The hardest job in the world?

*Warning - Haphazard ramblings*
Ever since I got pregnant I've been told that being a mother is the hardest job in the world. It seems to have almost become an accepted truth of our culture. Personally I believed a lot of what people told me about being a mother because they had more experience than me but now that I've been a mother for long enough to get used to it I find myself wondering just how true that statement is.
I remember how hard it was waking up every 2 hours for a baby that still woke up every 2 hours long after his peers had settled down to sleeping 4 hours or longer but even though it felt like it went forever at the time, in retrospect it was such a short time and I kind of wish that I had savoured it just a little more.
I think that maybe this is the problem with living in a culture that has decided that being a mother is the hardest job in the world - that maybe because we are setting mothers up to believe that their job is going to be really hard so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes, there are some parts that are tough but for those of us who are healthy (physically and mentally) it's not such a tough gig to have the privilege of raising healthy children in one of the luckiest countries on earth.

If we're told we are doing it tough does that lead to a false sense of entitlement? That we deserve a park beside the door like people who have mobility issues although we are young, fit and strong. That we have the right to board a plane first. That a baby on board sign justifies bad driving. Not to mention our entitlement to middle class welfare

We all have times when we would like to pretend that we are just baby-sitting or think about running away and joining the circus but that doesn't mean that we have the hardest job in the world - imagine working a in a 3rd world sweat shop or being a Dr in an Iraqi hospital.

I saw Fiona O'Loughlin on some TV show a couple of months ago discussing how hard motherhood is and the point that she made is that when the parents of healthy children claim that being parents is the hardest job on earth they are insulting all the parents sitting in hospitals praying that their children will survive or preparing to say good-bye. I would take it further and say that we insult all the parents trying to raise their children in circumstances that we can't even imagine. I think maybe we insult the parents who are still struggling to become parents and the parents who had to come home without their babies - they would probably love to have out tough gig.
I get that having special needs children and/or your own health issues makes it a whole heap harder but most of us don't.
It's good to have a whinge occasionally and acknowledge that parenting can have some ghastly moments but they aren't all ghastly moments.
How do our children feel - that being with them is a really tough job? If my husband complained that being with me was a difficult job I imagine that I would feel pretty upset.


I think I have repeated myself a bit and rambled a lot but the upshot of it all is that I'm calling bullshorts on the myth that raising children is the toughest job we can have. Raising our children is a privilege not a chore. Of course it's not always sunshine and lollipops but since we live in the real world not happy-happy-rainbowstan we should expect that.

I'm another who actually finds mothering comes *relatively* easily. I love doing it, so how hard can it be? My paid work isn't really hard either, but often I find that more physically and mentally draining than being a parent.

I watch DP manage half a dozen ppl at the office and I would absolutely put his job down as harder! And as you point out, Onyx, there are other parents whose gig is much tougher than mine.

:hide: I really appreciate how lucky I am in my parenting situation too. (PS Being in a relationship with my DP is often harder than parenting my DD! Adults come with soooo much more baggage - like iLs).

Maybe it's more accurate to say "most important job" - parenthood, not just motherhood!

I'm with you. IMO it's the best job in the world! If it was the hardest then I wouldn't be so keen to do it 24/7 I'm sure.

The whole 'being a mum is the hardest job in the world' is a little white lie I let my husband believe so that he continues to think I'm awesome :rofl:

Timely post. I was telling DH just last night that, whilst sometimes my employers seem incredibly ungrateful, i am so lucky to have two happy healthy boys and the 'tough' part of the job really isn't the looking after them bit, but the external pressures that seem to come to bare from time to time.

I am fortunate, as is my family. My kids aren't 'tough'. Challenges are what makes me and the kids grow and learn.

Thanks for the reminder Onyx

I don't know that I think it is the hardest job in the world but it is tough. It's not being with my kids that I find tough - I love it - but I find the constancy of it completely exhausting. I don't feel like I ever get to switch off. Not just from the physical side of things, but the emotional as well.

I do agree that being a parent is a priveledge and that we shouldn't take it for granted but I think there has to be balance between the two opinions.

hear hear...to both of you (Jen and Onyx).

