is it inappropriate? childcare teacher comment

Hi all,
my DD childcare teacher approached me yesterday and advised me that my DD is too active, rude and can't finish a task because she wants to jump to the next one. The comment that hurt me the most was "I have a kid with ADHD that sits still more than your daughter". While I appreciate her review and I would have appreciate some advice on how to improve her behaviour, I didn't like the comparison. I think she could have told me that she was suspecting ADHD in my daughter or that she needs my daughter to be monitored better, but I just didn't like the comment.
To tell the truth my daughter DOES get bored easily. On the other hand if she likes the task she will complete it with great results!
After reading articles about ADHD I think my DD has most of the symptoms but so did I at her age... It looks like a normal CHILD behaviour to me. I had no problems graduating from university, but when I had a chance in life I DID choose what interested me instead of having to sit through boring classes.
I still get bored easily and need lots of stimulation (like constant learning, not just sitting doing a repetitive job. Does it mean that I have ADHD?).
By the way my DD is everything but rude. The teacher said she was rude because she said she didn't want to do what the teacher said. I asked my DD and she said it was too easy and boring, so she wanted to do something different. "Mum, it is always the same. I know the colors, I know the shapes. I wanted to write numbers instead"
I will concentrate on doing activities with her at home and teach her to sit still and complete the activity even if boring and easy, but I feel like if she needs more challenges. Last night without being told, she sat at her little desk and did puzzles and link the dots games for 20 minutes. no need to tell her to sit down and finish it.
so I wonder...
thanks

Does sound like a bit of a flippant comment to me which was a bit out of line. If it was me I would seek to discuss it a bit more formally with her rather than in passing. If she does have 'real' concerns then they should be discussed with you. But by the sounds of things it seems a bit more like a winge because your daughter requires her to work a bit harder because she's interested in things that may be a bit more advanced than the rest of the group.

But that said, it doesn't hurt to discuss it further. Was this teacher the room leader? If not, I would be raising the comment with the room leader and looking for their perspective. If they are the room leader then I would probably seek a meeting with them and the centre director to explore it further. I suspect that there are processes that should be followed if teachers have concerns about a childs development and to me this doesn't seem like the right way to go about it.

Anyway, that's just my perspective. HTH

^^ I agree with all of this. Sounds like the teacher can't be arsed providing your DD & possibly other kids with more stimulating tasks to do. All kids are different & she needs to be able to cater for that.

Really inappropriate and much of it (including the way she works with your daughter) doesn't say great things about her teaching. Is she actually a qualified teacher??

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I suspect that there are processes that should be followed if teachers have concerns about a childs development and to me this doesn't seem like the right way to go about it.

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There are. And no, this isn't it.

I am a teacher and this is a totally inappropriate comment. Just a thought - do you know if the childcare teacher is a "teacher" because she may not even be a teacher with teaching qualifications which makes it even more inappropriate for her to be saying that. I would set up a meeting with the supervisor and ask them to clarify. A lot of childcare workers call themselves teachers. Doesn't mean they aren't great with kids but they havent got the study behind them to make statements like that. The teacher shouldn't even be bringing up stuff about another kid having ADHD as its confidential and it has nothing to do with your child.

I also think the comment was completely inappropriate. What your DD is doing is actually not all that uncommon in classrooms - she is understimulated. It doesn't sound to me like she is being naughty or defiant, it sounds like the teacher isn't working to her level and actually, it is the teacher's responsibility to be find activities that are stimulating enough for her. It is a struggle that lots of teachers face - having activities for kids that can already do the work that you are teaching - but while I was teaching, it was very much my own responsibilty to have 'extension activities' for kids that could do the work very quickly.

I wouldn't be too quick to rush into a diagnosis of ADHD. She might just be a quick learner and need lots of extra stimulation. It's a good thing, she just needs to be in an environment which can manage her properly. I think ADHD gets diagnosed too fast when it is just that kids need more activities to their level because understimulation and overstimulation can cause the same behaviours as ADHD.

