One small step toward better parenting

So I've been a bit of a slack Mummy lately. A bit too much TV and too few cubby houses and romps in the park. I've had a shorter fuse too thanks to a lethal combination of preggy hormones, lack of sleep and an increasingly defiant 2 yr old.

I KNOW I can do better. And when I do... when I really switch on and engage with my gorgeous girl, feed her well, show patience and empathy, switch off the TV and get down on the floor... we're all happier for it.

I get myself a bit overwhelmed with 'the things I have to do better' though. Build it all up too much in my head and then feel overwhelmed by how far I am from 'supermum' and just get demoralised. I've been thinking about trying to cut myself a break and just try to ensure that in ONE small way, I'm trying to make better parenting choices every day.

So thought I might share in case anyone else needs similar simple inspiration or resolve.

I'm talking simple things like switching off the Iphone and making eye-contact with your baby while you feed. Or sucking up the "but it's cold" and getting out there with the gumboots on for some serious puddle jumping. Or using a more gentle voice as you negotiate what will or will not be taken in the car!

So for me... tomorrow I will chat to DD in the car. We've got an hour-long drive to visit people and I tend to just turn on her music and tune-out a bit. But she loves it when we sing and talk about all the things we can see or what we've been doing. So if you see some silly lady in the traffic tomorrow making animal noises... that's me, and I'm working on my parenting ok??!!

What about you? What's your ONE little resolve for today/tomorrow?

This is exactly what I was thinking about earlier tonight actually! Morning sickness has hit me big time and it has lead me towards using certain aids more frequently than usual (TV, mostly). Luckily, I guess, we have been without our car so have had to walk to do the shopping which gets us out of the house a bunch (can't do one big shop). Car comes back tomorrow but I think my one thing will be to walk to the shops anyway, it is only 15 minutes each way, good oppurtunity for exercise and to check out the surrounds, inspiration to chat about things we see, hear and we are definitely happier people after fresh air and a stroll.

Great post :)

Great thread. And :hug: we've all been there...

Tomorrow I'm taking the kids to visit a friend and I will take them to the park at her house. Instead of sitting inside her nice warm house and having a cuppa while they play, we will brave the cold and go to the park.

Thanks for posting. I know exactly what you mean about everyone being a lot happier when you make a few small changes...

I will clear off our kitchen table and set out the ingredients, so that when dd gets home from school the three of us can don our new aprons (that they haven't seen yet) and make choc chip cookies.
I've been meaning to for ages, but tomorrow I WILL, and the cubs will be stoked.

Yaaayy!! That's exactly what I hoped to read when posting this. Not only will my DD have stimulation and good company in the car tomorrow but now I know that other kiddlets are going to be having fun in the fresh air or having baking fun!

Lara, I know I only said one thing, but I'm taking your lead and I WILL bake with DD later in the week. Sounds like great fun.

Thanks ladies. oxox

Great thread Santosha. Feeling exactly the same way myself this week, with exactly the same thoughts for change, so this came at exactly the right moment.

Tonight after DS went to bed, DD and I played Monopoly together. Just her and I. She loved it, is learning about heaps (for anyone with an older child, Kids Monopoly is fantastic!), and I had a blast too. So much so that when DH rang (he works away) I wanted to get off the phone so I could concentrate :redface:

Tomorrow I am going to preschool for the day, but for the other bits I'm going to consciously speak like I want to speak, instead of being the cranky snappy mum I have been lately.

Baking on the kitchen table is a great idea Lara! Gets a bit shovey when everyone's on a chair at the bench.

Tomorrow I am not going to rush them. I will let us all take our time :)

tomorrow im going to give my kids more cuddles with our busy schedules lately i havent really given many cuddles. i will also take more time to listen to each of the things they say and respond appropiately i have had a killer migraine for a few days and have wanted more quiet then anything.


thanks for this thread its awesome. :)

Great thread! Im with you 100%!!
For me - it will be saying "yes" a bit more to DD#1 (she's 4, and has ALOT of energy - both creative and physical!) and talking more with DD#2 (she can get a bit lost with her loud big sister around!)

A little saying has been going through my head lately too - a friend told me "Respond, don't react" so I will be trying to remember that too :)
Have a great day tomorrow everyone!!

