How do I stop her comfort sucking

I don't know if this should go in the breastfeeding or the sleep section so feel free to move it. DD's sleep has gone to the dogs at the moment. She is taking up to 2hrs to settle everytime she wakes and the slightest noise will wake her up and we start the whole process again. All she wants to do is comfort suck. The minute I pull my boob out of her mouth she is awake and we start it all again. I am averaging about 3hrs of broken sleep every night and I am a complete wreck. And you can tell me babies need to comfort suck all you want and that I should just go with it but I physically can not handle it anymore. I am exhausted, I am terrified I am going to fall asleep sitting up one night and smother her. I am horrible to my children all day because I am exhausted. I need her to sleep. I need her to stop using me as a dummy. Besides I can't stand the comfort sucking, I can't stand the way it feels. It makes me want to put my head through a glass window, which is made worse by the fact that I am exhausted. So how do I stop her from comfort sucking. She will not go to sleep unless she is attached to my boob. I am starting to resent breastfeeding with a passion and wish that I had given it up long ago (a horrible thought to be having)

:hug::hug: I can only imagine how you feel. 3 hours of sleep just isn't enough to function. I'm not sure if you've tried or would want to try the following, but here goes...

Can you whip your boob out and replace it with a dummy as soon as she starts comfort sucking?

How long has she been like this? Is she otherwise alright? DS wasn't much of a comfort sucker unless he was sick or teething. Have you also considered just saying No Boob and dealing with the fallout for a few days or however long it takes her to self-settle - it sounds like it couldn't get much worse for you than it already is?

GL and I hope things improve real soon for you.

DS was a comfort sucker... we ended up having to go with the no boob approach. he didn't like it, took about a month but it was worth the effort in the end.
I'd offer him water instead incase he was thirsty. mind you i had no milk anyway, so he was definately in it for the comfort!

Hun my DD did this at the exact same age. I used to always feed to sleep, she would be zonked and I'd pop her into her bed. Then we went through what you're going through at 8 months and I was at a loss as to what I was going to do. I just persisted, and also found if I gave her to DH to resettle after she woke she would go back to sleep quickly for him, she wouldn't do it for me because she just wanted boobies. Anyway this lasted a cpl weeks and then it was back to normal. Oh and it coincided with separation anxiety for us so not sure if perhaps that has something to do with it. We now no longer feed to sleep most of the time, she did this on her own too, I've found when I've tried the tough love approach it has caused us more issues and that DD seems to just do things in her time when ready. Just know it does pass, Good luck :)

Hi,

You do sound exhausted and "over it"
Remember, at any point you can pull the pin on breastfeeding. She's 8 mnths old. You have done an amazing job with her - you don't have to keep going. What were your personal goals for breastfeeding.
Having said that, this isn't *the fault* of you breastfeeding her. A quick perusal of the sleep forums will demonstrate that many bottle feeding mums are up and down all night making bottles for their little ones - still getting no sleep.
At 8mnths old you would be hard pressed to smother her! I don't think she'd stand for that. You'd hear about it! If she wakes up that often, she won't smother very easily.
Does she have a dummy? Babies have a huge need to suck. Maybe if she is using you as a dummy, then a dummy is what she needs. It can take some practise, but she may take it with time, during the night when she is asleep. Many mums get more sleep co-sleeping. At least you can stay horizontal and you are able to get back to sleep more quickly. Does she has a ruggy, teddy or pillow? Might be time to introduce one. Not necessarily a quick fix, but babies will often suck on these items or snuggle them to their face to comfort themselves back to sleep

:hug: its a very tiring thing to be the dummy, I totally understand where you are coming from.

You've been given some great advice here already the only think I want to add is, is there a DP or DH that can take her off your hands for a few hours over night?
Yes it will mean theother person will loose sleep and yes your DD will probably scream the house down but she is using you because thats all she knows. Perhaps its time to let go of the reins a little and let someone else help out. It will take time though and you will need to endure the crying and carry on but just being able to hand over to someone else put a pillow over your head and try to get some shut eye will be the best thing.

If not over night then maybe a friend or relative can help out through the day, take all the kids out. If your DD is fed and dry and is also eating some solids then there is no reason why you must be the one who looks after her ALL of the time.


FWIW - my DD was comfort sucking using me up until she was 15 months old. We increased her food and reduced her feeds gradually to it being only her nap time feeds and nothing through the night. If she woke up she was given either milk or water (remember she was over 1 by this stage though) By the time she was 19ish months I was only allowingherto use me for 20 seconds at bedtime then I handed her over to hubby and I turned off the monitor so I couldn't hear.

Best of luck hun, you're doing it tough and it really can feel like a dead end street but believeme if you havesomeone else to take DD at night it will be worth it.