I've been a cop and an ED nurse. I watch my DH police some of the toughest country there is in Australia. I am grateful everyday for the privilege of my 'job'.

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I'm with you. IMO it's the best job in the world! If it was the hardest then I wouldn't be so keen to do it 24/7 I'm sure.

The whole 'being a mum is the hardest job in the world' is a little white lie I let my husband believe so that he continues to think I'm awesome :rofl:

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Lol, ditto!

^^ agree with Just Me here. I remember when DD was a few weeks old and I was struggling with the sleep deprivation & I said to my DH that I could easily go back to my paid job b/c it would be easier

Interesting - I have found that whilst my little people have challenged me in ways I could have never imagined it has been the juggling of other adults that has been much harder. Managing to strike a balance between being a mother and fulfilling my other roles at work, as a sister, daughter, friend etc has taken me a while to weed through my priorities. I am really lucky as my paid work gives me a reminder that every day is precious and I think that this has helped me in a way to keep things in perspective.
Do you think that we have the luxury of being able to 'worry' about the 'have nots' possibly more than any other generation so far?

ETA - clarifying work!

I think it's hard that you have the responsibility of someone relying on you 24/7. Your decisions could affect their whole life. I have been a SAHM for 6 months to my DSS when her was 18month to 2 and I enjoyed it immensely, having said that although I was playing the parent role I wasn't making the 'big' decisions that was up to his bio parents plus it was only for 6 months. After that we had him week on week off so we had a break from parenting..

With my twins I was only with them for 12 days but boy I had some big decisions to make. It was hard. Being their mum was hard. A job I would do again in a heartbeat but really really hard.

I am hoping with this baby, I'll find it easy to parent day to day, (I think I will) but I still think making some decisions will be hard. To have the constant responsibility is a big deal, especially when you feel overwhelmed, as I can imagine it would at times..

However I absolutely agree that raising a child is a privilege and not a chore. I absolutely cannot wait.. I guess after all that rambling I can see both sides and the love for your kids outweigh everything and make it the most rewarding :)

ETA: I can't wait to re read this response when Button is a year old lol... I wonder what I'll say then..

I wouldnt say the Hardest job in THE WORLD but today with a sick 2.5 yo and a teething grumpy 4.5 month old, its the hardest job in MY WORLD...

Its also the BEST job in my world....

I agree with what you are saying, being a parent is a huge privilege. I think the way in which parenting is 'hard' is more emotional, suddenly your whole world seems more fragile or something. That aching love for your children can be an overwhelming uh... investment and a huge change, makes you sort of see things differently; not in a bad way though and hard probably isn't the right way to describe it even. All that would be amplified if we weren't in this country or had children who were very ill I imagine. Not even remotely the same but my DD has a speech issue and that is even heartbreaking, just having to watch her frustration as she tries to say simple words most children have been saying for 12 months (currently working on 'up') and it all coming out the wrong way, trying hard to understand things she wants to communicate and getting it wrong a million times a day; I do find that 'hard', even knowing it is something we can resolve and are working towards doing so, it is hard to watch her struggle I guess. I remember how much having my daughter made me appreciate my own parents. I mean I always thought they were great but when I understood that feeling it was like a huge 'oh wow, think of all the times I must have turned my parents into a mess without even thinking'. There is also the pressure of not wanting to do the wrong thing by her, always wondering if you are making the right choices for them or if you could be doing something more; the responsibility of it all. I wouldn't really consider it a job? To me the job part seems more out of place even than the hard part... hmm

Interesting thread, I do think parenting is the most amazing thing in the world and when she said 'up' completely unprompted I thought I would explode with joy and pride, there is nothing like it. I don't find the general day to day stuff hard nor do I really think of it as a job (okay, maybe I struggle to draw half the animals requested of me haha) but yeah, the emotional ties to her can be pretty... something... think I've rambled a bit myself...

Parenting a living child is certainly a job I would love to have, one day. I still reserve the right to the occassional whinge when it happens though :)

There are many people in the world who would love the opportunity to vote, learn to read and right, have access to safe water sources and sanitation. Sometimes people ask me how I can get up every morning after what we've been through. Knowing there are people in the world who have seen their children killed, raped, die of preventable diseases and been powerless to stop it, yet they still have to get up every day and do the work that needs to be done. Those people are my inspiration.