Love this thread! :D

Tomorrow I am not going to log in to FB or BB. It's getting to the point where I spend so much time on them both that I get cranky at DD when she wants my attention. :( :redface:
So, we will go out in to the backyard and play in her cubby house, and on the trampoline...and I am going to make a conscious effort not to be such a cranky Mummy! :)

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Love this thread! :D

Tomorrow I am not going to log in to FB or BB. It's getting to the point where I spend so much time on them both that I get cranky at DD when she wants my attention. :( :redface:
So, we will go out in to the backyard and play in her cubby house, and on the trampoline...and I am going to make a conscious effort not to be such a cranky Mummy! :)

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SO TRUE!!! I will TRY to do this....but dont think i can go ALL day without just a little FB/BB time ;) :redface:

great thread, ive been trying to be a better mummy this week too,

ive been struggling with keeping my cool lately, for a number of reasons, so when im angry or loosing it at dd about something...i make sure i do it in a whisper voice...its hard to get carried away when wispering!
monday dd and i had a terrible day, lots of tantrums and tears. so tuesday morning i announced that it was one of her teddies birthdays...so all day we did birthday party things, made party decorations in the morning, hats etc. baked cup cakes. set up the party out side, had a party lunch..with cupcakes..and played party games. i even got some quiet time after cause she was so happy that she carried on playing outside with the party stuff while i put my feet up. its was a lovely day, in the garden in the sun, having a laugh!
the next day was hard thought....how do you follow a party....we made a cubby house in the end, but she was pretty keen for another party ;)

will make the effort to do something fun next week too!!

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Love this thread! :D

Tomorrow I am not going to log in to FB or BB. It's getting to the point where I spend so much time on them both that I get cranky at DD when she wants my attention. :( :redface:
So, we will go out in to the backyard and play in her cubby house, and on the trampoline...and I am going to make a conscious effort not to be such a cranky Mummy! :)

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Whata good idea!! I am very guilty of telling DS to please stop climbing on me for a cuddle coz i cant see the computer!!! So time to log out!!! But i am glad i logged in to read this thread!!!

See everyone tomorrow!! :-)

Great thread, I have been thinking the same. It's hard having a little baby sometimes and worrying about nap times and trying to get her to sleep and then when she is asleep trying to make sure DD1 doesn't wake her up. So for me I will try to relax and not worry about it. She will sleep when she's tired and DD needs me too. I will try to get out of the house once a day for a walk around the neighborhood because DD loves to explore and we could all do with a walk :)

We've awoken to a big yellow thing in the sky that we haven't seen much of lately - still cold, but it just screams 'let's go outside'.
Wake up DS2, the big sunny world is awaiting...

So how did you go Mummies? Was there baking and park visits and calm voices and logging off BB? Hope you all had great days.

Us? Unmitigated FAIL. Poor DD smacked her face on the side of the pool at her swimming lesson and remained teary and volatile for the remainder of the day - guessing she had a nasty headache or at least a sore nose. I tried being fun chatty Mummy in the car and was met with a scowl and a repeated 'music on please' until I realised that fun and engaging were not what she was after at that moment!

Ah well. There's still tomorrow. And many thousands of days after that!

Tomorrow's mission: no TV before we leave the house in the morning. I CAN get breakfast, pack bags etc with her participation, I just usually find it easier to distract her. I'm going to try hard to not get impatient and exasperated and get us out the door in a timely and CHEERFUL manner.

Oh Santosha :hug: That sounds pretty horrible. I'm sorry your day ended up not so great!

We took my heavily pg friend for a nice long walk to the park. Me and friend got a take away sandwich and coffee on the way and sat in the lovely wintery sunshine enjoying a char while DD ran amok on the play equipment and I fed DS grapes in the pram.

Then DS got out and had a little toddle about. We all loved it, I got to catch up with my friend and I even got an hour of peace when I got home after they fell asleep in the car and I managed to get them inside without waking them up!

Tomorrow... Well we have our new nanny coming over (starting back at work on Monday, boo) and I'm kicking myself out of the house so she can spend some time alone with the kids... So what can I do, hmm... Maybe spend some good time with them in the morning before nanny gets here. Yes that's a good one - I will not check FB, BB or tap zoo (ok I'm sad...) until I leave the house. We might even leave the TV off! See how we go.

I did good, no facebook or Bb til later in the afternoon while the kids were napping!!! But it was hard!!! We read stories, did drawing and played and made a big mess!! I also wasnt as narky about the house as i have been (cleaning/tidying wise) so i soent time making mess with them instead of cleaning up!!!

