Opening something for your child/ren to eat whilst shopping?

So, don't know if this is the right spot but just had a discussion/disagreement with my DH over this subject he heard being discussed on the radio today.

The question was, "what do you think of opening up something for your child to eat whilst out food shopping"?

Do you care, don't you care etc & so on.


I said "whatever, I don't care", "you are going to pay for it anyway, it is a food shop" FWIW I always take snacks but have been caught short & opened something on occasion. Also for a while DS1 would request a small milk drink, we would put in the trolley but not let him open til we paid. Anyway, as a Mum I am not at all fussed....

But..

Some guy rang in & said it's totally wrong, you need to teach your child self control. Just because they want it they can't have it. (this is where we disagreed)

What does everyone else think?? Just interested in general opinion.

Personally, no I don't. Well when I used to go to a supermarket to shop that is ;) But have no issues with families that do.

If my kids wanted something, be it a drink or something else. I would say that they could have it but could not eat/drink it until it was paid for. To me it just feels wrong.

I do it. I see the point of not opening it until it is paid for, but I just can't be bothered trying to finish the shopping with a tantruming bored toddler when a biscuit will solve my problem. I don't let them eat fruit or stuff from the deli unless it is pre-priced though.

I tend not to spend long in food shops with kids and tend to give then something to hold onto eg a squeeze yougurt or ginger bread man. Have never let them open until payed for.

I don't tend to have kids eat in shops as dont want them making a mess (actual butchers not in supermarket does give kids a mini frankfurt).

Yeah, im an opener. Usually its just drinks for both DD and I and it keeps her happy for the trip, which in turn, keeps me happy. Food isnt usually opened as I take my own shopping. I take my own drinks too, but its usually gone by the time i get there (30 min drive away.. and im pregnant..lol) Im also guilty of using it as a bribe to her.. as her milk drink etc is nearly the last isle ;)

I do it. Every time I go shopping. I have minimum family support, my dh works long hours and my kids aren't in cc so I have to take them both with me to do our big weekly grocery shop. I will usually open a pack of rice crackers for them or if we are buying a big box of small chip packets I will let them have one each while we go around.

No, I do not open food we haven't paid for. But, having said that, I will go to the till and buy one apple and let DS eat that while we're shopping. If we're at the end of the shopping he just has to wait. I also take toys, drinks, food etc if needed - ideally we go shopping just after he's eaten.

I was told off by my mother (a big one on denying her children anything they wanted) because she wanted to open food and give it to Liebling, even though he wasn't asking for it! I said no way, you don't do that and she told me off then was in a huff for about an hour. I do think it is important to teach a child that waiting for something and paying for what they want are virtues in society and things he should do.

I worked in a corner shop (no, not a large supermarket, a small corner shop) and trying to scan an item a child has already opened and eaten is a nightmare. Just pay for the sweet straight away, you're never more than ten seconds away from a cashier!

i do it if we've been out and about and shopping is the last thing we do. but always something that doesn't need to be weighed, and i always make sure i have cash on me to pay for it in case EFT machines are down. if she asks for fruit, i'll go to the express check out and pay straight away. and usually with a drink i'll do the same thing.

DD knows that food needs to be paid for - but i also realise she's only a child, and it's not fair to expect her to spend all day out and about, and get to the shops when she is tired and really just wants to go home and have something to eat, so we will get her something

having said that, i've just thought about it - and it's probably a good six months since we've needed to do it - we moved into town, so we don't mind so much if shopping gets put off by a day cos it's only a couple of kms rather than 40 - so if she is struggling, we come straight home...

Depends how frazzled I am, and how little patience I have. But yes I have and I don't see a problem with it. However, if I do open something it's too keep the kids amused rather than the fact that they've asked for something.
THe definition of stealing at law must include the intent to permanently deprive - so to use something without any intent to pay for something. It's not stealing if you have intent to pay for it. I have more issue with people 'testing' the grapes and other produce by sampling them by the bunch

I do the shopping either online or with company, so generally no...but in a pinch I think I would - I remember my mum used to do it all the time.

