No visitors

I know there has been a thread awhile back about this but can't locate it...so here we go...

This time around I am kindly requesting no vistors for the first week or two after the babys birth.

Obviously, my and DH's parents are allowed but Would it be rude if I only let afew family members on DH's side visit in those first couple of days? I have a couple of SIL's who I would love to visit but otherwise am hoping the rest of the family will stay away. DH has a HUGE family. I have 2 siblings.

Last time, I arrived home the day after I gave birth and within 20 minutes there were 15 adults in the house (not to mention their children). There I was less than 24hrs post giving birth making coffees and entertaining all these people. I'm NOT doing it this time, and DH supports this.

Anyway, how do I get this message across to people. DH's family are not close per se so a phone call would be awkward for DH. Would a sign at the front door be rude? What did you do?

TIA :)

Could you maybe send a bulk SMS, keep it short and generic.

"although we understand our family and friends would like to meet our new baby, we kindly ask that the first (insert timeframe) be spent alone as a family getting to know each other"

Maybe write that you will update everyone once bub is here and when they can expect to be able to come visit.

Oooo I like ZF's suggestion. I am hoping to have no visitors at least for the first 24-48hrs so DS has a small adjustment period, and I know DH's parents will want to be there the minute bub is born

Good luck

well to start, OH MY GOODNESS!!! You poor thing, I can't believe you had THAT many ppl turn up THAT soon! I was going to say was ZF, just remember it's ur baby, ur faamily and it is our right to do this type of thing. One thing you could consider is a meet the baby party and to avoid so much work you could do lunch at a cafe or something? for after the week or 2??

ZB has good ideas.

Could you also say "please call before visiting as we may be resting". Then you can tell people you're too tired, but allow the ones you want to come. And if doorbell rings, don't answer (or put up a sign saying you're resting).

Or could the grandparents host an afternoon tea where you take the baby to introduce to everyone, but that way you don't have to do the entertaining and can leave when you need to?

Why don't you pre-arrange a "meet the new baby" party for two weeks post-birth. Send out invites via email or text or whatever, and let people know that this is their chance to have a first glimpse at the new addition.

All great ideas! Thanks

I just didnt want to appear rude- but all these suggestions are kind and polite :)

I think I will have on a text message that announces babys birth that we will notify everyone of a 'baby meeting day' and kindly request no visitors til then to allow us all to get settled. Then have a BBQ or something in a couple of weeks.

Thanks all :)

I'd suggest including the request with the birth announcement to be honest. Something like "<name> has arrived safe and well (insert vital stats if desired) - Mum and bub are doing fine however we would like to spend our first couple of weeks getting to know each other as a family. We will be happy to welcome visitors by arrangement after this time"

To be honest, I'm kind of planning something similar both for the first day after birth and then once I'm home from hospital depending on how I'm feeling, as I had a similar problem when DD was born.

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I'd suggest including the request with the birth announcement to be honest. Something like "<name> has arrived safe and well (insert vital stats if desired) - Mum and bub are doing fine however we would like to spend our first couple of weeks getting to know each other as a family. We will be happy to welcome visitors by arrangement after this time"

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I think this is great but I'd ditch the 'however'. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

If it was me I'd say something like "We are looking forward to spending the next few weeks getting to know each other as a family. We will have the family over once we get settled. Details to come."




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Holy crap that's a lot of people!
No advice, just a massive good luck!

To save yourself the hassle of a bbq at a later date, why not organise a 'wetting the baby's head' get together at a local pub/cafe. We did this for DS, when he was about 4 weeks old, and it started off with arvo drinks, and then a good sized group stayed on for dinner, it was totally chilled, and it meant there was no shopping or cleaning or preparation, everyone bought their own drinks and food, and we got to leave when we'd had enough.

i dont think its rude i fully intend on putting a note on teh door telling ppl to comeback later if i feel i need the time

Lots of good suggestions already :)

Keep in mind that there's two very different things:-

(1) whether it's rude to not want people over the second you've given birth ... or for a couple of weeks after ... (absolutely not!)

(2) whether people will be offended (quite possibly).

Now, as we've seen in other threads, what people find offensive or rude is one thing, what you're responsible for may be another - and what you decide you need to cater for or couch may be different again.

You've been around the block enough times to know all this, but I thought I'd say it anyway ... because we might be facing the same thing in March, and so I'm sort of posting this to myself too ...

While we're all completely entitled to have a while to ourselves, certain people will crack it, and we'll have to decide what we'll do in anticipation of that, to not permanently damage relationships, etc.

"others" are not necessarily as enlightened as those of us here on BB ;)

well said Peanutter, that is spot on. Sometimes what you ask you - no matter HOW well you express it - is not necessarily understood, respected or taken on board, by all who read it/ hear it.

Even if people get upset, they will get over it. Just say No, was the advice given to me by the ladies at my work. I have no intention of having people over for weeks after the birth. My mum will probably be the only one, only becuase it won't be a "visit" she would generally just help out, cook dinner, do washing and things not expect to be entertained.

I feel terrible for you that they were all so selfish so soon after the babies birth to be over imposing themselves on you. You poor thing. :hug:

There is also a whooping couch epidemic currently so anyone unvaccinated is going to be told no, on the advice of my GP who says it's too risky at the moment.

You don't have to tell anyone if your mum comes to visit sooner. Your baby, your family your choice imo. You never get that time back when they are little.

I think the text message is a great idea. However - I have family who would think it doesn't apply to them. Would yours fall into the same category? "Oh - she doesn't mean us!!! We'll just pop round for a quick cuppa..."

So you need to be prepared to maybe deal with that. Like - sign on the door, but again, they might think they are exempt... so maybe DH needs to be prepared to deal with unwanted visitors! To be strong and say "Now really is not a good time. We will see all our family at the BBQ/pub/whatever on x date."

That is a lot of people!
What I find interesting is that some people would welcome having everyone over at once upon getting home, or they want their space for a while. Im like you, I want some space after birth, preferably not seeing anyone at all including parents or the in-laws for a while.
I think everyone understands why the mother and father want the space. But I think where some people become offended is when certain people are excluded from seeing whilst others arent invited (especially when they consider your family to be so important to them). Another area where people can be offended is the timeframe (shorter space of time everyone understands, but the longer the time frame the more people seem to be offended).

I really like the idea of having a meet the baby bbq or afternoon tea idea. But I would send out the invites before you give birth, that way you can mention on the invite that you will be having some special family time after birth etc but cant wait for everyone to meet your new arrival at the bbq/afternoon tea...

Last time we sent around a text to everyone saying something like " C and N are proud to announce the arrival of S, MOther and baby are doing fine dad cannot wipe the smile off his face. We will let people know when we are ready for visitors" ... I caved to a bit of pressure for the two mothers and one SIL to see DD the day she arrived I was buggered and some of my requests while they were there were ignored. Needless to say THIS time I will be a lot firmer with my requests and if people ignore me while I am in hossy I will happily take my baby off whoever is holdingher and ask for the nurses to take her to the nursery (mums and bubs only LOL).

Anyway sorry for the mini hi jack. Let people know before hand where possible, just be ready for some backlash. When bub actually arrives you will probably need to reinforce your rules but those that matter won't mind, those that mind don't matter .

Nae x x x x

I'm hoping to do the same tbh - I don't mind while I'm in hospital, but when I'm home I don't want visitors except my ILs and my dad and grandmother, just to give me time to adjust from 1 child to 2.

I think ZF has the right idea, a bulk SMS (and if anyone calls, tell them too if they don't get an SMS)


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I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks like this...phew.

DH seems to think it would be presumptuous to assume people will want to visit and that we will look rude if we put it in an SMS ... we know they are going to want to visit but can't appear to know...male logic?????? LOL

So DH is in agreeance that he will send them on their merry way should they show up at the hossie or at home. Meanwhile we are hoping word of mouth will help- by telling some members of the family they might spread the word.

I don't think it's presumptuous at all, especially if it's a bulk sms (and it happened last time!). Personally I actually think it's rude to turn up on the doorstep straight after someone's had a baby WITHOUT calling to see if it's ok. I have NEVER been offended by someone saying "it's not a good time" or in the case of my SIL "I'm going to have a sleep now" (obviously a very gentle way of saying "please leave").

I hope no one is offended by a completely natural and normal wish to spend some time as a family before introducing your new bubby to the world. We certainly intend on having day 1 as only immediate family, and please call before visiting after that. But I have very practical family, they wont let me lift a finger :)

Good luck with your new arrival, I hope it all goes smoothly - and at least you know you're not alone with wanting to be alone, lol!

Unfortunately we do have some family members that show up with their horrid uncontrollable son ( that's a whole other story). They did it to me the day after I gave birth and wouldn't get the message to leave. I will be targeting them this time lol.

As I explained to DH, I don't want to worry about iow tidy the house is or whether I'm dressed and presentable. I don't want yo have to hide away in my bedroom trying to breastfed my baby ( because I feel awkward bfing infront of dhs brothesr). And to be honest I don't want my newborn passed from person to person like a pass the parcel game.

The stress of it all- but I'm sticking yo my guns. FWIW, I would never ever go and visit a new fam without calling. Am I the only one?

Thanks for ur responses girls :)

No hun your not the only one, I am always reluctant to visit a new family. I send a text to see how their going, wish them well and let them know that I am happy to wait until they give me the green light x

I have a rule that visitors must bring a meal (for us - not to share with them), do a chore (washing, rubbish whatever) and never stay longer than 30 mins! And yes, I tell them!

I just told my immediate family that I wanted no visitors (luckily DH's family are all interstate so I knew they weren't going to pop in).
I thought it was best to let them know in advance so whenever I spoke to them before the birth I kept saying....no visitors until I'm up to it.....

Not sure my mum believed me but she did when I had her and told her I just wanted to get home and settled before I had visitors.

That said I settled better than I though so had visitors pretty soon after but I felt like I was in control of when they came....

Goodluck

Bahaahahaha Roses that's gold!

Fwiw, I wouldn't *dream* of turning up without calling first at any my friends/family's places even under normal circumstances, so I really don't get how people think it's ok to just "pop around"? Let alone a family with a new baby - I'm like Nae, text message my congratulations/well wishes and then wait until invited to come visit.

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No hun your not the only one, I am always reluctant to visit a new family. I send a text to see how their going, wish them well and let them know that I am happy to wait until they give me the green light x

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Maybe you can come and educate DH's family...LOL

No, not at all. Just explain (I found it necessary to explain to ppl why I didn't want visitors).
My answer was always = "we're settling in first togther as new beings, we'd like visitors soon, and its important to us and me that we're settled and comfortable with each other").. I actually had to recite and repeat this to most of my family and friends (ie great nanny and DP's mum). Be bold in what you say, and stand your ground. Shake with fear and they will walk all over you.

In saying all this, we kept DS' actual birth a secret. We told only my parents because they had DD overnight, and I knew labour was ineveitable at the time. 15 mins after his delivery, my In-laws were all around. I told them my sentence (as above) and they really respected my desire to BOND with my new baby. Never had a problem since :)

At the end of the day, its your choice. If they don't respect it, make an excuse-put baby in the car and drive elsewhere for a nice healthy walk.
x

xx

We didn't tell anyone ds was born until the next morning and we didn't have any visitors in the hospital. We just told them that we didn't want any visitors and didn't give any reason. When we came home we settled in and told people that we would let them know when we were ready to have visitors at home. It turned out it was a week before dh's mum and dad saw him and it was one week and one day until my parents (who were here from interstate) saw him. Be strong, it's your life and your baby and you get to be in control. That time we had with ds was amazing and so bonding and it can never be taken away from us or gotten back if we had of not had it.

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Maybe you can come and educate DH's family...LOL

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:rofl: if I cannot educate my own I don't think I'd have a hope in hell in educating anyone elses ;)