Comments on gender

Hi all,

I'm counting on you wise ladies to help me prepare some answers to the inevitable comments we will get. We have just found out we are having another boy, and I already can think of the "oh how sad it's not a girl", or "I wanted you to have a girl", or "not another boy (in the extended family)" etc etc.

We are really happy and are just thankful for another healthy baby. This is our last baby. But these comments do upset me (and we got them with DS1)

I need answers that aren't too rude/confrontational, but that leave no doubt that I don't appreciate the comments.

HELP! :)

I think you summed it up perfectly yourself.

"actually we're just thankful we're lucky enough to have another healthy baby joining our family"

I quite like that I have "two of the same", so maybe you can say that too?

LOL I know what you're talking about, this is our last pregnancy too and we've found out we're having another girl. There is literally NOONE left to carry on DH's family name as his brothers had only girls and the only boy babies are my SIL's so they have their daddies surnames.

SOme of the comments I have had are "its such a shame you 're not having a boy" to which I reply "not really, there is no pressure now to take on the family legacies"

"I hoped this one would be a boy" to which I reply " well it just wasn't meant to be"

I even had an older guy say to me "I hope your next baby will be a boy, every man deserves a son" ... I just said "No its another girl, the men in hubbies family only throw baby girls" (kind of farmer talk with the throwing LOL)

You don't need to say anything really if they ask and you tell them its a boy and your thrilled your DS will have a little mate.

x x x

why dont you just tell people youre not finding out the sex??

either that or just say well as long as we have a healthy baby we dont care!

Just give a big smile on and tell everyone that a perfect little baby boy is joining your family and you are all over the moon! I have noticed when you show your happiness and enthusiasm, it can be contageous:) Making the people who comment usually feel the joy too and keep their opinions to themselves. Congrates.x

Gosh, I'd be tempted to tell them to, well, ahem-OFF! :lol: The gender comments drive me insane too and we aren't even finding out the sex, nor did we last time!!

We have a DD and TBH, both DH and I would actually love another girl but everyone is assuming already that we are desperate for a boy :rolleyes: Some have asked if we'll be disappointed if it's another girl and don't seem to believe me when I say we'd actually love another girl. You can't win!

We can see benefits with both sexes and will be thrilled with either so that's what I tell people now unless they gob on about the boy thing then I tell them how much we'd actually love another daughter. Maybe you could try that? Tell them you were actually hoping for another boy so all your dreams have come true :D It may just shut a few people up.

It's likely we're having another girl and our family is similar to yours, only all girls like Nai!

We just say DD is delighted - she really wanted a sister - and I'm so pleased I'm on familiar territory. LOL

I think there's a nice synergy to having all the same gender (even though we tried for a boy!).

I don't know why people think that you need at least 1 of each!

Families come in all different make-ups. Some with only boys, some with only girls, some with a mixture.

Congratulations on your precious little boy! xx

(oh sorry, no advice either!) hehe

"I'm just glad it's human. There's those funny genes in DH's family, you know...."

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"I'm just glad it's human. There's those funny genes in DH's family, you know...."

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:rofl: I'd love to say this when I have another bub!!

My poor sister has gone through this so many times as she has 4 boys.
The best thing she has said was "We found out the baby is a boy, which is wonderful as I had my heart set on having another boy and can't imagine being the mum to a girl". It has stopped anyone saying anything negative.

Congratulations on finding out you're having another gorgeous little man!!! :)

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"I'm just glad it's human. There's those funny genes in DH's family, you know...."

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That is priceless. Love it and yes, I will be stealing it ;-)

How about that you're relieved its another boy cos your DH couldn't deal with another premenstrual woman in the house.

I don't get that (A) people think they actually have a right to comment and (b) people don't get that you might actually just be happy with a beautiful new baby! We are trying for No. 3, and with two girls already the very few people that do know have almost all assumed its because we're desperate for a boy. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I love that the way my 2 little girls play together, they have that sisterly love that I never had, I couldn't be happier having another girl. I do understand where you are coming from, earlier in my pregnancy when I was 'breaking the news' to everyone I was very over the looks of disappointment and the ohh I'm sorry... umm what are you sorry for exactly? I am not dissappointed at all so I have no idea why you are! It has all calmed down now... I did have a few moments where I mentioned my babies health (none of my babies have been born healthy so I cannot use that line, but it does seem to put it into perspective for them that gender means nothing when you have a sick baby).