I can't see the supermarkets really minding, given that you're probably buying an extra thing that you wouldn't normally buy, in order to lengthen your shopping time and keep your child more content for other shoppers. You're not going to spend as much if your child is screaming or fighting and you're racing round the aisles. I'd be interested to ask what they think. I'm all for teaching self control and discipline and manners, but if I was taking the kids shopping after kinder or in late afternoon when they're already exhausted and you've forgotten to prepare (or have no snacks, hence the shopping!), then fair's fair. You know your child's limits, as well as your own.

I take a snack for DD when we go to the supermarket JIC.

It may sound harsh, but I consider the act of opening or consuming a product that is still technically the "shops property" stealing. You have not yet paid for the item even if you have the intention of paying for it, its theft as it still belongs to the store.

I never allowed my girls to have anything to eat until we got to the car to go home. Even then they usually had to wait til we got home and the shopping was inside.
When I have the grandchildren with me and they want something they are told it has to go into the basket to be paid for before they are allowed to have it. 9 times out of 10 they have said OK and I hear no more, sometimes I have to remind them that we have to pay for it first.

Depends with us. Not so often now the girls are getting older, DD1 can definitely understand waiting and DD2 is getting there. I often do give DD2 a bean or a snow pea to munch on. When DD1 was little we had to put the capsicums out of her reach, as she would eat them like apples whilst we were shopping.

Have found most checkout operators understanding about half eaten apples etc, many don't bother charging for them. I did have one operator who looked disgusted at having to scan a half open packet of chips (it was the big Christmas shop), but in general I found he was quite cranky about the kid's behaviour so I stopped going through his check out.

I was one of those people who before having kids always sad, no way.

Now, I go straight to the youghurt squeezies and DS gets one while I run around grabbing stuff, but thats it, only a squeezie, only one too.
He has on occasion grabbed a mushroom and started chomping it, the checkout peoples are always that surprised that he eats mushrooms they never charge me for it, but I always offer to pay

I do it, as I know I'm going to pay for it :)

And I do it for myself a well. No one batted an eyelid yet ;)

I don't do it. I think it is good to teach a child restraint in small doses so a toddler I would say no until we are out of the supermarket, and now my kids are older they have to wait until we are home and the shopping is unpacked. The only exception is on a really hot day, I will get a bottle of water at the counter and let them have some whilst we are waiting to be served.

We do sometimes and we dont other times. We have the concept of "We have to pay the lady" and i usually try and drum that in that we cant open things until we pay the lady, so DS has taken to grabbing an apple recently and just starts munching on it before we can even tell him no.. we have offered to pay for them (or get them to weigh an un eaten apple twice) but both times we were told no its ok! (ne of the check out ladies was just so impressed his special treat for the shopping trip was an apple that she said, "just have it!!!!!"

But I am trying to actually make an effort to stop him. Last time we went shopping he grabbed some chewy lifesaver things and just right away started to open them, DH took them off him and said no, not until we pay the lady and popped them in his pocket, and we darn near nearly stole them because Dh forgot about them til we were at the counter and DS asked where his lollies were for the lady!!! Also I am waiting for the day he goes to open something that i cant afford to pay for!! So I am trying to teach him that its not ok!!!

I find it really hard shopping with DS and DD.. often i will buy DS an icecream or something and pop him in the trolley bit of the trolley if i am just doing a little shop- otherwise if he is loose and i have DD in the trolley I seem to be forever abandoning her in the middle of the supermarket to chase after DS!!! Even when both DH and I take them both its a fun time trying to keep up with him!! So I am completely understanding of any parent who uses it as bribery!!!!! Its just that sometimes it backfires!!!

It depends really - often I buy something from the bakery before I go in for them to eat but that is usually because I need change for the trolley :wall:

These days I tell them to pick something and they can carry it around until we get to the checkout and then they can have it once we have paid- but then it also depends on their mood and if there is a tantrum brewing.

Yep I do it,

I have been known to let them eat and apple and take another the same size to pay and ask them to weigh it twice.

Also the deli always gives all the kids a piece of meat, so seeing kids eating in our spermarket is the norm. Gee I love living in such a friendly community!

I often do the shopping on our way home from picking ds up from oc (which is his lunch time) so I'll usually pick up a packet of cheese and bacon rolls and he'll munch on one as we go through. 2 birds, one stone. Or I'll grab a bag of carrots and give him one of those.
Nothing you have to weigh, and I always make sure the packet gets scanned.
I've never thought anyone might have a problem with it.

