[LONG VENT] I'm just trying to be realistic here!

I wanted to put this in the PB&BH but I'm just too scared so I thought here would be best.

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Before people read this know that its about BF and FF. Anyone who attempts to start a debate or what not on the topic - I'll unhinge my jaw and eat you whole...or report you, depending if I'm hungry or not at the time. Its taken me a while to get up the courage to post this vent here at BB because I've seen what can happen to people who even have a thought about not BFing - and even now I'm too scared to post it in the PB&BHR for those reasons (which make me really sad btw but thats a whole other thing). So, just let me have my vent.

There's no need to comment, I just need to put it somewhere, and if I cant put it in the FF support forum then where can I put it!

With that said, I shall begin my vent:

I'm sick to death of being made to feel bad for simply being worried about the very real possibility that I may have to FF. I hope I can be the one to break the mould and successfully BF feed my girls, but I know that in my case I need to be realistic and consider both possibilities.

My great-grandmother, grandmother, mother, and 2/3 aunts on my maternal side, were unable to BF due to what we now know to be breast hypoplasia. They never even got a drop of colostrum or milk from their breasts.

Having read the literature and spoken to my GP, there is a chance that I may have this condition as well - I always have elevated testosterone readings in my blood tests as well as a history of pretty sketchy progesterone levels, and my breasts fit the physical description. Also, still no sign of much size increase or any colustrum and I'm 31weeks - in fact, my breasts aren't even tender anymore at all. Plus, there's that clear family link. The fact still remains we wont know until I put babies to breasts and see what happens.

What makes me angry, upset, and most of the time disappointed, is how so many healthcare 'professionals' including LC's from the ABA and the hospital make me feel like a criminal for even being concerned! They just lecture me: 'Breast is best' or 'Don't be silly you're a woman of course you'll be able to BF, you're worrying for nothing' or my personal favourite:

LC: 'There isn't a clear link that these things are genetic you know'
Me: 'Why is that? Clearly my family has a pattern.'
LC: 'Oh nobody's really looked much into it, its a pretty unexplored area of research'

*facepalm*

Whether the comments are meant to be a bit malicious, or they're just poor attempts at positive reinforcement I don't care, they still make me feel like crap and I can only put up with it for so long.

My GP is the only one who has even taken the time to sit down with me and hear me out and address my concerns - sure I was paying her to do it but at least she let me speak and gave me facts not opinions and let me do with it what I would - perhaps its because she's French and clearly a hippy who was around for Woodstock, I don't know.

On top of that, my mother, my aunt, and myself were all diagnosed with lactose intolerance in infancy after being fed by wet nurses, so even once I get over the initial 'Will I get milk, wont I' hurdle, I might have to face that problem then.

With our antenatal baby workshop on this Sunday, I just needed to vent on this somewhere because I know I'm probably going to cop it left right and centre from a million people, and I don't want that to be the proverbial straw and end up unleashing raging hellfire on a room full of unsuspecting and probably innocent soon-to-be parents and hospital staff.

I don't think I'm fishing for excuses not to BF - I'm over my initial weirdness about something sucking milk from my chest, it wasn't hard to get over, I'm a scientist after all - I just think I'm being realistic and I want to be prepared. I want to have enough bottles if I need them, and money is tight around here so I want to know these things sooner rather than later. If I don't need them, great I'll return them or sell them on eBay. I just don't want to get caught out.

Why should I have to feel guilty about that?

Why should I feel scared about even posting this vent on here for fear of retribution?

I'm just trying to be the best and most prepared new mother I can be, and if that makes me a pariah, or a criminal, then cast me out, charge, arraign, and sentence me, and lock me up or shoot me officer! I've had ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!

Oh and heaven help any pushy midwife or know-it-all-do-gooder who gets in my way from here on out - you poke the bear, then she will bite you and it will be your fault.

/end rant.


Thanks for reading (anyone who made it this far!) and if there are others out there who have breast hypoplasia (or other conditions that made this decision for you) I would love to hear from you with regards to your experience both in dealing with the condition itself, and the social repercussions - via PM I think would be best :).

Huge hugs. It is so hard when your choices (or not, in your case) are questioned. Good for you for being prepared and researching. Did you know that goat milk formula is available, btw? Not easy to get, but someone makes it. You obviously know more about the condition than you "care" providers and that probably intimidates them, so they resort to bullying. (I know this may not be the case, just speaking from my experience here.)

FWIW (and I don't know if you want to hear it but will share anyway) I have small breasts (barely an A cup) which grew in pregnancy to be... just over an A cup! I didn't even fit in the B cup maty bras, which were the smallest I could get. Yet I managed to BF, so huge breast growth isn't the be-all and end-all. However, some did try to worry me over the fact my breasts were too small to produce milk and I should just use formula, so I understand the pressure, albeit from a different direction.

(Im not going to answer this post because I have nothing constructive to say except :hug: BUT I have a friend who had hypoplasia, did not breastfeed her first two children but recently breastfed her third baby for 3 1/2 months! So while yes it is a huge issue, there is a small possibility it can be overcome. Im not entirely sure how it came about that she managed it but I will ask her and let you know! She's in Townsville too.)

I haven't got that condition - but I've formula fed 3 of the 4 kids. It's only my last that I've managed to have the support to persevere through the tough times.

Yes breast is best, but it's not do or die ya know? Formula is fine and I don't think any guilt needs to be associated with feeding your child that way.

The only thing I think we need to feel guilty about is if we don't feed our children at all...

Big hugs honey :hug: I'm so sorry you are being pressured/made to feel bad/treated poorly simply because you are preparing for every eventuality! Sounds like regardless of whether you BF or FF you are going to make a lovely mum :hug:

I just wanted to say good for you for having your rant and you should no way feel bad or be made to feel bad. You have obviously thought long and hard, have done your own research on your family history and are prepared to do what you have to do when your girls arrive.

when i was pregnant with DD i hadnt made up my mind, i also wasnt given the chance to learn about BF as all the classes were booked up. My choice was made in the hospital and to this day i know it was the best for my DD. She has excelled being FF, as have every baby i know who was.

And if anyone on here makes you feel bad they should be ashamed of themselves and i hope their comments are made via PM to you or not said at all as i will too bite them! Nobody has the right to tell another person what is best for their baby! Goes to show what a great mother you are already!

BIG BIG :hug:

:hug:

Hugs :)

:hug:
You shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone. You have a valid set of concerns. I hope everything works out well and easy for you. But even if you just chose to ff because of no other reason then that is what you choose, then that is no-one's business or decision but your own. And no-one should ever make you feel bad for your decision, and you shouldn't be judged for it. It is YOUR decision, no-one elses. And the 'fabulous' thing about parenthood, is that it doesn't matter what decision you make on what topic, there is ALWAYS going to be someone who disaproves, and everyone has an opinion. :rolleyes: Try not to worry about those opinions, they are not worth it, and you derserve to do what it right for you and your family.

:hug:

Hi,
I hope you will take this in the spirit with which it is genuinely meant. Occasionally some of us have body parts that don't work properly and in rare cases not at all. Breasts are the same. It's true, sometimes they just don't work. There is absolutely no need to feel guilty, any more than if you had kidneys that didn't work or lungs or legs. I guess that the difficulty comes because, surrounding breastfeeding there are layers of mismanagement and misinformation. Breastfeeding is really important for the health of mothers and babies, and it would be irresponsible for health workers to pretend it's not important and it doesn't matter. A skilled midwife or lactation consultant should be able to examine your breasts and at least give you some idea as to the level hypoplasia. Your GP seems to have been supportive - did she examine your breasts? Lactose intolerance is a little different. It is extemely rare for human babies to be lactose intolerant. Human babies produce lactase, the enzyme that digests lactose, as babies and young children. In many ethnic groups people stop producing this enzyme as they pass the normal age of weaning. In many cultures adults don't drink milk - not human milk, and not the milk of another animal after childhood. Many people, including health professionals mix up cows milk protein intolerance with lactose intolerance. It can be hard to get a true picture going through past diagnoses. They may not have been accurate.
You are wise to prepare for both eventaulities and it's normal to experience mixed emotions when your choices are potentially taken away. I have worked with many women with hypoplasia and almost all have been able to breastfeed to some extent. There is more to a breastfeeding relationship - and indeed more to mothering than just the milk. Breastfeeding's not a race or a competition. I think you will find that you will get a lot of genuine support from people, whether they know your situation or not.
Barb
(who myself comp fed one child and fully bottle fed another for nutrition and suckled her without producing milk)

I'm really sorry you're already dealing with criticism over this issue.

TBH I have no idea what breast hypoplasia is, so I can't comment on what effect it may or may not have on a woman's ability to breastfeed. I can speak from the position of being a mum to two girls who both had severe gut issues, resulting in them both being formula fed. I too was judged and lectured. At the end of the day, my girls were a lot happier and healthier on formula than breast. I was a lot healthier mentally and emotionally once they were happier and healthier.

Nobody has the right to judge you for the decisions you make, or the paths that are forced on you through circumstance. Breastfed or formula fed, you have already proved yourself to be an incredibly caring mother by doing so much work looking into your options and what may eventuate once your baby is born.

I wish you lots of luck, whatever feeding path you and your baby end up on.