:hug: sorry no help, just sympathy.

Maybe you could just burst into hysterical sobbing and wailing (throw in some hair pulling or chest beating for added drama). They will feel so awkward and freaked out that they'll never make another personal comment again.

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Maybe you could just burst into hysterical sobbing and wailing (throw in some hair pulling or chest beating for added drama). They will feel so awkward and freaked out that they'll never make another personal comment again.

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Yeah, go in the complete opposite direction you really want to - like casually say you're giving this one up for adoption and trying immediately for a girl ;)


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks ;)

well they think i am having another boy. this will be boy number 4. and although i was kinda hoping for a pink one this time. i am so glad that baby is o.k and seems to be strong and healthy. but i am not looking forward to the responses.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

god luck

I'm also having a second boy and have been surprised not to get these comments? I love the suggestions though for anyone stupid enough to make negative comments about my beautiful boy :)

Hehe thanks ladies! You made me feel very not alone/laugh out loud! I think I need a few of you to come and be my spokesperson for the next few months! We can't work out if we're better off waiting until we have the baby, or telling people now - we don't know what will lesson the likelihood of dumb comments! On one hand, only REALLY insensitive people make dumb comments once the baby is here, but if we don't tell them now I'll be hearing "are you hoping for a girl/I bet it's a girl" for the next 5 months.

And the dumb thing is... it's not like anyone really has a choice over gender! It's not like a name!

yeah i think it is one of those things, if you don't tell then as you said you'll be harrassed like you mentioned. but if you do tell then you'll be harrassed like"you'll have to have one more then and maybe it'll be a girl"
"or you can have a girl next time
i have had all the comments with 3 boys and now that they're pretty sure it's boy number 4 i am going to get it even more.

and like you said it's not like you have a choice ?.

good luck to you.

Hate to say it but idiotic comments don't go away even if you do get the gender people think you should want :rolleyes: I'm having a boy this time, and people are still telling me "oh you must be SO happy you're having a boy, now you'll have one of each" etc - ummm, no actually - I'm happy to be having another baby, and just want them to be healthy.

Though I do have to wonder what they'll say next time around (if we're that lucky) as either way I'll end up with 2 of one gender and one of the other...

So damn annoying when idiotic comments get said. In the end all we want is to be able carry our babies to term and deliver them happy, healthy and saftely.

Ive got two boys and Ive heard pretty much all of them. When I was in hospital and in earlish labour with DS2, the nurse asked me if I knew the sex. Once I said its another boy she said 'well maybe next time'. That was the first comment I got about having another boy. To be honest I wanted him to be a girl so it did sting a bit. But now I just laugh when I get these comments. I think it only upsets you if its something you are sensitive about. If not then you can have a bit of fun with it.

TBH I think its very rude for anyone to make potentially hurtful comments about a persons family make up. Whats wrong with two of the same anyway? My boys are best friends and having them the same gender has been great. I imagine it would be the same with two girls.

BTW, we told everyone before DS2 was born that he was a boy and it was the best decision for us. It was once he was born that we got the dumb comments, mainly by strangers who saw the blue baby in the pram. Everyone else thought it was great that DS1 was getting a brother.

I was one of three girls and my little sister once told someone who said "oh dear, no boys" - "Dad's our boy!" in a very offended tone.

I told DP this morning that we need all that extra oestrogen around just to balance the level of testosterone he brings to the family. We've just been so excited telling everyone we're having another girl that so far we've had no negative comments at all. Fx it stays that way.

Most ppl have said we made one beautiful girl so we must be really good at it! I say, we stick with what we know we do well. ;)

it goes both ways though. I got so peeved because everyone was saying "so lucky with one of each" when i said i was having a boy. so many people said it in the one day that when yet ANOTHER random stranger asked I said "i'm having a puppy". it ****es me off that people have to comment when so many couples have issues conceiving/carrying a child in the first place.

Oops, sory for the mini rant

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it goes both ways though. I got so peeved because everyone was saying "so lucky with one of each" when i said i was having a boy. so many people said it in the one day that when yet ANOTHER random stranger asked I said "i'm having a puppy". it ****es me off that people have to comment when so many couples have issues conceiving/carrying a child in the first place.

Oops, sory for the mini rant

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Hahahahaha, I do that too - people ask me what I'm having and I answer "a baby" or sometimes something else entirely random (the look I got when the answer was "blue spotted rhinocerous" was pure gold :))

I'm not even pregnant and I get comments like this!

DH has 2 girls (16 and 12) and everytime the topic of babies come up, it doesn't matter where we are or who we are with, I always get the 'oh, you'd better have a boy so your DH can have a son' :rolleyes:

I have answered back with 'DH doesn't care, as long as it's healthy' blah blah... but I do like the blue spotted rhinocerous reply!!! Ha!!

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"I'm just glad it's human. There's those funny genes in DH's family, you know...."

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bahahahahaha!!! That is AWESOME!! So storing that in my memory bank ;)

We found out this time, and when people ask if we know I say "yes, but we're not telling, it's a surprise for everyone else". We only found out because DH really wanted another boy. I've found that when you say the above, people kinda stop asking or commenting on gender and have been respectful of our decision to keep it to ourselves. Me on the other hand - I've told DH that next time (when/if we're lucky enough), we're not finding out, I preferred not knowing last time, even though it ate me alive!

Before we found out though, I did have lots of people saying that I must really want a girl. I was like "um, no, I'd be quite happy to have a bunch of boys! I didn't have any sisters... But pregnant, then healthy bub is probably first on the list!"

Oh - if my DH's family weren't a little sensitive, I'd LOVE the human line :)

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I was one of three girls and my little sister once told someone who said "oh dear, no boys" - "Dad's our boy!" in a very offended tone.

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I love that :)

My DD is only 8 weeks old and FIL has already made comments that we need to have a boy next time. Why? What if there isn't a next time? And will his world completely collapse if we have another girl? He's so caught up on needing to have one of each. I think it's because with his first wife he had four boys, then with MIL had one of each. SIL also has one of each. But honestly, I don't give a crap if I have two girls one day, and I'm pretty certain DH won't mind either.

I just don't understand why everyone gets so caught up in 'needing' at least one boy and one girl, there are far more important things than the sex of the baby!

As soon to be Mummy to two boys I really enjoyed reading this thread :D Earlier in this pregnancy I was asked quite a bit if I was hoping for a girl - I said truthfully that another boy would make things so much easier and I was hoping Moo could have a brother so they'd be great little mates! I just wanted to knock on the head any negative comments before I even knew ITMS.

Now that I AM having another boy I doubt I'll get comments, especially seeing we're not sharing until the birth. But if I do I'll just say that I count myself so lucky to be blessed with 2 healthy children :D

I have one of each and when we decided to go for a third I was shocked at the number of people who said 'but why?? You have one of each!!'. Yes, but I want a healthy baby, not a gender.

People often asked me what I was hoping for, given we 'already have a boy and a girl'. My standard response was 'I'm hoping for a pony, we don't have one of those'.

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I have one of each and when we decided to go for a third I was shocked at the number of people who said 'but why?? You have one of each!!'. Yes, but I want a healthy baby, not a gender.

People often asked me what I was hoping for, given we 'already have a boy and a girl'. My standard response was 'I'm hoping for a pony, we don't have one of those'.

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Urgh, I have had this twice over and it is awful. Straight after having Lucinda I was asked if DH & I were going to try for another boy! Some people are so rude and insensitive.

you know i have decided that these annoying people who make these comments have a borning life and have to annoy other people cause their lives are so boring. lol. next time i think i will say "don't you have anything better to do than comment on the sex of my baby or the ages of my childern etc etc, what happens in my bedroom and my life is REALLY not anything to concern you "

LOL

I got comments when I was pregnant with DD2 aswell - 'I hope it's a boy for you!' I would say 'for me? then I'll take a girl thanks! I'd love DD to have a sister'. Lucky for me I did end up having two girls, I'd always dreamed of having baby girls so I'm happy, even if I'm not fulfilling everyone else's fantasy of the 'pigeon pair'.

Ive being following this thread, and although the comments were bad when I was pregnant with DD2, this time round is so much worse comments wise.
first of all, everyone wants us to have a boy, because well we dont have one yet. And of course that must be why we got pregnant this time round!
Then of course we must find out what we're having because we didnt find out with either of the girls. And what if we ave another girl, will we try again in hope of having a boy?

Gender is of no importance to us, thats not why we wanted to get pregnant again.

These sorts of comments dont register with me anymore, cant be bothered even giving them any thought.

But :rofl: at nickle730, I may just have to start using your response... I would love a pony, but I dont really like the thought of giving birth to one! :rofl: