The birth of Sienna Grace - very very long!!
(This story may be controversial for some people, so please keep an open mind. Many people do not know what we went through and this is the first time I am telling it).
"Some things are worth waiting for....."
Until this moment, I hadn't really thought about writing down the birth story for my 4th child until a friend told me how she would love to read it. It is certainly a moment in my life worth remembering so here I am...I will start right from the beginning.
I am a mother of 3 beautiful little boys. Bailey 7, Samuel 5 and Joshua 3. As much as I adore my boys, I always felt myself longing for a little girl. I have a wonderful relationship with my Mum and I desperately wanted a daughter of my own to complete our little family.
So how do we guarantee a girl and could I handle having another boy?...my heart broke when I thought of having another boy. We only wanted 4 children, so this was my absolute last chance for my little girl.
2 years ago, I started researching online about 'ways to conceive a girl'. The recommendations were exhaustingly long. From timing sex to drinking bucket loads of milk and taking vitamins to change the women’s acidity. However, nothing was guaranteed and I needed a 100% assurance that I was going to get my girl. Selfish, I know...
When I was ready to give up, I came across a website that was full of mums from all over the world just like me wanting a particular sex of baby. Finally, people who understood!!! It was there that I met Kate, a Mum from Canberra going through the same situation as me. She became my rock through all of this and I will cherish her friendship forever.
Suddenly it dawned on me..there is a way to guarantee a girl. The answer was IVF.....Unfortunately Australia was no longer allowing IVF for Gender Selection, so if its what I wanted to do, I had to go overseas. My choices were either L.A or Thailand. Usually I wouldn’t even contemplate something so 'drastic', but my craving for a girl was just too strong.
So in August 2009, it all began. We met with Sydney IVF who arranged everything with our chosen overseas clinic and in September 2009, we flew overseas with our two youngest boys in tow, for egg retrieval. I am unsure of actual numbers, but we had roughly 8 fertilised eggs. 4 boys and 4 girls. The boys were discarded (a term that still haunts me to today) and one girl was unsuitable for transfer. We transferred the two healthiest girls and froze the other embryo and went home to Australia two days later to await our positive pregnancy test. Our Doctor overseas was so confident we would end up with twins because our embryos were such good quality.
So as you can imagine, when the days past and the negative pregnancy tests kept coming, I was absolutely devastated. Actually, devastated is hugely underrated. I was beside myself with grief. What happened to my baby girls? What could have gone wrong? I did everything I was suppose to do and I lost them. I blamed myself for weeks thinking constantly through the 'what ifs'. As the weeks passed, I came to accept that I may never have the daughter that I had always dreamed of. Sadly, I felt that no one really understood how I felt. I felt selfish for feeling the way I did. I had 3 gorgeous boys and should have been grateful for that.
It took another 8 months before my husband and I decided to try for another baby. I felt like I had done a lot of soul searching over the past 8 months and came to accept the fact that I would probably have another boy if I was to fall pregnant again. The odds were against me...but it was worth a try. Even that small chance that I would get a girl kept that small glimmer of hope alive.
After falling pregnant almost straight away with the boys, I was surprised and disheartened when month after month, nothing would happen. Finally after 5-6 months of trying, on my Mums Birthday, I saw that faint positive line on my pregnancy test. It finally happened!!!! I was pregnant again. My body did work!
Straight away I became engrossed in finding someone to support me in having a vba3c. From what I had heard, I knew that if I approached the hospital alone, I probably wouldn’t have much chance in convincing them that a vba3c was ok. I needed to take someone with me who was on my side and who had the knowledge of vbac's as well as the respect from the hospital itself.
I emailed several Midwives in my area, but it wasn’t until I received a reply from one particular Midwife that I knew she was the one. When we met, it felt like I had known her my whole life. She was perfect and I felt very confident in her helping me have the very best possible birth as well as providing exceptional support throughout my pregnancy. I had never once imagined that such a beautiful friendship would blossom out of our midwife/client relationship. But it did....
At 15 weeks I discovered a place in Brisbane that could determine a babies gender at 16 weeks. Oh wow...so much for not wanting to find out the babies sex until birth!! Im so impatient...I just had to know. Was it a boy or a girl.....I rang and made an appt for a week later.
On the day of the scan I felt all of my fears come back. What if it was a boy. What if I would never have my baby girl. How would cope with 4 boys. I was a mess, but I kept it in. I can do this...after all it would be a precious baby, be it boy or girl.
As I lay on the bed, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the inevitable. The lady doing the scan was lovely. She knew we had 3 boys and of course guessed that we desperately wanted a baby girl. She ran the scanner over my belly and there was our gorgeous baby. Kicking and swimming in his/her little swimming pool. We even saw it do a little wee! I couldn’t believe how much the baby was moving and I couldn't really feel it. Despite all the wriggling, our baby was not being overly cooperative in showing us their bits! The scan went 25 mins overtime. I was worried that something was wrong or maybe she was just too scared to tell me we were having another boy!! Finally she took the scanner off my belly and looked at me. I looked at her and my eyes began to well with tears. I knew what she was going to say. And there she said the words I thought I would never here....'you’re having a baby girl'. I burst in to uncontrollable tears. All the emotions of the past year and a half rolled down my face. I was having my girl....
