He Wants Me To Wean

DP wants me to wean DD2 and TBH i'm quite upset.
HE says it's CREEPY, it's not right and she doesn't need it anymore.
That it limits what we can do, where we can go and things like that.

I understand WHY he wants me to wean but i have tried suggesting it's 'normal' and 'natural' but he just wont buy it.
He's quite adamant i should start to wean her. :Crying:

I love feeding her, it does have it's moments and yes i would LOVE to be able to go out for a night and know she's not screaming at someone for booby.
It would be great if she would settle again over night without being attached to my boobs in my bed.

There are pro's and cons for BOTH sides of the argument and i know no-one can make a decision for me and i know he needs to feel that he CAN make decisions as her father and it's not only MY decision.

We've done so well to get this far and i would like to continue further, maybe i can try and cut out all booby during the day and still have that morning snuggle in bed.

I don't know the point of this, maybe just to get it out.

sorry, he can't say squat about breastfeeding - he can decide if she has toast or cereal, steak or chicken, but when it comes to breast milk, that's between you and her. this is one that he can't even weigh into. your boobs and your use of them to feed your daughter are totally YOUR call.

if it's related to the sexual side of things and him thinking he's missing out, tell him to grow up - you will feed for a couple of years, then he can have them back! or, here's a shocker, he could learn to SHARE!

get the details on the WHO website about breastfeeding being recommended til AT LEAST two years of age - show him that or something

Oh Hun :hug:

Maybe explain to him it is up to DD2 when she would like to stop? There really isn't anything he can say to that as if your LO wants to keep feeding then why should you or him or anyone stop her doing something that she enjoys?

Hope you guys work something out xx

My DP mentioned it was starting to look creepy when I feed DD now.

I just asked him if he was willing to get up and try and re settle her once boobie isn't an option.

He doesn't find it so creepy now! Surprise!!

If you are not ready to stop... Stand your ground. He needs to learn that sometimes we have to do things we are not comfortable with, if it is what is best for our children. And that includes letting them breastfeed as long as they want, even if he finds it hard!!!


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Creepy? that's not a very nice thing to say about your wife and child.
I hope you can work something out - it's a real shame he has this attitude.

Hugs hun how horrible a thing for him to say.

DH has a few times made comments about me still feeding DS1 but he does like the ease of give him a BF that way of course he is happy and not upset or angry so less to deal with, so that makes him see it as a good thing even thought he is not 110% supportive of it.

In the end it is your body and you and your childs decison, if you don't want to wean and DD is still keen keep up the good work.

For once it's actually NOT to do with the 'adult' side of things :rofl: although his does wish he could have them back. :p
The problem is he would be willing to try and resettle her but she wont, she just asks for booby.
He watched her so i could go to a movie last week and she sooked for ages asking for booby and i think it made him feel a little helpless.

I think i might just see how we go, i personally wanted to stop the day feeds anyway now that she can have dairy and see if we can get her having some milk or cheese etc and at one stage she was down to 1-2 feeds on her own so maybe i can get back to first thing in the morning and 1 right before bed and see how we go.

I did mention about WHO but it didn't make much of a difference :(
HE allergies were kind of a blessing in disguise but now she's got the all clear he can't see why she can't just have milk.
DD1 was off bottles by 12mths so i guess for him it's hard not being able to 'help' IYKWIM

This is your decision xoxox You do what feels right xoxox

I have 4 words for you - IT's NOT HIS DECISION!

I'm sorry but this isn't his decision at all, you are nurturing your daughter as nature intended, with the milk produced by you. Do it for as long as both you and your DD2 do it, don't stop because of his attitude.

Please can I slap your DP.

:hug: that sounds like a difficult situation hun. I'm sorry there is tension in your relationship because of how you feed your DD.

With all due respect to the PP who simply state that it's not his decision, I don't think it's that simple. Yes, on the face of it, it's totally up to you how you feed your baby and for how long etc etc and in theory I support that 100% but in reality, you have to live with his attitude and feelings about your feeding and while it's fine to stand your ground and give him no input if that's what you choose to do, I think that will only lead to more tenion/stress and that will affect you and then your daughter too - rightly or wrongly.

