Help, need an excuse to cancel

This morning one of the kindy mums called and asked if DS would like to go to her place for a play later. I know the lady quite well and we have had a few play dates in the past. She only asked if DS wanted to come around, then later in the conversation she asked if it would just be DS and the baby. I said that DD1 would have to come too (DH is out), then she asked if DD1 could stay at home because it would be "too hectic" with all of them.

I don't really want to go now that it is quite clear that she doesn't want DD1 there!

Are there any believable excuses I can use given that we were fine to come when she called an hour ago?

last minute headache?
baby didn't have nap when she should so you're going to have to stay home so she can sleep again?

I would just say that unless you can take all the kids, you can't go..

say that DS has just vomited and you suspect gastro.

Yeah gastro

just say hubby can't watch her so she has to go or you can't come

You have no one to look after the other kids so it's all or nothing.

Thanks. DH is out today so I actually do have to take DD1, I told the mum that and she said it was alright but didn't sound very happy about it. I just feel bad for DD1 taking her somewhere that she isn't welcome.

I would go with gastro but she knows we had it a couple of weeks ago. Might blame the baby :)

Just tell her the truth - that you can't go because you have to take DD1 and she doesn't want her there.

Agree with others - If your DD1 can't go then you can't also, Can't exactly leave her at home by herself!!

I'd be honest, all or nothing. Or suggest a park if it would be to hectic at her house! Gee it's only one more, not like my brood of 4! Mean women.

She knows I have to bring DD1, she said "if you have to bring her, then I suppose it will be o.k". Now I feel like I am bringing along an unwanted guest.

Is it normal to ask people to leave their other kids at home when you have a playdate?

No, it's not normal, it's rude.

How rude of her! Just tell her the truth. Seems she needs to be brought down a few pegs anyway.

why don't you just go? if she doesn't want dd1 there it is her problem.

Probably should just go, but I know I would spend the whole time apologizing for any little thing DD may do and worrying what the other mum was thinking about her (she is very prone to tantrums atm).

Anyway, problem solved - someone else just invited themselves around. They are DH's friends so I suggested that 3-4pm might be better because DH would be home but they said now suited them better so they are on their way. DD1 is asleep on the couch and the house is a mess. I am such a phone doormat!

How rude of her....if I asked a little one over for a playdate, I would expect the siblings too....what did she expect you to do with DD1 if your DH was out??? Good you have an excuse now.

I'd tell the truth so she knows in future not to make such requests. You can't keep making excuses forever.

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Is it normal to ask people to leave their other kids at home when you have a playdate?

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no, it's rude! I'm a little shocked that a mother would even suggest it. Not nice.. Kind of highschool-ish iykwim?

the only way i'd consider it "normal" is if she said "would you like me to pick up DS1 for a couple of hours for a play date". i have done this numerous times with family and friends - taken one child out for a while as they are more "suited" to what we're up to (park etc) or because i can tell mum just really needs some time out or one on one time with another child kwim?

if you're invited (as in mum) then i would expect mum + all kids. if one were elsewhere, well that's up to mum!

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I'd not go arte.

all my kids are welcome and all my friends kids are welcome. i understand if you were to just drop DS off and leave (ie you're not there), but if it is a playdate where you are there, then i reckon i would turn the 'offer' down.

she sounds pretty rude TBH.

Most of the mums that invite us for play dates tend to say "Would you guys like to come around for a play?"

Not just one of the kids. Maybe when they are a bit older things will change - but I'd still expect, much like I think BG said, either they offer to pick up one of the kids for a play, or they say "Would you like to drop kidlet off for a play?" or something. If I was invited too, I'd definitely expect to be able to take all the kids.

that's the rudest thing I ever heard! I assume it would be during the week? What if hubby usually works then?
Pretty unreasonable request IMO.

I would say that according to A Current Affair from the other night that you probably should leave your 2 year old at home alone, so you were a package deal, or unavailable ...

From the sounds of things playdates have changed since my childhood though - I don't remember parents or siblings ever having been invited to playdates previously! Normally just the bumpkin and the friend and too many Sunnyboys ...

How times have changed :)

Well, when I invite DS's friends and their mothers round to play, I expect all the children to come - even to birthday parties, when I have to make extra cake and party bags! When I offer to have just one child so the mother can do XYZ, I expect just one child to come.

I get on with most of DS's mates' mums, so I invite them round for a coffee and a chat while the boys play. It's nice to do that sometimes.

I have had one of DS's mates round all day from before DS woke up in the morning until both boys were bathed and ready for bed, with the mum just coming for an evening meal and to bathe the boys. Given that the other mum bought both boys some new lego, I had a great day.