I don't shop with the children very often now and they are old enough to wait now so there isn't really any need for me to open stuff but when I had to shop with 2 toddlers I opened stuff before paying is that's what it took to get around the shops without incident. I think everyone is happier when toddlers are happy and IMO toddlers are too young to get adult concepts like self-restraint and what seems like a short time to us seems a lot longer to the very young.
If it's stealing I guess I go and steal from my local cafes most days ;)

Onyx, your closing argument annoys me. It is not the same as eating in a cafe or restaurant: the culture is different. It is more akin to fast food - there you buy the food before you eat, non? In a shop, there is the expectation that you buy before you eat also. In a restaurant, there is the promise of payment, you have informed the staff of your consumption by ordering the food. In a shop there is not that same promise.

Although our local supermarket does hand out free samples of food, which I do let Liebs eat in the shop. They give it away, we don't have to buy it.

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Personally, no I don't. Well when I used to go to a supermarket to shop that is ;) But have no issues with families that do.

If my kids wanted something, be it a drink or something else. I would say that they could have it but could not eat/drink it until it was paid for. To me it just feels wrong.

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I feel the same... It's not mine until I have paid for it...

If I eat at the supermarket there is also the promise of payment. I make that when I put the empty wrapper in with my shopping not on a shelf.
If I don't have cash to cover it I won't eat it just in case someone has ripped off my credit card (not that it has ever happened but I like to be prepared for all eventualities lol) but if I know I can pay for it I don't think it matters if I pay before or after I consume it.
As far as I know the law is that you haven't stolen anything until you leave the shop without paying for it.

If I take DD with me, I buy her a scroll from the bakery outside our shopping centre first and she nibbles on that. It is the only thing that stops her screaming the place down.

I would never let her have something I haven't paid for. Just feels wrong to me!


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When DS was younger I often opened food for him to eat, anything to shut him up while I got the shopping done! No one batted an eye lid and I always made sure that I kept the whole barcode of the item so it was easy for the cashier to scan. Nowdays DS choses a lollie and carries it around til we pay for it, he is not allowed to open it til we get in the car.

I guess what I want to know is - IS it wrong? Is Kim right, that it's not stealing according to the law? Because I think - if it's allowed, but people feel funny about it, that's not really my issue. I'd not want to break the law (and I guess a bit of uncertainty is what's stopped me, apart from avoiding shopping with kids in general where I can), but if it's just others judging me because I've broken their moral code, then...meh. Maybe I'll start. :lol: I defy anyone to tell me my kids are spoiled - my eldest asks for permission to go up a ladder when he lands on one in snakes and ladders!

But how does the store know you are not putting the wrapper on the shelf, Onyx? How do they know that is all you have eaten? Yes, by giving an empty wrapper you are honouring the intent to pay, but I am sure others do not do that (and have seen others not do that).

I don't think that giving a child food on demand produces a spoilt child. I just know that I prefer to only give Liebs food that there is no chance of being "stolen". And it's good to teach him to pay for things. That's my parenting choice. (It's also why I usually go with a magazine when we go shopping emptyhanded and he's in a grump.)

Im not sure.
What I do know is you can't be accused or charged with shoplifting until or unless you leave the premises. They're required to give you every opportunity to pay.
I've never done it but I think with packaged goods that you have every intention of paying for, it's ok.
With stuff that's weighed at the counter then it's not on. I even get cranky at DH for eating the grapes on the display

With Elijah, yes, I sometimes do... something like a Freddo frog... Oskar, he is old enough to understand the whole wait til it's paid for concept. Elijah doesn't yet understand that waiting game. I always keep the wrapper and also most of our local Woolies knows us anyway lol. If we're going out for longer periods I take snacks so that there isn't a need to keep a toddler quiet by grabbing a Freddo or the likes. As he gets older and his comprehension changes that will change for Elijah and he'll also have to wait.

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I guess what I want to know is - IS it wrong? Is Kim right, that it's not stealing according to the law?

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I'm pretty sure that Kim is right. It's her job to know such things.

