Your top 5 PAML concerns

I thought I'd start a discussion thread about your main concerns about being pregnant following a miscarriage or loss.

My 5 main concerns have been/currently are (in no particular order):

1. Reaching milestones, e.g. 12w, 18 - 20w (the big scan), 28w....birth!
2. Fear of bleeding/spotting.
3. Lack of symptoms (then having them turn into major symptoms and feeling guilty for whinging about them lasting so long)
4. Worrying that something will happen 'late' into the pregnancy or during labour/birth, i.e. that I'll suffer a late loss.
5. Feeling constantly anxious and stressed about whether the baby is ok and feeling as though people around me don't understand how it feels to be pregnant again following a loss, therefore making it hard to discuss openly.

I found myself anxious at every single scan or appointment, thinking that something has gone wrong and I haven't known it. I think I am a bit better stress-wise this pregnancy than when PG with Jacob, as I think I understand a little bit better about what to 'look' for and what's normal and what's not, but I still find myself getting stressed all the same......

I've battled a lot with feeling guilty over complaining about being sick all the time - with a lot of m/s to conquer, and then catching every bug that's flying past and having a really bad back to boot!

So......What are your major concerns? How do you handle them? Do you have coping strategies in place or a good support network to help you through?

Mine have been similar to Melinda's.

#1 is definitely having another missed miscarriage in first trimester. In both of my miscarriages my body didn't expel the baby after it died, the first was particularly traumatic finding out at my first scan at 9 weeks. Having no symptoms that this had happened makes early pregnancy very scary for me. Funny though I dont' worry about seeing bleeding because for me I miscarried both times without it so not seeing doesn't reassure me that everything is fine...if that makes sense :(

#2 a 2nd tri loss where the baby is too early for anything to be done to save it.

#3 worrying that the baby is ok generally (this was much worse with DD, finding it easier this time)

#4 late term loss - cord accident or something equally as rare and devastating :( I've known a few people online who've lost bubs with cord accidents/placental abrubtion and it was so awful.

#5 something going wrong during delivery - again this fear doesn't seem to be as paralysing this time, perhaps because I've given birth once and I remember despite all the worrying about it during the pregnancy when I was actually in labour I didn't think of it all, I just went off to a completely different headspace which was a good thing.

Interesting that alot of our fears are the same. Be good to see what others say.

Experience has made this pregnancy a bit easier on my head, I know what's normal and what's not. I also got a doppler straight off this time because it helped me enormously with DD. But again I'm not finding I'm using it as much.

My fears are:

1) Reaching 12wks and not knowing i have lost the baby again.
2) Reaching each milestone - you think it gets easier but it doesn't
3) Ultrasounds and appt's - I stress so much i get ill from it all.
4) Not having any pregnancy symptoms.
5) Then not getting the baby out in time as i get pre-eclampsia towards the end of my pregnancies.

My list can go on a bit longer. I think talking to others that have been through it also helps but you still get days where what ever anyone says you still only believe how you are feeling at the time.

I suppose mine was a little different because I knew the moment I was in trouble as prev pregnancys my waters broke unexpectantly at 16 and 20 weeks
1. First ultrasound that was to determine whether 1 singleton or 2. 2 meant that pregnancy was to be aborted by medical advice

2. Bleeding or increase wetness either meaning that waters were breaking

3. Lack of movements

4. Too many movements on cervix possible stitch rip

5. Having another delievery and D&C and waking up being told they had to do a hysterectomy

This list could go on forever
Bec

1. Finding a non viable pregnancy at the first scan.
2. Bleeding in any way
3. Some sort of heart abnormality/ congenital condition remaining undiscovered before the birth, resulting in injury or death of the baby.
4. My body not supporting the baby in some way, resulting in injury or death of the baby.
5. The feeling that everyone around me has little understanding of the stress and uncertainty that I go through, that I am in this alone, that I, in some way ASKED for the stress because I CHOSE to go through another pregnancy.

I will always worry that I will have to walk away from the hospital with wmpty arms, even after having a successful pregnancy after loss.

This list could go on and on and on as every single day of this pg I have some concern or another. You get over one hurdle and seem to find another thing to worry about! (sound familiar)

1. Having another early m/c +/or not seeing a HB at 6w scan

2. Absolute terror every time I had bleeding (which was many times). Then the dreadful wait during scan for someone to tell me things had all gone horribly wrong - suprisingly, Bumpy has come through every time strong as ever. Praying that continues untl birth

3. Fear that 12w or 19w scan would show up some abnormality requiring amniocentesis or reccomendation of termination - something I really don't know if I could do.

4. Worry over cervical incompetance or that my body will fail this baby in some other way which i cannot actively control. I feel (maybe irrationally) that if anything goes wrong it will ALL be my fault.

5. Constant nagging worry that Bumpy will still die before or during birth. That something so wonderful as a healthy, live baby is just too much of a miracle for me to deserve

1 Blood, even a tiny drop scares the wits out of me.

2 The morning sickness stops, yes nobody seems to believe me that this is a sign that it's another loss *sigh*

3 If I can just get past that 12 weeks than I'm right!

4 Hearing the worst words ever "Non viable pregnancy" :crying:

5 Having to end up in Gosford Hospital , I cant stand it anymore! the whole process, having to wait around for hours to see the doctor and than come back the next day for a D & C.

in no particular order:

1. having another missed m/c
2. these cramps i have been having are scaring the hell out of me
3. going for first scan and finding no heart beat like last time
4. something going wrong during the birth
5. making it to 12 weeks and then have something go wrong.

1. that the diminished soreness in my breasts means the pregnancy is over
2. that the terrible cramps that presaged the ghastly experience of a miscarriage last April appear
3. that the early scan (in a fortnight) finds no heartbeat
4. that even if I do make it to week 12, my tests reveal Downs syndrome or some other chromosomal issue/s
5. that something else will go wrong

gosh I am sure I can name a million worries

1. top is baby is in right spot not in tube
2. waiting for h/b
3. making it to 10 weeks and not be told bubs has passed
4. then we have to get thru 12 week scan to know if bubs is healthy no anecephaly
5. then to make it to fullterm
6. then pray labour/c-sect goes ok and baby is AOK at birth

my 1st pg was ectopic, 2nd ended due to anencephaly picked up at 20 weeks, 3rd missed m/c, 4th m/c @ 10 weeks no symptoms with either m/c Jack we got to 28 weeks then in the next 11 weeks spent 17 days out of hopsital or in our own town rather than be flown out to brisbane, rockhampton and townsville :( then during labour jack went into distress, and c-sect performed where he nearly required ventolation :(

I am currently 6 weeks pregnant after having 3 miscarriages over the past 2 years.

My top five concerns would have to be
1. having another miscarriage
2. not detecting a strong heart beat at my first scan
3. bleeding
4. loss of pregnancy symptoms
5. cramping

Right now I am trying to stay positive but it's tough.:pray:

Hi, I am 22 weeks tomorrow and my #1 scare is having a another baby with a deadly heart defect,
The worst part of it all?
I know what can happen and can only hope it doesn't.
Starr

1. M/c again
2. bleeding
3. cramping.
4. making it through the milestones only to find out that there is something wrong with the baby
5. still born..

* Reaching milestones, e.g. 12w, 18 - 20w (the big scan), 28w....birth!
* Fear of bleeding/spotting.
* Worrying that something will happen 'late' into the pregnancy or during labour/birth, i.e. that I'll suffer a late loss.
*Still born

I have now reached 17wks and am feeling flutters of movement, which is amazing.

I went through unbeleivable stress and panic in the early weeks thinking 'Is it going to happen again. Am I strong enough to do this'. What saved me, and possibly my babies life was seeing a hypnotherapist who specialises in hypnobirthing. I first saw her when I was 6wks and walked away from the session with hope and a sense of peace. I went for my first ultrasound the next day and rather than being scared, I was totally calm. Seeing the beginnings of my baby and learning that this time there was a strong heart beat was the greatest news I could get.

The last few months have not been without a few stressfull moments or feelings of panic but for the most I have been more calm and content than I have ever been in my entire life. This time around when I felt cramps and twinges, had my pregnancy symptoms disappear for a few days (breasts no longer full and tender and no morning sickness), rather than going into melt down I have just felt a sense of faith that I am feeling what I am meant to and that everything is going to be ok.

And thankfully... so far everything is, and I am so grateful.

My top ten fears are:
1. bleeding
2. blighted ovum discovered at scan after spotting scare
3. missed miscarriage, after symptoms disappeared and spotting began
4. horrible cramps and bleeding before D&C was scheduled to take place
5. waiting in the maternity ward for a D&C and then being returned there for recovery
6. fear at every scan that there will be no heartbeat
7. high risk due to my age at NT scan
8. lack of movement after getting movement
9. constant fear of late miscarriage or stillbirth
10. genetic abnormality, such as di George syndrome (my sister had this with her last baby)

Nearly 24 weeks pregnant and I still can't bring myself to prepare for the arrival of this baby due to these fears. I just can't believe it's really going to happen.

1. spotting/bleeding
2. Lack of strong symptoms
3. Seeing empty sac at first u/s
4. Seeing no hb at second u/s
5. Fear that once I do finally make it past the first tri I will fall over or have some sort of accident that will harm the baby

my top 5:
1. Down's or some other genetic abnormality due to my age and poor quality eggs.
2. having to do something about the above.
3. not being able to conceive again due to age, pcos, and just plain leaving it too late.
4. poor genetics from DF - he is adopted and has no family history other than knowing his birth parents had to give him up due to alcoholism
5. my family not accepting my pregnancy

Hi all, this is my first post - not sure how it all works! I have decided to join as I am now pregnant after having had 4 previous miscarriages. I am only 6 weeks pregnant, but am worried about
Another miscarriage
suffering the cramping and intense pain again

not good news, girl!! have you been to your GP?

Yes have seen gp and have a good ob - he saw me today and referred for a viability scan by my obstetrician - what does that mean?

:

---

Yes have seen gp and have a good ob - he saw me today and referred for a viability scan by my obstetrician - what does that mean?

---

basically they are just going to check how your little one is doing...whether it has implanted well, and if there really is a foetus in the sac. with your other four m/c, what sort of treatments did you get? has your GP ordered blood tests to see what's happening?

1. Another miscarriage
2. A chromosonal abnormality (caused by my age)
3. A MC caused by CVS
4. Another traumatic birth (I had 3rd & 4th degree tearing)
5. Having forceps again

hey there, hope my girl...we're belly buddies!

My fears so far from begining to now.....

1. another missed m/c
2. A problem with organs or any other abnormality
3. Growth problems
4. Something-anything new and different to go wrong to add my long list of losses
5. stressing too much about stressing
6.labour starting- due to c sections and previous placental abruption i am petrified that if labour starts something will go wrong
7. waking up from theatre and being told another baby did not make it
8. I hate not feeling comfortable about talking about previous pregnancies with some people- i HATE people who assume because i have no children means i have never been pregnant before- or made it this far before (32 weeks)
9.Getting my precious baby home- and then loosing him to SIDS or an accident of some sort
10. That something little will be wrong that the drs dont pick up on in time- which causes me to loose again

Umm, i could keep going, but thats basically it for now

Hi Karan - looks like Monday was a big day for both of us!! Congratulations, sista :)

Well I am finding myself always concerned. I am only 5 weeks pregnant right now but it is so scary. You see I got pregnant right after my miscarriage in October. It was an early miscarriage only around 6 weeks but it was still scary. I am so young and this is my first time being pregnant. I used to think it was going to be so exciting but now all I do is worry. My last pregnancy's (miscarriage) hcg level only went as high to 40 and I didnt know that was bad then. Also I have whats called a SubSeptate Uterus and my doctor said its been known to cause preterm labor or breech babies. This time around at exactly 5 weeks my hcg level is 1332. Which I heard is really good. I have all the pregancy symptoms such as, sore breast, nausea, vomiting, insomnia, constiaption, fatigue, and of course heartburn. So I guess this forum is just nice to hear. Because it is scary to be pregnant after a miscarriage. You dont get to be oblivious to the negative parts of pregnancy, in fact you are all to aware of them.

Hi,

I was late by a few weeks and got a double kit pregnancy test, I tested at night time and came back negative, I tested the next morning and came back positive! That day I also started bleeding. I was very confused and booked in at the docotors for another pregnancy test and spoke with the nurse. She said I was pregnant and told me all the things I needed to do and said if my bleeding gets heavy or sore to call them. The bleeding continued over the weekend and I booked in to see the Dr but couldn't see him until that Friday, after a very long week of not knowing I saw him and was sent to get some blood tests to determine if I miscarriaged. I then recieved a phone call saying I had :( . It's now been 6 weeks and I havn't recieved my period, I have been getting cramps the last 2 weeks and thought it was all just because of the MC but then.......I had breakfast and almost through it up and thought I better do another test which has come back POSITIVE??????? This is the first time of being pregnant and it's been an emotional rollercoaster I am so confuse and don't know what's going on? I've booked in to see the Doctor Wednesday........is it normal to cramp?

I have so many things floating in my head right now.
Each test is like another hurdle jumped over. Innocently each time I have thought that we were threw the worst, that innocence is gone and I am a true realist now.
My concerns now are
1. Seeing a strong healthy heart beat at our scan in just under two weeks
2. Getting through until the 12 week scan and seeing bub healthy etc
3. I will worry about everything else until I have them in my arms.....and then its new worries to contend with
:crossfingers:

So,I am pregnant for the 6th time, after 4 angels previously.

1-5 greatest fears this time:
1. Having to miscarry at home, giving birth to a first trimester baby on my toilet because the hospital won't admit me if it all goes wrong again.
2. Having to make the decision to allow doctors to remove a baby while it is still growing (if I have a heterotopic pregnancy).
3. Molar pregnancy
4. Miscarriage of any kind.
5. My father being right when he said if this one doesn't turn out I should stop trying because the miscarriages are affecting my health and therefor making me not able to properly look after DD.

Plus loads of others. But at this moment, today, they're my top 5.

Hi all,

I'm pregnant again after too too many late losses. I can really relate to what everyone here is going through - I feel a bit like I'm missing out on 'enjoying' the pregnancy because I'm busy being paranoid about every little muscle twitch, and Googling all the medications I have to take to see if they have been "proven" to prevent it happening again. I don't have five worries - just one: that I'll lose this little bub. So far I've made it to the 6 week scan, the 7 week scan, the 8 week scan, the 9 week scan... so far so good. I'm also on some medications that will apparently make my chances better (wish they had worked that out earlier).

I think that only another pregnant woman who has experienced miscarriage/s can understand the level of paranoia we are all experiencing. That must be why these forums work ;)

Top 5 worries:

(1) That the next ultrasound will show no hb.
(2) That there will be some issue with my cervix and I'll have a late loss.
(3) Every little muscle spasm or tiny cramp (which can, Podgy, be normal - my obstetrician told me some cramping is ok as long as it's not regular or strong and not accompanied by bleeding)
(4) That after I stop the progesterone something will go wrong and my body won't make enough or something
(5) That me or the bub will get some kind of haemorrhage (I'm on heparin)

GOOD LUCK ladies. I hope your bubs stick, and that your worries are unfounded ;0

I'm 6 weeks pregnant after miscarrying September 2009 at about 7 weeks :shakehead:.
I am now battling anxiety with every new day. Some days are better than others but my endless thoughts seems to take over far too easily. The below Top 5 concerns may seem like I am not excited about being pregnant - I am. I just don't know how I will bare the pain of going through another miscarriage.

Here are my top 5 concerns:

#1 - A missed miscarriage - I am scared to death the same will happen as last time. I had no idea that I had had a missed miscarriage although I did comment to my yoga teacher that I didn't feel pregnant anymore.
#2 - Not feeling pregnant anymore - reduced symptoms e.g. reduced tiredness, reduced tightness in abdomen, reduced breast soreness and on and on.
#3 - Telling friends and family and then having another miscarriage - I know that friends and family will be excited for us but I can't be excited because I am so convinced that something will happen. I also don't want to explain to others including those at work that I have had another miscarriage.
#4 - Anxiety - I am finding it difficult not to think about what has happened in the past and can only think about the negative things that could happen in the future. I'm sacred my anxiety will have an effect on my pregnancy.
#5 - Going for my early ultrasound this Frideay coming and seeing no heart beat.

Thanks for listening xx

hi matilda,
I understand completely how you feel, I had a m/c october 2009 and am now 6 weeks.i had a healthy baby at my 6 week scan with the m/c around 8 weeks i stopped feeling pregnant everyone told me its ok it was just my morning sickness had passed and thing were fine, well at my 12 week mark i started bleeding and the hospital told me i was fine it was just an implantation bleed go home rest well sunday at 3am all hell broke lose. Cant face going through the details . but i was traumatised i spent a week in hospital, And they did tell me the baby was only an 8 week size.

my 5 top fears would be
1. carrying a baby that has passed and know body helpping me, ( freaks me out that i carried that baby for 4 weeks after).
2. losing a baby in the toilet again ( something i will never forget ) and then going in to full contractions.
3. Getting passed 12 weeks and something going wrong.
4. The though of feeling of what wrong with me , what could i have done, what did i do wrong, and maybe i could have done? and the anger i felt.
5. Feeling that if this happens again, how do i pick myself up and the fear that ill be to scared to try again.

New here-- but feeling like I want to chime in--

My top five worries:
1. That I will have another missed miscarriage and show up for an ultrasound and hear "there is no heartbeat."
2. That I will get another stupid UTI infection and freak out over the drugs given to me.
3. That I won't be able to "enjoy" pregnancy or an emotional bond because of the fear of #1
4. That I will ingest something that is laden with icky bacteria and cause some problem.
5. That I will have another pre-miscarriage dream/nightmare, which happened the 1st time around

:shakehead::shakehead::shakehead:

#1: Another missed m/c - I knew something was wrong for 2 weeks last time and no one listened to me.
#2: Losing my pg symptoms again
#3: Doing everything different this time (being calm, not worrying too much, cutting down instead of cutting out caffiene etc) and still losing the baby
#4: Going to my ultrasound next week and still seeing no HB
#5: Never getting to see a HB

Well, firstly I have to day all you BB ladies are very brave, and your stories DEFINATLEY help others!

I am sad that I am having to post on this particular forum topic, but I am very proud to be amongst others who will understand what it's like and help ourselves overcome these hurdles, until we have healthy bubs!

My top five worries/fears/wishes ~ now post blighted ovum
1. To be disappointed, and not enjoy the next pregnancy, because I'm scared it wont be a good one again. The stress of knowing things too early, analyzing every little thing and trying to work out what my 'normal' is!
2. To disappoint DH, as he is the most wonderful, supportive, patient man, who also so wants to be a parent. As much as we both know we couldn't have done anything to make our bubble grow, I can't help but shake the feeling it's my dodgy bits that didn't make bubble grow : (
3. When the next BFP appears, the anxiety & emotions just go away, and my naïveté creates a blissful, boring but healthy pregnancy!
4. Overcoming pangs of sadness, to be happy for others who are pregnant, or just had a bubs. I just hate making others feel bad or make them feel as though I need their sympathy.
5. That I won't be able to get pregnant again - for all unreasonable reasons imaginable.

Thanks for reading ladies, it's helps get it off my mind!