Did I not word this correctly?

I'm having a Tupperware party tonight at my house. My sister is a rep, she's trying to "reignite" her career, so I said I'd help out.

I invited 18 people, just checked the text message. Got 5 responses. 5. That is all.

Then I saw two of the people during the week and they responded. So that makes 7 in total. 7 from 18. I requested an RSVP. But did I not word it right? Here is what I said:

"Hope to see you then, let me know if you can make it. There will be bubbly... Cheers, OP"

Is that too ambiguous? Would you respond to that only if you were ABLE to come? As in, ignore it if you can't come?

Because seriously, 7 out of 18 is pretty crummy for a response rate.

so many people have posted threads about people not RSVPing, and I know for our wedding we had a hard time having to chase people around and hassel them to rsvp for us, and that was a strict by this date with addresses, phonenumbers, emails etc.. so no excuse not to.

seems to be the thing these days, not bothering to rsvp and its really rude and disrepectful!!! I'd hassel them, call them or msg them and ask, say you need numbers (some parties do cause you cook or something in them dont you?)

But yea, I think if you are invited to somewhere, no matter what it is, you say whether you are going or not and give the host as much notice as you can.

If it were me i would generally let you know either yay or nay... but quite a few people just don't RSVP these days.. i agree it's quite rude.

i can see why people would only have replied if they were attending, by the wording of it. BUT it's common courtesy to say, 'sorry can't make it, have hair appointment'...or whatever. and it takes 2 seconds to reply via txt.

Everybody is just Sooooo busy! Soooo busy that a text is too hard to squeeze in. People are totally like this all the time. Before our wedding we had to chase up 20 or so people to confirm! How bloody slack is that?! And it kind of makes you feel like crud.

It's gotten to the point where I just don't bother organising any get-togethers any more.

I've been guilty of not replying to things like this - and not because I am being rude but because when I've gotten a text I've not known at the time whether I can (or want to come) and then forgotten about the text in my inbox and forgotten to go back to it, or I've been toddler wrangling or at the shops or out and just can physically respond and forget later. Other times, frankly I have been too busy, balancing work/a child/husband/family/home commitments and trying to find time for myself I often forget things. Don't judge someone so harshly just because they forgot to reply to an sms :) However if someone rang me and asked me personally, generally you'd get an immediate response from me, as then you have my full attention :)

I guess its a sign of how we do things now - sending what will seem to some (an impersonal invite) via text or facebook is easy to be overlooked by the recipient when they mean to reply to it later, but never get to it.

For Weddings/Parties the done thing is to send an actual invite in the mail, a bit harder to forget to respond too (I normally stick them to the fridge so they are in my face), however a text invite is easily lost in an inbox full of other texts IYKWIM? I do agree that its quite rude not to respond by the RSVP date when you have a written invite to something.

I agree with Naomi. I can't begin to tell you how often I hear the sms tone on my phone go off while busy with the kids and then totally forget to even check the message, let alone actually respond to it, lol. Then I'll get a couple of sms's from DH or the DSS's and ****** the first message is out of sight in my inbox and I totally forget :/

I like to think I'm not a "rude" person, but I'll admit that recently I forgot to RSVP to two different events (sadly for the same person! Her kitchen tea and her hen's night!). Although, in my defense, I didn't know I'd been invited until after the RSVP date as hubby forgot to mention that he'd picked up "mail" for me that was left at his parents house and the invites sat on his desk unbeknownst to me for a bout a month. Oops.

MN, Mylitta, good point. I should not be so quick to judge! Life does sometimes get in the way... I should know that.

Guess I'm just feeling a bit unloved! My poor sister, there's only going to be four of us there...

life's busy hun- i think you would expect only to hear from people that are coming
I always forget to reply if i am not coming. usually because boof has my phone lol
btw i cant come, but i told you that the other day lol
mwah

I read this before on my phone and was just coming back to say the same thing as Mylitta!

I guess it would help if i had a calendar or diary that I used well, then I could give an answer at the time.

I wonder if people are becoming more cavalier about their responses as well, saying yes to make sure they are catered for etc but changing their mind at the last minute? I have had this happen to me a few times and it drives me mad.

If I read that I would only have replied if I could make it. Sorry.

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MN, Mylitta, good point. I should not be so quick to judge! Life does sometimes get in the way... I should know that.

Guess I'm just feeling a bit unloved! My poor sister, there's only going to be four of us there...

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I must admit though, that in your shoes I would have been a little sad as well :( I tend to take some things way too personally.

The RSVP thing is getting really rude in society! I always think that the people you are inviting are supposed to be your 'friends' so why are they being so rude not getting back to you? I'm in 2 minds about it, either say "RSVP by X date or you won't be catered for" (or something similar like we need to know numbers) Or if anyone doesn't reply just not invite them anything ever again lol

Hmmm, I disagree with some of the earlier posts.

In my opinion, while I think it's understandable that sometimes invitations do genuinely get forgotten etc, I still think it's rude for people not to RSVP. Not that they're an evil person or anything ... But I think it's understandable, but rude.

This isn't referring to cases where you haven't seen the invitation - only times when you have seen it, and not replied (whether you've forgotten or whatever).

I don't think that people (like the other ladies who have posted) sit around thinking, "I'm too inportant to reply to your message" or "I'm not going to respond yet because a better offer might come up" but I do think that it's pretty simple to get the invitation, see if you're available, decide if you want to go, and then reply.

Or if it's the case that you're not sure yet whether you're going to be available, then put the invitation in your diary - write the RSVP date into your diary or phone reminder to make sure you reply, and then do it when the RSVP date rolls around (or if it's a flexible rsvp, set the reminder it for that night when you're able to bump calendars with your DH, or the weekend, or whatever).

Everyone is busy. But I think we make time to do what is important - and for me, being polite, respecting my friends' feelings and responding to invitations is important.

To answer your initial question, I think the wording is a little ambiguous in the way you have already flagged - it's able to be read as thogh you only need a reply if they're coming - but it's sufficiently ambiguous that I think I would have responded either way, as a courtesy.

But as some others have said here - it really does seem to be a growing trend, and it's awful when you see and hear about people having to chase up whether guests are going to be coming to events like weddings etc!! I find it astonishing. And children's birthday parties, where 20 odd kids have been invited, and 4 replies have been received ... I just think it's really poor behaviour and unfair on the birthday boy/girl :(

or the tupperware hostess ;)

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But I think we make time to do what is important - and for me, being polite, respecting my friends' feelings and responding to invitations is important.

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I think that brings up a good point too. I think it also depends on how "close" you are to these people. I often receive facebook invites to events and parties, but it's very common for me to completely ignore them and delete them without even opening. I used to be involved in the rnb music scene and so still have a number of contacts from that, but many of them are barely acquaintances, let alone friends. I guess I'm saying that if I received what I thought might just be a "bulk sent" invite to something, then I'd be likely to ignore it.

Having said that, inviting 20 people to a tupperware party doesn't sound like you just sent out invites to every random person in your phone, so I would have liked more repsonses...

I think part of the problem is the many ways we now receive invites, and the fact that we seem to get invites left right and centre. People seem to have different "standards" for rsvping depending on the nature of the invite.

Eg:
Posted/written invite: I would definitely RSVP and make sure I did it on time or early
Facebook invite: Probably not unless I wanted to go. I get invites to things for people who I barely know or have anything to do with - I wish they would filter their invite lists.
Text invite: I would not deliberately NOT rsvp, but I wouldn't stress too much if I forgot, especially if it was a group text.
Email invite: as per text

These aren't my hard and fast rules, but just trying to show how I approach different invites. Some may consider not rsvping to a FB invite rude, but I think it's rude to send them in the first place if it's the kind of event where you really need rsvps. Does that make sense?

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I think part of the problem is the many ways we now receive invites, and the fact that we seem to get invites left right and centre. People seem to have different "standards" for rsvping depending on the nature of the invite.

Eg:
Posted/written invite: I would definitely RSVP and make sure I did it on time or early
Facebook invite: Probably not unless I wanted to go. I get invites to things for people who I barely know or have anything to do with - I wish they would filter their invite lists.
Text invite: I would not deliberately NOT rsvp, but I wouldn't stress too much if I forgot, especially if it was a group text.
Email invite: as per text

These aren't my hard and fast rules, but just trying to show how I approach different invites. Some may consider not rsvping to a FB invite rude, but I think it's rude to send them in the first place if it's the kind of event where you really need rsvps. Does that make sense?

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I agree... a text makes it sound kinda informal. The language was light and they were invited to reply IF they wanted to come. I agree that not RSVP'ing was rude but I understand in this case why it doesn't happen. Also, I get pretty peeved when my friends invite me to these kind of parties, I hate them...

It drives me mad when people dont RSVP. Just because its not important to them, doesnt mean its not important to you.

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I think part of the problem is the many ways we now receive invites, and the fact that we seem to get invites left right and centre. People seem to have different "standards" for rsvping depending on the nature of the invite.

Eg:
Posted/written invite: I would definitely RSVP and make sure I did it on time or early
Facebook invite: Probably not unless I wanted to go. I get invites to things for people who I barely know or have anything to do with - I wish they would filter their invite lists.
Text invite: I would not deliberately NOT rsvp, but I wouldn't stress too much if I forgot, especially if it was a group text.
Email invite: as per text

These aren't my hard and fast rules, but just trying to show how I approach different invites. Some may consider not rsvping to a FB invite rude, but I think it's rude to send them in the first place if it's the kind of event where you really need rsvps. Does that make sense?

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Really? :o A good friend sent out email invites for her babies 1st birthday party asking for RSVP's. Should I have not RSVP's because she didn't have time to do up a nice printed invite like what I did? Clearly there is some difference between a bulk random invite everyone you know party invitation on facebook and a 1st birthday party or an invite from a friend to anything they are putting on? Another example is a friend is putting on a pre christmas bbq. Yeah bbq's are informal and so may have been the text message but they are still supplying food and they need to know how many people they are cooking for! They are my FRIENDS and I don't want them catering for half the people they invited 'just in case they show up' because they were too rude to rsvp.

No matter how it's worded/sent etc I always RSVP!

OP, I would have expected a yes or no text in response, and I would have been upset that the majority of people, couldn't be bothered, didn't have time, we're too busy or forgot to respond.


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I would have rsvp'd too, whether I was coming or not. Its just good manners.

Its not that long ago that people wrote notes of thanks after having dinner at a friend's house or something similar. I think its really sad that common decency and consideration seem to be considered too hard these days. It also really annoys me how many people say they are just too busy. Seriously, that's just nonsense. We've all got things to do but that doesn't excuse us from doing the right thing. If you're too busy to take 10 seconds to send a text, then you should really reassess your life.

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If you're too busy to take 10 seconds to send a text, then you should really reassess your life.

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I'm quite happy with the way I life my life, so feel no need to reassess it, however forgetting to respond to a sms invite doesn't mean my life is so worthless that I need to reassess it. On the flip side I send thank you's after my Engagement Party, Wedding, Baby Shower, and DS's first birthday, I'm a pretty decent (but unperfect) person living a busy life.

The courtesy goes both ways - don't harshly judge a person because they forgot/were too busy/ to respond to an sms, because on a crazy day they want to take 10 seconds to sit on their bum and catch their breath rather than thinking about person X's tupperware party. You never know whats going on in a persons life that makes them too preoccupied to reply.

If you're happy that you're too busy to repond to a text then I guess that just reinforces my point. We all live our lives the way we want to. I don't live my life not giving friends the respect they deserve. Maybe your friends don't think it rude for you not to rsvp. Mine do.

We all have crazy days and sure, something might slip through but I wouldn't just think well hey, that happens. I would be calling and apologising for my rudeness in not responding in time.

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I don't live my life not giving friends the respect they deserve. Maybe your friends don't think it rude for you not to rsvp. Mine do.

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I seem to have an unspoken agreement with my friends that silence should not be taken in an offensive way. That works fine for us. No one feels a loss of respect.

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No matter how it's worded/sent etc I always RSVP!

OP, I would have expected a yes or no text in response, and I would have been upset that the majority of people, couldn't be bothered, didn't have time, we're too busy or forgot to respond.


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Yep and I also agree with Peanutter.

I find FB invites I tend to only respond if it warrants one, such as if there is catering involved and it's not just another one of those "whole of friends list" invites. If you've clearly sent me an invite to something that you've invited your entire friends list including interstate/overseas friends to, I hardly think you're expecting everyone to rsvp.