Huge hugs to you. :hug: It's great to be prepared but you know, once bubs is here you might be pleasantly surprised. More hugs. :hug:

Look around you at your friends/workmates or even just people in general. Can you tell the difference between those who were BF and those who were FF? Nope? Then I don't think how you feed your baby should be something people have the right to judge you on, as long as the baby is getting fed then your doing a great job!

One thing that I find scary in this whole breastfeeding/formula feeding issue is the emphasis on "exclusive breastfeeding", as though once you have to give your bub some bottles you might as well give up altogether. That's very much not the case - whatever breastmilk you can make is beneficial to your baby, and since they have to eat and grow then of course you may need formula as well.
There are several Mums on these boards (Janie and Mamaspice are the ones I remember at the moment) who have managed combined breast and formula feeding because of hypoplasia. Have a poke around in the "breastfeeding problems and support" threads too.
I think that all anyone can ask of a Mum with respect to this is that they give breastfeeding their best shot and get the best help available - that way there are no regrets.
Big hugs
Kate

Hugs love xo

Just be proud of the fact that you have cared enough to look in to all avenues of how you might feed your babies. You are just being realistic. It's no ones business but yours as to how or why you want to or need to do things.

I chose to formula feed my 3 for my own reasons after trying breast feeding and I've never encountered any judgement (that I've been aware of) or problems but my own insecurities at times.

Congrats and best wishes on a happy and healthy pregnancy and birth! xo

You've done fantastically already, preparing yourself for the possibility (remember, right now it is just a possibility ;)) that you'll have to FF. I hope you do get to breastfeed, because it sounds like you really want to, but it's not the end of the world if you can't :hug: The real most important thing is that bub knows s/he's loved and cared for, and it really seems you can do that! :)

Good luck, whichever way it goes. (and fwiw, I was FF and DH was BF. I'm smarter :rofl:)


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Thanks so much ladies, I just really needed to let all that out before Sunday! DH doesn't understand what I'm on about (Teni - he was BF and I was FF and I'm the smarter one too :rofl:) and the only thing he's worried about is that BFing is cheaper - especially when it comes to twins! Typical male, always about the economics :rolleyes:

I was FF, (obviously, lol) on a soy formula after everything else failed, and today I have a bulletproof immune system, a well above average IQ, and was an extremely healthy baby, child, and teenager, so I know that FF by no means equals a handicap for my babies, it just makes me so angry that others would try to make me think so! I'm living proof that its not true! If my mother hadn't stuck a bottle in my mouth I would've died - whats best then!

Barb - She did examine me, but she said to make sure I get another opinion from the hospital this weekend if I can, which I was planning to anyway because, well, its just a good idea isn't it! Mum said she isn't sure about herself or my aunt, but she was told by paeds at the time that I had more than just cows milk protien intolerance as I'd reacted badly to goats milk formula too, but I think thats the only thing they were going off for the diagnosis so who knows :dunno:! I get gastro discomfort from dairy today but its nothing that can't be eased with tummy settlers, or mind over matter. In any case, MIL said none of her kids had any problems with any of that, and DH loves his dairy, so here's hoping his viking genes win out anyway! I know its possible to get some milk with hypoplasia, so even if I only get say a few weeks worth, even a drop, at least it will be something - more than what the other women in my family have gotten anyway! Progress is progress!


One thing I know is I'll be taking notes through all this for my girls because one day they're probably going to need to know too! At least if I can give them accurate information about their mother and family, then they will have less questions to ask than I did.

Thanks again for all your support and for being respectful of my concerns - I don't know why I was so scared of saying it all! :hug:

I had never heard of this condition before (read it on FB post) and thought: hmmmm, that explains A LOT!!

One of the mums in my mums group perservered with BF - because the LC kept at the, "the more you feed the more you'll make" routine. Yes, this is true, but that, fenugreek (sp?) and oooh, what was that? some drug the doctor prescribed didn't seem to do the trick. She never actually had enough milk to satisfy her bub and suplemented his feeds with formula.

I admire what she did although I probably would have given up (which she didn't). Although, thinking back, she was in a group where 8 out of 10 of us where BFing so maybe we were inadvertently pressuring her to continue. My heart went out to her because some days it was just such a struggle. You could see the guilt on her face when she admitted defeat and gave a bottle to her LO (which was just a ridiculous thing to feel). Now knowing about this condition I wish that I had provided her with the support she needed. It didn't help either that her LO refused the bottle most times.

I hope you get the support you need to do what it is that is best for you and your LOs. :grouphug:

All the best with your babies Strawberry!
Just BTW, with dairy protein intolerance, it is quite typical that babies also cannot tolerate goat's milk. I would bear this in mind if you're selecting a formula - you may want to talk to a paed about getting an elemental formula (often recommended when babies have allergies).