i want to know but i dont

The sex of this baby that is.
Thinking about it causes so many anxieties.
Half of me is happy to not know and let it just be a baby rather than a boy or a girl, but the other half is desperate to know!! i want to know so we can start calling this baby by its name,mainly for DD1's sake who thinks that jack is back in my tummy and we're going to go to the hospital to go get him :( its so hard trying tto explain to her that jack will never come home. And so i can mentaly prepare my self.

We want a boy, we wanted a boy when we tried for Jack, we have a room waiting for a little boy. but if it is a boy, i dont know how i'll handle it, everything about this pregnancy is so so so similar to jacks and baby is due only 9 days after his first birthday. it kinda feels like history repeating and it scares me.

If baby is a girl, i'll be disapointed, im not going to lie about that, but at the same time if it is a girl i think it might ease the worry of things ending the same as they did with Jack because its a different sex ITMS???

Argh i dont know what to do, stick my head in the sand?

No need to reply, just typing out loud

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I couldn't read and not offer :comfort:

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I can't imagine how hard this decision is for you. I say go with your heart. FWIW, I think mentally preparing yourself as best you can would be wise. For me, that would mean knowing the sex....... but by no means am I telling you that's what you should do.

That was soooooooo unhelpful, so I'll just finish with one of these... :grouphug:

:grouphug: gorgeous lady xox

Hugs hun must be a tough time for you.

I think preparing yourself has advantages but also a surprise could also have advantage and the fun of a surprise and good news at end.

Go with what feels right for you xoxo

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We originally chose not to find out with DS2 until it went wrong but we weren't fussed about sex. If there's a next time, we'll probably find out so I can prepare myself as that will likely be our last baby.

If you wait to the end, you know you'll love baby either way. If you think you'll be disappointed with a girl, maybe it's best to find out early so you can work through that before baby is born.

Btw, I was also worried about the new baby 'replacing' DS1. That changed as we got to know him. He had his own strong personality from the start. It became more 'real' for us when we found he was a boy. I dont know why, but it did. Even though neither of them stayed with us, both boys were individuals. You'll never forget Jack. Your daughters may not understand now but they will later on.

Maybe get the doctor to write down the sex and put it in an envelope. You can open it when you're feeling more sure. Or baby may decide to keep you guessing anyway.

:hug: For so many reasons you listed is why I had to find out the sex of each of our babies! :hug: Do it if you need to.. I always said to people that its just as much of a surprise to hear the sonographer tell you the sex as it is for who ever delivers your baby!!! And to be honest, all your going to really want to care about that day is that bubs is here and alive and well!!! So i say go for it and prepare your self early for whatever comes so that on that beautiful magical day you can just be happy that bubs is here!!! xoxxox

I like tashybabes idea of getting them to write it down for you- then its not all decided on that day (well the sex of the baby is decided lol but not you knowing that day and that day only)... you can take your time and decide later on and it can be something you discover privately and make a special moment.

I got tears in my eyes reading what your DD said... :hug: that would be so hard!!!! I think even for her sake (and for yours so you can explain it to her with more clarity) that you do need to find out so that if A) you are having a boy she can learn its not Jack and know your new baby by his name and B) if your having a girl so she can have time to be really ok thats its a girl and not Jack!

:hug: I def think go with Tashy's advice.. get them to writ eit down and then you can know that its there if you want to know xoxoxo

Massive hugs. Your concerns sound perfectly reasonable to me, to anyone I'd say! What a tough situation.

I can only hope you have a super smooth pregnancy and labour with a healthy baby as the end result. :hug:

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I think I'd want to know so I could start putting a name and identity to this baby. Then you can be prepare your girls too. In many ways I think it would be a relief to find out now and sit with your feelings for as long as you need.

Thanks girls, i was thinking about asking the person who does the scan to just put the thinggy over its bits and letting me guess what it is, that way im not being told per say, im finding out for myself.
Its so hard with a child who's old enough to know, but not old enough to understand. When Jack died we did the usuals and told her he was an angel and was in heaven. but then we confuse her by tellling her we're going to visit jack when we go to the cemetery because now she thinks that the cemetery is heaven, and obviously we come home from the cemetery, so why cant jack come home too? IYKWIM? i know as she gets older the concept will become clearer to her, its just hard atm.

