Your parents or your partners parents?

So just a quick question :

Do your kids see your parents more or your partners parents? and did that come as a surprise to you?


Our girls see my DH's parents more than my parents and YES came as a BIG surprise to me!

My parents were the ones that nagged to be grandparents! than wanted granddaughters! well they have 2 of them and they hardly see them!
We use to live 5mins away from my parents, than moved (They whinged and complained) and we are now about 15mins away from them and we still don't see them much!

DH's parents live over 1hrs drive away and we see them HEAPS more! they are the ones to offer to baby sit, they are the ones always wanting to see the girls! and i really thought it would be my parents! I am now over having to drive to my parents to see them! i figure it is much easier for them to get in the car and come over but they never do!

Last time the girls saw my parents was fathers day and dad picked Miss Em up (the youngest) and she screamed and cried and didn't want to be held by him! He made some comment like "oh i am a stranger to her, and oh well what can i do?" what do you think you can blooming do? umm maybe visit!

So that is the reason behind my question... sorry had to have a little vent too :redface:

DS sees my DF parents more than mine. My mum visited my house twice in 2010, DF's parents visited every 3-6 weeks, sometimes more. Thing is DF's parents live 4 hours away- my mum lived 30 mins away! It doesn't surprise me though....
Massive :hug: xx

I am separated but my ex's Dad, I thought he would be a lot more involved, they made the biggest song and dance about not having grandchildren in the time before I was pregnant; then there were all these "concerns" about us separating that apparently I would not wish for my son to see them..all a load of rot..

They live in the same suburb as my parents.

We live about 40 min drive from each. It's probably about the same. They would all be over every weekend if we let them! Always asking to babysit. We try and space them out.


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:hug: vent away!

We see my mum more (both DH's and my dad have died), and it totally does not surprise me, for a few reasons. Firstly, because mum lives in the flat downstairs from us :rofl: But even before we moved into the same block as my mum, when we were an hour away on PT, we still saw my mum heaps. We both have a great relationship with her, and she was very excited to be a Nanna. DH's mother on the other hand...wasn't happy about being a grandmother, has a terrible relationship with DH, called me a whore once, and is a total piece of work. We've let her know a million times that if she wants to see DD, SHE has to let US know...she's seen DD once in her life so far, and we organised it :shakehead: But then she acts like it's our fault.

My kids have more to do with my parents. Although DH's parents don't live very far away we don't see them for very similar reasons as to why PZ doesn't see her inlaws.

My kids see more of my DH parents but that is mainly due to location. We live on a farm and DH parents live in town. Luckily for me MIL doesn't work and FIL is out at the farm everyday and has lunch in the house so the children have a great relationship with them both.

My Mum and Dad are divorced and both live in the same town 2 hours away. Mum see my boys quite a bit and will have them for a sleepover during school holidays, unfortunately Dad doesn't see that much of them. And since my eldest started school it has made life a lot busier and I don't travel home as often as I used to and for some reason my father chooses not to travel to where I live.

When we lived in Sydney, the kids saw DH's parents more. Now we're in Brisbane we see much more of my dad, who lives about 4 hours drive away. My mum lives in Malaysia for work but comes back twice a year or so.

My parents are 1.5 hrs away. DH's parents are 40 mins. My parents see them at least once a week. PIL's see about once a month. MIL used to look after them fortnightly, but dumped them when DH's brother had kids. :(

all grandparents live within a 5 minute drive but DS probably sees my parents more - mostly because they are retired & i'm a SAHM so we go round there probably 3 times a week for a visit. DS sees DP's mum a couple of times a week & she is also the one who babysits when/if we need so he probably stays at her house longer than anywhere else at a time. DP's dad is the one who lucks out - he runs his own business & is pretty busy but DS probably sees him once a week.

with them all being so close, i'm not really surprised how it's worked out & i do love that visits don't take much organising - we can just pop past the respective houses & see if they're home or they can drop round here. we're very lucky that they're all pretty cool & don't over-impose themselves. they just all love DS alot :lol:

my parents here coz D's parents live further away but the only reason we saw his parents more when we lived closer was because DH's mum worked in town lol i didnt go to her house by choice lol

DH's parents are passed so it's my folks only
DD used to have sort of "surrogate" grandparents in the town we used to live in - but they turned narky after her first birthday when we didn't worship the ground they walked on when they turned up an hour late to her party. we were both busy with out of town friends, and honestly didn't notice their arrival. so after that, i figured we'd focus on DD's ACTUAL grandparents, rather than nurturing relationships that were somewhat toxic (there was a lot more to it than that incident - that was just the straw to break the camels back!)

DD sees my mum at least once a week - mum picks her up and takes her shopping for the day. this week just been, she's seen her maybe four of the seven days - might be 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there, all day the next time. she sees my dad on the days she spends all day with mum

My DD sees my mum the most. She looks after her when we go out the majority of the time and she looks after her every second Friday. Then my Dad & his wife would see DD every few weeks to a month & they babysit from time to time.
DH parents live interstate, that is the reason they don't see DD hardly, but we try to visit 1-2 times per year and they come down to us 1-2 times a year. I think my mum would still see DD the most anyway, as my IL's have other grandchildren and work

My parents live 2.5 hours away so when we see them it is pretty full on as we are staying with them or them with us - DD would have had more sleepovers with them as my mum comes down, spends the night and then takes her back for a few days before we come up or meet them halfway.

DH's parents live 20 mins away. They don't make much of an effort to come out to our place. MIL works shifts so I never know when she is working - she often wants us to bring DD into work on the weekends but I don't really see the point (if she's busy all she can do is wave - if she's not busy she buys her crap from the snack machine). The times that PIL have had DD they look stuffed after an afternoon (also not a fan that they park her in front of the TV for most of the visit).

Neither actually.

DP's Parents live in NSW. My Mum lives in Townsville.

If we were all to live close-by I know DP's parents would definately make more effort.

My parents, they live 5 mins away and my Mum looks after the kids evey Monday and Wed when I go to work. We go there every sat & Sun as DD loves the farm and I have my horses there. We are also selling this house to build one on the same farm to it will become everyday.

DH;s parents lived 45 mins away and we went there every second weekend - now they have retired and are living in their caravan and we have seen them every week - they come and stay in the c'van park in our town to see us.

We are all very close to both sets of parents, and I will say very very luck for the support and love that they give us. :)

HI HJ haven't seen you for ages :D It's all a bit weird with the grandparents isn't it! DS is my MIL's 1st grandchild and apparently she was really excited about ds coming along and arriving etc but we really don't see her much?? She always brings him things when she visits but we just don't see her much even though she lives about 1.5hrs away. My parents on the other hand live interstate and have a huge drive then plane fight to get here and they have made 5 trips here in a 12 month period and I think they will be here another 2 times before the end of the year!! I knew that they would visit a couple times a year as they always have I am surprised at how much they have been here so they have seen ds heaps more than MIL. FIL lives about 25mins away and he and his partner see ds the most of all of them which is no surprise as we have always seen them the most out of everyone.

My kids see the in-laws the most, but that's easy as we have nothing to do with my parents. It isn't a huge surprise.

My parents see DD usually about twice a week.
DH's mum sees her maybe once a fortnight? Really depends on when I organize it for her.
DH's dad lives 1.5 hours away and he sees DD once very 6 months, sometimes more if he comes into town for something special.

We see my parents at least once a week but usually more. DD1 has stayed overnight there quite a number of times also. I expected my parents to be pretty present as we were close and caught up frequently before DD1. My Mum always hates when she is too busy to put in some 'face time' during the week (both my parents still work full time). As we always say; family by chance, friends by choice!

Unfortunately, DD1's other Grandparents live interstate (Perth to Brisbane so quite a distance) so she has only met them a handful of times. I have no doubt they would be more involved if they were physically closer, especially DD's Dad's Mum but they do talk on webcam quite often from what I hear (DD's Dad and I are not together). I get along with them as well as can be expected and I have taken DD1 over there a couple of times, staying very welcomed in their home. DD's Dad's Mum has also came over to Brisbane on several occasions (DD's Dad's Dad works very extended periods away from home) and stayed in my parents home.

