DH's Shiftwork - Am I Being A Sook?

So shiftwork has its pros and cons and at the moment it mostly seems like cons.

DH has been on lates for a few weeks and will be for a few more. That means he starts late afternoon and is not home until somewhere between midnight and 3am.

Which in turn means that I do the whole dinner, bath and bed thing on my own. I actually don't mind that - seems to run more smoothly with just one of us coordinating it. What DOES get to me is that I also have to do the whole morning routine too so DD2's bottle and breakfast, nappy change, breafast for DD1, dressing, dressing myself with both girls about two inches away from me. DH is not being slack, if he hasn't got home until 3am I really don't expect him to be up again at 6.30am to help me.

But it just gets to me doing the whole evening thing and the whole morning thing on my own. So he's around mid-morning and early arvo to play with the girls but they're kind of the fun parts of the day, not the pointy parts.

Have I got a point or am I just being a sook :)?

When hubby is on day or nights I do those days by myself (he does 12.5hr shifts)

it does suck, so I understand where you're coming from. Does he help out on his days off and give you a break?

It's not really a vent about DH as such it's a vent about shiftwork. He does a lot with the kids but if he took over when he was home, we'd never see each other. As it is, we spend a lot of time together but none of it is quality time because he works in the evenings so there is no time together when the kids are in bed. It's really difficult balancing everything. And I guess my point is that the time he has with the kids during the middle of the day is not the 'grunt' work, it's the easier part of the day. I get most frustrated in the mornings while I'm running between the two of them and when things that should be easy (changing DD's nappy and getting her dressed) turn into an absolute schermozzle because she's a complete nightmare to change. And it's really frustrating not being able to dress yourself without two kids underfoot.

I too have a shift worker hubby. The good thing for me is thati is onlyforfour nights!

I hope you get a morning off soon.xxx

Nah I don't think you're being a sook, my DH does shiftwork and sometimes it's a real struggle :hug:

In our case, DH leaves at 6am and is meant to finish at 7pm, but doesn't get home til around 8pm and last night it was 9pm! Luckily I gave up waiting him and ate dinner on my own earlier :lol: He does 2 of these shifts then does 2 nights where he is gone at 6pm and home around 8am. So I can relate. I have to do the whole morning and night routine myself as well as keep the house quiet when he's sleeping.

DH has to do a certain amount of overtime too so sometimes he might do 2 days then 4 nights! I have found that people I know don't really understand how isolating and difficult it can be.

I do those things myself and DP doesn't do shift work but he dies work long hrs 6-7 days a week.
Does he do other things to help you out when he's not sleeping or working?


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- Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

He does heaps to help out when he's home but as I keep saying, the mornings and nights are the hard work times I think. The rest is kind of play time.

Can't remember the last time I got a sleep-in and I get v jealous of friends who take it in turns with their partner on the weekend (he works weekends too). I can count the number of sleep-ins on two hands in the last four years since DD1 was born.

Thinking of going back to work for a rest!

:hug: Hun, I know how you feel, I know dp doesn't do shift but even when he is home he doesn't do those things, is there any way you can make these things fun?
Can the kids 'help' with tea, can you have a pj day and not worry bout getting dressed? :rofl:


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- Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

DD1 sometimes 'helps' with tea and I'm pretty organised so have the evening routine pretty downpat. It's more the morning thing - doing everything while DH is in bed does my head in a bit especially when nothing (like getting dressed) is simple. Can't handle PJ days unfortunately ZF - usually we've got something on (story time, kindergym) and on the other days it completely does my head in seeing DD1 in PJs. DD2 is still of an age where her PJs could be mistaken for trackies so sometimes we do that :)

I should also say that doing the morning and night thing on my own has been going on for years (with breaks when DP is on earlies), not just for a few weeks so to say I'm now over it would be an understatement.

nah, that sucks. Not a great work-life balance at all.
DH is working late tonight so I have my mum coming for the night :rofl: So how much of a sook am I?

