hair removal

Hi everyone,
Well Alecia has been asking me 'mum.... when can I start shaving my legs?' (which is great because I Never asked my mum). She has been asking this for the passed 6months. Anyway the last time she asked me I replyed, "why do you want to start shaving your legs?'. To which she said "I'll get teased at school about it". That's fair enough, if you remeber what girls are like at high school... very cruel to anyone different. Alecia is an early bloomer, being only 12 and already wearing a size 10d bra and having her period for at least two years, so you can imagine her legs were getting a little on the hairy side.

So anyway, we were in town on tuesday and I decided to take her to the beauticion to get her legs waxed. She go her lower leg done and her underarms.

My question is, did I do the right thing? I don't think my parner thinks I did. When is the best age for hair removal and why?

Tanya

There are five girls in our family. The first one wasnt allowed to shave until grade 10, the second one grade 9, etc, etc. I was allowed to shave at the end of grade 7 (for my graduation LOL) (I am the 2nd youngest)

I think perhaps you being a woman yourself undserstands why it is so important to girls, whereas your DP probably doesnt have a clue. Does he have any idea how much girls can get picked on at school for these things?
Even though I started shaving at the end of grade 7 I was still picked on for not shaving earlier... girls can be just horrible to each other!

I think its a great idea you took her to be waxed too, cause now she wont be getting the horrible thick regrowth back, that years of shaving does to a woman, LOL

I started shaving at the young age of 11... I had broken my leg & when it came out of the cast there was awful black hair there & my mum couldn't stand it and thats how it all started for me...so I don't think you did the wrong thing, because hair removal is important in school!

i think you did a great thing taking her to get it waxed. she wouldve felt pretty special! she is obviously self conscious of the hair, and being teased can do a lot of damage, i dont think there is any harm in it whatsoever, is teaching her to talke pride in her appearance in a sensible way which is a good thing, and great that she asked you before she did it.

I dont think hair removal will make her grow up any faster than having her period and large breasts at her age would if that is what you DP is worried about.

I think you did the right thing. Hair removal is such an easy thing to take care of if that's the only teasing she has to worry about!!

Starting her at such an early age will also make the hair grow back so much thinner and finer that by the time she's 18 she'll hardly have any!! Wish I had've done that at her age, I'm a shaver.... getting harder each week though - belly in the way!

I think you did a great thing :) Not only was it something she could do with mum, but we all know that shaving isn't as good for us all as waxing, and I hate to say it but if she REALLY wants to shave she will. I did and my parents got annoyed but there wasn't anything they could do.

I will be doing the EXACT same with my daughter when the time comes around :)

*hugs*
Cailin

Tanya

You definitely did the right thing.

My DD is 11, and she has already asked about having her legs waxed, we have decided that we will start mid year. My GF is a qualified beautician and she does mine at my house, so DD is used to it.

I totally understand about DP not understanding, my DH is dead against it, doesnt understand at all about why we should start early. He thinks its ridiculous. But he cant really complain since we get it done for nothing, I just have to supply the wax.

I guess I am lucky that my DD seems to be a late bloomer, no sign of AF yet for her, she thinks that if she refuses to get it then it wont happen. LOL, if only.

Glad I stumbled across this, all the stuff I don't want to think about for my 12 y.o DD!!

I think if you show your DD the proper way to do things, wax, makeup, skin care etc you can't really go wrong.

My poor step daughter came to us at 14 without being told the very basics of hygiene, taking care of skin, shaving etc. The only thing her mother seemed to do was buy her the most inappropriate underwear you can imagine.
It was really hard to approach the subject with her without saying the wrong thing. Thank god for granmothers!!!

My daughter has been into hair removal since she was about 12. If you tell them they can't do it, they'll just do it behind your back, so you're much better off to show them the correct way of doing things, at least they wont get into bad habits. I still don't know how she can wax her legs, I have tried, but am way to chicken to pull the strip off OUCH !!! :shock:

Hey Tanya,
I think just before the start of highschool is perfect. Taunts at primary school would be minimal but once you hit highschool, it gets pretty heavy.
I remember my neighbour and her friend (both a year ahead of me at school) telling me I couldn't POSSIBLY go to highschool with hairy legs, and blablabla... I got hassled heaps.
I cried and cried and complained, and it still took me til the last half of the year to con my mum into letting me do it, and even then she wouldn't let me use razors... She had this awful painful thing called an "emjoi" (was heavily marketed on tv at the time) which looks like an electric razor but instead of the blade it has loads of mini tweezers... it was AWFUL! It was supposed to have a similar effect to waxing in the way of regrowth, so I was hardly ever allowed to actually use it, because mum only had to use it every 2-3 months, and she assumed I should be the same - she is BLONDE and I am dark - I had to use it pretty much once a week and do it in secret, I hated it.
So anyway I ended up just buying regular razors out of my pocket money the year after because it was so painful and frustrating, and keeping them in my drawer so she wouldn't know, and I guess she just thought I had 'magically' turned blonde and didn't need to use her crappy pain machine. I also had to buy brand name pads/tampons out of my pocket money because she would only buy me those massive home brand nanna pads...!
OH GOSH sorry for the ramble - just giving you ultimate confidence in your decision! LOL.

