For parents who have a 2 year old

Is it just me and my 2 year old or is everyone experiencing the constant struggle every day with their 2 year old.

Nothing is easy anymore, everything is so full on all the time and i'm starting to get really frustrated, and i'm losing my sense of humor!!!

If i ask him to not do something, he does it more, everything is "NO", and "Ryder do it" is constantly heard through our house. I find myself yelling and snapping at him even though i know it doesn't work. We have time out and I realise me saying do you want to go to timeout is the wrong thing to say when he answers me with Yes!!

My huisband is super supportive and we keep everything the same and if i say something to him i always go through with what i say.

How do i get past this attitude and struggle?

What works for you and your 2 year old?

How do you do time out? Tell me a bit about that...

We struggle too. You're not alone :hug:

Do you try and give him choices where possible? They like to assert their independence around now so I find giving my DD choices can help. As in "DD, we have to get dressed now. Do you want to wear this top or this skirt?" or whatever.

We also have rules for things that she is not allowed to do. The big one at the moment is "keep your hands to yourself" to try and stop her hitting and pushing her little brother. I try and tell her what to do, as opposed to what not to do, ITMS.

I do feel like sometimes everything is a struggle though... I'm with you there.

Oh I hear you! Every day is a struggle. Getting dressed is major drama here every day. Good idea OP, I will try her with a choice and see if that stops the drama. I constantly get "na ah mummy, no, stop" at everything.

It's not just you! Everything at the moment is "no" - we have to give lots of warning if we are about to do something (eg leave the park), give choices (for clothes/dinner) and also try to frame things positively like OP. It is a constant struggle!

We're not too bad now that I've discovered that "NO" sometimes actually means "YES" and that I've said it wrong. Like if I say at night "Do you want a bottle" she'll say "NO" and get upset and then three seconds later, she'll say "Want some milk." Her 'bottle' is warm milk in a cup. Getting dressed is sometimes tricky, and getting her to eat is near on impossible.

Hair washing is a major problem here too, so if anyone has any tips for that, I'd love it!

Nice to hear that we are all going through the same thing, I said to my husband that i'm frustrated because what was working for us before none of those things are working now, so i know that i need to change what i'm doing. So that's where i'm stuck...i don't know what the next steps are???

Timeout - if he's doing something he's not supposed to, we say Ryder, Mummy asked you not to touch the tv (or whatever), if you do that again you'll have to go on timeout. So then he'll always do it again, and we take him to a spot on the floor, but i can't get him to stay there by himself, so we sit him down and explain, mummy asked you not to touch the tv, and just try and calm him down and take him away from the situation. Then we ask him if he understands and we have a hug and a kiss. i guess we don't want to make it bad boy, but more taking him away and explaining.
Everything's fine when we're outside, so maybe i just get my winter woolies on and spend time outside with him :)

Thanks for the feedback, better already

I find giving my 2 yr old only '2 choices' is best..... so don't say 'which one do you want' it overwhelms them, just hold up two things and say 'you can wear this one, OR this one'.... much easier.

We just started watching the DVD '123 Magic' it looks really good and I am liking parts of it already...... it seems really sensible and fair.

These 2 yr old's sure can be tough cookies some days :D

Bath time here is a killer. Will not sit down, stands there crying and screaming out help help me mummy while I wash her. She used to be great, loved the bath and playing with her sister, but now tears and screaming. I hate it.

O boy the joys of 2 yr olds!! We don't have dramas generally with getting dressed or washing hair unless DS2 is in a complete foul mood then i just do it, he chucks his tanty then i just leave him to sort himself out and generally after a minute or two comes to me for a cuddle and everything is sweet again. We just have problems with him sleeping - he's a terrible sleeper and at the moment i have to put him to bed 6 times before he will go to sleep at night... talk about frustrating! Then there is the touching everything, getting into everything that he knows is the NO GO things and if you miss something he is doing well it's just broken then. I'm seriously wondering how we are going to go when this bub is born with feeding and keeping an eye on DS2 - i hoping against all hope that he has improved some what either that or i will be ready for the loony bin.

Shanti that 123 magic is adopted in the school where DS1 goes and is great for the kids knowing and adjusting to boundaries.

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It's not just you! Everything at the moment is "no" - we have to give lots of warning if we are about to do something (eg leave the park), give choices (for clothes/dinner) and also try to frame things positively like OP. It is a constant struggle!

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Yep, we do what Nai does.

Also, get your hands on a copy of 'What every parent needs to know' by Margot Sunderland. REALLY FABULOUS book and will not only give you lots of ideas but explain WHY your 2 yo acts this way which is really helpful and makes you feel better about it anyway.

Yes, yes and yes.

Something I have found helpful with not only my 2yo but my 5yo as well is making a statement of fact rather than giving and order. For example "The blocks go in the bucket" followed by a demonstration, as opposed to "put the blocs in the bucket". Or "it would be yucky to slip and fall and hit your head wouldn't it?" instead of "stop doing that you'll hurt yourself".

So happy to hear it's not just us! My biggest struggle is with throwing things on the floor.. Food, drinks, toys, my phone! Whatever she can get her hands on. I'll say "Amelia, don't throw that on the floor please" and what do you know, bang, every time. I've tried calmly explaining, I've tried naughty corner, I've tried yelling!! I dont know how to make her stop!!!

im so glad i found this im going crazy at the moment,just when i think ive got something figured it all goes pear shaped!DD wont go to bed,wont listen,chucks tannys....the list is endless,i have been trying not to get so annoyed,i feel all i do is get angry with her and stressed so have been trying to not get annoyed especially at small things but i feel i cant help it sometimes,weve just done the cot to bed transition too and was all going well except tonight of course when me and DH wanted some alone time and ive lost count of how many times she has been up and yet had no sleep today and had a big day sheesh can i give up coz i feel like it!