Parenting is a precious gift. Yes, it's hard work. I can't say any of the small amount of parenting DH and I were privileged to be able to do was easy, but we did the best we could with love for our little boys. It's all we could do.

I see motherhood as a huge privileged and a huge responsibly...you are in charge of raising these little people to be all that they can be and to be decent human beings...what can be hard is knowing that you are doing the right thing.
The day to day stuff can be draining but is not the hardest job in the world.
But I have been through some of the hardest moments of my life being a mother...I have next to my babies in hospital praying they survive but that does not mean that the mother at home with a screaming baby does not have it hard to her...I got to take my baby home when other mothers don't and for that I am eternally grateful (and my heart truly goes out to those parents :() but it does not mean that it was not hard for me.
There is always someone worse...it does not mean that your situation is not hard to you.
(sorry for rambling)

Well said, RB. It's all relative to each individuals circumstances. Motherhood has been the hardest adjustment for me, as well as the most rewarding. While I was and still am upset by my birth experience, I am so grateful that DS was spared the suffering I endured. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat if my suffering would benefit him in some way. Hope that made sense.

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There is always someone worse...it does not mean that your situation is not hard to you.

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This is very true, for everything in life. I forget this some times. Everyone has different capabilities, life experience, intelligence and skills to draw on. I suppose what I respect most is resilience. yes, things are tough today. Have a whinge, have a sook, then get up and get on with it. Maybe this is for another thread.

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There is always someone worse...it does not mean that your situation is not hard to you.

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I have struggled a lot with this all through my life and since becoming a mum. I have it so easy compared to lots of people ... why do I deserve what I have when other people have so little? I guess in that regard, I have learned to stop comparing myself. I have learned that I have the strength to get through what I need to, when I need to. I need to be grateful for what I have because of what I have not because of what others do or don't have and when I find it difficult, that's okay too.

I wouldn't say being a parent is the hardest job in the world but it has it's challenges (like anything really), but it also has the best rewards. I have a baby that hardly sleeps but hey some baby's do that. Yes I whinge but wouldn't change it for the world...got to go little miss is awake

I also wouldn't say it's the hardest job, but it is certainly challenging and it can be very hard at times. Mostly rewarding though and I wouldn't go back to being childless in a million years. One thing I would say though, I have never had so many grey hairs in my life and DS is only 17 months old! I think parenthood has, in a way, made me more of a nervous wreck sometimes and a worry wart than I've ever been.

Being a good mother is a hard job, although not the hardest by a long shot. But being a mother isn't the hardest job in the world. It's about how much you put into it. (And I still disagree with my friends: Liebs isn't a "hard work" child, he's one who loves his mother and enjoys being with her: how is playing Lego hard work?)

I quite like the gig and would love to be a SAHM, make my life even sweeter.

I think it depends and I'm not sure absolutes like "hardest" are helpful. I think in a recent study, a commercial pilot topped the most stressful job. On bad days at home, believe me, I would give flying a plane a whirl.

I definitely agree that before I had kids I was bombarded with the "babies are HARD work," messages - I'm not sure that applied to older children. Anyhow, I actually find babies quite easy and I've had two very different babies in terms of sleep. Sleep deprivation? Meh (to me).

Toddlers on the other hand completely and utterly do my head in. I went to work part-time when DD1 was 12 months old and I found working a professional job a complete walk in the park compared to looking after DD1.

Now that DD1 is 4, she's quite easy to look after in the whole scheme of things. Has her moments but generally she's pretty good company and parenting her has actually become a PLEASURE in the last six months rather than just a hard, hard slog.

DD2 is about to enter toddlerdom and just quietly, I'm dreading it.

Babies and children - fairly easy. Toddlers - nightmare. To me.

And they say never split up until your kids go to school as it all suddenly becomes very easy. Until they become teenagers.

I tend to steer clear of threads like this, especially since I usually put my foot in things, but just wanted to put my 2 cents worth in.

While, yes, I think being a mother is hard, it's not the hardest. For me personally, being AWAY from my DS while off at my paying job is about the hardest thing bout being a parent for me. Granted, my paying job is a walk in the park.. Not a damn hard thing bout it. I'd still prefer to be home with my DS than have to work.

I'm gonna say it's tough, for me, but the toughest thing for me when DS was born was the fact that I had to learn, and quickly too! I'd never babysat, I held probably 2 babies in my life and I had no idea how to change a nappy, so I was coming into parenthood a complete novice. It's been such a life changing experience that I wouldn't change it for the world (ok, maybe some of the sleepless nights and the dramas I had with BFing, but there's always something right?!)
And you know, I think the fact that you learn something new every day in parenting, is a heck of a lot more rewarding than if you learnt it in your paying job.

I'll stop rambling now :p


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- Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - even though I should be cleaning ;)

I've been thinking about this a lot. I don't think of being a mother as a 'job' - it is so, so much more than that. It's a state of being. For example, whenever I'm having trouble juggling motherhood with the rest of my life, reminding myself that I am DD's mother is usually all I need to do to be able to set my priorities.

And it IS tough. But it's not so much the motherhood, it's managing the rest of my life, friendships, extended family, paid work around mothering. It's the adjustment from making decisions for myself to making them for someone else and the implications that could have on her - it's a huge, daunting responsibility. Then there's the sleep deprivation, negotiating with a toddler and the thought of raising a girl to make it through her teen years in one piece.....

Don't think I'm putting my thoughts into words very well here........ Describing it as the "hardest job in the world" doesn't begin to describe parenthood. It's the most challenging and rewarding thing I have ever done and I wouldn't want it any other way. (The best part of my day is putting DD1 down for her sleep at night, snuggled in my arms and feeling DD2 kick away). Also it provides a basis of comparison to other 'jobs' and I don't think it can be compared to anything else.

Yes to all you said TC

I find the mothering part easy, it's the Isolation and repetition I find the hardest.

maybe it being described as the 'hardest' job in the world is also because in our culture it is also the most unrecognised? :dunno:

having a baby in our culture can be social and career suicide. raising children is not something that is seen as precious, in fact, children are just not seen as precious by larger Australian society. sure, we all get up in arms and rant and rave when a child is abused and/or neglected (thankfully we haven't completely lost our humanity!) and yet, we live in a world where a woman can be kicked out of a restaurant for BF her baby, or arrested for feeding in a public square, where there are stores that ban pram access.

then there are the career issues, where having a baby for a woman can mean loss of job, income and furthering her prospects for promotion (and yet, on this we again, are made to feel less than womanly, and less as a parent for wanting these things).

being a mother of a child in this world does mean that on a global economic societal level we are invisible. the impacts of which can be graded according to where we have started from (ie a woman functioning at a middle class level in a first worl country faces the issues i outlined above, whereas a woman from a middle class family in a third world country will face even greater invisibility...take for example that in sri lanka 1 in 10 ppl work abraod, 90% of them are women with children...children that must stay at home with other female relatives). these women are the nannies, the cleaners, the nail technicians, the dancers, the sex workers of the first world. we ask ourselves (well some of us do) when we buy a dress or a pair of shoes if they have come from a sweatshop, but do we ask about the women painting our nails and where are their absent children? evidently not. Domestic migration (such a nice way to term modern day slavery!) is big business, the role of these women as mothers in unrecognised and yet, is the catalyst for the migration and funds first world economic 'choice'.

Back to us here in the first world, we may be thankful that we can stay with our children and love them in our arms (basic principle of UN article 9 for the rights of the child no less!) and yet, and yet, as a woman and as a mother we face a society that doesnt value this most important job in the world (that is what it is: it is raising the future of humanity for the betterment of our species and hopefully the betterment of Earth). We are at significant higher likelihood of being paid less than our male counterparts in our work and have a "choice": either leave our children at home and work full time (and face the wrath of judgement), work part time (and find ourselves not only underpaid, but seldom without chance for promotion and betterment in our positions) or stay at home (and just dont get paid, which is ok if finance can permit and it is the woman's choice).

But what is the consistent trend amongst each of these situations? That the role of the mother is unvalued. it should be invaluable.

The "global woman" is childless, and yet she is a mother. and to me, that does make it the hardest job in the world. our villages are empty and our children are growing alone.