To me it sounds like the issue is not actually your breastfeeding your DD, it's that he feels left out and is unable to care for her in the same way as you do, because he can't feed her. I think acknowledging this could be a good first step. We are all women in this thread so far and I'm betting most if not all of us have breastfed. We have no idea what it's like to be a bloke, looking after a young child who only wants to feed when the mum is not around. I bet your DP felt totally helpless and useless and out of control and furstrated and that's not a nice feeling.

I know you're not really asking for advice and probably looking more to ventilate, but I think your DP's feelings are valid hun. It doesn't mean you should wean. At all. Just that his feelings are ok and that in a way, it's a good thing if he's feeling left out in the sense that he obviously wants to be involved and give you time out etc. I think there are hundreds of ways around this, to compromise, so that he feels involved and you don't have to wean if that's not what you and she want. There are huge benefits to both the mother and baby from breastfeeding, we all know that. The fact that he wasn't that interested in hearing about them tells me that for him, it's an emotional issue. His own. Deal with that in cooperation with him and you'll resolve the problem.

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The problem is he would be willing to try and resettle her but she wont, she just asks for booby.
He watched her so i could go to a movie last week and she sooked for ages asking for booby and i think it made him feel a little helpless.

DD1 was off bottles by 12mths so i guess for him it's hard not being able to 'help' IYKWIM

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I think this is the underlying issue for your DH - that is twice you have mentioned this - how he feels about what he can't do for your DD. Can you suggest he do something else for your DD so he doesn't feel this way? Maybe try a different approach - how about trying to say what if he wanted to give something up that he didn't - what would his reaction be & then relay to your DD & 'boobie'

GL

Thank You so much everyone, will give it a little bit and see how we go.
He's back at work tomorrow so it might not be a huge issue, i think he's wanting a little more time with her and also a little more with me (going out etc) and he knows it's hard to leave her behind.

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Creepy? that's not a very nice thing to say about your wife and child.
I hope you can work something out - it's a real shame he has this attitude.

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I agree! Im so sorry he isnt supporting you!

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There are pro's and cons for BOTH sides of the argument and i know no-one can make a decision for me and i know he needs to feel that he CAN make decisions as her father and it's not only MY decision.

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Nah, in relation to breastfeeding i don't reckon it is his decision to make. The Mum and the child are the two important people in the breastfeeding relationship.

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The problem is he would be willing to try and resettle her but she wont, she just asks for booby.
He watched her so i could go to a movie last week and she sooked for ages asking for booby and i think it made him feel a little helpless.

I did mention about WHO but it didn't make much of a difference :(

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Quoting the WHO guidelines wouldn't make much difference to me either.

Being willing to settle her, and actually doing it are different things. A few months back, i would have thought that my DD wouldn't have survived all day without me and my boobs. But due to me going back to work, and DH looking after her on those days, we found that she can survive and DH has developed his own methods of caring and settling her. If she could ask for it :lol: she probably would, but she has also adapted to how daddy does things. A few months ago, I never would have thought that DH could get her to bed but due to circumstances he had to and worked out his own way. Maybe if your DP had more time with DD, he would find his own method of settling.

if his issue is about not being able to settle her, he needs to learn how to read her and how to do things for her at other times so that she has that level of comfort with him. i still BF - both day and night if i'm around. but DH also settles DD (often). As does Mum. We "transitioned" her by me making sure she didn't always fall asleep on the boob and handing her to them to settle when she was sleepy but not asleep. i would also go out during the day and leave them to it etc. quite often if she won't settle at night i hand her over to daddy. he also puts her back in her bed after every night feed (yeah, i'm lucky on that one) - if she wakes while being moved, he will resettle her then

i haven't left DD overnight anywhere yet - and the one time i had to leave her particularly late she wouldn't settle for Mum at night, so i really can't help much with night time stuff - but day time it's worked for us that way.

Z is not quite 18 months hun - she is still rying to find her feet in the world - you'll find all kids have a preference for routine - whether that's boob with mummy, or bath book bed with either parent - the first times that is changed are the times that they WILL play up - irrespective of the method you use to feed them!

Just to add there is no guarantee that stopping feeding will change the way your DD settles, DD stopped feeding of her own accord at 21 months but she still gets a lot of comfort from the boobs, sometimes her being able to touch them is the only way. DH can settle her and could before but she is still very reliant on boobs for comfort, and to be honest I preferred it when she was feeding.

It's hard when we can't leave them for a bit aye. :hug: I'm not sure about DD, but DS has learnt how to have a pretty awesome tantrum too, just recently. Makes DH feel a bit useless too.

Thank you again everyone, i guess it's about finding a balance, DP has been home for 3mths and i think he felt bad because although she loves him and would go to him for cuddles and things she refused to stop yelling BOOBY at him while i wasn't here.
She eventually fell asleep of her own accord (in the lounge after MANY tears) but she wont even settle via cuddles for me so it would have been harder for him.
She no longer feeds to sleep unless she's ill so were lucky there but she will still often ask for booby of an evening and i think she knew she could push the bounds while i wasn't home.

DP's back at work today so will just see how we go from now on.

I remember my Dh saying to me when Ds3 was over 1 that when I was going to wean cus he was getting so big..

I brought up some websites and said he will wean when he is ready.. and my dh is right into BF but still felt I should wean until I showed him the info and said nope I will let bub self wean..

Plus I pointed out that it helped him sleep and it was easy to get him to settle if he was sad or hurt or very tired.. Hope your DH realizes the benefits

Learning to settle for someone else doesn't require weaning. It just requires lots of patience and persistence and the reassurance from you that it's OK that bub is upset, as long as Dad is there - and also the reassurance that sometimes she won't settle instantly for you either!
I hope you can find an arrangement that works for all.

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:hug: that sounds like a difficult situation hun. I'm sorry there is tension in your relationship because of how you feed your DD.

With all due respect to the PP who simply state that it's not his decision, I don't think it's that simple. Yes, on the face of it, it's totally up to you how you feed your baby and for how long etc etc and in theory I support that 100% but in reality, you have to live with his attitude and feelings about your feeding and while it's fine to stand your ground and give him no input if that's what you choose to do, I think that will only lead to more tenion/stress and that will affect you and then your daughter too - rightly or wrongly.

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:yeahthat:
:hug:
I hope you can reach a resolution / compromise.
I think you need to have a good think yourself about 'why' you feel so strongely about continuing (just as much as why he feels so strongely about you stopping). Is it emotional for you? Is it purely for the physical benefits? Try and pinpoint your own honest reasons (ie, reasons that 'really' resonate with you, not just because they are the things commonly used to defend long term breastfeeding).

If you know exactly what it is that means you want to hold onto breastfeeding for so long, then you may be able to reach a compromise with your hubby that fullfills BOTH your needs. ie, if it is purely the physical benefits, maybe expressing is an option. If it is for the closeness, maybe you can try and recreate that in some other fashion.

There is no 'right' or 'wrong' answer in regards to extended breastfeeding. Just differing (valid) opinions. And neither yours, nor his opinion is any less valid in this instance. Communication and negotiation are the keys to this. Which means neither of you are likely to get 100% what you would hope for, but hopefully a compromise can be reached where both of you can live comforrtably with the decision for the time being.

Well said ~Kaz~ and Misty - I agree with both these posts. (can't give you rep points Misty, gotta spread the love around!)

Agree with kmn that it's just a matter of working things out. Even if you did wean, it doesn't mean it will magically be easier for him. I fed DS to sleep for ages, but DH always had to do something else. Actually he got really good at settling DS and was much better at it than me (probably because he didn't have the boobs to fall back on)

I think these are two separate issues and the breastfeeding side of things is really up to you.