Hi All, I am looking for a forum where I can get tips on how to cope with my SIL being pregnant, and how I can answer ppl when they are ask why I don't have babies yet
Thanks!
Hi All, I am looking for a forum where I can get tips on how to cope with my SIL being pregnant, and how I can answer ppl when they are ask why I don't have babies yet
Thanks!
I don't know why people think they its ok to ask something like that, so my method was to just give a flippant answer, "we are still practising" or "one day".:
"I don't know - we're kissing a lot and I was always told kissing led to babies. What are we doing wrong?"
Go on - just for the look on the face and see everyone stop asking within days.
I've just started telling people we are having difficulties - if they are too rude to ask & expect some other answer, then they are in for a shock!
Welcome to BB by the way, tons of support here!
That's a classic! lol:
OK, I have personally used these following lines (a couple of them didn't go down well, but hey, these people were rude with their prodding into my personal life!)
Well, we have, like, sex 5 times a day, so I don't really know why it's not happening, and like, we try different positions (go into great detail here hehehehehe) so really I just DON'T KNOW :)
It's a work in progress :)
We'll have them when we want them :)
Stop being rude and mind your own business :)
If the person asking is a tad overweight, give your answer and then ask 'and when will you lose a couple of kilos' and the reverse if they are on the skinny side.
Hi Ladies,
Thank you for your replies, all put a smile on my face! I am heading off to my SIL baby shower in 2 weeks and I really just don't want to be there! Her family are such sticky noses and I know they will ask!
RhiChiChi, thank you for the welcome
The Fyling Butter, I hope you don't mind but that is certainly one I am going to use I love it!
HOTI - You are so right! I don't know who people think they are and why they think they have the right!
I just hope I can get through that dreaded baby shower! The thought of it makes me ill!
Thanks Again!
Hi Miss B.
Your post wasn't there before those lines are awesome, I wil be sure to use them all
Thanks Ladies. I will let you know if I get to use any of them!
You have to look after your mental health too, and if you are going through a rough bit, sometimes it can be good to make the decision to not go to the Baby Shower or other event. Among family and friends, this has happened a few times. One of my mates told the other mate that it was a bit tough at the moment and so she wouldn't make it, but hoped they all had a good time. Other times, its easier to not give a reason or say you have another event to go to. It depends on your relationship with the person and how they will react (you don't want more drama if they are a drama queen). It's an option if you want it.
take care
Hi HotI I totally agree hopefully I will have an excuse to leave early but OH THE DRAMA it would cause. She evn complains that she has put on weight since being pregnant! She drives me insane but coz she is my sister in law I kinda have to go other wise i'll be the bad one coz she is the golden child as she is pregnant! but ill keep u posted. I just feel awful but I dont want to be there.
I am so glad I found this site because I dont have a single person that understand ths feeling.
Thanks for being here and take care x
A friend of mine has suggested to me several times just to tell people we are thinking of joining a cult that doesn't allow children, I have not tried it yet but am seriously considering it for something different or to see the shocks on their faces... lol
You could always ask them if they would like you to call them ever time your BD'ing so at least they know your practicing.
Another one I like is "When the bank calls and says we can afford it"
or you could simply say "Oh are you offeringto be my surrogate".
snikkers1 I love all of those they are so many I have been trying to think of them and now I have a whole heap.
One that I like is " well actually we are both gay " I would think that would pretty much stop them in their tracks :D
Hello Ladies,
not sure if anyone is still out there.... well my SIL baby shower is next weekend and really I can't even think about it it makes me sick.. Anyone been in this situation before?
Have to be taken to hospital ten minutes before you are supposed to be heading out for a dislocated finger. That way it's a long wait for someone to pop it back in and there's nothing to "see" once you leave the coffee shop... I mean A&E.
Yep, I've been there before. I always went to the events but sometimes i think it would have been better for my mental health to stay home. Gosh I know it's hard and I had many tears before and after the event. I used a lot of deep breathing before getting out of the car and reminded myself that I should be happy for them but it's okay to be sad for me. I would often stay for a short time and be the first to leave and I always told myself if I can't handle it I can always leave by making an excuse. Sometimes I would reward myself by planning a shopping trip after the event so I had something to look forward to.
If I was overwhelmed by emotions when at the event I would take a break by going to the toilet or getting some fresh air and try and pull myself together.
The most important thing is to take care of yourself
Been there done that plenty of times to, I think it's important if it is one you really can not get out of going to to try and get yourself in the best headspace before the event easier said than done I know!! I don't really have any tips except I know over the past two years TTC I have surprised myself at the best of times coping when I did not think I would, It does not mean I did not go home after and fall apart sometimes but I still managed to keep myself together for the shower and for my friends really as at the end of the day it is not their fault we are having trouble TTC and I looked a little bit at the fact I would want them at my baby shower when it is my turn, just as they want me at theirs now.
Yep, i was there last year with my SIL. It was a horrible time. At the baby shower I tried to keep myself occupied. So helping with food etc. Anything that got me out of that room where everyone was rubbing her belly was better for me.
For the questions on when we were having kids or when we were having the next I used to tell them we had spoken about it and have decided when I turn X amount of years we were going to start trying. It was usually about 2 years away so it bought me some time without them hassling me too much.
