Am I being selfish??

Help!! I would like to get some opinions/perspectives on my predicament...

Our son is now 26 months old, and my husband and I have decided that we would like to have another baby. We are building a new 2 bedroom house at the moment on my in-law's property adjacent to their house on 80 acres. My best friend has been implying that we shouldn't be having another baby as we won't have the room and that it's not fair to make children share a bedroom.... She has got me doubting whether we should be having another child.. problem is that I can't see us being able to afford to buy a bigger house any time soon, and I turned 32 this year with a family history of menopause in the mid thirties :( so I don't want to wait only to find that the decision is out of my hands IYKWIM?

I understand that as the children get older, sharing would be a problem, but I'm thinking by that stage we may be able to afford something bigger.. Am I being selfish? Is wrong to have 2 children sharing a bedroom in a 2 bedroom house? Please be honest with me, because I am starting to think that maybe I am wearing blinkers and not looking at reality :dunno: Maybe we shouldn't have another child?

I should also add that the framework is already up for the new place so unfortunately we can't add a bedroom and the 2 bedrooms that we are building are not small by any means (approx 4m x 4.5/5m).

My kids share a bedroom and they love it! Not selfish at all.

No it is not wrong, children share bedrooms the world over, I wouldn't let that stop you having another child. Pffft to your friends opinion, that's all it is, don't let it bother you!

No offense but your friend has NFI :rofl:

I know a few kids who have decided they would rather share a bedroom than sleep in their own rooms. And that size room for 2 kidlets won't be a problem gosh thats nearly as big as our master bedroom and could easily have separate spaces.

I think it will only become a problem as the eldest starts entering teenage years but by then you may want to add an extension on or something.

No you're not being selfish at all :hug:

They should absolutely have their own bedroom, not to mention a bathroom each and preferably their own swimming pool ;)

There is nothing wrong with sharing a bedroom, and I find it hard to believe out of everything you could feel guilt over, your friend is trying to make you feel guilt over that. Where you may find you have some issues with is when the baby is young and waking at night, but you could easily have them in your room while they are in a cot and move them into a shared room later. HTH.

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They should absolutely have their own bedroom, not to mention a bathroom each and preferably their own swimming pool ;)

There is nothing wrong with sharing a bedroom, and I find it hard to believe out of everything you could feel guilt over, your friend is trying to make you feel guilt over that. Where you may find you have some issues with is when the baby is young and waking at night, but you could easily have them in your room while they are in a cot and move them into a shared room later. HTH.

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:rofl:

And well said!

There is never a perfect time to have a baby - or should I say, the time YOU and your DH choose to have a baby is the perfect time. If you wait until you move to a bigger house, which may not even happen by the sounds of it, then you run the risk of not having a second at all.

You do what is right for you. And they will be fine sharing!

jeepers in some countries there's 10 kids in a room that size.

Your friend has her priorities all screwed up! Separate bedrooms are way down the list of importance when raising kids.

For goodness sake, that's a silly reason not to have a child.

My two boys will be sharing a room soon, and we live in a 3 bedrm house lol

u can never have enough room it seems

My sister would have happily shared a room with me until she was in her mid teens.

I, on the other hand, nagged for my own room from age about 6 and got it a little later (we had an unused "guest" room). DH hated sharing too, even with his brother at bording school (where they share rooms).

Guess what - it depends on the children and the space available! I had cousins who happily shared bedrooms until they moved out. They just changed which two shared and which one got her own room every few years. I've known cousins of different genders share for years happily too.

I'm with kysalyss - they need their own bathroom too.
And where are you guys going to sleep? I assume the other bedroom is for the live-in nanny??

Pfft. Clearly not many of us agree with your friend!! Tell her that if you are lucky enough to bring another baby into this world, you plan on putting up a decent-sized tent in the back yard for it.

I don't think that's selfish - sharing a room would be fine - but when they are older it would be an issue if you have a girl/boy combo you will certainly face privacy concerns later on.
What's the reasoning behind only building a 2 bedroom home? Is it possible to go up to a 3 bed?

Oh and don't forget you need a parent's retreat. I have been told that I "must" have a retreat where we can go to after the children have gone to bed. Apparently the normal lounge room is not adequate for parent retreating. If the children have gone to bbed what are we retreating from :dunno:

We have a 3 bedroom house but our boys will be sharing as soon as DS2 leaves our bed!!!

Not selfish at all.

I shared with 1 of my brothers until I was 10. When I moved myself out to another room.

I personally couldn't do it, but if you think it will work well why not do it?

We live in two bed flat, I have two children, we are planning to live here for at least five years, they are not sharing at the moment because DS only six weeks but I hope from six months they will be. Eventually they will need their own as are a boy and girl, but I shared with my sister until went to uni, and I have turned out ok :). My two I believe will benefit from our location and we can't afford bigger in this area so we will stay put until we can. If you go back a generation or so sharing was common and the idea of having own room is really quite new.

I am having baby #2 at the moment and even though we have a 3 bedroom house, my two boys will be sharing a room once bubs is out of the bassinet in our room. I want one more but my DH is worried about what will happen when the kids are in their teens. I wnt to boarding school so shared space with between 1 and 4 other girls until I was 17. My two brothers shared until the eldest moved out at 19 ( he bought a house) I guess my idea is bedrooms are for sleeping and getting dressed/storing clothes and you don't need much space for that :)

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Oh and don't forget you need a parent's retreat. I have been told that I "must" have a retreat where we can go to after the children have gone to bed. Apparently the normal lounge room is not adequate for parent retreating. If the children have gone to bbed what are we retreating from :dunno:

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Each other? :lol:

Both my brothers had never been in their own room until I moved out (I was 21, they were 16 and 12) and they're both sane. Ish. :p I went in and out of sharing with our parents/them and having my own room until I was about 16 myself and moved permanently into the back room :) So it can be done!

ETA: I just remembered, my grandparents raised six kids in a two bedroom house! I think my oldest uncle may have moved out by the time my mum (#6) was born, but that still leaves five kids.

LOL I have a three bedroom house...

and all my 3 girls share a room!!! The other room is a play room.

absolutely not everyone carries on that this will be bad for the children and that will be bad bla bla bla you know what i shared a bedroom with my sister till i was 15 and i am fine and happy that i had it that way i say go for it especially with menopause a possiblity...i think you should defiantely do it

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jeepers in some countries there's 10 kids in a room that size.

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This.
My great grandma x many had 15 kids. When one kid moved out of home, another one was born. They were raised in a shack in the goldfields, may not have even had a separate bedroom to the living area.

Kids need food, warmth, love, health care & education. If you can provide that, everything else is a bonus.

what a load of rubbish!!

if you are happy, then it's fine! bloody hell - DD's godparents had 10 kids in an average 3 bed house. They now (regularly) have 6 or 7 of the kids, plus friends, and some of their partners, over. plus us three! it's cosy, but it works! the kids have no choice but to go outside and play for some extra space sometimes - what a HORRIBLE concept - kids outside playing! they have both genders in a decent mix, and there are never any privacy issues. they get dressed in the bathroom instead of in the bedroom if the opposite sex is around. no biggie. hell, we tried to do the right thing and give them a "boys room" and a "girls" room when they stayed over - pointed out the rooms, the older girls went into one room, the boys and the youngest girl in another.

don't let someone elses opinion of what is right or wrong color your view of what you should do. to be honest, we have a four bed place, but if we had another, i believe i would put them in the same room (once bub graduated from our room - and maintain the study and turn the current storage room into a play room for them. i honestly don't see any drama in sharing.

Wow - thank you all so much! I appreciate everyone's honesty, the first 3 replies made me cry! I think that I got so worried about what other people thought that I had lost sight of what I wanted and what I thought mattered...

Just to reiterate what the others have said ... we have a 4br (plus study) house and when DD2 no longer needs day naps we will be looking to put the two of them in one room and have another room as a playroom. That will give us an extra bedroom which we need as DP is a shiftworker. I would have killed to have shared a room with my sister. I think it's good for littlies, not cruel at all.

Young children love sharing rooms, they have a friend to giggle with and tell stories to while they fall asleep. Studies have shown kids who share sleep better and don't need to keep running to mummy and daddy everytime they have a bad dream, and that's a nice bonus for everyone!

I shared with my sister, but she snored which bothered me, by the time I was 12 I was desperate for my own room.

Australian houses are ridiculously, grotesquely huge by world standards, not even talking about third world homes. Take a look at an Ikea catalogue to get an idea of how families live in Europe.

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I can't see the issue. My gf is pg with her third & her two boys will most probably share, with bubs to eventually have his/her own room. Gosh ,I grew up sharing with my sister until we were in high school..... I think it is a privledge to have your own bedroom

My Sister & I shared until we moved out of home & loved it. There's no problem with it at all!!!

The only way I can see it mattering is if you have a little girl (my brilliant powers of reasoning have suggested from the subtle clues in your signature that you have a boy ;) ) Even then, it would be years and years before it became an issue.

For the record, I have 7 kids and the 9 of us live in a 4 bedroom house. Cozy! I grew up as an only child so never shared my room except for sleepovers.

My kids love having each other.

I've crammed all three of mine in the one room. So far, so good, they love it.

We have a 2 bedroom plus office.... I have my 3 girls in the one room. I have a bunk and a cot and they are fine... we are all fine.... and happy:) who cares what other people think!

God I must be the most awful mother - not only do my 2 middle children share a room - they share a BED!!!!

*falls over dead from the shame of this awful awful crime*

MY little ones end up in bed with us at various stages throughout the night, so extra bedrooms are pretty much just a waste anyway ;)

Ummm, is there something else going on with your friend?? Maybe she is jealous of the idea of you having another child? I seriously cannot understand why on earth someone would have the gall to make a judgement call like that as to why you should not have another child!

Personally, I was desperate to share a room when I was younger. My 3 brothers shared and I had my own room until I nagged enough. Then I negotiated to move in with 2 of my brothers and give my older brother my room! We were all very happy with the arrangement for years.

At the moment, I have my 2 girls in the same room in a 2brm house. Even if we had more room, I would still put them in together. I think humans need company. I get to share a room, why can't my dear little ones? Little ones who love to sit on me and eachother, wrap their arms around me, drape themselves over me, touch and be in close contact all their waking hours... Sharing rooms is lovely :)

(all the best TTC ;))

We have a very small 3 bedroom house. This is my fourth child. We all share bedrooms. I think it is actually a good thing - and if me and my DH can share, kids certainly can.

I was one of six kids myself, and the first time I got my own bedroom was when I moved out of home. The only kids I knew growing up who had their own bedrooms were those who were one of only one or two children.

My mum was one of six kids - all three girls shared one bedroom, their parents got one bedroom and the boys all slept in the lounge... It's funny how times have change so much that people now seem to take for granted what was once a luxury.

Nothing wrong with letting kids have their own bedrooms if you can afford it, but it is hardly a necessity, and they might just be the ones who are missing out. ;)

I also hope that you are ensuring your children have a minimum of double sized bed with preference to queen! The amount of kids I know with huge beds is just ridiculous!

I grew up in a 3 bedroom house with 3 brothers. From the time I was 6 till about 12 I shared with one if not two of my brothers. When I hit high school I got my own room and the 3 boys shared together for a while until mum and dad added extensions for us all to have a room. With only 2 at home now they have a guest room and a study.