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Oh I hear you! Every day is a struggle. Getting dressed is major drama here every day. Good idea OP, I will try her with a choice and see if that stops the drama. I constantly get "na ah mummy, no, stop" at everything.

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We try and do the choice thing here but it doesn't work much. I just have a VERY stubborn child!!
I'm over it at the moment too. I'm exhausted, i'm cranky all the time and i just don't enjoy parenting a 2 year old? Tell me it's gets easier with the second one!

Mine has also discovered the powers of the word NO... and is using it to the full. Of course, sometimes he really means yes, but is just in a pattern of saying no to everything.

Still, I found getting from 1 to 2 much harder than having a 2 year old - the communication skills help for a start!

BW

I have done the offering choices when getting dressed for two days now with great success. Two mornings tantrum free! It has been bliss. Now to sort out the bath time issues.

My darling almost two year old has learnt the word ugly, all the clothes I put on her are "ugly" apparently (I think they are cute and warm) then it's "I'll do it" meaning she wants to put in on herself but gets frustrated when she can't. So I try help and she runs off screaming! It takes a while to get her dress I start like half an hour before we have to go somewhere lol!
She's so independent and stubborn all good qualities tho :)



Love MN ;-)

WOW it's great to know it's not just us, since DP has been home after his accident DD1 has been FERAL, it might not be all his fault afterall :p

Will have to come back and read all the replies but i'm finding if something is hers then it's HERS and no-one can touch it, she back chats, and refuses to eat and my god the TANTRUMS.
She has her good side and generally shares well with DD2, loves being outside etc but at the moment the I WANT, WHY and I CAN'T DO IT are really annoying me.

back for tips later :(

I hear ya!
We have started 'removing' her from the situation.
Its hard! She is so cute but so darn evil at time :lol:

I've found that if we're outside all is great. Am in the process of getting a vege garden up and running, so at least we'll be able to do something productive outside.

It's just so full on all the time, and i guess i didn't expect it, thinking that the "terrible two's" was more a tantrum thing instead its an independence thing. So i guess we'll just tough it out and know that everyone's going through the same thing.

Good luck with your toddlers, may the force be with you....because we're definately going to need it :)

It is an independence thing totally, and the tantrums come when they can not BE independent :lol:
Catch 22....

Choices and involve them where you can...getting them to 'help' can cause trouble, but its so good for them.

Good luck

i try to keep telling myself that it's wonderful to have a child who feels emotionally secure enough with me that he can demonstrate the full force of his frustration in my presence. but some days i'm left wondering how my nemisis could be a very cute (mummy bias!) almost 2 year old who is less than half my height.

I recommend "the Discipline book" by Dr sears is really great too.

I find by not saying don't do that without offering an alternative seems to help a little. Eg: Instead of saying don't touch the TV say how about we play with your puzzle instead of the TV...it gives them something else to focus on rather than the 'naughty' behavior.
Lots of praise for the positive behavior.
I pick when I give a choice...I may ask do you want the teddy bear biscuit or the scotch finger, do you want the dress or the pant but things like bedtime it is a statement rather than a question...it is time for bed now instead of do you want to go to bed now.
I think if you are not going to follow through with their answer you don't answer the question...so if you ask them if they are ready to leave the park and they say no but you want to leave anyway it is better to just tell them time to go now.
I have some very frustrating days...my two girls are 11 mths apart and 2 and 3...they are partners in crime!! :rofl:

Ahhhhh Two year olds - the most stubborn people in the world hehehehe

Seriously though, what works for us is a couple of key things
***Limit the word NO until its REALLY important, otherwise it just loses impact - eg for safety issues or golden rules. We use distraction tactics constantly, 99% of the time they work a treat. You may need to physically pick up your toddler and move them (even to another room) so your distraction is effective though :)
***I find that DS is his naughtiest on the day I work from home, and the reason why is that he is trying to get my attention while I am working - he doesn't care if its positive or negative attention, he just wants it either way. To address this I find that if I just stop what I am doing, even for 5 mins and engage with him in something he is happy as Larry and will then go on about his business (and I can with mine)
***If a tantrum starts I tell him I'd like him to stop and try my distraction technique, if he continues I either leave the room or turn my back, if there is no audience there is often no tantrum :)
***Lastly (and I use this to combat DSs 'selective deafness'), get down on hands and kness and in their face when you talk to them or ask them to do something, or put your arms around them so they cant turn away and talk softly, this helps me stay calm as its hard to yell at a toddler when you are practically nose to nose hehehehehe

Ps. Toddler tantrums are completely normal, so don't beat yourself up so much :)

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Bath time here is a killer. Will not sit down, stands there crying and screaming out help help me mummy while I wash her. She used to be great, loved the bath and playing with her sister, but now tears and screaming. I hate it.

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THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for posting this.

DD1 is *exactly* the same and it's driving me mental. Total hysterical screaming for Mummy, won't sit down, howls, cries...you'd think we were trying to seriously assault her - that is what it sounds like - but no, just trying to bathe her.

She used to love baths...

my son hit terrible twos early and ive spent the last year wondering where did i go wrong? what am i doing wrong? what do i do?
his almost 3 and while we still have moments he is starting to get better
they all grow out of and i wish you lots of luck with this stage xoxo

i also used to think my son was out of control until a friend was complaining about the same things i was and realised my sons behaviour is normal
best of luck xoxo

I am so glad I found this thread! My goodness it's tough with a 2 year old and a 1 year old copying it all - will be trying out your idea's thanks everyone x