking her for a walk so the other one can have 20 minutes of quiet time.

Hun, it certainly wont last forever!
My first was a dream baby, slept through the night from a week old & still now loves her bed!
Indah wakes most mornings around 5-5:30ish... It's Ok I get up for work at 6ish anyways so i just stay up after getting up & feeding Indah. She is breast fed..
Cant help with the formula other than reflux, colic etc, etc as the girls have said...
I would try to get into a routine of sorts as babies generally like that, so maybe a walk in the pram during the day when she's crying might help, or wearing her in a sling or something similar it can help with colic...
Baby massage also can help with wind, even though you say she seems to be getting it up & out, sometimes it hurts...?

In a few weeks you'll be wondering where this new baby came from that you understand so well!!!

Hugs & definately put yopur hand up & ask friends, family etc for some help!!!

I feel your pain!!!!

One of my friends had a little girl that would scream from the minute she oppened her eyes - even straight after a feed. she would scream all the time. She ended up going to a sleep school to teach her to sleep better. She had her mum move in with her to help, Can you do this?

Luckily for her when her baby got to about 12 weeks it just stopped doing it.
Hang in there mate i'm sure it will get batter for you.

Personally I think that for many, the sleep schools are pretty much a bandaid fix. It works for a small percent (around 8% according to a poll) and for those that it doesn't work for they end out much worse. I think it's a much wiser investment to learn about baby cues and how to pick them up. Things like feed, play, sleep are no good if your baby is hungry and you are trying to make it sleep. I believe it can be so much easier if you learn your baby's language and help your baby that way - cues are a difficult thing to learn at first especially if you don't know what you are looking for. Pinky's new book has a good section about this. Also most sleep schools practice controlled crying (or another name to make it sound gentle) and it's not recommended for babies under 6 months according to the Association for Infant Mental Health) yet some still do it and some sleep 'experts' still recommend it which is awful.

The other reason I think it can be a bandaid fix is that the underlying cause is lack of support to mothers. She goes home, with no others to support or reassure her, she is isolated and no-one giving her time out. Unfortunately it's society, but we all have to get out and support one another because otherwise, no-one will do it for us. There is such a problem with being open about problems with each other as mums, we worry about labels (e.g. failure) or think that no-one is going through what we are. That is only because today, we aren't raising our families in villages where we are exposed to lots of babies, birth, breastfeeding, and we learn the hard way, not passed down from experience or seeing it with our own eyes. So sad.

what do they actually do at a sleep school?

They all vary a little, but they set routines, tell you when to feed and put your baby to sleep, and tell you to leave them to cry for increasing periods of time until they sleep. Or as the latest research on cortisol (sterss hormone) tells us, cortisol floods their brain, shuts down and learns to give up. Of course, this goes against your instincts as a mother - you hear your baby's cries and you want to go in there and comfort them and you can't. Most mums have a big emotional outburst at some time during it, usually at first, due to the exhaustion, sadness, frustration... but it doesnt have to be that way!

No offence on anyone's parenting choices here, but this is what happens.

Have a go at reading Pinky's new book, 'Sleeping Like a Baby' as a first step, then see how you go. You can read about it at the link in my sig - it's now available to buy. If you can prevent the need for your baby to cry to sleep, then it's a bonus :) I just think bedtimes should be associated with gentle, warm, fun time not a stressful one or you come to not like it.

I had a great discussion with my mum the other day about the gentle sleeping vs controlled crying. Tallon now pretty much sleeps through the night.. and we looked back over the last 3 1/2 months, and I said to her "you told me I was making a rod for my back letting him sleep on my chest during the day, picking him up when he cries etc etc.. and now look at him! He's a happy little baby who sleeps soundly at night! The sleeping on my chest phase only went for about a week, it didn't form bad habits at all!" And she agreed! woohoo!

I definitely think learning bub's cues is the most effective. While there are some tough times.. both you and bub feel so much better at the end of it. We know that Tallon doesn't cry for no reason, and we do our best to find out what that reason is. Last night was a rough night for us, he had wind and belly ache.. was chucking up for about 3 hours and passing wind. He would fall alseep but couldn't stay asleep, so I essentially cuddled him the whole time, and he eventually went to sleep and I put him in his cot at 1 oclock and he slept through til 8am.

Definitely endeavour to find out WHY she is crying before resorting to stricter methods. Like Kelly said.. we need time out.. so try and look after yourself, if you're feeling more relaxed you'll cope better, and it may help to calm Aneta down too.

At only 3 weeks I would be thinking either tummy pains, or reflux or something like that. There are natropathic medicines you can get for wind, pains etc. Brauers have a good selection. If you go to your chemist they can tell you what is safe. go for the ones with all natural ingredients. My baby grunted for the first 9 weeks (24 hours a day) and it drove me insane. The colic medicines I used were good, but she really just had to grow out of it.
At 9weeks, we then let her settle herself which was fantastic!!
good luck xo

hehe.. Tallon grunted a lot too! Think he was working out all his bodily functions. hehe.

Remember too at 3 weeks, she's still getting used to being in the outside world! There's lots they don't understand, and need lots of love and comfort.

Hi Enigma

You poor thing, it sounds like you're at the end of your tether with Aneta's crying. It just feels so much worse when you're tired and frustrated as well. I'm glad to hear your DH is helping out.

Sometimes I think you just have to eliminate all possible medical causes and go with it for a while. Babies go through so many changes and their little bodies are growing at the same time they're trying to get used to the world.

One of the things I liked the best was swaddling Lucy, even if she fought it while I was doing it invariably she would calm down afterwards.

Just remember though, hon, it can't last forever. I've never yet heard of even a small child that still continually screams the way a newborn can! I keep telling myself if I get woken up that no teenager ever cries for their Mum during the night so there must be an end to it!

Oh, and one last thing. Try not to compare your baby to Mums who tell you their baby is settled, sleeping through the night, etc. That will only make you feel worse. There are a couple of Mums in my group who were in a very similar position to you and I'm sure some of us made it worse by our cooperative baby stories...! Every baby is different, but by the time they're a few months old they're a lot less fussy.

DS screamed too, a lot, and at times there seemed to be nothing at all that could help him. I feel your frustration,it can be so distressing.
When he had colic we would rest him (belly down) on an arm, gently rubbing or patting his back.We have one of those fitness balls and we used to use it frequently to settle him. Just holding and gently bouncing seemed to be one of the best ways we found to stop the screams.

Thank you so much everyone for your advice , its really re-assuring to know that im not the only one going through these " phases " .
As im writing this I can hear Aneta snoring through the baby-monitor. So hopefully she was just going through a growth spurt or something for a few days and it will be a bit easier now * touch wood *
Thanks again everyone - VERY much appreciated

aww that is so gorgeous that she is snoring! bless her cotton socks! hehe :)

Enigma,

Charlie cried all the time too when he hit 2 weeks of age. He had no problem burping and farting either but the way he pulled his knees up when he cried, I figured it was wind. Yet nothing seemed to help him. I tried Infacol, and it worked sparodically. Sometimes burping him halfway through a feed helped. But mostly he just cried a lot.

My CHN told me that little bubs' bodies often take a little while to get used to digesting and processing foods. They also have to cope with the big wide world, with baths and having to wear clothes, and sleeping without the comfort of their mother's warmth. But they do grow out of it mostly by 12 weeks. I know that will seem like years away from where you're standing now, though.

Charlie's crying only lasted until he was 6 weeks. So hang in there, it does get better.

12 weeks you say ?? ..... 9 weeks to go!.. I should get a ticker " 9 weeks until my baby stops crying so much " hehe

Enigma - I've found that the stressful times when they are happening feel like they'll never end and you dread it going forever, and how will you cope etc etc. But then all of a sudden you're actually looking back at it, and you realise it was a phase..be it growth spurt, or something that unsettled them for a few days, and it's all better!

I had prepared myself mentally & emotionally for it being tough the first few months. Tallon actually followed my timetable very well! LOL. He started sleeping much better at 3 months. Up until then, he was still waking for feeds throughout the night.

I wouldn't say it's been tough, but there were some times in there that it felt a bit overwhelming, and you start wondering whether what you're doing is right. But seriously, my advice for anyone now, is to just 'go with it'. Learn about your baby, and respond to her needs. It's very rewarding to have a happy, content baby :)

You're doing a great job trying to comfort her. I'm sure she'll appreciate it :)

Definitely agree - surrender to it, go with the flow and remember at all times that it will pass. Don't count down to the end of the phase, or you may be disappointed that another one has started. Elijah got 4 eye teeth at once and was hysterical, I was so pleased that he was almost done but the crying never stopped. I was a mess, I was ready to do anything, and before I had lost my mind, I saw 4 molars cutting. That must have been such a hard time for him, having four come through then another 4 straight away. There is always a valid reason for their upset spells, so if you can realise that there is something wrong and there is not necessarily something you can do apart from comfort them, it makes it so much easier. Oh and check out 'The Wonder Weeks' which is brilliant - about phases, when they are and ways you can help.

Hi girls,

I have / had the same problem with DD. I got a book called Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, How to calm, connect and communicate with your baby.

It has a section on body language. As Kelly said I think that is the key for babies this age. I would recommend this as it has helped me so much.

Someone suggested the Brauer 'colic relief' this is brilliant. I also use Infants Friend. Also in case of reflux try elevating her whilst feeding and try to feed so she has her left side down (this helps keep the milk in the stomach). Also elevate the cot / bassinette. I put a pillow on the change table so she is elevated there as well and that has made the biggest difference.

The other thing I learnt is that babies don't start to 'remember' until about 9 weeks so you can cuddle her to sleep until then or beyond if you choose to do that. The other settling technique that the baby whisperer suggested is the pick up put down. Put baby down to sleep awake. When she cries pick her up and comfort her. When she is settled put her back. This way she is not crying herself to sleep, she is still learning to put herself to sleep but also getting comfort from mummy at the same time. Again this worked for me and DD pretty much settles on her own now.

Good luck - it does end