The one in my tummy will see my parents more often than DP's parents as they also live interstate (although only NSW so not as great of a distance). DD1 and I have met them twice, one of those times was not pleasant and involved me being insulted in a number of ways (requested paternity test and questioned my parenting ability as well as my worth as a daughter etc). I assume we will see them infrequently which is okay with me. Unfortunately, I do not respect them nor will I be quick to forget the way in which I have been treated (and in front of my 2 year old) so I won't be going out of my way to include them in my or my two girls lives. It does sadden me to feel this way but given the amount of healthy relationships I've been able to maintain even in less than ideal circumstances (ie. above) I know it is not me at fault for my thoughts or theirs and so I will leave things in their court to rectify should they be inclined to be more present in our lives. I don't expect that to happen anytime soon as I am yet to recieve an apology or let alone any acknowledgement of said day, I think I would actually be relieved for things to remain as is.

They see my mum the most.. both DH and my parents have divorced and have new parters.. 3 of the 4 grandparent couples live in the same area (about 10-12 hours away)... and my mum is the only one who visits regularly. We saw DH's dad and SM christmas of 2009 when we traveled up there to visit. They still havent met DD (neither have her two Aunts on my side, or any of her anunts or uncles on DH's side) My dad did make the effort to visit just after DD was born and had planned to visit again but health issues got in the way.

DH's side of the family make absolutely NO effort to see the kids. They are busy on a farm though and dont get the chance to travel very much which is fair enough. But if we hadnt of gone to visit them, they wouldnt have met DS either.

:hug: no need to apologise. That sounds very frustrating.

DS sees my Mum very often and she lives at least 90mins drive away on a good day. She is a workaholic so this has surprised me :lol: but she makes a huge effort to come and visit every couple of weeks. She is the one who babysits for us on the odd occassion we go out without DS, she'll also be coming when I go have this bub! DS loooooves his Nanna and asks after her everyday, it's quite cute :D

My MIL lives less than 5mins away and we only see her maybe once every few months. This did initially surprise me but really it shouldn't have. She is a very bitter, selfish woman who believes everyone revolves around her. I hoped things would be different but despite us making an effort to include her early on in DS' life she really isn't interested. As a result DS doesn't really like her which is a shame but she can't expect something for nothing!

My mum loves 8h away and the kids talk to her every 2nd day and see her once every 2-3 months for a weekish at a time, I'd say. They have the strongest grandparents relationship with my mum and step dad...

My dad lives 10mins down the road and see's them for an hour or so every 3-4 months.

HIS parents will never see my kids again ;)


Love MN ;-)

I should also say we skype with both sets of grandparents once or twice a week. My parents are Deaf so love the interaction over the video conference.


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mine see my parents more as DH's live interstate, but my parents only see them because they babysit one morning a week so i can work (and thats an effort :( ) but is DH's parents who offer to come and help when needed (go figure) i think my dad has been to my house maybe 3 times in 12 months, twice for birthdays and once to get something back, he/they never just drop over anymore.

Difficult to judge.

DH's parents more frequently - a few hours at least once a week. They adore him and he loves visiting them.

My parents, full-on visits up to two weeks at a time (living at their house) 3-4 times a year. They visit us once a year, but that's for 3-4 days and they do a lot with friends those days. I have issues about that so want to cut back - my mother ignores my parenting and especially food choices for DS. Including thinking his intolerance to dairy is "embarrasing" when out in public and I ask what ingredients are in fresh food.

Mine, definitely. My parents live next door, but even if they didn't I'd still be there all the time. DH's dad and stepmother have met Amelia three or four times, his mum and stepfather have never met her (they live interstate)

FIL and SMIL were at Ianto's funeral, but I wish they'd stayed away. I don't want to repeat it, but something was overheard I will never forgive them for. MIL and SFIL seem to pretend he doesn't exist.


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks ;)

DD sees her Dad's parents quite frequently, at least a couple of times a week or so as Grandma looks after her after school etc, plus they go on holidays a lot and to the footy with Grandad etc.