Oh it works sometimes withsomeone else because the babies cannot smell the BM which can make it easier for the other person.

:hug: Nae x x

She doesn't have a dummy, I have been trying to get her to take one since forever but she just won't suck on them. I have tried many times to slip my nipple out and slip a dummy in but she just starts cracking up.

She has a Teddy in her bed but she still needs to be wrapped. That's another point really she I think wants to be put of the wrap but I have even less chance of getting her to stay asleep when I put her down if she's not wrapped.

I'm not opposed to co-sleeping but currently our 2yo is in our bed so I don't feel like it's safe. I'm trying to move him down onto the floor but so far it hasn't been real successful.

Barb honestly I think I am nearly done breastfeeding wise, it hasn't been an easy journey from the start for her and I but we have fought hard to get as far along as we have. I have no delusions to bottlefed babies sleeping better, ds2 was bottlefed and a horrible sleeper lol. I guess I just feel spent and would like to hand responsibility over to say my husband occasionally lol. Right now she won't settle for him because she just wants the mummy dummy.

Nae nae my husband isn't that supportive when it comes to overnight help. He has no patience if they are screaming at night and has never really gotten up to the kids at night. He'll settle them if they'll settle quickly but if they won't he will just let them cry. I don't think he would be interested in dealing with her if she's just crying for me.

I had some success in stopping the all night sucking using the Pantley-pull-Off method from the book No Cry Sleep Solution. You feed bub til they are settled and then take the nipple out. If bub wakes again, you let them attach again and re-settle. Then take bub off again. It's not an immediate solution, the first time it took many goes before she would settle. But over time, it took less goes and then she was happy to come off herself and go to sleep.

hope you find something that works for you

take care

That sucks hun. Its a shame because DD developed a great bond with her dad as soon as I let him take over.I always thought she was crying "for me" but really she was just crying (she still does now at 23 months :lol:).

I don't know of anything else, maybe stick a jumper or something that DH has been wearing so she has no access and just prop her up onto your shoulder like a newborn and rubbing her back until she settles ... only bad thing is she will be screaming in your ear.

I wish I could offer a quick fix, in my experience, I just had to "demand" DH do the nights etc because you absolutely CANNOT do it all, ALL of the time (I mean I absolutely cracked the poopies in a major way one morning at 4am and took off in the car for a few hours so he had no choice).
It was an incredibly rough transition and we still have absolute horror nights too.

Just wondering, and it may seem like a silly thing to ask, are you burping her in between the sucking?? I am sure you probably are but I know DD would be an absolute leech if she had tummy bubbles so I'd pop herback on until I just couldn't stand it. I'd practically throw her at DH and2 hrs later he'd say "yeah she burped a few big burps and farted and she is now asleep" ....... seriously in my sleep deprived state I just plain forgot to burp her :rofl:

hugs again its so so hard x x x

Sorry for being so direct - but you shouldn't have to sacrifice breastfeeding because your husband won't take up his share of the parenting duties. At this point, it's all hands on deck. It seems nice and tidy because he can see "she's crying for you and you've got the boobs" But when she's on the bottleshe will still want you. Somethings got to give - why not the hubby or the 2 yr old? Why the baby?

Barb he never has been good with night times, even with my bottlefed babies he didn't get up and feed them. He also refuses to sleep anywhere but his own bed so I just can't sleep in the bed with the kids. I am reluctant to move the 2 year old out of our bed because he just turn into this hyperventilating little monster. Last night I put him back in his own bed out of frustration when he had woken his sister twice and he started screaming and hyperventilating so loud that he woke his brother up so then I had all 3 children awake at 2am that I had to contend with.

Until recently dd was sleeping fairly well in the cot beside our bed so it was all working but as the months go on she is getting more and more clingy and wanting to just be in my arms and sucking to sleep. So with no other choice I am sitting up with her for hours on end at night trying to get her in a deep enough sleep that I can put her down so she won't wake up. I am just so exhausted by this, it's not even the night waking that bothers me. If she woke, fed and went back to sleep it would be ok. Not ideal but ok. But our night looks more like this, wake, feed, go to sleep, attempt to put back to bed, wake up instantly, cry. Bring back out of bed, re-attach, she goes back to sleep, attempt to put her down in bed again, wakes instantly, cries. If I just pick her up and try cuddling her she will keep crying. She only stops when I put her back on the boob. And this can go on for about 2hrs at a time.

It's not her fault I know but I am also a bit of an insomniac so after being up with her for hours I am then so wide awake (even though exhausted) that it can take me an hour to get back to sleep, generally leaving me only about 30mins of sleep before she's stirring and we start the whole things again.