Everyone still associates the nursery with Jack, whenever i say the nursery or the babies room, DF and DD1 always say Jacks room?? i need it to start belonging to this baby, and everything thats in it that we bought new when i was pregnant with Jack

:hug: hun, i can't even begin to imagine.
I guess all you can do is what feels right at the time, knowing that we are all here to support and love you no matter what.

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I don't know what to say Skye, I haven't been in your shoes so I don't know what I would do. I "think" i would need to find out to process and digest whatever I was told. xxx

:hug:Oh hun, I think your idea of having a look is nice, maybe then like tashy said get the sonographer to write it down in a card and then when you are absolutely ready, maybe at home in the nursery you can open it and then announce that the room will be for........

Hugs for your DD1 too, she sounds like such a beautiful thinker.

From your last post, I personally think knowing the sex soon will help you guys although it will be bloody hard regardless of the sex. I think being able to give the baby a name will bring it to life, IYKWIM, and quite possibly allow you to start referring to the nursery and the nursery goods as it's room and stuff.

Can you afford new bedding and accessories for the new baby? Maybe it would help to put Jack's away, when you're ready of course, and keep it special, always his. The fresh accessories in the nursery may help to make it the new baby's room. I hope that makes sense, I'm obviously not speaking from experience but I know I want this baby to have it's own 'stuff' and be able to put it's stamp on the nursery even if it is another DD for us. KWIM?

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I think finding out will help you to fall in love with this new baby, and if it's a boy, knowing its name will help your dd identify this as a new sibling.
Whichever you decide, big hugs.

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Oh hun, I think your idea of having a look is nice, maybe then like tashy said get the sonographer to write it down in a card and then when you are absolutely ready, maybe at home in the nursery you can open it and then announce that the room will be for........

Hugs for your DD1 too, she sounds like such a beautiful thinker.

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I think this is a gorgeous idea. This way you are able to process the information yourself, without feeling watch and judged by your reaction. I know when i found out DS3 was a boy, i was feeling very aware of everyone watching my reaction- knowing that i desperately wanted a girl. It sounds nice to be able to have a moment for yourself, maybe with DF to just process your own thoughts about little bear cub and it is now his or her room. :hug:

Honey, I think either way it will be so hard, confusing and difficult for you guys. If its a girl then its not what you 'hoped' for, if its a boy, he isnt Jack iykwim :comfort: I agree with the writting it down and reading it when you are ready, when you can be out of view of everyone else and their judgements. Whatever the result, sweetpea, we are here for you. Just wish I could come hold your hand :hug:

It musr be very confusing for Miss C, its confusing enough for an adult to process :(

ETA: Like others said by being able to name your Bear Cub it might help DD1 to understand.

Hi lovely Skye - so sorry you're feeling conflicted about finding out. I can't begin to understand what it must be like, but just wanted to offer love and support for whatever choice you make. The ideas of guessing during the ultrasound or asking the tech to write it down for you so you can think on sound like they might be good options.

Sending massive hugs.

aww Skye it's so hard. sorry you have to go through this :(
fwiw, i would probably find out.

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when Ii was pregnant with Jack I needed to know it was hard to explain why part of me wanted another girl but another part of me was too scared that she would replace Katy...so I found out but Jase left the room..so it was only me who knew ...

I think in your case I would find out then the nursery would be baby ?? and not Jacks room, I still find myself looking at my Jacks bedroom we had picked the colors etc and were due to start painting when our Katy was stillborn, even the pram I bought while pregnant with her even though both boys have used it it is still Katy's pram and I am having trouble gaining courage to sell as its Katy's if that makes sense...

maybe finding out would be away for you all to move forward ((GBH)) in whatever your decision may be

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I honestly dont know what I would do in your shoes, but whatver decision you come to I am sure will be the right one.

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