Printable View
I'm sorry if this comes across as offensive or is upsetting for some, by all means it is not my intention.
I have had the comment "you wouldn't cope with a special needs child" thrown at me quite a few times. And after discussing this with my DP last night he asked, "Do parents cope? or do they just manage?"
(Whilst I'm not a parent of a SNC I have held the hearts and hands of friends who are... so please know my POV is skewwed, and I hope having said opinion doesn't offend SNP's)
How long is a piece of string.
I think that no one can make that assumption. Nor should the assumption of "coping" be made about anyone who is the parent of a special needs child.
It's relative to the child, to the personality of the parent, their support network, their diagnosis and professional help and a whole spectrum of things.
Sorry but I don't think you're going to get a definitive answer. And I think the person who said that to you was being quite mean and trying to suggest more than they actually said. But that could be my cynical POV too.
Doesnt matter how you word it. They do what they have to do for their children.
Brilliant :)
WOW, who says something like that!
My story is rather complicated, includes my own issues as well as the kiddos (DS1 has SN, but DS2 has additional needs), but at the end of the day I don't know any better. We've been part of the system since I was pregnant with DS1. DS1's SN are what makes him, well him. Without his SN he just wouldn't be him. I wouldn't change anything, sure I'd like to make things easier for him, but I don't want to 'get rid' of it completely iykwim?
Some days I just manage, but overall I think I cope rather well, just like any other parent really. I don't see myself as being any different to you or anyone else. We all encounter issues, as parents, which makes things harder to deal with. It's all part of the parcel really.
My good friend's little boy has a physical disability as well as intellectual and thinks very similar to myself. We are both just glad to have our kids at all (her bub was VERY early)
I hope that helps :)
Really? By whom? More than one person has said that to you? In what circumstance does that even come up?:
If someone said that to me I would have slapt them, how dare they. If Emmanuel had of survived I would of coped/managed, I just would of.
Regards,
Dianne
You would cope. You do what you have to do for your child. Its hard, but what's the alternative? When you have a child you love them regardless of anything. You have to cope, there isn't another option.That's a really stupid comment for someone to make.
Sent from my GT-S5570 using Tapatalk
Yeah, I don't understand why someone would even try to go there.... who cares if you would cope or not? Why do they care so much.
I've had people tell me that I cope too well, that its too "normalised" so much that people don't know what we have gone through. I think people are ignorant and will make up their own mind without trying to understand the situations.
We are all different, we all cope in our own ways, but would I say "you wouldn't cope with curly hair?" nope, but I do.... its silly. Some of what I've been through I wouldn't wish on anyone else, but I while I may have had times of saying "I'm not coping" I certainly did. I gave my family the best of what I had at every moment in the bad years and I continue to do so now. :dunno: I would ask them how they cope with such ignorance.
Love you :hug:
What a silly thing to say.
You cope (or manage) because you have to. You get on with it. When it's rough you take it on a daily basis and kick things around the house or cry in the wardrobe.
Have to add that just because someone looks like they have it all together in public, doesn't mean they do ;)
I hope it's ok for me to post in here but this reminds me of comments I have received many times from people who tell me they wouldnt cope or survive if one of their kds died. I look at them and think, what's the alternative? You deal with the hand you're played in life. Some days are easier than others. It changes you but like anything in life, it's not what happens to you that counts. It's how you handle it. You're allowed to not 'cope' some days but the sun still rises and sets and you dust yourself off and get on with things. Or not, depending on each person's choices and capabilities. You can still have joy and laughter and fun amidst the challenges. I imagine it's similar with SN kids. Anyone please correct me if I'm wrong.
I find that someone would say that to you strange. Do they try to undermine your confidence in other ways? Do they have a special needs child themselves?
Some days you cope. Some days you manage. Some days you're just happy to survive.
I wish nobody had to find out just how they would deal with sn kids, losses etc. Mothers are amazing creatures though. Whatever is "wrong" with your child, it is still your child and you do whatever need to be done to just get on with it all.
For me, parenting a SN child can either embitter you or make you more grateful. It makes me feel less "entitled" and more prone to seizing the beautiful moments ( and making sure I'm alert enough to those moments to recognize them when they happen.)
I saw this great interview with a young Chinese man who won Chinas got Talent by playing the piano with amazing talent and sensitivity....with his feet. Due to an accident when he was small both arms were amputated. He said he realized at that point he had a choice to make: live well or die quickly. And so he was living well.
L&B, I was just coming to say the same - all these different things that can happen with kids, or adults, most people say they they'd never cope. They don't know how someone can go on after whatever it is - a death, a diagnosis, whatever - but those who HAVE been through that just cope. They deal. It's part of them now.
I always thought I'd never be able to live if one of my children died, or even got seriously sick. Now it's part of my history, threaded through my future. Just like someone whose child has special needs, I've accepted it and it's just part of my day to day life. It's not as public as a child with obvious special needs, but it's still there.
Some parents done cope with 'normal needs' kids. It's a reflection of themselves not their kids or their needs. How dare anyone say such a thing or judge other parents!
Thanks everyone :D - Its so good to have others be just as annoyed at the comment being made and agree its totally out of line! to answer the question on who it was who said it, it was my SIL... in her eyes both me and DP don't have the "skills or patience" i'm not entirely sure what "skills" we need... :dunno:
You need survival skills.... and love
You dont have a choice. Your practically the only person who's fighting on their side; if you dont do it who will? Even if you want to chuck it all in because its too hard (and it is too hard alot of the time) you just push on. Hard to say what you would do when you dont actually have an option in that situation.
Thats exactly how i see it too. I don't understand why she feels the need to say what she does, she didn't choose her situation but if she is coping and managing then good for her but to look at another person and say they couldn't cope is just plain rude! I would do what is necessary and if i couldn't i would seek help, thankfully i do have a great support network around me.:
There have been days I was hanging on by a thread. I remembering calling the autism center in tears on one of those days and asking where we were on the appointment waiting list. Still months to wait... that was hard because I needed a life line that day. But we're all still here so I guess I coped. Now we're healing our son life is getting 100 times easier thankfully!