As soon as I walked out of the office, I smsed my Midwife Natasha and my close friend Belinda,. Its a girl!!! It felt weird typing those letters...wow, this is really happening! When I got back to the car I sent a message to my Mum....'are you sitting down?'. She sent one back saying 'yes, why?' So I typed in the words, 'you’re getting a Grand daughter in May'. Straight away the phone rang and Mum said, how do you know this? I burst in to tears again and had to hand the phone to Joe. It all felt so surreal. My god, im getting my little girl!!
Over the next 4 weeks, I became sceptical. How could she be so sure at 16 weeks!? How accurate could it really be. It wasn't until my 20 week scan when the radiographer told me that she was indeed 100% girl, that I really allowed myself to go out and buy pink!
I am going to fast forward now until a few weeks prior to my birth.....
Over the past 20 weeks, I became very close to Natasha. She became my rock and liaised with the hospital for me to 'organise' my vbac. The hospital was fantastic and everything was in place.....I also decided to have my close friend Belinda as my Doula. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I had the most beautiful women supporting me. Everything was perfect and I felt safe.
A few days before my due date, my OB did a S&S to see if we could get things moving so I wouldn't go too overdue. I was booked in for a cesear on the 20th May, so we wanted to avoid that and give my body every chance possible. She explained that my cervix was soft and about 1cm dilated, so she was hoping that the S&S would get things happening. Unfortunately apart from losing a little bit of plug, nothing much happened. My body and baby just weren't ready.
My due date of the 11th May came and went. I went overdue with my first baby, so I sort of expected to go overdue again. One night not long after my due date, I started having contractions every 8 minutes that were uncomfortable enough to make me sms Natasha to let her know what was happening. Over a couple of hours they started coming every 5 minutes and we were certain that this was it. I needed to lie down for a while. It was getting late and I was really tired. I knew that I would wake up when the contractions got strong enough. The next thing I knew, it was morning and the contractions had disappeared. I was disheartened but also knew that this was my body preparing for the real thing and it wouldn’t be too far away.
Natasha and I decided that it might be time to get things moving so we combined a session of acupuncture with another S&S. That night again I had contractions that were stronger than the night before. They were coming regularly again at 8 minutes apart. This continued every night for the next week all the time stopping by the early hours of the morning. By the end of the week, I was absolutely exhausted. I had barely slept in a week. I was losing significant amounts of plug all week which kept my hopes up that my body was doing what it was suppose too.
On the 19th May (8 days overdue) and the day before my scheduled cesear, it was really time to give my body the kick up the bum that it obviously needed. I just needed to know that I had done everything that I could have possibly done to get my vbac. So after much talk, Natasha and I decided that if it were possible, we would break my waters and hope that my body kicked in to gear.
That evening Natasha came over and examined me and everything was in the perfect position to break my waters. My cervix was dilated enough that she could feel my babies head. That blew me away. Within seconds I felt the warm sensation of my waters running out of me and it didnt stop for hours. Once again, my contractions started at 8 mins apart. Natasha went home to rest as we were sure tonight would be the night. The contractions were the same intensity as before. Painful enough that I couldn't sleep through them so I just stayed up, leaning forward trying to rock my baby in to a good position as her back was slightly to the side.
I was devastated when my contractions disappeared. What on earth was my body doing to me?? What was I doing wrong? Was I not focused enough? Was I scared? In the end I just let go. I messaged Natasha and Belinda to let them know what was going on. I said I have accepted that this was just not going to happen and I would see them at the hospital in the morning for my cesear.
I lay in bed that night releasing all my fears of having another cesear. I knew I had done absolutely everything I could do to birth my baby naturally. Natasha had been amazing in helping me to realise that I had done all I could do and im am eternally grateful for that. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn’t have walked in to the hospital the next day with my head held high knowing that it just wasn’t meant to be. I was physically and emotionally exhausted and it was time to meet my baby. My precious little girl.
We arrived at the hospital at 6.30am the next morning. I was still having contractions every now and again. I remember begging my body to please just stop. Game over!....but they kept coming even up until I was being prepared for my epidural! That was the last contraction I felt....
Sadly Natasha and Belinda were not allowed in theatre with me, but having Natasha standing where I could still see her, made me feel comfortable. After everything we had been through together, I would be heart broken if she missed the birth of my little girl. I knew it meant a lot to her also to be part of this special birth.
By 10.30, I was in theatre ready to meet my baby girl. I was shaking uncontrollably due to the drugs of the spinal block, so they lay a nice warm blanket over me. I had Joe by my side and I could see Natasha peering through the window. It was time....
I lay there for almost 20 minutes while they opened my body for the 4th time. I was waiting to hear those first cries imagining what my gorgeous girl would look like. It seemed like forever, but suddenly there it was....those faint cries from my baby as she was pulled from my belly.
The curtain was then dropped and there she was. She was perfect. It was then that I heard those words again...Its a girl!! She was immediately placed on my chest where within seconds she moved her head on her own towards my breast where she latched on and began to suck. Right from the beginning she has been incredibly alert. She is a very special little soul.
So I sit here now 10 days after the birth of my beautiful daughter with her asleep on my chest as I write this down. I never want to forget this journey. I will probably add to it as I remember more, but I have reached the end of it feeling absolutely blessed. Not only because I got my much wanted baby girl, and a beautiful birth, but also because I was able to meet the most beautiful women who I hope will be in my life for a long long time.