Tomorrow i will try to do my morning checks on FB and BB and then leave it at that again!! :-)

Santosha.. sorry to hear about your DD, poor little thing :hug:

Good luck tomorrow everyone :)

It wasn't a fail Hun. She got what she needed. (hug)

I didn't do too badly. This afternoon almost disintegrated into blerch-ness. DD is sick, DS is sick, and I'm not much better, but I don't want to be cranky......I just need to figure out the 5yo psyche.
Oh and mental note to me - don't try a new technique to battle whining when that whining is quite obviously preceding a total meltdown, and you have a sick kid who can't work through the emotions of blowing her nose let alone anything more complex...oh well, lesson learned.

Tomorrow I will continue my quest, but I'm going to try the no rushing thing to add to it.....though I may need to get DD up in about an hour lol so she isn't late for school tomorrow lol. (JK BTW)

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So how did you go Mummies? Was there baking and park visits and calm voices and logging off BB? Hope you all had great days.

Us? Unmitigated FAIL. Poor DD smacked her face on the side of the pool at her swimming lesson and remained teary and volatile for the remainder of the day - guessing she had a nasty headache or at least a sore nose. I tried being fun chatty Mummy in the car and was met with a scowl and a repeated 'music on please' until I realised that fun and engaging were not what she was after at that moment!

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Lol.. this made me smile. Don't get me wrong.. I totally understand what you mean, it's just funny (as in ironic) that so often our resolve to do things better and differently are met with a totally different reality than the one we thought we'd get! After a crazy first year with DD where I was so strung out I was often in cranky Mummy/ cranky wife mode, I found a lifeline in a book called 'Buddhism for Mothers' by Sarah Napthali. Among it's gems I've been really trying to live the question 'what does this moment require of me?' which helps when DD wants me to put the funny chicken hat on for the millionth time or sing the wheels of the bus while I'd rather be cooking dinner or checking BB!

This is a beautiful thread Santosha, thanks for starting it. My resolve for today is to really spend time playing with DD instead of setting up distractions for her to play with herself. We're going to play the piano and read some stories (it's pouring outside here and she already has the sniffles) and we're going to make a cubby house! Can't wait until she wakes up.

We did really well yesterday, we did some crafty stuff in the morning followed by a walk to the park, poor DS was disappointed there were no other kids at the playground but it got us out of the house and we had a good walk together.

Today's effort is not so crash hot thanks to a sleepless night with DS2, however DS1 is still having a good day playing with his little friend down the road, I have fantastic neighbours who r happy to take DS1 for a play and we return the favour, it's a god send on days like today!

Tomorrow will be a better day :)

This morning I have cooked muffins with DD1 and took her for a walk around the block where she collected about 100 sticks :)

We were successful... car has been delayed till Friday grr haha! Today, we are keeping the TV off. Was a rough morning because that is usually when I'm feeling the worst and had a little chuck but we managed so should be smooth sailing.. till the afternoon lethargy hits at least haha.

We did ok. I wasn't as patient as I could have been, but they were stoked.
I'll definitely do it again and look for other quick afternoon projects to set up beforehand for them, I just need to make sure dinner is sorted first.
Oh, and for the record, the biscuits we did make were so hard the kids had to dip them in milk to eat them

tomorrow, hopfully i will have shaken this cold and i wont feel like ive been hit by a bus, i promise to cut my computer time right down, and not put the tv on till playschool in the afternoon.
we picked oranges together and had a 'picnic'...read: ate our lunch in the garden, which dd loves. but i have serious velcro baby at the moment so that makes everything just that little bit harder.....shouldnt be an excuse though.

Aaand here I am again. Pregnant, grumpy and checking out. Overwhelmed by how far I fall behind my unreasonably high standards most days...

Time to find the baby steps again. Both kids are sick and it's so tempting to just dump them in front of the TV for half the day as they're utterly whingy and volatile. But will try to crack out the playdoh and paints.

Anyone else in a parenting funk?
Any clever suggestions for quiet but engaging activities for snotty preschoolers?!

I hear you, been in such a stress over finding new place to live, add in the heat wave we had, things not so good here. We're all snappy and impatient, my house is chaos of mess and half packed boxes, need to get back on track.

Great thread!! I feel like a bit of a slack mummy, morning sickness and all that add on toilet training so I don't want to leave the house.

I think I'll take DS out the back for some painting today and make an effort to get on the trampoline with him :)

Ooh great Will be following for some great ideas.

We've got swimming this morning, so Will make an effort to be organised so we don't feel rushed out the door. And hopefully we can get there a bit early so ds can play before the lesson starts.