Hi,

All sorts of things work for families. If there is another bed, why don't you and your baby go sleep there - leaving your dh and your son to themselves? Or you can try a little controlled comforting - but I really think your DH has to be prepared to help with this. It's not fair on you - it doesn't sound like you are faring to well on the current arrangements either. Will it really be better if you have to get up to bottle feed her? It's the habit that needs to be broken - or accepted. (either way is fine)

I can't really help but I just wanted to pop in and say that I really know know you feel as my boy breastfeeds every 1.5 - 2 hours at night :hug: and it is damn exhausting!! except personally i couldn't stop giving him what he loves & needs as I'm thinking it won't last forever but I think you need to do what's best for the both of you as if it has really been making you feel that bad then you need to do what you need to do I guess. Good luck :)


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I can't really help but I just wanted to pop in and say that I really know know you feel as my boy breastfeeds every 1.5 - 2 hours at night :hug: and it is damn exhausting!! except personally i couldn't stop giving him what he loves & needs as I'm thinking it won't last forever but I think you need to do what's best for the both of you as if it has really been making you feel that bad then you need to do what you need to do I guess. Good luck :)


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It's not the night wakings that really bother me. She has always woken every couple of hours. After 3 kids night wakings are apart of my life. It's just recently she won't go back to sleep for 2hrs at a time. Everytime I put her down she wakes back up so will be up for 2hrs, down for about an 1hr, back up for 2 hrs, down for about an hour. It's being awake constantly for a whole 2 hours at a time that is killing me. And unfortunately I have 4 years of this under my belt which is why it is so tough on me. Night wakings weren't so bad when I had one. But my 4 yo has only recently started sleeping all night long. My 2yo is up 4 or 5 times a night on top of my dd's wakings as well. I haven't had a full nights sleep in 4 years, I'm just exhausted overall I think.

I might have to sleep in the spare bed with dd tonight see if it makes a difference.

Double post

Oh wow that just sounds so tough! I went through a phase of that with my boy... It did pass. I'm not sure how long you have been going through that for but I have found as my son is getting older he is sleeping deeper and most of the time I can get away whereas I used to spend all of his day sleeps with him stuck on my boob and no break (GOD that was hard!!!) I put him in a baby hammock when I just can't feed him anymore at night and he is comfort sucking but won't stay asleep and sometimes the bouncing from that will settle him. But apart from that I really couldn't cope not co-sleeping! Sounds like you really need a big hand from your hubby. Hope it works out for you soon and maybe the co-sleeping may help you!


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It seems as though she has recently become significantly worse - I'm wondering if she's actually uncomfortable, and using you to soothe an ache. Can you try panadol a bit before feeding and see if she goes back to her usual self?

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It seems as though she has recently become significantly worse - I'm wondering if she's actually uncomfortable, and using you to soothe an ache. Can you try panadol a bit before feeding and see if she goes back to her usual self?

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I did give her some panadol when we had a horror night a couple of nights ago and she did finally settle after that. She's teething but she has been teething for weeks and they are still sitting there right under her gum. I seem to breed horrible teethers. Last night was a better night. She still took over an hour to settle but she only woke once. Tonight its taken me about 90 mins to get her down so hopefully we don't have a bad one.

:hug: hun... I know that feeling... I remember how tired I was, what a cranky mummy I was and fully understood why they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture! Elijah would only allow me around 3 hours of broken sleep a night until he was 14 months old... a good night was 4-5 hours of broken sleep for me..... I feared hurting him I was that tired! I remember sitting there with boob in his mouth, tears streaming down my face at 2am just wishing and willing him to SLEEP... JUST SLEEP!! When he started walking, he stopped... it was literally an overnight thing... so weird.

With teething, Elijah was my worst by far! After his first 2 teeth, I got him an Amber necklace and OMG what a different baby (mind you he was still waking, but wasn't with the crankiness). Does she have one?

I was going to suggest you sleep with bub, but you tried that last night, so hopefully that works for you again tonight :) xoxo

Yeah I would think its definitely teething that's causing her pain and keeping her up from her sleep. At least in a way you know the reason and hopefully once the teeth come through it should all be over! I was in your situation a few weeks ago when my sons top 2 teeth were sitting under his gums for a week or so and he was keeping us up for hours at a time in the early morning and it was horrible. I can safely say that it did pass and a few days after his teeth popped through he wasnt waking up for long periods anymore - woohoo. I found that brauers teething drops really helped (they are totally natural and you can find them in the chemist) as well as amber beads. Hope it passes soon.