When we move back, I'm movin' in next door to you Cassius :hug:

Struggling to help my son with his autism, this is currently the toughest job I've certainly ever had. I'm giving myself a second degree in special education and naturopathy/human nutrition with all the self study. I'm learning about all the ways to help him, and struggling with many of them... and with my mother hat on I'm also up all night to his precious little 8 month old brother.

I think it's frigging tough. But I do get the sentiment that it's also a treasure. I have no intention to be anything but a SAHM. But it's not because I see my job as less tough, it's because I see it as more important.

I'm not sure there actually is such a thing as the hardest job in the world. I think how hard or easy someone finds their job relates to the skills, support and situation they have, plus probably four million other variables. =)

If you asked me to build a house without tools and knowledge and experience, I think that would rate as one of the hardest things I've ever done. Harder than parenting, where I have support, a bit of experience, a roof over my head, a bank card to chuck everyone in the car and get takeaway when I struggle. If I didn't have family support, it might not be the 'hardest' job, but it'd be harder. If my eldest didn't have a psych calling and offering suggestions, it wouldn't be the 'hardest' job, but it'd be harder. If I was milling my grains with a mortar and pestle, rather than buying it from the shops, it wouldn't be the 'hardest' ever job in the world, but it'd be harder!!

We all cope with different stuff differently. Some people adore newborns, others (like myself) had to work hard to appreciate them and wished they were older! Some people find marriage/relationships fairly straightforward in terms of knowing how to communicate, apologise, and get along, while others really struggle to work through issues. Some people can parent teenagers effectively and calmly, while others find themselves in something like a war zone. Some people can set up a computer network pretty much with their eyes closed (like my DH) where others panic a bit when they move a mouse and something happens on the screen (my Gran, :rofl:). Would like (ETA: no, LOVE) to see my DH milk a cow or do any other farm job though, whereas I reckon Gran'd be all over it.
Is parenting harder than rocket science? I'm sure some days a rocket scientist would prefer to parent, and other days would prefer to science some rockets. Is a parent in a third world country doing it harder than me? Materially, absolutely. But what about in terms of relational skills, patience, attitude? Maybe they have better skills than me there, and so maybe I find those aspects of parenting 'harder'. There are way too many variables to pin down the hardest job in the world I think.

If it's hard for you, it's hard for you. If it's something you have to do, try and find ways to make it easier, that's all you can do!

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I also wouldn't say it's the hardest job, but it is certainly challenging and it can be very hard at times. Mostly rewarding though and I wouldn't go back to being childless in a million years.

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Well put Miss B - exactly what I reckon. Must say though, I've had some terribly stressful times in my career where I've been ready to pull my hair out and I've had some terribly frustrating times with my childen where I've been ready to pull my hair out. LOL. I do thank my lucky stars every day that I have two healthy children.

I think we undersell ourselves if we call it a job. Jobs end. You go home. You get holidays. You can get promoted, move to a new job, take early retirement. Parenting never actually ends. Your 'job' is never actually completed. And of course we have a gazillino other things that need doing at the same time, including real 'jobs' ;)
It's hard work. But it's also brilliant and no mere job can compete.

I haven't read the other replies as I am too tired ;) This may be an incoherent ramble!

I would say that being a parent isn't the "hardest" job in the world but a very full on one! Right now I am ready to fall into a heap, we have had such a full on week so far and I am completely drained. We have had things on Mon, Tue & today and was meant to have something on tomorrow and Friday. Kids have been non stop fighting, teasing etc and I honestly don't think I have been this flat for a while. ( I have now cancelled tomorrow thank goodness!! ) In saying that though, I would not trade it for the world. Today I was at the supermarket and both kids were screaming, crying, running off, whinging blah blah blah... one of those scenes where you look at another Mum and think I know how you feel but man, I'm glad it's not me! It was horrendous the way they were carrying on and for a second I found myself tuning out to them and thinking that despite their screaming and yelling there was no way I would want to be anywhere else right now. It is a tough gig, for some physically, some mentally, some emotionally and sometimes a mix of 2 or all! No real point to my post but I guess I'm saying that yes, it can be damn hard but I don't think many people out there would make any changes :)