No Father to Walk to down the Aisle

So I got married in Janurary and didnt think too much about this at the time but after wathing the Kim Kardashian wedding today it hit home that I feel like I missed out on the 'dream' part of at least my wedding.

So my father or sperm donor as a more accurate title has never been a part of my life. I did manage to get in touch with him when I was 18. Since then I have spoken to him a handful of times and had told him about being preg getting married and the birth of his grandson.

When I got married I didnt think much about having my mum walk me down the isle but today it is really playing on my mind.

So my question?

If you dont have a father or father figure that walked you down the isle, Who did and how you do feel about it when you think back on it?
How do I get past these feelings that I didnt get the wedding I always dreamed off.

Am I alone feeling like this?
TIA

Ive never met my real dad, my step dad is.my dad and raised me from when I was a yr old but my mums partner of ten yrs is also a major part of my life and I dont want to upset either of them so my brother will be walking me down the isle :)

cuse the full stops!

My father is alive, but he molested me as a child. So I had my dh walk me down the aisle and all the bridesmaids walked down the aisles with the groomsmen. I have no bad thoughts about it. I tend to think about the parts of my wedding that I enjoyed, including the part where I was looking out into the crowd of family and friends who were there to support me (embarassingly this brought tears to my eyes). But my story is totally different. Dont get me wrong my father was at my wedding as I have forgiven him but I didnt think he deserved the right to walk me down the aisle.

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Ive never met my real dad, my step dad is.my dad and raised me from when I was a yr old but my mums partner of ten yrs is also a major part of my life and I dont want to upset either of them so my brother will be walking me down the isle :)

cuse the full stops!

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This is why I wished I had a brother lol

if i had a choice it would be my grandpa, but i dare say that by the time DF makes an honest woman out of me, he wont be around

My dad passed 4 years before my wedding and I walked down by my self before walking down the aisle I was quite upset took a few minutes by myself and got a feeling that he was with me ( might sound stupid to some) but I did feel as though he was there with me in spirit. My only regret about my wedding was my dress we couldn't afford a white dress as my husband to be was laid off work 2 months prior to us getting married and we were also 8 months pg but I married my soul mate and dad was there in spirit.

Both my parents had passed away by the time I was 16 so I didn't have my mother or my father to walk me down the aisle. My Grandfather did though and I'm so grateful for that! I had beautiful people who loved me and were proud of me at my Wedding and I'm honoured to be able to have had that :) Just like everything in life I think 'good & bad' is mostly our perspective on things, try to focus on the positives of your wedding hun, try not to waste your time worrying about the things you don't like when there's nothing you can do to change them? At the end of the day you married your dream man and had your dream baby to create your dream family! Maybe it was your dream wedding afterall ;) x

I know how you feel Kylz :hug:

My biological father is no longer in my life, I will be having the man who helped raise me after my father went, walk me down the isle, we are blood related but it isn't the same, I wish my dad could walk me down the isle :(

When the time comes to plan the wedding, I will have to make a decision how I get down the isle (maybe I could wait with the celebrant/priest & get my DH-to-be to walk down the isle?)

I got a lift to the venue with DH but no one walked me down the aisle.
I'm the kind of woman who can walk 10 meters or so without assistance ;)

My Father died when I was 16 and it was so hard when it came to getting married to think of anyone else walking me down the aisle as it wouldn't be the same so DH and I talked about it and we decided that I would walk in and then DH wuold walk down the aisle and get down on one knee in front of me and then walk arm in arm back up the aisle together, he said it would be like my Dad being with me going in and him coming and getting down on one knee would be like asking my dad if he could take my hand and then I would move forward with him from there, It was perfect I wouldn't have thought of a better way still brings tears to my eyes and on teh day it was right.... I felt like my dad was right with me going in to the church.

My dad (sperm donor...love the term and stealing it :lol:) didnt walk me down any aisle either!

Instead i got my gorgeous Opa (grandpa) to walk me down. he has always been a father to me (even helped raised me throughout my childhood etc).

I love that he walked me down the aisle...he was there when my was in labour, he was there to drive us home from hospital. he watched me grow, he helped me celebrate all my special moments and milestones and....he loves me.

that's what it's all about really, sharing that special day with people that love you and want to share your happiness :)

My Dad walked me down the aisle. I actually didn't want him too, he had an ABI and was pretty unbearable to be around, I did it to keep the peace. I wanted someone else who was more signifant in my life. I still had a memorable and beautiful day as it was all about the man waiting at end of the aisle for me.
If you have or had a good relationship with your Father, then that's great you can share your special day with him.
If not, choose someone who has impacted on your life in an important way and always will, man or woman or stand tall and go it alone. Just my opinion.

See I had NO man help raise me mum did it all alone and I refuse yo talk to my woman beating grandfather let alone have him walk me down the isle.

Sorry to everyone who has lost parents ur strong people

Sounds like you had the perfect person to walk you down the aisle. A perfect wedding isn't about conforming to the cookie cutter ideal it's about celebrating your marriage in the way that suits you.

I'm lucky to have a good relationship with my dad and that he is still around but thought I'd share my story. I'm also really close to mum. And I couldn't imagine not having mum there so they both walked me down the aisle. Both of them were so happy with the arrangement. If my parents weren't around I'd have had my brother. Failing that my FIL who is like a dad to me or my DH. And I just love the idea of having my son/daughter walk me down the aisle. If DH and I ever renew vows I'll get my kids to walk me down for sure!

Hugs to all you ladies. I have no doubt that your dads were all there with you and proud as punch with their little girls! Those who don't have good relationships with their fathers, there's nothing wrong with going solo, with your DHs or whoever you want. That goes wedding wide, its your day. Do it your way!


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Kylz :hug:

It broke my heart not having a father to walk me down the aisle.
I would have gladly taken a step-dad but he left too.
I still think about it and it still stings.

BUT I did have my two younger brothers walk me down the aisle instead, at the time they were 13 & 17.
It was very special that they got to do that and I think they loved it too.

OT but what stings more is seeing my husband love and adore his kids (particularly now I have a daughter, and I saw my sperm-donor-father for the first time in 8 years not a week before she was born) and wondering why the hell I had to miss out on that?

I too was molested by my father, and am no longer in any form of contact with him (thankfully). I chose to have my wonderful daughter walk me down the aisle to meet my husband and her stepdad - we walked down together, then she placed my hand in his as we both gave her a quick kiss and cuddle before she went to go stand with my bridesmaid.

A lot of the people commented later on how sweet it was that she got to do that and for us it was a symbolic thing to say that we are now a family.

I'll be walking myself down the aisle (maybe with our DDs). After my upbringing, I think I'm the best equipped to escort myself! Much like my adolescence...

I'm looking forward to it, demonstrating that I'm my own woman.

My younger sister had my mother walk her down the aisle. This is the 21st century! ;)

My situation is slightly different.

This will be my second wedding and while my dad walked me down the aisle the first time. I have decided against it this time.
Not because I don't love my dad. I do. We are close but my dad is slightly awkward and stiff on formal occasion ( it's what makes him who he is though ) and he reckons he tried giving me away the first time and it didn't work so he ain't trying again lol. All in good spirit no malice intended.

But I have actually chosen not to have anyone who was involved in my first wedding in my second except for my eldest dd. Things have changed so much for me since then and I want my day to reflect that.

So my gorgeous girls will be the ones walking with me down the aisle and the ones who answer when the celebrants asks who presents this women.

I can't wait to share it with them.

I hope this doesn't upset those who didn't have their dads to be there for them because of me having him and choosing not to use him.


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I think what is sad reading this thread is how many of us have biological fathers who are less than what we would like. Mine is a narcissistic, abusive pig and is not in my life in any way. He has never met my children or my DH and doesn't even know what my married name is.

Unfortunately the saying "you don't get to choose your relatives" is very true. Try not to worry about what you conceive as missing from your day, but focus on the good - you married the man you love and that is what is really the only important thing. Definitely you shouldn't look at some Hollywood nonsense and feel that you are missing out on something because you had a different experience.

I sometimes look at friends of mine who have both a loving mother and father and feel a little envious but I also believe that our childhoods, good and bad, mould us into the women we are today.

My dad died when I was 13. I had both my mum and younger brother walk with me down the aisle. We had the celebrant ask "Who accompanies this woman to join with this man?" My mum responded with "She comes with the blessings of all of her family". (Or something like that anyway).

I asked my dad's youngest brother who is also my godfather give a speech in lieu of the father of the bride speech. This fitted really well since he was also the uncle most involved with me since dad's death and was the first to meet DH.

My wedding day was perfect (of course if I could've had dad there and be part of it I would have, but why torture myself with something that could not be?).

My mum raised me alone and it was her who walked with me on my wedding day. I met my father about a year before the wedding but things were still a bit awkward and having him there would have been uncomfortable for me, and probably for mum too, so I didn't invite him. He was very understanding and happy to stay away so I could enjoy the day without worrying about others.

Totally agree with you LuluHB

So I'm the sister you wish was a brother, cheers lol

Maybe have another wedding in 15 years and B and J can walk you down the aisle :)

Kylz, that's so difficult. I hope it's your dream day regardless of who you choose x

My mum would have walked me down the aisle but she passed away about 10 years ago, so my brother did. My dad is in the picture but he was abusive when we were younger and I just couldn't have done it. I loved having my little bro, it was really special. But you know what, I would have walked down on my own and been so proud to do that too. My buddy got married on the weekend and she her and her man walked down together - I thought that was lovely.

I guess another option to keep in mind would be a really close friend or someone who has become your family. Family doesn't have to mean a blood relation - some of my warmest memories are of mates that have really stood by me through everything - they're my family too.

My alcoholic father has never really been in my life and my beautiful Mum raised me and my seven siblings by herself. She sadly passed away about a year before I married so my sister walked me down the aisle. Honestly I was more upset that my Mum couldn't be there to do it rather than my Dad.

I've been thinking about this lately myself.

My birth father "left" when I was about 2. I dont know the full details but have a feeling that my mum had something to do with him leaving. So my step-dad came into our lives around the same time and to this day is "my dad". However, he was quite mean and nasty to me as a chld so I have a lot of resentment towards him. So much so that I've always said that it wouldn't be him that was walking me down the aisle when the day came. But I think that decision was based on spite and hurt.

My Mums brother, my Uncle, has always been a great father figure to me and has been the one I wanted to walk me down the aisle. But I dont want to hurt my Dads feelings :(

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Ive never met my real dad, my step dad is.my dad and raised me from when I was a yr old but my mums partner of ten yrs is also a major part of my life and I dont want to upset either of them so my brother will be walking me down the isle :)

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I didnt even think about my Brother. What a great idea :)

I agree with the others hun, as long as you're happy then its his loss. You were beautiful without him :)

Well on my wedding day my mother decided last minute (literally as my car arrived to pick me up) that she was going to stay home because my son "needed a sleep". I didn't argue - I just left.

My dad hadn't spoken with me for years so he didn't know I was getting married.

I arrived at the place we were getting married, saw my DH, burst into tears and walked straight to him to explain about mum. He was beautiful and we got on with it from there.

I look back with mixed feelings. It was highly emotional that my dad wasn't there, my mum should have been but wasn't and all the family there were my DH's. I look back with resentment BUT the main feeling is an enormous wave of love for my DH who took it in his stride and was man enough to cover everyone who wasn't there for me. It was like the first real thing he did to prove we'd be ok.

As for getting past the feelings - I don't know that you ever do to be honest. The best thing to do though is not let the feelings override the joy of the day. For me I think that a wedding isn't about who gives you away - but the promise you've made to your DH. The symbolism for me on the day absolutely encompassed that promise.

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So I'm the sister you wish was a brother, cheers lol

Maybe have another wedding in 15 years and B and J can walk you down the aisle :)

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No I didn't say that I said I wish I had a brother didnt mean get rid of u

my dad was none existant in our lives started emailing etc when I hit adult hood, on my wedding day he and his now wife were there but my mum walked me down the aisle she is the one who was there fo rme all my life

Unfortunately my dad was in prison when I got married and couldn't be released even to walk me down the aisle.

I got my Granddad to do it and he was as proud as punch. We love each other so much and have always had a special bond so it was no big deal to have him stand in instead. In fact it was probably easier. I'm hoping to get married again next year to DF but we plan to elope. It will be just us and the kids so my sons can give me away this time :) My family have taken a dislike to DF so I'd rather they not be there to ruin our day.

If you have a bestie that you can ask then do it. You don't need to have family specifically to give you away on your big day. xxx

My father died when I was 7, so last year when I got married, my mother walked me down the aisle. She has always been there, and she raised me and my sister from a young age by herself, so I found my Mum to be the best choice for me. :)

My mum did walk me down (or waddle in my case at 33w preg) which was nice.

I can't believe so many have been through similar or in some cases terrible circumstances.

Love to all xxx

My mum and dad split when i was 6 he was there for me but not when significant things happened when i needed my dad but my uncle mick was. Then my dad took his life 3yrs ago and i got married in nov last year and i knew as soon as i started planning my wedding that my uncle mick would walk me down the aisle he had come as my dad to my formal he was a strong male figure in my life (he was proud to do it) i was sad my dad couldnt but was so happy to have someone that loved me do it :)

i regret getting my father to walk me down (insert expletives)

i wanted to ask my uncles one which made the trip from NZ to be there but my nanna laid the guilt trip so of course i agreed he stood there and lied to my face :(

but other than that it was an awesome day :)