preparing a toddler for a new arrival..

Hi All,

I was chatting with a gf today and she related how her DD had really struggled with DS 's arrival 4-5 months ago. She told me a few things she regretted doing in the lead up to DS's birth: Like telling DD that she had to give up her dummy for the new baby( maybe created a fair bit of jealousy??) and moving DD out of her cot and into a "big girl bed, all at once.

So it got me thinking.... What do you regret or recommend to help toddlers cope with the new arrival of a sibling?

My DD is going to be 2.5 yrs when the new arrival is expected. She is a pretty happy kid, but when I talk with my gf's they all have stories to relate about how their kids have coped, regardless of personality prior to the new arrival. Some kids really struggle and lash out with violence as far as I can see, and some less severe but they all seem to have their own personal issues. Whether it is just the personality of the individual child or whether things the mums have done have helped I don't know but I would be interested to hear what you all think.

XX Bella

my son will be 2 years and nearly 3 months when I pop in the next few weeks, we have done nothing different except he knows there is a baby in mummy's tummy. We have left him with his dummy and let him stay in his room and his cot until we see how he goes with the new arrival and after a few months will shift him down to the other room and into the big boy bed, we bought a bedside bassinette for now. I didn't want to cause too much change for him as he is not as mature as a lot of other kids his age. I will let you know in a month or two! congrats on your new bub!

We went the opposite. Ds will be 22 months when our next arrives and we switched him into a bed four months ago so he could detach himself from his cot. However, I really don't think he had any emotional connection to it, infact I'd go as far as saying he hated it ^^;
I think if you are to make any changes or want to, the earlier the better so they can't associate the changes with a sibling iykwim?

We made sure any changes were made early, I have 21 months between dd1 and dd2, and 18 between dd2 and ds. We made the transition into big beds fun and about them growing up no mention of it being to make room for the new baby. We also got them gifts when each baby arrived so they weren't left out.

Miss B was 25mthss old when Miss Em was born, she was already in a big girl bed, we involved her in absolutely everything, from decorating baby's room, to taking her to the appointments. We always talked about the baby to her and how she would have to share her stuff etc... but we did tell her the only item she did not have to share was her "Pinky" her bed cuddle toy.
When i went into labour we told her that the baby would be here soon, she was very protective off me when i was at home labouring which was so sweet! and when Miss Emily arrived, Miss B was the first one (apart from DH) to see her, we wouldn't let anyone else visit until she had meet her sister and we spent time as a family! she came up to visit every day i was in hospital. and when we got home we involved Miss B in everything again, from the baths to the nappy changes to picking out her sisters clothes. When Miss Em would cry too we would ask Miss B what do you think is wrong with her and how can we stop her crying, which made her feel important!
We never said stuff like "baby this or baby that", and we never left Miss B out.
so we didn't have any problems of jealousy or anything like that at all, and still haven't to this day :) it was a very enjoyable time for us all :)

Oh and Miss B brought Emily a gift and Emily brought Miss B a gift :)

Wow it's going so fast! I started a thread on this awhile ago, I'd link if I knew how :D It was in the birth section called Introducing Baby. I got some great tips from it, good luck!

DD1 had just turned 3 when DD2 arrived. She was already TT and in her toddler bed so that wasn't an issue. We involved her in all our appointments and she would help the OB listed to the heartbeat, take my BP and measure my belly. She was involved in getting all the baby clothes out, washing them all in preparation and she even chose DD2's middle name. She was the first person to meet DD2, find out she was a girl and give her a cuddle - apart from DP and myself of course.

DD1 never really had any jealousy or acting out issues with DD2's arrival.

I'm just subbing because this is something we're really beginning to think seriously about too.

I have heard that there are some good story books about becoming a big brother/sister - does anyone know titles or authors?
TIA

Thanks girls, there are some really great suggestions listed there. CM, thanks for letting me know I will go and search that thread out.

xx Bella

I highly recommend lots of reading about being a big brother/sister and taking a present to the hospital with you so that when the older sibling arrives to see the baby you can give them a present and say that it's from the new baby. This is pretty much all we did (no changing rooms etc) and our eldest was/is a fantastic big brother.

The one thing in particular that helped here was the present, my DS was already toilet trained, already dummy gone, already big bed.
Though he is currently inhabiting a room full of half baby gear which i know is annoying him but he will get the other room soon.
We waited until i was home from hospital to give it (made more ssense) and gave him the Cars DVD from DD. He thinks its the greatest and because he LOVES cars it was a great choice, simple but perfect@!

In typical wysiwyg style we didn't do a lot, CJ was already in a big bed and TT was happening. We knew we were having a boy and we had already named him so he was already Baby Stirling to her, we got her a little boy baby which she named Baby Stirling (and then he became little baby Stirling, and the real one Big Baby Stirling). We read one book My new baby I think, and explained that I would be going to hospital to have Baby Stirling and she could come see him as soon as he was here. She saw things like the capsule and we just said is for Baby Stirling and let her sit in it, same with the cot when it got put back up she wanted to go in it so let her. She was very emotional in a happy way when she first met him, and has loved him to bits since. He did get her a present but not sure she was that phased by that. We let her hug, kiss him etc etc and he does get rougher handling than she ever did, but he is happiest when she is about. Haven't had any jealousy issues. I would say the only two things I am conscious about doing is trying to make sure that she got time with me on her own and not always her with dad and me with baby, and not saying things like "No we can't do this because I need to feed Stirling, or change him etc" - that may be the reason but I think up something else so it doesn't sound like it is always his need for food, sleep etc that is stopping us doing things.