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Time to find the baby steps again. Both kids are sick and it's so tempting to just dump them in front of the TV for half the day as they're utterly whingy and volatile. But will try to crack out the playdoh and paints.

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Sit down and watch a movie with them? Make some pop corn and have a lazy arvo together. Talk, read, watch a movie, sing some silly songs, write a story together. Just be with them and enjoy them for the afternoon. If they're not 100% well, then that will probably be all they feel like doing.



I have been a pretty disengaged parent to my 4 1/2yo DS1, particularly when DS2 is sleeping (2-3 hours a day). I kind of have no idea how to play with him...Now that DD goes to school every day, I find it hard to do things he's interested in. DD loved painting and play dough and drawing and threading. All things I kind of enjoyed and could do with a certain amount of interest (and DS1 did it all too because he absolutely idolises his big sister!).

Where as DS1 isn't so into that stuff and is off with the fairies after 10 mins of doing it. I can cope with lego and trains too, which we do often, and I think he's getting bored of, because when I asked him if he wanted to play lego yesterday, his response was...'no thanks mum, you can. I'm just gonna watch tv'. He doesn't nag me like DD does either. She would be at me all the time to do stuff with her. So now it's easy for me to not do things because he's not asking me every 5 mins to be with him. He's happy to play games on the tablet or watch tv. But I need to really cut that all down.

So tomorrow (today is pre school day!) I will engage with him. Turn off the tv and tablet and computer. Let him choose things to do and do it with him, no matter how boring, messy or tiresome I find it, because it's about him.

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Time to find the baby steps again. Both kids are sick and it's so tempting to just dump them in front of the TV for half the day as they're utterly whingy and volatile. But will try to crack out the playdoh and paints.

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Sit down and watch a movie with them? Make some pop corn and have a lazy arvo together. Talk, read, watch a movie, sing some silly songs, write a story together. Just be with them and enjoy them for the afternoon. If they're not 100% well, then that will probably be all they feel like doing.



I have been a pretty disengaged parent to my 4 1/2yo DS1, particularly when DS2 is sleeping (2-3 hours a day). I kind of have no idea how to play with him...Now that DD goes to school every day, I find it hard to do things he's interested in. DD loved painting and play dough and drawing and threading. All things I kind of enjoyed and could do with a certain amount of interest (and DS1 did it all too because he absolutely idolises his big sister!).

Where as DS1 isn't so into that stuff and is off with the fairies after 10 mins of doing it. I can cope with lego and trains too, which we do often, and I think he's getting bored of, because when I asked him if he wanted to play lego yesterday, his response was...'no thanks mum, you can. I'm just gonna watch tv'. He doesn't nag me like DD does either. She would be at me all the time to do stuff with her. So now it's easy for me to not do things because he's not asking me every 5 mins to be with him. He's happy to play games on the tablet or watch tv. But I need to really cut that all down.

So tomorrow (today is pre school day!) I will engage with him. Turn off the tv and tablet and computer. Let him choose things to do and do it with him, no matter how boring, messy or tiresome I find it, because it's about him.

DS2 and I spent 10 minutes or so on Sunday kicking a ball to each other up and down the hallway (naughty I know, but who made the rules about no balls in the house?). He was in hysterics and it took so little effort on my behalf and I found out that I actually quite enjoyed it. Then we sat down together and read books. They are so easy to please sometimes. I let so many of these "moments" pass way to my mother when DS1 was little like this. I was too busy - working, doing things I thought were important. I'm so determined not to miss out with DS2, they are little for such a short time. It is easy though to plop them in front of the telly, but I find that when I'm ignoring him (cooking, cleaning, watching telly myself or on the computer) he starts to act up. Now I save the "me time" for when he's in bed.

Love the thread!

So heartening to hear others are feeling the same and taking your own baby steps.

It's been two steps forward, three steps back today and it's only 11am. Managed some pretend play and dancing (I know, hardly sedentary but it was DDs request) but then ended up cracking it with DS as he is repeatedly hitting everyone and everything ATM and he really hurt me. Turned playschool on to try and cool off and regroup and may have left the telly on for 20 mins or so after it'd finished. Went outside with them... but got distracted with trying to multitask and pull weeds. And now they're eating an I'm checked out again on the iPad. :doh:

Hmmmm.... not ideal. But not hopeless either and I've still got room to be engaged and present as I put them to bed and throughout this arvo. Just keep swimming....