Tanya,

I think you did the right thing. It is true, girls can be so horrible when it comes to things like this. I started shaving when i was 12 too because i had just started high school and all the other girls shaved theirs and it was like they didn't accept anyone who didn't, iykwim? And with DP, i think that because he isn't female and didn't have to worry about this sort of thing at that age then he doesn't really understand the need of it. Waxing is a much better way of doing it too. It's showing her how to look after herself hygenically at an early age and it also doesn't look at messy, takes longer to grow back, no shaving rashes etc.

Is anyone going to encourage their DD not to be sheep???

We become slaves to the beauty industry, to conform to someone else's ideas of acceptable, to accept lower rates of pay purely based on gender. Don't we want more for them?

Isn't there more important things to be teaching our girls? Why does hair removal become important at the age of 12?. Shouldn't they have other things to do???

Give your daughter a social conscience, not a bloody razor. Give her the courage to do what right for her, give her the power to change things for others less fortunate. Why groom our girls for a lifetime of comformity to the ideals of a less than perfect society?

Yes, I know girls can be horrible to each other, can't we at least try and stop this? Our mothers and grandmothers didn't burn their bras for nothing, or did they???????

Hi Lulu

Eveyone is entitled to their opinion, don't see how letting your DD shave or wear make up etc has anything to do with changing the world ...

The fact that we are going to teach them right from wrong, NOT to be the ones teasing and accept people for who they are might make a difference.

By not allowing our kids to do certain things at certain ages will only turn them into rebellious monsters as they get older, so i say instill the right ideas in their heads, encourage them to be individuals, but by doing this you don't have to make them the odd ones out at school, they will just end up hating you for it.

I have to agree with Jackie Lulu!

I don't consider letting my daughter shave/wax when she asks as turning her into a sheep. I will be sure to teach Paris that brains are more important than beauty. And I will be teaching Paris not to tease others for their differences but that doesn't mean that I am going to send her out to be slaughtered. If she doesn't want to wax/shave ever I am not going to force her. But if she does decide thats what she wants to do I would rather support her and offer her a good choice rather than have her doing it behind my back, and that is my policy on ALL things.

And better yet I don't consider myself a slave to society LOL! I love the feeling of smooth skin, and so does DH I couldn't really give a rats what other people do LOL!

And please guys lets not turn this friendly discussion into a debate about feminism.

*hugs*
Cailin

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And please guys lets not turn this friendly discussion into a debate about feminism.

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Good point Cailin, afterall we are here to have a friendly chat and support each other :)

Not that this is ever going to be an option with 2 boys lol, but if I had a daughter I would support her with her decision. Maybe even make a fuss of it and buy her a nice razor etc for b/day xmas if that time was close.

I know my mum hit the roof when she caught me shaving my legs. But hey i was already half done so there was no point stopping and she shouldn't have barged into the bathroom to wash her hands LOL.

Love

Whoa there!,

I see how strong I came across, let me point out that if you can see my earlier post i agree about the waxing issue. I think that teaching our girls to take care of their bodies is terribly important. I teach girls to care for and respect their bodies in my job and I really enjoy what I do.

I was just sitting here pondering the subject and I got all annoyed and anxious as I'm just beggining to tackle these issues with my own daughter. I'm worried of course about being her teased at school for whatever reason, girls can really act like a pack of wolves. (seen Mean Girls?!!!). The fact that we have to worry about wether we are sending our daughters to be slaughtered ****es me off!! I know thats probably never going to change though dammit!!

Teaching our girls respect for themselves and their bodies is our greatest weapon in the battle against teen depression and low-self esteem, and hopefully they won't ever feel they have to go behind our backs.

Boys also go through the same crap too, of course just in a different way, this is really not a feminist issue.

In the end though, as long is we remind them every now and again, a zit on you chin on school photo day really sucks, in the grand scheme of things, it aint so bad!!!

I don't disagree with the forum at all, just feeling a bit powerless when I know all the testing times and challenges ahead for my girl.

Cheers, Lulu :)

P.S I am NEVER going to make Isabelle use an Emjoi!!!!!!! (LOL)

Hi Lulu, my daughter will be 15 in May, as yet no major issues have arrived, well none that I have heard of,but kids being we don't always hear everything.
I know where you are coming from when you say you're feeling powerless about the times ahead, I guess you just have to know and trust that you have done everything in your power to make sure that she is aware of what is out there.
My daughter is at the stage where she wants to go to shopping centres with her friends and get there by bus, it has taken me a long time to let her do this, she has really had to show me that she can be responsible, so far so good.
She is doing a self defence class as well (Aikido) she loves this, and it gives us peace of mind that she will be able to look after herself better if need be. Every little bit helps :)

I remember the Emjoi - It definatley wasn't 'gently' was it!!

Nic

Lulu,
I totall understand where you are coming from. I don't want Alecia to be a follower, it can lead a young girl into big strife!! In my house there are not many conformist views, we don't follow fashions, we don't follow any particular political parties, we don't read magazines etc. I am all for individuality. For a few years I didn't shave, and it was very obvious (thanks to get my fathers Italian genes). But I went through the whole wanting to shave etc as a preteen, I went thro the I want what what everyone elses got phase. I think it's part of being a young person in todays society. I can't expect Alecia to understand the whole 'don't conform' attitude when she has little idea or care about any of todays big issues.
I am a 'feminist', and I apreciate the hard slog many women went through for me to be able to go to uni with men and to be a single mum (although I am not anymore).
Having said that I don't want my daughter to find out that shaving her legs is such a big issue and one worth crying about bacause of a group of girls have been taught to be shallow and find it uplifting to bring another girl down about it. My sister said to me last night that she felt forced into shaving her legs because of other girls at school, she didn't even think about shaving her legs untill the girls at high school started to pick on her.
It's scary that something so small can damage a girls self esteem, and I'll be damned if it will be my dd self esteem that is damaged because I want to teach my daughter not to be a sheep.
I hope this isn't coming across as if I am angry about what you said because I'm not, I really do apreciate your view and it is one that I have thought about previously, but a girl of 12 isn't thinking about conforming, but the best posible way to fit in, and to be accepted, and I think we need to apreciate that, and look at it with the mind of a 12 yo.

Also thanks to every one who has replied, you have really put me at ease. My parner just don't want her to be sexual... which is I guess what hair removal is all about. It's funny because he go more upset about me taking her school dress up a couple of inches (a photo of Alecia's altered school dress is on my website, see the www link below my sig). It was almost below her knee!! silly boy!

Thanks again

Tanya

My DH is the same with my DD, she dresses pretty sensibly for a 15 year old when she goes out, meaning she doesn't wear crop tops with her hipsters etc. but if she has a tshirt on that is a bit shorter and a bit of belly shows, he will want her to change it. It's a bit hard not to show a bit of belly with the only jeans you can buy being hipsters and most t's are pretty short..... Most of her friends wear crops and little singlet tops, but she isn't comfortable wearing them.
She has a mind of her own and wont let other kids talk her into doing things she doesn't want to do which is a huge relief iykwim...
Btw Tanya, nothing wrong with the length of that dress :)

Aikido is a terrific idea, my girlfriend did it for a long time. It seems to be a little more about the flow of the body and mind as well as strength and self-defence. Very cool!!
I was sports mad when I was 15 and I'm convinced that had a lot to do with me having the confidence to avoid paths that many of my friends chose. Having a place I belonged outside school was salvation sometimes. I didn't have problems with peer groups or anything, but when there is so much going on within your own head (and body!), belting a ball around the court was a great release.

Tajemi isn't it scary?! Just before DD's 12 bday I realized that she had lost the last traces of babygirl (especially in her face). It must be awful for the really early bloomers.

I distinctly remember being teased for not shaving in high school. It just hadn't occurred to me yet. God I'm glad they never noticed my EYEBROW/S!!!

Well, not having a daughter (but I do have an almost 13yo stepdaughter who lives with her Mum) it's a bit interesting for me to read this!

I was never told anything about menstruation or hygiene at all. When I got my period at age 9 (yes you aren't reading wrong) I thought I was dying. It was a number of months before I realised what was going on.

My mum only ever bought me those "nanna" pads as well. I used to use folded up toilet paper sometimes if AF arrived (because at that time I wasn't regular) because I was too ashamed to ask the school nurse for a pad. Mind you this was in grade 5!

My first bra was a 12B in grade 4, by the age of 14 I was in a 14DD, and when breastfeeding was in a 18GG.

I've never shaved/waxed my legs, nor felt peer pressure to do so. And I was a high level basketball player. I used to tell people (if I was asked, which was rarely) that I didn't want to shave or wax, and if they had a problem with that then it was their issue, not mine.

I do shave my underarms (but I only need to do so about once every two months). I'm not a very hairy person at all.

And each of my partners has never bothered to ask why I don't shave. In fact, none of them has cared.

I guess I'm a bit more individual than most, and I have a strong personality, so it (shaving or not shaving) has always been my choice. My sister shaves her legs and bikini line (I don't have a bikini line) and that has been her choice. Each to their own.

Power to the women (whatever their choice!)
So there's my two cents!

I will be happy to take maddy off to get waxed etc, I think I will be happier that she has come to me & asked about this type of thing rather than snuck around doing it with her g/f's!

I have no problem with anything as long as she discusses it with me, rather than sneaking & doing it her way anyway, which is what I did!!!!

My DD Ariani is 14 (almost 15) now and I have to admit that she starting shaving her legs, underarms and God knows what else from the time she was 12. She didn't ask my permission, just started taking my shaver from my bathroom until I got the hint and bought her her own.

I don't think it's about following their peers so much as what they're comfortable with. My daughter didn't even bat an eyelid. It was a right of passage, just like her brother starting to shave what litttle 'fuzz' he's got growing on his chin.

I don't think there is really an age when waxinf or shaving or deciding to go au naturel becomes 'ok'. If she was concious about it, I would have taken Ariani to get waxed at 10. After all, she pierced her ears at 8, what's the big deal about getting rid of a little hair?

love
sushee

Hi All,
My take on it is that : it is better that she came and talked to you about it rather than goind behind your back and doing it. If she feels comfortable talking to you about things now, and you show here support - I think that she will always feel comfortable talking to you about all things.

My eldest spoke to me about waxing/shaving and I took her to get waxing.
Yes her step dad reacted the same but men dont get it.
Its the first step off many and as long as she communicates with you , you will have nothing to worry about.

I was very pleased that today my dd Jordan aged 10 and a half asked me about shaving her legs. They aren't particularly hairy and I explained that if she started to shave them now they will go dark and get hairier. I asked why she wanted to, had someone said something and she said no that she just wanted to. We came to the agreement that as she is only grade 5 that she should wait until high school. She was happy with that. then she very happily informed me that they would be discussiong pads and tampons at school soon, (we had the period/puberty talk at xmas time). She is so nonchalent about the whole puberty issue etc and I am so glad, as I really wanted to be able to discuss this stuff with her.

Cheers Michelle

Kids are so different now, when I was about 12 my mom said that I'd get periods one day and to tell her when I did, that was as far as that discussion went. The only other time she even mentioned anything was when I was 17 and late. She asked me if I was pregnant, I said, "I don't know how, would I get that way"??

My DD talks to both me and DH about everything, some time she shocks me with the things she comes out with, but I'm so glad she is open about everything. It's getting a bit scary at the moment as she is very much into boys, her best friend has a boyfriend and one of his friends likes DD and has asked her out. She told me about it, her reasoning is that she doesn't know this guy, so why would she go out with him. Sounds good to me. But it's bound to happen sooner or later, which at the moment is so scary for me, but as long as she is open about it all it should be okay.

I think I just hijacked the "hair removal" thread.. Sorry #-o

Well Jackie- thank god your daughter doesn't think she has to accept just because he asked her!! YAY!
My 15 DSD is a worry, all she cares about is her bloody BF, actually to the point she has been a right nasty little s**t.
I hope my DD (and yours) won't decide to have a BF cos EVERYONE else does or whatever.
I didn't know how to tell someone I wasn't interested (I would just avoid them or hide) when I was younger.
Sad but true

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Hair removal is such an easy thing to take care of

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Can you hear my bitter ironic laugh Karen?
Every week, at least once…
I shave my toes, my feet, my legs, my bikini line, my underarms, my forearms, the backs of my hands AND I remove hair from my chin, moles on my face, upper lip, eyebrows and….. from around my nipples!

Confessions of a razor slave!

I have fluorescent white skin from which long dark hair protrudes. I was teased mercilessly in Primary school by both boys and girls who called me ‘gorilla’. My mum did for me exactly what Tajemi did for her daughter, which was just great.

I dream of the day the revolution comes and women can lay down their razors, but I’m afraid I’m no braver today than when I was 12 to start it myself!

My poor poor daughters who will inherit my genes!!
:-({|=

My DD (10) luckily doesn't have my "hairy" genes but occassionally worries about her legs etc. We are all brunette so instead of shaving I've helped her bleach her leg hair. It made her feel a lot better as the visibility was greatly reduced. She attends an all girl's school where there doesn't appear to be much of an issue with hair at this point.

Poor Ethac!!! Have you tried bleaching? Especially on your hands/arms? It lasts a lot longer than shaving. I tried electrolysis for the first time a month ago and it seems to have worked already despite being told I may have to return for up to a year for permanent results.