Text messages and emails I will respond to depending on the type of invite - quite often I get ones that are more "we're doing this at this place at this time, come join us if you want" more than an actual party invite, those I don't feel obliged to respond to unless I'm accepting. A party invite in advance (no matter what it's for) deserves a response.

I hear what you are all saying. I'm another one who tries valiantly to respond to invites of all types, as I agree that its a bit of treating them how I want to be treated, but I know things fall through the cracks.

I guess the reason I have taken the lack of response to heart is that I haven't seen some of these gals in weeks. Three of them, in particular, are what I would call three of my closest girlfriends, but between kids, working part time and working full time (we are all in various stages of life), we just can't seem to get it together to catch up. And I am dying to, so that I can tell them I'm pregnant.

So I guess it is a bit like a surprise wedding or something - I don't want to say "HEY you guys should really make an effort to come because I have something important to tell you and at this rate I'm telling you over the phone..." so to them its just a Tupperware party.

And I'm sure some of them feel like I think it was Maruschke - "Oh dear, OP's having another tupperware party, I so can't be bothered, lucky I'm in Sydney and I have a great excuse" - but I wish they'd see it as a chance to catch up, not just look at tupperware. My sister isn't even doing a demo, she's just going to have the catalogues there.

Oh well. I guess they'll find out over the phone. Which is another "Life etiquette" thread all together ;)

Being "too busy" is no excuse for rudeness. A simple text does not take much time!

I hope that you get a lovely surprise, and they all come.

The champagne may just have to be stretched a little :p

They will be thrilled to get your news :)

I have another text point.

It costs me money to send a text. If you text me on the 2nd of the month, my credit may have run out. My credit card ticks over on the 7th. I therefore put credit on around the 8th of the month. I try to respond to what I have to after that point, but occasionally forget.

Usually invites I can click accept/decline on facebook or text back for more details (if needed). I usually RSVP. Sometimes life does happen though, including my tightness with topping up my phone strictly every two months, and if I don't know you well enough to see you or have your home phone number to call then it may get forgotten. I have ignored a recent invite for a meal out - I didn't know the person sending it (the daughter of an acquaintance) so didn't even read it. Or them. There were multiple messages. I have strict junk filters and am very angry about my e-mail address being given out. I read it too late to respond (a half-hour after the meal started) and would probably reply with "Do not use this e-mail address, I have not given it to you, and certainly learn how to use the BCC box when e-mailing a bunch of people who don't know each other." Then forget about RSVPing while I ranted.

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Really? :o A good friend sent out email invites for her babies 1st birthday party asking for RSVP's. Should I have not RSVP's because she didn't have time to do up a nice printed invite like what I did? Clearly there is some difference between a bulk random invite everyone you know party invitation on facebook and a 1st birthday party or an invite from a friend to anything they are putting on? Another example is a friend is putting on a pre christmas bbq. Yeah bbq's are informal and so may have been the text message but they are still supplying food and they need to know how many people they are cooking for! They are my FRIENDS and I don't want them catering for half the people they invited 'just in case they show up' because they were too rude to rsvp.

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Sorry I seem to have upset you so much hun - just my opinion. I just think the invite needs to match the occasion. And there isn't always a clear difference as the privacy settings for events can make it unclear who has been invited. I'm not saying I deliberately don't respond; I just figure if someone has gone to the effort of posting something to me then that deserves more effort and attention from me.

ETA: And yes FB - while in the scheme of life a 30c text message isn't a huge deal, I agree that putting someone in a position when they have to pay to give you what you want (an rsvp in this case) is a bit rich. I guess so many people are on postpaid with heaps of included texts they don't even think about it. Although I guess in the olden days you still had to pay for the phone call/mail/telegram. Bring back the homing pigeons and smoke signals! LOL

I probably would only have replied if I could come. Also so many people are over the whole party plan thing. I think 7 coming out of 18 is great but the RSVP rate isn't great

I had a Bright Bugs toy party thinger a while ago. I invited 21 people (all my friends with kiddies, basically). 11 RSVP'd as coming and 5 actually turned up.

I felt like the worlds biggest loser TBH ><;

Ugh, that's even worse than not rsvp-ing in the first place! If you say you're going to go, you go - or if something comes up last minute, you let the host know with an apology.