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She has amber beads and we use every teething thing under the moon. My kids they just don't work. When I say her tooth has been sitting right there under her gum, it's been like that for 6 weeks. I can feel the bumps of it but it just won't break through *sigh* With my boys once they finally did cut teeth I would only get about a week's relief and then the next one would start, each one taking 4-6 weeks to cut, they would cut a couple at a time occasionally. It took me until my eldest was 4 to get him through how disruptive his sleeping patterns were that started when he started cutting teeth. ds2 at 2 still wakes many times a night. Why do I keep having kids lol.

Last night she was easy to settle but woke every 90 mins so :dunno: She just doesn't like to sleep. She doesn't nap either which is painful.

:hug:

How's it going? Any improvement?

We've had a couple of better nights. I'm struggling still with the feeding aversion I am having but she has been sleeping slightly better so I'm not such a complete wreck.

That's a good improvement! ;) It's amazing what a bit of sleep does! For you and her...

I had the same issue with DD1 at the same age. I would feed her to sleep for all naps, bedtime, and night wakings. I was getting up every hour or more and thank god I didn't have toddlers. What broke the cycle for me was patting her to sleep for her day naps. It took a couple of minutes of grizzling but I couldn't believe it worked! It taught her to fall asleep without my boob and she instantly went to only waking twice a night. But luckily she was quick to settle so I could deal with that. I never did the patting at night because it involved a lot of crying which I hated.

Well we are having a horrible time tonight. Both she and the 2 year old just won't sleep, waking every 15 minutes. She's currently in my arms crying because after giving her both sides twice I am over it and I've pulled her off.

:hug: that sounds really tough!! I hope they settle for you soon! I just don't know how you do it - i would probably go crazy if I didn't have the bouncing from his hammock to sooth him once he's had enough booby. Night waking is so horrible - now I'm off to see how long it takes me to sleep! Hope you're sleeping soundly now!


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mumof2boys how are you going? Did your night get any easier? I don't really have any answer as i'm looking for some myself and your post could have been written by myself in many ways also.

I too have a beautful little lady after two gorgeous boys :) DS1 i got into the perfect routine for us of feed/play/sleep, slept through from 4ish months and i breastfed him up until 13 months. DS2 was a little different. He was more so fed to sleep and was having night feeds up until 15 months of age. We stopped as i fell pregnant, my milk changed, he started biting and attachment made me chringe. I was just not enjoying it anymore. DD has been similar to DS2 in many ways, i can't do much on my own in fear of her waking and not settling for anyone else. Not wanting to put her or anyone else in that situation. DH, similar to yours hasn't the patience and just does not seem to have 'that' effect over her to be able to settle. Probably our own fault but i'm the one home with the kids and have to be able to deal with everything.

I logged on today thinking about asking for some advice also. DD has been pretty good, she had reflux in the early months, cried a lot and fed every couple of hours we have improved but i can't go anywhere or do anything without her. The days are getting easier but the nights are not. She's waking 3-4 times a night and i feed her as it's the easiest thing to do. I have not had the hours at a time inbetween feeds and sleep like you and i really feel for you there. I am at the stage where i want things to change but i want to keep feeding her. Tonigth we have a party to go to and i think we are taking her with us... it's just the easiest thing to do.

You'd think after our 2 one more wouldn't do this to us??!! DD is in a zip up sleeping bag which has been great but i have to figure out how to get her out of it and i need to stop this feeding to sleep also. For us feeding to sleep has worked because she is a cat napper and very easily distracted so when she wakes she is not hungry and i don't know how else to get her to concentrate and have her feeds. I need to make some changes but i just have to figure out what and how.

I know all this is kind of irrelevant to your actual question and i see over the time of you posting this you are still really struggling. Something needs to give for your own sanity. Like i know i need to do, can you think about things in priorty of what you would like to change and how to do it? You dont' want it to cause too much distress so it may be very gradual. It may be that when feeding to sleep as soon as you know she is just comfort feeding take her off, and hold her, hopefuly she may stay asleep. If not put her back on to calm her again and then try it again. Idealy eventualy to have her asleep in your arms would be great and then try the whole transistion to the bed process. It may take some time but hopfuly it will get quicker and easier. I'm not sure if this is what would be reccommended by professionals but to me it seems gentle. The other option is to express and get DH to feed her... Something i could try myself... we'v just never had much luck with the bottle.

With me feeding to sleep i have always tried to not let DD comfort feed too much, once i knew she'd had her feed i took her off. For the most past she has happily gone to bed after this. So while that is what has worked for me up until now i am the point where i'd like to make some changes. So i'm thinking and not really doing just yet but i want to be able to have a night out and know she'll be ok. I'd like to be getting a little more sleep at night. So i might go and take some of my own advice and see if i have any sucess.

Good luck, i'm sure things will get better with some gentle changes. And i also hope that knowing there are others out there with the same challenges right now, tonight and tomorrow, can bring even the slighest bit of comfort. We get there eventually :hug: