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I had a very rude person tell me tonight that I was replacing my stillborn son, Zach, with this baby I am pregnant with now.
How could people think that by replacing one baby with another can take away all that trauma, all the memories and the heartache? Seriously?
No responses needed. Just really needed to get that out. This day has been terrible and brought bad memories back even though our baby was given the "all clear" at our 20 week scan.
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i hear you, two different pregnancies, two completely different bubs. You will never forget your angel.
People can be so thoughtless, in what they say, I'm sorry those idiotic comments brought it all back for you. They are missing the empathy chip.
:shakehead: As if you'd do that... I know I had that horrid thought about myself in my own spates of grief sometimes, so having someone else suggest the same thing would've destroyed me :( Nothing can replace Zach, and how dare someone suggest otherwise!
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:hug: people just dont get it. I wonder what they would say if you ask them would they replace their mother if she died?
How anyone can think it is possible to replace one human being with another astounds me. You're dealing with enough right now.
1st thing i just wanted to say congrats on the 20 week scan
No people just don't get it at all unless it has happened to them. And as i read your post i cryed i just cant believe that people can be so insentive to someones feelings
Thanks ladies.
I'm so frustrated my blood is boiling.... :( tears have been running down my face and hubby can't stop them... No one can.
I'll be asking whoever suggests I'm replacing zach from now on if they'd get a replacement mother if their one died... God I feel like crap right now.
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Oh you poor poor thing! I can only imagine the heartache you've already experienced losing Zach! But I am so angry at the mindless twit that suggested you are replacing him! If anyone suggests it again I would bluntly tell them "what a stupid heartless thing to suggest" hugs to you and congrats on the all clear 20 week scan!
:o that's appalling. I'm so sorry that anyone would be so heartless as to suggest such a thing! You are not replacing your son, the way I have always seen it, is you're having a second child. Most people have more than one child, what makes you any less entitled to that? You're giving your son a sibling :hug:
Oh my goodness what a twat! I just hope they went home mortified that they had said something so stupid and heartless. People sometimes blurt something out and kick themselves later. Seriously is everyone who loses a child not meant to further grow their family because they are replacing their loss, that sounds unreasonable and perhaps you can put it that way if some other idiot repeats this stupid remark! Hugs babe x
Thats just awful, One living child doesn't replace another so why should this be any different?. Sending you a hug, some people are just completely insensitive!
I'm so sorry :( *hugs* I just don't understand people sometimes. I hope you're okay. x
Oh lys, thats awful. What a disgustingly insensitive thing for someone to say.
No one could ever replace zach, will always your your loved first born son.
Hugs beautiful.xxxx
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That person is a fool. I hope it is not someone you see regularly. If it is, I would address the issue and tell them how hurtful their comment was. As a PP said, a second child doesn't 'replace' a first living child, why would anyone think differently of a family who has lost a child?
Hugs to you, and congratulations on your pregnancy.
I"m so sorry this thoughtless, rude, ignorant person said those words to you :hug:.
Regards,
Dianne
Someone actually said that to you??
Obviously they don't have a brain in their head, how incredibly rude and an absolute horrible thing to even think!
I'm so sorry, it must of been a terrible ordeal for you :hug:
OMG I'm so angry for you :hug: That is disgraceful :( Try to disregard them, they're obviously just have no idea, no brain.
that just sux! I remember telling my work friend that my DF was getting the snip after this one and her response was "what if one of your kids die, wouldn't you want to replace them?" its shocking what some people say! Hope u feel better soon xoxoxo
Wow some people can be so heartless, obviously they have no idea what it's like to lose a child. And obviously dont think that your going through enough worrying about this pregnancy aswell. Good news about your 20 week scan hun and hope that this person atleast apologises to you for the hurtful comment.
Oh my goodness! WTF?! I can't believe someone would actually say that to you. How completely horrid of them, I'm in shock.
I hope today is a better day for you.
Oh and, a HUGE congratulations to you and your DH on your pregnancy.
:hug: Insensitive and inappropriate people can be. Congrats on the scan though!
What a horrid awful disgusting thing to say!!! I'm mortified for you!