She also sees DH's mum and stepdad (we aren't in contact with his dad) maybe once every couple of months sometimes more when we catch up with them.

Doesn't see my mum all that often, they have a good relationship but Mum lives about 3hrs away on the farm and often extremely busy and travels a fair bit. So visits are more every 4-6 months or so.

I have no doubt my baby will see my Mother and one of my Aunties most ahead of everyone else. They are both keen and supportive of the baby without being over the top if you know what I mean? If I had them both in the house, 1 day after bubs was home they would only help and not get in the way. Which is awesome. They only live 25mins drive away too. My Aunty has a "I'm a Great Aunty Tshirt" and held my baby shower for me. So cute.

DH Mother lives in QLD so I doubt the baby will see her at all sadly. She never travels and I have only met her once at that was at our wedding. DH partner and step mother act very keen but seem to have developed "pushy grand parent" syndrome and the baby isn't out yet. Blegh. Just yesturday I was roused on for not calling and updating them on "their baby". Who's baby? And it's not out yet thanks.

GAH! I can see where that is heading already... and I'm not the type to let everything just wash over me with a smile. :wall:

Sorry tiny vent hehe.

L x

For us both sets of grandparents had major life changes right around the time they become grandparents (and not so say they can't have their own lives) but as grandparents they were pretty dissapointing for a bit there.

My mum moved hours away (I'm on Mornington Peninsula she moved to Shepperton). Then about a year after that she moved to Port Hedland (or 3 hours inland from it). I know she's entitled to a life but it was not what i was expecting of a grandparent for my children.

My MIL possibly started having an affair, don't really know as she never fully told us, and her children didn't want to know as it was one too many times for them.

My Dad and my FIL were around and probably more willing to be grandparents than the females.

Huge shock and lots of soul searching from myself and DH to adjust to it.

Four years later and there have been lots of changes. My MIL and FIL are back together and much more willing to be in their grandchildrens lives. My Mum is back living closer to me again and even lived at our house for 8 months of this year.

I would have to say that throughout the whole parent/grandparent upheavle that we experienced my Dad was the most stable person in our lives.

So not what we expected at all, it's been a huge learning curve.

Now as i type this we probably see the grandparents weekly or fortnightly they are willing to visit and or babysit when they can.

My parents live 4 hours away, but my Mum doesn't work and Dad's job is very flexible. They drop in a lot because our place is on the way to my brother's, and they have another house that they're fixing up. So they travel a lot anyway, but DD is their first grandchild and they've really ramped it up lol. We see them quite a bit.

In laws, on the other hand, have seen DD twice in 13 weeks. They live 3 hours away, FIL is retired and MIL has a very flexible part time job. They use the excuse that they don't have the time or money but that's bs. They had enough money to build a shed on the back of their house that has a living area, bedroom and ensuite. And really, it's a 3 hour drive, not that expensive. They just expect us to do the travel, which isn't easy for us anymore.

Mine and DP's parents live interstate. Whenever we go back to visit, My parents are visited more often. this is mainly because MIL annoys the s@#$ out of me and insists on getting right in DD's face constantly. DD always gets really nervous and shaky after visiting IL's so I avoid them as much as possible.

Wow thank you all so much for your response and how things work with your children's grandparents! As sad as it is it kinda made me feel a little better knowing my parents aren't the only ones out there like that!
I actually had a chat to my DH's mum about it yesterday and she said they way she saw it, is that it is my parent's loss! and not only are they missing out on seeing their only grandchildren but they are missing out on seeing what a wonderful mum i am :) Awwwwww

Sounds like you have a great MIL hj and she is right about you being a great mum :) .

My kids unfortunately will never see DF's parents as they live in England and we can't afford to go over and his mother is in a nursing home and his dad is too sick to travel. My parents live under 1/2hr away but still don't come to visit. We have had issues over the years but mum and I are getting better at interacting but dad won't visit as I live to close to the gaol lol. If my kids ever want to see them I have to pack the lot up and drive over to see them :(