With the grapes etc I'm a bit grossed out by the concept that other people (who may or may not have good hygiene) have been picking through them, so as well as the difficulty of paying for them there is also the ick factor.

We never did it with the kids and it was usually 4 little ones, until I was deemed old enough to stay home with them while the grocery shopping was done. We would either take something with us, or buy something before we went into the shop, I usually had 2 kids in my trolley and there were 2 in the other trolley, and by the end of the shop both trolleys were usually chockers (there were 7 of us), and one of the little ones riding on the outside, the other in the seat.

With my own, would I do it, no, I find it morally wrong, I won't even open a drink before I've paid for it.

I've done it for my kids & I've done it for me. I do try to do the shopping when they are all at school or DC, but even then DD3 will start sooking for something & a bikkie is easier than a boob when trying to unload a trolley (she ALWAYS wants it just as I get to the checkout!)

My girls are now older & understand that things have to be paid for first. They aren't allowed to have anything til its paid for. DS will open a milk pop top at the last isle or 2 (thats where they are located... good incentive for them ;)), or a yoghurt drink thingy. DS is VERY difficult to shop with & sadly by the time its shopping day, my house is all out of snacks to take with me & whats left was eaten while we did everything else in town!

When pg with DD3 there were quite a few times I had to open a drink while shopping to save the embarassment of morning sickness, especially since there is no public toilet close by. With HG its impossible to go anywhere without a toilet close by.

I don't have anyone close enough to have the kids while shopping if they're home & I know from experience that an open packet being scanned is better than the abuse you get if you have a screaming toddler the entire time!

DD often has an apple or a carrot. I always buy two and then just weigh one twice (if doing self service pay - or ask the cashier to weigh the uneaten one twice (but normally they just say it doesn't matter). I would rather do that then buy an apple and let her eat it going round the store because how do they know I have already bought it (same with other food) - is like if I buy a Mars Bar from Target will always eat it before go into Woolworths so it can't look like I am eating it from the shelf. She knows we pay for it at the end because today she was trying to hand the half eaten apple to pay and I had to explain had already paid. Several places I buy fruit and veg from have taster plates out, and often the market stall holders are falling over themselves to give her stuff to eat - and is interesting that she has never shown any interest in wanting to eat anything else apart from fruit and veg while going round the supermarket - so I think she believes is a normal part of shopping. I don't see anything wrong with it really as long as you pay for it before leaving the store.

Onyx - what about stuff like green beans? I always hand pick them, I never just grab a handful randomly.
Or just eating them before you've washed them is ick?

It's the eating before washing that is ick.

I often open a packet of pikelets for DS to snack on and grab a diet coke for me to drink as I go. I think if we are talking "moral or immoral" it's about intent. I fully intend to pay (and always have) so don't see a problem. I have never had any staff member query me about it and I shop at all major supermarket chains.

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With my own, would I do it, no, I find it morally wrong, I won't even open a drink before I've paid for it.

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I felt the same until I was in the middle of dealing with toddler meltdown inc. The good thing is he doesn't expect it when we walk in and I do what I can to avoid situations arising, but toddlers being what they are can throw those curveballs when you least expect. I do it cos it means I can get in and out quickly with as little upset as possible to all involved and also for the sanity of the other shoppers!

i think there is always going to be two very divided camps on this one based on your moral standpoint. i don't believe it's immoral, as long as you pay. as far as i understand it, as long as you don't actually leave the store without paying for items... as i said before though, i always check we have enough cash just in case there are any issues with cards as we always pay by card.

i read a few comments about getting food at the local cafe/bakery before going into the shops - for us, this just isn't possible. our local woolworths is a stand alone store - there is nothing there (except on Saturdays - the local Lions Club does a sausage sizzle). our options are to grab something semi healthy in the shops, or to stop at KFC or something equally crap on the way. i would prefer for DD not to associate shopping with chips or similar...

I have always let Liebling hold what he wants to eat (eg cheese) and say he can give it to the cashier and eat it when it is paid for. It works for us.

I have a personal issue with flexible boundaries though: I don't want to let Liebs eat in the shop before we buy now then change the rule later. Too confusing. It's just always not done. No point in praising something one week then demonising it the next - but my mother did that with a lot of things, so that's an issue for me: not saying that it should be done that way for everyone else.