It is also possible that the ADHD kids in the class sits so still because s/he is drugged up to their eyeballs. I have seen kids on ritolin and it isn't nice. They keep the drugs at certain levels and because they stop being effective over time, the dosage gets ramped up on a regular basis. Some of the kids, once they start taking it, act like they have had a labotomy. It is really sad because they stop interacting with the outside world to a large degree. I would be really dubious about meds too and if your DD does turn out to have ADHD (which sounds unlikely to me) definitely try diet modifications and only go for meds as an absolute last resort.

I am a Director of a centre and if one of my staff approached a parent and said those things I would not be very pleased at all. I would be speaking to the Director of the centre about it.
If the Teacher does suspect ADHD or something along those lines (as childcare workers we are not qualified to make that diagnosis), there are many different ways to approach it, my question is did she offer you any support or talk about working with other agencies to get your child assessed? As there are processes that need to be followed, or was she just having a bit of a rant about the behaviour and if she was that is inappropriate to, I would raise your concerns with the Director. Maybe also ask about what observations they have taken on your child and how they are catering for her interests? I would be curious to see what they are actually doing if anything to get her interested in various activities and if they are catering for her abilities.

It's really quite a strange thing to say to a parent - especially the use of the word kid - not professional at all. Every child is different, while she may not be as focussed in certain areas, she might excell in others, it's very wrong to use such a comparison. Perhaps DD is actually bored and needs more stimulation - is she close to being old enough to move up to the next room - maybe a change is what she needs and new and more stimulating activities, etc.
My staff only every address concerns to parents in a very tactful way and not without passing by me what they are concerned about first. Eg. GL had a concern a child in her group may not be hearing clearly, so she asked how she should adress it to Mum - in a tactful and polite manner.
Thing is, my staff are all anti using drugs for 'controlling' behaviour - so we'd never go down the I think your child has ADHD and needs medication path... I suppose it depends on the individual staff members convictions.

Can I just comment as a mother with a child who has ADHD (who is unmedicated btw)...

Children and adults with ADHD often are not defiant or "naughty".

Also, Ritalin (and similar) is not used to "control behaviour". It is used to rectify a physiological imbalance, much like a diabetic uses insulin. If it is prescribed and administered correctly by a specialist paed, children/adults will not be "lobotomized" by it. Ausgirl I am not sure what you mean by your centre being "anti-medication" but I wonder if you take the same stance with a child who is epileptic or has cystic fibrosis???

Titti, my advice is, if you are concerned about your DD, take her to a paed. If you are concerned about the childcare worker, make a complaint to the Director.

Best of luck :)

N2L - I probably didn't explain that properly - I was not saying kids with ADHD are defiant or naughty, that was kind of a seperate point entirely and not mistaking the behaviours for being those things either :)

N2L - that probably didn't actually come across right, and anti might have been the wrong word to use (but if you re read, I did saying medicating to control behaviour). My staff are more on the approach of - working with parents and professionals to develop and find strategies to help a child with 'behaviours' prior to going down the medicating path - diet, being a big one rather than going straight to the medicating solution. Eg - We've seen cases of children being given certain medications and just being so sleepy or totally 'out of it' and not their usual selves, which is not obviously what the objective should be (and parents not actually concerned that their child is like that). Obviously that's not always going to be the soloution and we work with the parents however we need to.

And of course we aren't going to say no to any necessary medication, for any situation.

I can't believe the teacher said this in those words. I would be quite hurt & disgusted if my DD's teachers said that to me. I would say your DD needs more activities & that the teachers should be supporting this & encouraging further learning & development. Definintely chat to one of the Senior Staff or Centre Director about this. While the teacher concerned may not have meant anything by it, she still should choose her words much more carefully when discussing other people's children. I hope the centre is able to resolve / address this appropriately for you. Good luck with it!

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I am a teacher and this is a totally inappropriate comment. Just a thought - do you know if the childcare teacher is a "teacher" because she may not even be a teacher with teaching qualifications which makes it even more inappropriate for her to be saying that. I would set up a meeting with the supervisor and ask them to clarify. A lot of childcare workers call themselves teachers. Doesn't mean they aren't great with kids but they havent got the study behind them to make statements like that. The teacher shouldn't even be bringing up stuff about another kid having ADHD as its confidential and it has nothing to do with your child.

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I find this a very arrogant thing to say when there are plenty of directors and room leaders out there of small services who aren't teacher trained. Are you implying that you need a degree to talk to parents about a problem? just because that child care worker or teacher handled the situation very unprofessionally has nothing to do with their qualification. I understand as a teacher you might feel put out by others being called this but at the end of the day we are all teachers just with different qualifications or less pieces of paper. (btw i'm diploma trained)
The situation was handled very poorly and i would set up a meeting with the room leader or director to discuss your child.

Sorry, Crystalwings....I am with Erybery on this one, if you are going to call yourself a "teacher" you should have a Bachelor of Education.
I am not a teacher, or educator of any description, but I strongly feel teachers have earned the right to call themselves that through working for a degree in education.

It's more than a piece of paper.

ETA: I should say, that a childcare worker/director should bring up any concerns they have about a child with a parent. They are certainly in a position to comment given the child is in their care.

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Can I just comment as a mother with a child who has ADHD (who is unmedicated btw)...

Children and adults with ADHD often are not defiant or "naughty".

Also, Ritalin (and similar) is not used to "control behaviour". It is used to rectify a physiological imbalance, much like a diabetic uses insulin. If it is prescribed and administered correctly by a specialist paed, children/adults will not be "lobotomized" by it. Ausgirl I am not sure what you mean by your centre being "anti-medication" but I wonder if you take the same stance with a child who is epileptic or has cystic fibrosis???

Titti, my advice is, if you are concerned about your DD, take her to a paed. If you are concerned about the childcare worker, make a complaint to the Director.

Best of luck :)

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I too am a parent with a child with ADHD, but he is on meds, due to his uncontrollable nature andextremwly aggressive behavior..
Hun I too have been in your shoes last year my son was physically assaulted by a teacher who had simply had enough of my son, before being diagnosed I might add, and picked him up and threw him on the floor because he wouldn't "snap out of it", before this we had tried to figure out ways to get him to relax and participate including moving him up to the big kids, but nothing was enough, after this we pulle him straight out and also reported them to the dept. And to the police..
He then went to another childcare and he was expelled sue to them not being able to handle him, he was diagnosed then and were made fully aware of his diagnosis, and after they had had enough they informed me unless he settled and was medicated they would have to kick out foe the safety of other children.
I never took him back due to her comment! But Thry proceed to tell people they expelled my son.
He is now in another care, an they are wonderful!! They help him in everyday possible, they also have an aide come for 5 hrs a day 1 day a week to help him out.
They even help me with his meds and also any other concerns I have.
My point being knowing how rude and very abrupt they can be it is shocking an sometimes makes you think your paying someone to tell you your child isn't there type.. So therefore you do something about it while I sit and get paid to look after your child.
I too, agree with N2L what I consider a teach and a child Carr worker are two different things and are two different areas of work.
So I don't think that a child care worker is a qualified trained teacher, don't mean to offend but it's not exactly the same thing.
I would approach the director and demand that someone tell you exactly hat is going on and whAt they plan to do to help your child reach her full potential? And also If you think she has ADHD see your gp, they can give you alot more detailed information and a referral to see a professional.
Your dd deserves to be treated with respect and compassion she is a child and can not be held accountable for hat this lady does and doesn't want her to do.