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I'm just subbing because this is something we're really beginning to think seriously about too.

I have heard that there are some good story books about becoming a big brother/sister - does anyone know titles or authors?
TIA

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We got 'There's a House Inside my Mummy' by Giles Andreae & 'I Love my Baby Brother' by Anna Walker (we're having a little boy but they do have a Little Sister version too)

Moo LOVES these books and we probably read them half a dozen times per day, they're always his first choice!

DS has already been out of the cot and in his own bed for sometime so there arent any huge changes for him in that way. When he's going to sleep or we're just having a nice cuddle, after I've given him a kiss and told him Mummy loves him I rub my tummy and tell him baby loves him too. He then wraps his arms around my tummy and says 'cuddle her' and he really likes it.

Overall we never had issues and that surprised us. We thought DS2 was gonna a little bugger about the baby as he has really enjoyed being the baby and knew he wasnt gonna relinquish that postition easily. The boys had been sleeping with me and DH in the their room, so we re-did their room, got them big boy beds and nice sheets. Bought them each a present that we stashed away to be from the baby (the presents go along way to helping the sibling "like" the baby) We included the boys in all the scans, and they helped to choose something nice for the baby to wear. Each night they wanted to give my tummy a kiss good night and talk alittle bit to the baby.
They have both had afew adjustment issues as is normal- sometimes they have to wait for mummy to finish something with the baby but we also make a point of telling the baby - wait Im just with your brother, be there in a min- so it feels fair to them. They are very protective of her when we go out and dont let people touch her and if she is asleep they will push people away :lol:
They help us with nappy changes, making bottles, getting dummys all that kind of stuff.
We thought about what we would like, what would help us to feel comfortable and try to do that for them
Good luck

My LO is 18 months now, will be 21 months when bub arrives and i don't think she has any idea that a baby is on the way. The only thing she knows is that it is getting harder to sit on my lap and breastfeed.

She also is not that excited by presents, so not really sure what preparation i can do that she will understand. I am getting the book "hello baby'" that we will read together, and we point out babies but i am still not sure whethet it will be a big shock or she will just cruise along and accept the intruder. Maybe in 3 months she will be more aware?

We moved DD out of the nursery and into her big girl room in Feb or March this year and we have a toddler bed as well as a standard single, pretty much ALL the same set up that was in the nursery.

We also have got a few books "There is a house inside my mummy", "My new baby" and "I'm a big sister now" and she loves all the books.

I will also purchase her a special present from the baby and I am hoping to have it so that she is the FIRST person aside from hubby and I to see TummyBunny when she arrives. I will be doing my best to keep EVERYONE else out and away from us that first day.

I am not sure what else to do, she is a pretty good kid and a Daddies girl so I am betting she will naturally stay more with him.

DD will be 25 months when her sister comes.

Nae x x

DS is 2.5 and will be 3 when the new baby comes in april. he has become toilet trained in the last month and we are working on the dummy. He has been an amazingly easy kid im waiting for it to come back and bite me! he decided 8 months ago in the middle of the night he just wasnt going to sleep in a cot anymore and a month ago decided he didnt want a nappy and began potty training VERY easily and on his own terms. Dummy seems to be the hardest thing. ive been told to use it as currency to buy him something he wants to replace it but he isnt keen. my mum had 4 of us and said take the dummy away asap but dont leave it close to the due date because it will make it harder on DS and possibly create some jealousy. i think its all about timing and understanding what they need and how they feel about it. he is aware there is a baby in my tummy and loves coming to see the baby on the doctors telly. We are going to try to get him to help with feeds and let him put the babys socks on etc but not push it on him and my DP and i have made a strict plan that our DS will get alone time with both of us at some stage of every day.

I honestly think it depends on what your child is like. But I dont think every telling your toddler they need to do something because of baby coming soon is ever a good idea. I feel like it puts pressure on the LO and is already setting up expectations that they have to live up to.

Here we talk about sprout every day. they tell sprout they love it and cant wait to meet it. DD2 is still in the cot although its been converted to a toddler bed at the moment. She knows that in the next couple of weeks shes moving up to a big girl bed becuase she will be 2yrs (and also so sprout can have somewhere to sleep).

Communication is big here, and we dont put pressure on them. I dont even ask them if they are going to be good big sisters. We just talk about them being big sisters and being lucky enough to have a little brother or sister.
We do have the theres a baby inside my mummy, and we read that. But Ive owned that since before DD1 was born as I used the book for a uni assignment once.

Go with your DD'spersonality, you will know what will and wont work.