Realities of feeding a toddler

I am feeling a bit confronted by feeding my toddler atm. She is wanting to feed more and more and for looooooong periods of time (like an hour). I have limits around it- like we only feed at sleep times and I try and limit it to half an hour, but she screams for more when I take her off. She is also stroking my breasts more.

The other thing is her poo. Seriously it is so gross she is toilet trained, well potty trained, but I have to use a zillion wipes to clean her up, not to mention cleaning out the sticky poo from the potty *shudder*.

Ds feeds two hourly 24/7, so I think I am just getting touched out, but I am starting to think about weaning her....

Any other experiences?

Feeding a nearly 5yo here, I soooo hear ya! DS has been limited for some time now - when I've started to have enough I count down the sucks. I was starting at about 4, but that was creating lots of angst, so now, at the suggestion of an ABA counsellor who fed older children, I'm counting down from 10 to a rocket ship blast-off ;)
I just feel so tired if I feed him more than once a day and feed DD as well. So, his feeds are the ones that are sacrificed, not hers.
Thing is, he is so attached to BFing that I can guarantee absolute cooperation if I threaten to take Babu away from him - I don't use threats or rewards in parenting my kids, but when the chips are down and he's really throwing his weight around I tell him I will have to stop feeding him. And I probably would follow through, too, because at those moments I just don't want to have his rudeness around me!
There was no answer in that, just commiserations :hug:

Thanks mayaness! Am actually bfeeding as I type, so the commiserations are most appreciated!

Also to clarify about her poo- the breastmilk makes it really sticky and runny, so very hard to clean up from a potty!

have u tried getting her on the toilet? i have no clues coz i have no experience just :hug:

I haven't noticed anything with DS' poo before. I got him to use the toilet for poo as soon as I could, though - told him that he was doing 'big kid poo' and I didn't want to have to deal with it anymore, that's what the toilet was for. Bit 'arsh, but it was true!
DS ramped up his feeds in NZ when things got a bit tense in the family, but didn't notice a difference in his poo (I usually do a quick reccy in the bowl, just to gauge where he's at). Maybe it's something else she's eating? Dairy?

I actually think that the pooh is helpful - at least you don't have to deal with a kid struggling to get it out!
My DS is limited to morning and night - and gets cut short if there is too much wriggling or too big toothmarks! Splitting the BF from going to sleep helps a lot - that way you aren't BF-ing a grumpy overtired critter, and the sleep isn't dependent on you.
Can you try and feed at wake up rather than sleep times - that way she will be wanting to go off and do something rather than feed for eons?

DS is at morning feeds and will put off all other plans (including walking his new pony!) to take his time at Babu...hence the countdown!
You might find some ideas on the ABA forum, in the section for BFing older children :)

I definitely understand what you mean! My DD is a bit younger (25months) but bed time is taking longer and longer at the breast and there seems a lot more fidgiting. The other night after an hour of it I gently took her off and rubbed her back while she moaned a little till she fell asleep, it is almost like she just couldn't quite get to sleep on the milk anymore? I don't know but at least she is sleeping through the night so I only have to deal with it at bedtime. I think what is pushing me over lately is I have just found out I'm pregnant again so my nipples are super sensitive and she seems to be asking for more day feeds too, not sure if that is coincidence or somehow pregnancy related though?

I go through phases of hoping she weans during the second trimester supply drop and hoping she doesn't... no real advice, must be hard tandem feeding so definitely admire you there :hug:

I hear you DS1 is nearly 3 and is very demanding for BF, he would feel all day if allowed, I have days of wanting to wean both (DS2 nearly 16 months) as I get annoyed with being touched all the time as some days it feels like I only sit down to feed!! (feeding DS2 now before I go to work with DS1 hand on me)

I get by by thinking it wont be forever (unlike little britain episode) and soon enough will stop in own time so enjoy why it lasts!!

DS1 is not TT yet as he has sticky feral nappies mostly and wondered about cleaning after when he is ready to TT.

Hugs good luck xoxo

Thanks for all the replies. I like the feed at wake up time idea...it might help the weaning process. I am also aware breastfeeding is a seriously awesome tool for settling an overtired cranky pants, and it let's me nap in the day too! I suspect she would drop day naps if I weaned her.

The toilet thing seems obvious, but she's so stubborn and loves her potty! It makes her independent, and it helps me in some ways because I don't have to put the baby down to help her on the loo. Maybe I should look at those step things that go over the toilet?

I really think it's the contrast between toddler wants and a newborns needs...even the way she sucks and drags on the nipple drives me bonkers sometimes. I always take something to read while I feed her so I'm distracted.

I just want that beautiful positive relationship back...

It can be all too full on sometimes can't it!.. I find it's a bit of a rollercoaster!

Our toddler just feeds first thing when he gets up in the morning. He's got used to that now so even if he does ask for more sucks throughout day, he doesn't expect to actually get them!! but he knows that as soon as he wakes up he can come in for a feed and a cuddle, no matter what. I think that's helped us!

I hear you on the poos!!! yuck. But I think your milk might change soon as your baby gets a bit older, so hopefully that will make your toddler's not so icky!

I've been tandem feeding of some sort since December 08 and I think I'm starting to reach my limit! so I understand and big :hug:

I hear you on the last bit :(
I loved feeding DS for so long and the relationship has been ambivalent for a while. Didn't help that I had thrush early with DD and I thought he was chomping me. Then he WAS chomping me and it was like he'd lost his technique. I was so angsty at Babu time! Sometimes I thought I'd end up punching him - very extreme for me, given how little room I had for any negative thoughts on parenthood up until that time! Now it's not so much his technique (which is good again), it's his manner and how inconsiderate he can be (which is totally developmental, I know!).
I didn't want to finish him up on a low note, either, so I'm not sure if I'm continuing in the hope that there's a turnaround in his attitude to asking before we finish up.
Hearing you, for sure. And I talk to others who BF for about this long, too - it helps :)

Hi, don't know if this has been said, so sorry if it has!

I am breastfeeding my 3.5 year old as and when he wants it and his poo is not sticky (well sometimes it is, but not all the time!). Are you sure that's the reason? Also, have you tried cloths instead of wipes? I find the wipes (in addition to giving him a sore bottom) took forever to get him cleaned up! Like about 10-20 wipes to get him clean, versus 2-4 (on a REALLY messy yucky poo) cloths.

Can't help you with the touched-out-ness, I am a freak and I savour every minute of snuggles I can get (okay maybe because I'm only having one;))

There is definitely a drain on your body when you're making milk for two - even if one of them is only feeding once a day. The penny only dropped for me recently. If DS ramps up to more than one feed a day, I'm just knackered and grumpy and really snappy :( Wouldn't be so bad if we lived in a world that supported tandem feeding, but in this world, you get no extra concessions for BFing two, even with a partner who supports BFing!

Just a thought, if you're feeling grumpy from feeding two, are you drinking enough water and eating enough? I only feed one and i have to eat and drink quite often or I get grumpy.

I think that if you are only feeding a toddler, you are more in control. You can either feed them or say "wait until after dinner mate", and it's your call.

But I can well imagine that if I were also feeding a little one then that would be a battle - my DS would be unlikely to cooperate with "I have to wait until after dinner but that small yelping baby-thing gets to have my booboo now!".

I have a feeling that even if you wean your older ones it won't make things much easier - they will still want you and your time and your attention and to climb all over you- it just won't involve feeding......

Big hugs!

Oh, I hear you! As you know, currently tandem feeding my princesses: 26 months and 11 weeks.

When I was pregnant DD1 cut down a lot as my milk decreased so at the end she was only having one feed a day. She has always been booby obsessed though and I didn't think she'd wean when I was pregnant.

After DD2 came along I decided to stick to one feed a day, I didn't want to increase it and be feeding all day. In the first week after DD2 was born I did give her more feeds though because I needed help with engorgement and I also wanted some special time with her and to give her comfort and reassurance with all the change that was going on. That was ok and she easily went back to having one feed again. DH was home for a month and there was lots of visitors anyway so she was busy and not that interested.

Over the last month though she has been wanting it more and more!! It's always 'Mummy, need some booby. Make me feel better!!!' I try and distract her and tell her she has booby only after dinner and sometimes that works but most of the time she cracks it and cries and says 'I need some Mummy, it makes me feel better' which really pulls on my heartstrings :)

Anyways I'm a bit random and sometimes I'm feeling alright and don't mind feeding her and so I let her have more which I think is a mistake. I need to be more consistent and maybe make 2 feed times that are ok with me and that she can predict like after nap and after bath or something. One feed doesn't seem to be enough because if she asks in the morning then 'after dinner' seems a loooong time away for a toddler.

She is the same and wanting to feed for ages too. I'm not sure what's with that. She never ends any of her feeds anymore, I do, I don't think she'd ever finish, lol. I do the counting to 10 thing too and then if she comes off with no fuss kiss her and praise her and tell her how proud I am, which she likes.

Anyways, I don't know the solution but I totally get you :hug:

Charlie - it's the hormones and the way the extra production has its effect, more than nutrition. Hormones are a *****! My hormones prioritise the littlest one, but are still working to accommodate the biggest one. They're probably as conflicted as I am (the hormones, that is!)..!

My DS has just (I think....) self weaned at 3 and a bit. And this weaning process was very much based on the drop in supply that came with him getting too interested in other things to feed. And then finding that when he returned a day or two later there wasn't much there, so he was even less interested next time.

I think that if you have another child maintaining the supply there is probably much less likelihood of this process happening - you may even find that your two wean together when the younger one is ready.

Maya - have you considered encouraging your DD to feed less often? It might be much less traumatic for her to drop a feed or two than for her brother to drop his last one - and you would still lose the extra production drain on you.

Big hugs
Kate