Confused and Devastated

I'm 29 y/o and have been married to the love of my life for 4.5 years. We were expecting our first born to be due near our fifth wedding anniversary but 3 days ago we lost our 14 week old baby while I was on an interstate work trip.

I was only supposed to be gone for one night but went straight to RPA from the airport thanks to severe cramping that hurt so badly that only morphine could take it away. My cervix didn't open, and the baby didn't die straight away, as an ultrasound showed a live baby, however the heartbeat had slowed to 104 bpm. I had seen my baby only the day prior after going to ER with very mild cramping and all looked to be OK - a lovely moving baby with 165 bpm heart rate. However I was admitted and an ultrasound showed the following morning that my beautiful baby had passed away through the night.

I had been given a prognosis of possible IUGR at my 12 week ultrasound....perhaps this was why we lost our baby. I just don't know.

I am absolutely devastated and struggling to accept what has happened. I have heard the statistics but I still never thought it would happen to me.

The only positive to come out of the horrifying experience of going through this on my own interstate was that the people at RPA were so, so, so lovely and I will never forget how well they treated me and how much they wanted my baby to be ok as much as me.

I was wondering what people think about going back to work after this? I am planning on going to work tomorrow but I'm still a little emotionally unstable - is this wrong? Do you get back on the horse or is it OK to expect to have some time off?

Thanks for listening.

:hug: you have just been through an extremely traumatic experience so yes it is definitely ok to have some time off. You need to do what you have to. You are allowed to grieve, you just lost your baby. So sorry for your loss.

:hug: I'm so sorry for your loss Emma Lousy

It is perfectly normal to have some time off to let yourself heal, both emotionally and physically. It all depends on the person. Some women choose to "get back on the horse" so to speak as a way of coping. Others need time to comprehend what has happened.

If you are not feeling up to it, take some time off until you are. Take care of yourself and :hug: again xx

I'm so sorry.
Take your time, there's no rush

Im so sorry for your loss. To lose your baby at 14 weeks must be absolutely devastating. :hug:

As for work its up to you really. Do whatever feels right to you, there is no right or wrong. I went to work two days after I found out about my third m/c and I found it was a good escape for me because it kept my mind off things while I was there. But when I got home I was a total mess because I had been pushing my grief down all day. You will need time to process your loss and deal with all your emotions.

Huge hugs to you at such a difficult time :hug::hug:

I am sorry for your loss :hug:

I took a week of work after our missed miscarriage at 10wks. I needed that time, even though going back to work later didnt make the grief easier to deal with. I still had days I had to go home early. It gets easier with time.

I hope you have lots of support.

My heart just sank as I read this. I am so, so sorry. Word aren't enough :hug:

Losing a baby at 14 weeks would be incredibly devastating, please take time off work to grieve. You've lost your child :cry:

So sorry :(

:comfort:

Im so very sorry for your loss :( My heart was in my throat reading this, going through a loss like this is extremely hard. It will take time for you to start feeling better about things. Its baby steps, one day at a time. I remember when i lost our baby i cried every day for a month straight, at the time it seemed like things would never get easier, but with time they do. It is very very important to allow yourself to feel everything you feel and grieve, dont supress it, it just makes things worse further down the track, trust me. I would be taking some time off work definitely, at least this week. Get back on the horse yes, but give yourself a chance to deal with everything first with it being so fresh right now.

Take your time, don't feel like you need to go straight back to work. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your baby. Thinking of you, I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs

So very sorry for your loss.

Regards,
Dianne

Im so sorry for your loss. Huge hugs hun xxx


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Thanks everyone. I'm at work today and its really quiet. But I'll leave after a meeting I've got booked. I wish for once I had the guts to say stuff it and take time out but I struggle with this.

Looking at everyone's replies and your profiles, I can see that some people have really been through a lot, so I can't tell you how much I appreciate you sharing some advice with me.

E

I'm sorry you've lost your precious baby hun :hug: A loss a baby is very hard to deal with and the grieving part of it requires some time, so don't rush back to work. I took a few weeks off work only because I just couldn't handle going back and being all friendly on the phone to my customers (I worked in customer service at the time). I knew that most of them would be understanding and supportive but I could just see myself being councilled all day on the phone and I just wouldn't have done much work. I was in shock in the beginning and then in denial, then came the anger and then finally the acceptance. Some people go back to work straight away, but I think for some it's trying to keep busy, and not dealing with the loss. Huge hugs again hun and remember to take it slowly and allow yourself to go through all the emotions. Thinking of you xoxox

I'm sorry for your loss :-( Losing a baby at any stage is awful with and I think many people go through a rollercoaster of emotions. Do you what you feel you need to do - I would take some time out to recover after the loss ,but if you feel you want to keep busy and go back to work then that might be the right thing for you. I think we are all different but the important thing is to take care of you right now and what you feel you need to do xxx I am only a PM away too if you ever need to talk.

I'm so sorry for your loss--and please try to slow down and take care of yourself, take time off, put your feet up and let your body and spirit heal. Praying for you.

Hi everyone. Well, I did take some time out - it was a mistake to go back to work so soon. I needed to process everything. I have a healthier outlook, but I'm still sad. I feel anxious and a little depressed (I just can't let go of what should have been) but hopefully I'll get there.

Thank you very much to all that have commented. Yu made my day.

Cheers

E

How are you going Emmy?

Hi there,

I'm OK. Still depressed and thinking about what should have been. But I've a much healthier outlook than I did 2 weeks ago. I only hope that outlook will improve.

We are going to try again straight away. We won't be waiting.

Thanks!

E

:hug: from someone who understands.