:hug: All of us here understand how much that would of hurt but also how very untrue and rude of this person to say such a thing!
big :hug:
:hug: What a horrible and rude thing for someone to say! Some people just do no think about what they are saying!! I am just speechless really.
I'm so sorry you had to hear that, what an awful thing to have said to you :hug:
WOW the nerve!!!!!!! OMG I am seething ......
:hug: massive hugs hun people who are clearly lacking brain cells really shouldn't open their mouths.
Im sorry your going through this Lys, My best friend also went through it and it broke my heart, she would just say nothing can ever replace a child!
HUGE hugs, dont let it get you down too much, enjoy your pregnancy, You know that replacing Zach isnt the case, just creating a sibling for him, a lost child is a child no matter when lost and you have been a mother from the moment you conceived Zach!
Take care of yourself, Live for your baby boy & your new child & for noone BUT them!!!
beautifully put 3xblessed, i agree 100%.:
i have not miscarried or lost a still born angel, just the thought of it, makes me tear up - so my heart goes out to women who have lived thru that experience. i am that person who has a wet face just hearing the news on tv, hearing of a child that has died, and thinking how devastated their family would be.
No idea of whether you will ever feel strong enough to make the "on the spot" reply, e.g "that's a very insensitive comment", but if you did, i would be cheering. The awkward thing would be i guess, if the person didn't even comprehend that what they said WAS insensitive. I mean, if you had to explain to them, or educate them, on how insensitive they had just been - well, that would take ALOT of strength and energy from you.
I wish I could have made an on the spot come back. But I was stunned. Just stood there.
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(didn't read replies)
Just wanted to send a great big :hug:
People say the most heartbreakingly insensitive things. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this experience, losing a child is unimaginable, and for that hurt to be compounded with people saying silly things to you is just awful... :hug:
I'm over it. Another person said the same thing this morning. And also added in the fact that I "should be over my loss by now" :( insensitive *BEEPS*
NOW I FEEL WORSE THAN EVER :(
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It astounds me that people can ever think that way, let alone actually say it to someone. We replace cars when they break down, NOT babies! Nothing could ever replace a lost child. You could have 20 children and it would never replace the baby you only get to keep in your heart and not in your arms.
You are an amazing and strong woman and my thoughts are with you ♥
O.o I have no words for how rude and insensitive those people are being. You poor thing. Left me completely speechless.
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Oh LynsDan that is just crap. Im in the same boat I lost Char-leigh @35 weeks 6 months ago and currently 9wks pg with my rainbow baby. I have had a really hard time with my DH family since lossing Char-leigh they have become very nasty ppl and for that reason we havent shared our news with them yet as I'm not ready to deal with their bull. Hold your head high and proud nothing could every replace Zach or Char-leigh there will always be a special place in our hearts for them.
Hugs to all
Some people are idiots and i guess in a way its nice that they have never experienced something to make them think any different...but it doesnt help make me want to rub their face with a brick for you!
Hugs and congratulations on this pregnancy!
Oh hun that's just awful and completely thoughtless of them! I'm sure if it was me I'd be too stunned to make a comeback either but please know we are all here for you and we KNOW no baby could ever replace Zach... And there is no time a mother could ever 'get over' a loss! Please don't listen to these people, they obviously just can't handle common decency :( *huge hugs*
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:hug:
If you do feel like using air on these people, just ask them if that's what they did or thought when it happened to them. I can guarantee that these people have never experienced it, so you'll have them right there and they'll likely think again before saying it to anyone else ever again.
They're not trying to push your buttons, they're coming from a perspective of a society that doesn't talk about it and doesn't feel comfortable discussing it. A lot of the time it's because the people it happens to don't want to talk about it, so we're in a bit of a bind. Doesn't excuse "Remove brain, insert stupid comment now" syndrome :(
I really don't think they actually mean to suggest that you have no feelings for your angel - they're just deluded in thinking that they're actually helping...somehow...
Well I'm not speaking to the people involved anymore... I've been thinking about it and I know that they obviously haven't been in a similar situation and probably will never understand. What matters is that I know in my heart that I'm not replacing my baby I'm giving him a sibling. And I will never forget zach and the time that he was in my belly and my life.
Some people SUCK
Id like to thank the lovely ladies who have responded with hugs and advice. Thankyou.
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