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i just wanted to clarify that while i don't say i'm a teacher and refer to myself as a child care worker or say i'm a room leader or i work in early childhood. I just don't think you have to be a teacher to be able to talk with a parent about an issue with their child. At our centre normally untrained staff refer parents to trained staff or if there was an issue with a child where we thought extra outside assistance was needed we would go to the director. That being said sometimes untrained staff have broached these subjects when they have a sound rapport or strong connection with a particular family.
The children refer to us as teachers though as opposed to carers as i guess they don't understand the heiracy of the people caring for them.

I didn't mean to offend any childcare workers (however when I wrote that I knew someone would complain!). Childcare workers have an important job to do and I know they can have a very strong connection with families and should definetly be in family meetings if required as they often know that child best. I certainly don't feel put out by a childcare worker saying they are a teacher, and I realise the children don't give a hoot for the positions people are in, they just want someone who cares for them.
A trained worker whether teacher trained or childcare worker should have know that is an inappropriate comment to make.

^ Ditto!

So I didn't read the other posts but...

Yup, I think the teacher was out of line. If she is concerned about DD's behaviour, she can at least express her concern tactfully. Its just poor form and plain rude to say something as hurtful as that your kid is more badly behaved than one with a diagnosed condition!

Also - It sounds to me like you just have a highly intelligent child! My cousin is very similar and now at 15 still refuses to do things that aren't challenging enough. He used to get into trouble in primary school for completing his homework in class after completing the classwork much faster than his classmates. He was also described as rude for questioning his teachers in late primary/early high school - and by questioning I mean he knew something more about the topic and asked a question outside of the lesson plan. I went through the same thing though I'm not quite as brainy as my DC, and so did DH. I think you will need to keep an eye on her because highly intelligent kids are often misunderstood by their teachers (as your DD seems to have been), or have learning styles that differ greatly to the norm (favouring kinaesthetic and tactile activities) so they get told they have a 'learning disability' when in fact it is not the case, so their education can suffer if they don't have the right support from both their teachers, and their parents.

But yeah, I think you're just very lucky that your DD has been blessed with some serious brain power! Get her an IQ test when she's a bit older and I'll bet you'll be pleasantly surprised :D

I have to say that I wouldn't immediately be thinking ADHD either. I agree with it sounding like your DD is understimulated and I would wonder if she is gifted or something like that. An under-stimulated child looks a lot like a child with ADD.

I think it's important that the carer has spoken to you so you are aware of what is going on, but I think she has chosen her words very poorly. I too would be talking to the director. I think you also need to look at what the centre is prepared to do for your child to see if things will improve. Some kids need more challenging tasks, some need to be moved up at an earlier age than other kids. The centre should be flexible in finding something that will work in this situation.

I hope that things end up working out.

Hi all, sorry for the late reply, I had some computer problems...

The teacher is the daughter of the owner/director of the centre, so there is not much point talking to them. On the other hand, apparently DD has "improved".
The carer/teacher has noticed that when DD sits with other 2 children becomes more disturbing and active and loses concentration easily.
She separated the 3 children in different groups and got great results. On the other hand my DD has shown great initiative by suggesting new activities (I guess the teacher started to listen to her complaints).
I am amused at the "homework" (as my DD calls the work she does at home, by herself, without being prompted) she does after childcare. She sits on her little desk and create new collage, drawings with different techniques or trying spelling new words. She has recently started to play a game with me of adding and subtracting. She will be in kindy next year so hopefully she will enjoy her time there.
THanks to all of you for your support.
x

She sounds more like an Excitable. Check out 'Living with Intensity' before you run off down the ADD/ADHD route.

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Gifted children and adults are often misunderstood. Their excitement is viewed as excessive, their high energy as hyperactivity, their persistence as nagging, their imagination as not paying attention, their passion as being disruptive, their strong emotions and sensitivity as immaturity, their creativity and self-directedness as oppositional. This resource describes these overexcitabilities and strategies for dealing with children and adults who are experiencing them, and provides essential information about Dabrowskis Theory of Positive Disintegration. Learn practical methods for nurturing sensitivity, intensity, perfectionism, and much more.

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