Nah, you're not a sook. I start off all gung ho, and then after about 4 nights i get completely over it. I always get everything ready for the morning the night before, but it's the mornings that i hate the most.

my DH is an afternoon shift worker. his work is a bit different in how they do the break down, so Mondays is a long shift from 7am-7pm, Tues-Thurs is 3pm-11.10pm and Friday (day) are his day off, BUT he usually ends up working overtime Friday night from 6pm-6am Saturday morning, then works o/time again on Sunday from 6am-7pm.....

yeah it sux and i sometimes feel like a single parent, but i know it is only going to benefit us in the long run and im used to it now as he's been on arvos for the last 3 yrs!

i do feel for you though :hug:

Shift work sucks big time any time I think :) but it's just one of those things you have to roll with and work around (unless he's up for a new job?) does he get much time off? like is it a week here then a day off there?? can you sleep in on those days?

Perhaps you need to change it up a little make it different so it's not such a task/chore each day.

Example: when my DH did night shift he would make the evening meal around 3pm so he could take some that night. This way I got a break from cooking, he got a good meal at work and DS1 had his dinner ready also. I would also lay out clothes, prepare snacks, get breakfast stuff ready the night before. ahh not sure what else......would often walk around mid arvo with the kids, stop by the park then by the time I got home it was tea/bath/bed.....relax. I've done a lot of walking :) I have always bathed/showered often with my kids.....makes it more fun and passes the time.

If he is watching the kids mid morning/afternoon can you sneak a nap in when you need it during the day?

Don't know if any of that helps, but yeah it's no fun :( Hope it gets better.

The other sucky thing is that his start times vary a lot - so a late shift could mean anything from a 2pm to a 7pm start and anything from a 9pm to 3am finish. Makes it hard to get any kind of routine going other than me doing evenings and mornings.

I actually don't mind the cooking - it's just the mornings I despise.

I'm really not into daytime naps, just seems like a waste of time. I just want to be able to chill in the morning, one morning, without having to be up and at em looking after DDs.

So basically, you do all the work and he does all the play? JIPPED!

Don't get me wrong Keike, shiftwork is not a walk in the park for DH either. He's pretty hands-on when he's up so being up at 10ish then starting work at 4.30pm and getting home at 1am is a pretty long day for him too. It's just that he misses the busiest times at home. He often works seven or eight days straight and if he's gotten home at 2am, I'm not really going to make him get up at 6.30am to the girls on his day off so I can have a sleep-in.

I just wish his start times for earlies and lates were the same so we could figure out what works best for us.

At the moment, I'm thinking that next year we should put both DDs in childcare for a couple of days per week. DD1 is in childcare already but DD2 isn't and I'm really beginning to feel that I need some time to myself either to work or study. Or just do housework without two munchkins making a 5 minute job take 30 minutes.

100% feel your pain. Shift work frikkin sucks for everyone involved!! My dh starts at midnight, so goes to bed around 4pm. Gets home around 9am, so I do nights and mornings myself. Hate it :( he is here for lunch, bit that's the easy part of the day lol. Plus half the time we are out anyway. sucks for him too though!! Aah the things we do for money.

Oh I know ellasmummy!!! I'm sure some of my friends see us out and about at lunchtime and think how lucky we are but I think, who ever said they needed help at lunchtime for goodness sake? Not me, lunchtime is the cruisiest part of the day. Or like you said, we're out and DP is home.

Don't know how you do it. DH did shift work when DD1 was a baby and it was pure hell trying to keep her quiet so he could sleep. Honestly don't think I could go back to it, even with the girls no longer being babies. Don't think you are being a sook :hug:

Thanks Astrid. I must be shattered because somehow DP has now become DH and I can't remember getting married :)

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Thanks Astrid. I must be shattered because somehow DP has now become DH and I can't remember getting married :)

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:lol: just noticed that.

Is it worth moving your day around - putting baths after lunch, and putting the biggest meal at lunchtime when everyone will be home to help?
I think you need to cut yourself a lot of slack here, rather than putting pressure on yourself to get it all done solo.

:hug: it sounds very rough.

My dh does looooong hours so I too do mornings and nights by myself.... We also have irregularity which I think is almost worse because it's really hard to find a rhythm.

The things that help me are cooking huge batches of meals on the weekend so the weeknight meals are sorted, and using the tv in the morning. We tape play school and it goes on first thing each morning so I can have some time to shower, breakfast and ease into the day.

Good luck!

Afternoon shift is hard. Even finishing at midnight.. Ide still be so tired at 8am let alone 6:30am. Being a mum is even harder so I dont think your being a sook but I think you could manage your time better so its not so crazy for you. Bathing earlier etc. My DF works somewhat normal hours (8am-6pm) but I do most the tasks during the day and it can get abit draining but its not their fault. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Yup fionas sooo many people say that, when we go out for morning tea or lunch. Sh*ts me!!

:hug: It's not the easiest hey. I'm a bit lucky like Lilima in that, it's 10 hour days so only 4 days a week for us. I don't know what time your partner gets up, but maybe for when yours comes home on the 'earlier' times, with us, I get up and get the kids ready, and he just gets up in time to drive them - so I sometimes go back to bed, even with a cuppa and catalogues.

Main meal of the day at lunchtime also helps (when we're organised enough!), because then if it's a sucky night, it's lunch food - sandwiches and yoghurt and bed. Have been known to feed kids a dinner of yoghurt and fruit during their bath. :lol:

Probably what helps the most is sorting lunches and outfits and doing as much as I can in peace the night before. It means I can throw brekky at the kids, their clothes are right there all in the one spot and all our junk is already packed for the next day. It might get easier as your little one gets older too. I can not WAIT until mine are old enough to make their own breakfast! I dream about the day...

Also - don't know how you feel about this, but consider having your own shower at night? I totally used to not cope with that, but now my showers come whenever they come, and I find mornings where I can do a quick freshen up and throw on clothes so much less complicated than when I have to shower and dry my hair.

So I guess my 'tricks' are to do as much as I can the night before. And if it's all going to poop, fast food or yoghurt or fruit loops as a meal is fine. Totally fine. But I don't think you're being a sook. Managing little people is busy stuff, and those who do it without backup, either full time or part time, have a tough job at times, mostly mentally I reckon. Heck, those who DO have backup have a tough job! Me and DH love our kids, but some days it takes both of us reminding the other to just breeeeathe when someone is trying to stand on their head and we're just trying to put pants on them! :lol:

Thanks ladies. I think this thread has convinced me that I'm doing all I can to make it tolerable (I cook in bulk or meal plan so dinner is actually a breeze, DD1 generally has five or so full outfits in her wardrobe that she can just put on and I try to shower the night before but this is tricky because DD2 often wakes up mid-shower).

It's the absolute irregularity of DP's shifts that drives me bananas. His start and finish times vary so much even when he's on "earlies" or "lates" and he may work five days before having a day off or he may work eight days. Or anywhere inbetween.

So after seeing what a difference it made having DP home the last two days, I've decided to put DD2 into childcare next year starting with two days a week (in addition to DD1). It's a bit earlier than I'd wanted (she'll be about 18 months old) but a few days ago I felt lower than I had in a while and I think I really need two days a week where I can do something for me (bearing in mind that DP often works weekends so in effect, I'm giving myself a weekend). So I'm planning to study.

I appear to have become addicted to brackets.

My DH is a shift worker too.. And I dispise it too when he is only home in the middle of the day.. Or a long stint of night shifts which means I do the evening, night, and morning as well..

Suppose the positive I take is that if he didn't have this job with these kind of shifts, then I would have no choice but to work!

But I don't think you are a sook at all!!

You could try some pretty ones {like these}