Birth story etiquette

OK, not sharing a birth story, but asking a question.

If it isn't your birth story, can you share it?

Can a mother share her daughter's birth story (with her grandchild)? Can the woman who heard it from the baby's grandmother tell other people? Does it make a difference who you tell - it's OK to hear third-hand about a cousin, but not a friend of a friend?

Would you expect someone to hear how you birthed your child by someone other than yourself? Even if you did choose to share with that person.

Just want to know what people think on this one as I have been told I'm wrong in the way I think about it. Thanks!

I dunno. If it is an unusual story like someone birthing beside the road in peak hour traffic then I guess it will be shared. If someone has had a baby and I'm asked how they are I would give a precis ie it was a really straightforward birth and she's up and about already or it was a long labour and she's struggling a bit or whatever.
I wouldn't share gory details such as 'she has more stitches than a train wreck victim' or 'she can't sit down because of her 'roids'.
I hope a mother or even a mother in law can share a birth story so long as she does it in a respectful way.
I think that like many things respect and intentions play a big part in how ok it is.

Maybe not the full story, but as Onyx said, if it's unusual I might share it. My cousin gave birth in a petrol station, but I know I never heard that from her. Just my mum. But that's an odd story.

My own stories, I'd be okay with people who were there sharing their own views on it, but not second-hand sharing. Maybe saying to someone "hey, here's a link to a birth story you might like/relate to" is okay...

I don't know, it's not something I've thought of. I guess generic "I have a friend who went through x y z and this happened" without names I'd be ok with, or basic info like Onyx suggested.

I have told the story of a lady who gave birth in the petrol station I was working at, but from my own perspective - so less about her story more about mine I suppose.

It does come down to respect though.

LOL the receptionist at work asked me how my birth was, and then promptly told me that another woman in the office needed a vacuum extraction with episiotomy. TMI for casual work chit chat I think.

I don't have an issue. It's just another thing to discuss, you know? I would never speak negatively or badly about another persons birth though, and I'd hope the same could be said for people talking about me.

I know people have shared my birth story and I don't care. I'm pretty open anyway though, and have a blog.. I'm pretty sure my story is told as a "Wow, this is amazing mum and baby are still ok after what happened".. I don't think my twins birth story would be shared.. Looking back now that was just a boring old c section lol..

I know mine with DD1 has been shared, even to people who aren't friends of friends. DP's cousin was so excited when she went to the florist she bought a HUGE bunch of flowers, the lady said wow this person must be lucky what do you want written on the card and N said what do you write when someone has done.............................. and shared the story :)
Personally i don't mind, i love hearing about other peoples births, i prefer to hear it from them but if you hear it 2nd or 3rd hand and they don't have an isue with it then great.

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I know people have shared my birth story and I don't care. I'm pretty open anyway though, and have a blog.. I'm pretty sure my story is told as a "Wow, this is amazing mum and baby are still ok after what happened".. I don't think my twins birth story would be shared.. Looking back now that was just a boring old c section lol..

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Actually, confession time here: though I suppose it wasn't just your birth I shared, I came across your blog about the twins before I really knew you on BB, and showed Scott and my parents all of it :redface: I can't even remember what I was looking up when I came across it, I was in the early stages of pregnancy with Ianto... I don't think I was even a BB member yet!

Thanks for the replies so far, ladies.

For me, my mother telling me about my cousins birthing their children in as much detail as she can is NOT what I want to hear from her. If my cousins choose to share then fine, I don't want my mother forcing it on me.

For me, hearing "oh, I've already heard this story" after one girl asked about Liebling's "birth" (whom I hadn't shared with) and I started to tell her the lighthearted version was rude (I know who decided to share my story with everyone and she is no longer a part of my life, I need my information kept private and she was not able to do that with several things; found out too late though).

I said to my mother that I wouldn't expect her to share Liebling's story with anyone and she did go really quiet, which makes me think she has done - so who has what information about ME and LIEBLING which should be private unless I choose to share?

All MiL knows about Liebling's arrival is that he pooed on me, which both of the PiL find hilarious. Again, won't be overly happy if she shares that. Although she did share with me, DH hadn't told me about that, so she knew something about Lieby's arrival that I didn't.

FWIW, I wouldn't mind sensitive sharing, or proud sharing, from the mother or MiL of the mother. Or sharing a blog post - I mean, that's what the person who wrote it is choosing to share with the world.

So am I too uptight about this?

I've shared my gf birth, although not into details, just how she had her son at home (unplanned). I love her birth story but I have shared with people who don't know her!

I don't think I'd appreciate my mum or my MIL sharing my birth story with family, I'd like to do that myself.

Well to me, the TMI part to share with strangers is how your vagina looked afterwards. You can share birth stories in general without talking about the direction of the episiotomy cut and how many stitches were internal and how many were external.

*blinks* Seriously? Who does that?

No no no no no no...talking about my vagina with strangers is seriously NOT cool! I thoroughly agree that's way TMI.

There's a fine line between talking about generalities such as what time things kicked off, or how long it took etc and going into the nitty gritty details of medical procedures used or talking about somebody else's genitalia. Some things should be sacrosanct imo :)

Being that it's your mother we're talking about here, TFB, I can confidently say that she's crossed the etiquette line! No, not oversensitive - she's stuck on her 'insensitive' default setting :(

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I know people have shared my birth story and I don't care. I'm pretty open anyway though, and have a blog.. I'm pretty sure my story is told as a "Wow, this is amazing mum and baby are still ok after what happened".. I don't think my twins birth story would be shared.. Looking back now that was just a boring old c section lol..

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teehee... I HAVE told people about you and Jett plane! However, I would tell you that to your face anyway and yes, it's gotta be one of the most amazing birth stories ever! I reckon you should write a book lol or at least a short story on this whole journey!

Didn't anyone else notice that tenibear's cousin gave birth in a petrol station, and crankykitten may well have witnessed it?



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Jude 07/10/2008 | Lilac 16/06/2011

Bwahahahahaha - only if she was living in Perth at the time :)

I did get a nice card from the family, even though I didn't really do all that much.

I'm happy for mine to be shared probably cause they are normal and positive.

If it was a sore spot no
I wouldn't want it shared. But if people don't know the full extent of my pain then it's not their fault they shared.

I think generally it's excepted in society that we talk rather openly about other peoples births.

I might now reconsider my views hearing how upset u are.

Hugs hun

Hi Flying Butter, I think your birth story very interesting. I like so much. Thanks for sharing your story.

Can I just throw another idea out there (and preface it with the fact I don't yet have a birth story to share so I don't know how I feel)....

If you tell anyone something it stops being a secret... So the more details you share the more likely those details will be shared with others.... Guess our mothers need people to share things with too...after all ifsomething was happening/happened to DS or DD wouldn't we need someone to share it with???

Ps. Sometimes I cringe when I read birth stories on here.... There's so much detail it surprises me!aybe I'll be different when I have my own but perhaps sometimes it's because people share too much information that othes think sharing is okay?

i had a traumatic birth, and since then have had many people tell me that a friend has had a difficult time, before introducing us, so i could talk to them and help them debrief.
but i still dont mention that i know their circumstances until they share!