Thank you again all of you wonderful Ladies. Serioulsy I could make an excuse but I think its probably best I keep well away from the stomach rubbing. And as its not my family only my other SIL and MIL and niece that are my family as such then it will be easier for me to leave early and not have to worry about the others. BUT if her rude family do ask me, I am going to use one or many of these excuse and lines that you have given me. Her family are the sort of people that would ask when is it your turn! They are so rude, so I think I just might be rude back depending on how I sleep the night before LOL. And its also the day I am due for AF..... Anyways I will keep you posted.
Thanks Again! Have a good long weekend
Well tomorrow is the big day! The SIL baby shower :( and just spend the whole night with her at a family function..... It is so hard especially with the bad AF pains I am suffering at the moment. Well wish me luck Gals. At least I have an excuse to leave early as I have to take my step daughter and husband to the airport as she is flying back to Sydney after a weekend visit!
Hi mrs a! Good luck for tomorrow. I used to get my mil & fil asking when we'd have kids & I kept saying when god blesses us..
Now I don't believe in god, they do.. So I'm presuming they starting praying like mad! Lol!
We lost a bub last year, so they've kept quiet but just starting asking DH if we are "practicing" and make sure we aren't using precautions.(roll eyes) They not game to say it to me cos I'll cry hehe
Tears seem to work a treat cos people get a bit scared they've broken you!!
Seriously tho, keep your chin up & use some of the examples the other ladies suggested.. People can be just so damn nosy. Good luck :)
That is absolutely fabulous!!!! I nearly wet myself laughing.:
Hi Ladies,
the Shower was OK, it started late, and I was occuping my niece and step daughter and then left at 3 so it was ok. I was just so glad I wasn't there when they opened the presents. Liviam that is so funny the saying coz I wasn't there very long no one asked lol.
Lans I think I will try the tears next time hehehe EVIL :ROFL:
Thank you for all your support love to keep in touch with you all
Glad it went OK for you MrsA - these things are rarely fun, but "OK" is fantastic news!
Thanks The Flying Butter! Yeah it was OK just... just got out in time as it was apperently time for my turn at some stoopid game lol!
Hey MrsA,
I am in the same position you are, my SIL is pregnant with her first. my DH and I have been trying for 5 years, we have 2 serious fertility probs. me endo him motility. My SIL and her DH dont spend much time together as he works away, so in the same month we went for our first cycle of ICSI they decided to try IVF. they got pregnant. We could not go through with insemination as I was too sick.
they are now 10weeks pregnant, and I am still recovering.
Even though your sisters baby shower has come and gone, I just wanted you to know that I feel for you. there is nothing harder than having to smile along with everything that is happening. if ppl ask you why you havent got kids yet tell em the truth, that will stop the questions just as fast as anything else.
good luck in the future, plse let me know how your doing.
I get scared/worried just thinking about the possibility that my little sister will get preg. SIL is preg - cope okay, but that's because I don't see her much.
What I find really hard is listening to, and reading all the negativity/complaining other people do about their children.
My BFF had her first (after 2 years TTC) in august, and has had a rough time with a colicy baby - but I'm sick of hearing her complain about how she just can't handle him screaming all the time.... to be perfectly honest I'd be happy just to have the baby. I'm making a pact to myself that I will try not to complain about my little one when he/she finally arrives!
I so resent her complaining, although I'm very happy for her and want to help/be around, I just can't bring myself to be there as much as she wants me to be.
I'm not sure she understands, although she has had her own trouble - she didn't have to start IVF, her little one was natural.
i feel crap if I am around too much, and I feel crap if I am not there.... all I want to do is just be selfish for a while and think about me. But I feel crap for being selfish... bah... hate myself sometimes. (not really - just a moment of negative headspace :P)
Hi Myturn,
I completely feel for you with what you are going through. But you know, at the end of the day you need to be selfish or you will go crazy. I had a lady at the bank the other day tell me how much she feels for me as we have been trying for so long and there she is with 2 kids she doesnt like~~~!!!!!!! WHAT THE??? Sometimes ppl just have no idea how lucky they are and its not until they are put in the same position you are in that they ever will.
Take some "you" time and dont beat yourself up for not wanting to be with with them all the time, you have your own life to lead, and your own problems to work through. you will only end up resenting them more if you just try to grin through it all.
Hope your october cycle brings you a beautiful, much longed for! baby. fingers crossed for you.
xxxx:pray:
Hi ladies anyone still here ? Well that same SIL is pregnant again!! When I was just deciding to do my first ivf. I already dis like her but now it's worst! I hate this coz once again it's going to be another Christmas of how fantastic she is coz her bits work.
Oh babe, big hugs :hug:. It must be hard to swallow, it's just not bloody fair!!!! BTW, I just re read my initial post, yikes!! I wasn't very subtle was I :redface: I don't get on with my SIL the best, and she had her little one exactly 12 months after I had my first. Anyhoo, we had to do IVF to get my DS and now we're struggling to get DS a sibling. After her son was born she swore she wasn't going to have another one, one was more than enough. We fell out for 6 months earlier this year, and when mum told her we were trying again with IVF, she decided she wanted another baby NOW. She got pg but had a m/c (so did we around the same time) and now they are trying again. I don't know how I will cope when she gets pg, we are having lots of troubles TTC. It just sucks :(
Big hug lovely :hug: