[vent and rant] how on earth am I going to cope?

So here it goes, the christmas rant for this year.

So far I have convinced Dh to ask his parents if we can do christmas on boxing day. I only have Dh home for a couple of hours on christmas day before he goes to work, and my main focus in the morning is to make sure that he gets to see the girls enjoy christmas. That means I would rather others not visit us on christmas day, he agrees with me. He was more than agreeable with my idea about boxing day (I even think he thiinks its his idea! :lol: )

So thats DH's family organised.

My family on the otherhand I never see at christmas and to be honest that suits me fine. Mum and brother want to spend the day drinking, they harp on about how the day should be done to a budget, gifts for only the kids blah blah blah.. My and DH's personal opinion is its our house, our fmaily and we'll celebrate as we like.

This year I will be about 35wks pregnant. Dh is working all day and night (hopefully we will see him on a break at least), so we will only get brekky with him. Then my plan was to just let the girls run free with their toys, and have never ending fruit platters (my diet is rather select at this stage, no meat, select fruit and veges so platter work well for us). We had been invited over to friends house as well, if I could get my pregnant backside over there.

But my mum rings last week to inform me that she is coming down for christmas. Three words to describe her: Narcissistic, alcoholic, stressful (to deal with). I have already told her I would rather she didnt come down for christmas, actually I have told her no. So at this stage she is an unwelcome visitore. I dont want to have to put on a show for anyone, including her. I dont want alcohol in the house, I dont want her smoking near my girls, or myself (the smell of it makes me sick normally, let alone when pregnant, with morning sickness having returned). Actually i dont want her here at all.
Every time I see her it ends in disaster. I dont need the stress of her being here. I know this year, this visit I wont cope. I mean I cant even cope with her phone calls let alone having her here in person.
Not to mention I am the cause of all her problems. I am the one she blames everything on.

Its stressing me out just thinking about it.

How on earth am I going to handle this? Apparently no doesnt mean no to her.

Hmmm, that's a tough one.

Could you get DH to say NO to her, and get him to explain that you already have plans for xmas day, I'm sorry this does not inlcude you but we would like to do a xmas lunch at so and so time when I am home.

Tell her you won't be home as you have other plans...

(even if those other plans may just be the local park)

Got a dead bolt? Easy, clean and inpenetrable (at least to drunks ;))

:hug: Sounds like a PITA you don't need. So I favour the not so subtle approach.

i was going to say the say as CK, just say you wont be home, DH is working and you ''helping' a friend out or something, so you will see her another day. maybe at her house, on your terms...she sounds like a pain in the back side, and you shouldnt have to cop that!!

Tell her you're going out and don't answer the door for a few days! Or if she shows up call the police and say there's an intruder on your property.

Sounds awful :hug: I agree with the others. Tell her you won't be home and maybe just don't answer the door if she comes.
BTW, what job does your DH do to be working on Christmas!?

:hug:hun, this is the last thing you need to be worrying about, what a way to ruin what sounds like a nice couple of days you had planned. Like MN said, would she listen if your DH told her aswell? If she does turn up it might be the thing that gets you to your friends house. Just have a bag ready to go so it looks like you were just about to leave when she knocks.

I agree with saying you will be going away for a few days. As you said you don't need this.

Thanks ladies,

What I forgot to mention was that mum (and brother) live in another state. This morning she is off to buy a plane ticket to come down. As much as I would love to lock her out, Im not sure seeing her on the front yard, camping out is the best option. At this stage, she wants to come down on the 20th and stay til after new years.

Dh would love to say no to her, but unfortunately she sees him as been as oppressed man. When he voices an opinion that she doesnt agree with, well thats not him talking, its apparently me because I am the evil, fun killing, boring, wicked witch of the west.. Actually my nickname for as long as I can remember has been meanie queenie. Becuase I dont agree with her lifestyle. Actually Im pretty sure he has told her that it wouldnt be a great idea to come down when Im so hormonal and what not!

Tasha, Dh is a chef, At this stage they are fully booked out, with over 150 people having 8 courses or something similar for lunch and dinner.

:hug:I agree, tell her you won't be there and just don't answer the door or call the police if she rocks up.

oh damn :( can you tell her to book a hotel? If she can't afford a hotel, she can't afford to visit you.

Tell her if she must come down then she is to book a hotel as you're not having any house guests this close to giving birth.

I was going to say don't answer the door but having read your update, I'd have to agree with others about the hotel.

What a tough situation she's put you in :hug:

An obnoxious house guest for Xmas, weeks out from giving birth??

Computer says NO!!!!!

(Be firm. Tell her no, she can't stay, you are too close to having the baby and cannot handle any house guests while you're getting ready. She is welcome to stay in a hotel, obviously, but you can't promise Xmas lunch, maybe dinner later that day after you've finished with the plans you've already made?).

Thanks all,

You've all made me feel less crazy! :lol:

Well I got the phone call this morning to say she had booked a flight, along with a little rant about how much it cost as she found out the flight she wanted was $89, but today it had gone up to $150. Im actually surprised she paid it, normally that would have been a flat out cant do it, cant spend that much money on something like that.

Im resigned to the idea that she is coming down. I wish I could ask her to stay somewhere else but I cant be bothered with the argument that will follow up such a request. So after a rant to Dh, he said he would help me out with the situation as much as he can, which is good. Well he always helps me out with her whenever we see her. Thats how I knew was a good man, if he still wanted to be with me after meeting her and experiencing the mil events of hers, then I knew he was the one for me! :D

I suppose I was just wishing someone had a magic wand they wanted to lend me.

At this stage in my life, I can honestly say I dont have any respect for my mother, I can't even bring myself to say or think that I love her, perhaps I dont. So much has happened with her, and Im emotionally spent. I love the distance between us, its the one thing that makes having her as my mother easier. Its easy not to answer the phone, to discard text messages and I know Im safe from having her visit because that is asking her to leave her comfort zone, and thats virtually impossible for her.

Im sure I will have other posts about her. i have some major issues that I need input on, and I trust DD community, and I value your opinion. Shes like a tropical storm that comes along, makes itself known, causes trouble, destroys everything valuable, then the blame is always on me, because I caused it. Im thinking I should get my scarlett letter out and start wearing it now, may as well get the practise in and get used to wearing it now.. Maybe I can decorate it and make it look all christmas like ;)

:hug: Good luck gun, hope the time goes as quickly and with as little drama as possible.

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Tasha, Dh is a chef, At this stage they are fully booked out, with over 150 people having 8 courses or something similar for lunch and dinner.

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Oh, that makes sense! Poor DH working on Christmas. Extra $$ I suppose :)

haha, yeah I wish he got extra $$.. He's on salary which means he get a day off owed to him instead! Same goes for every other public holiday he works, even though they rarely get those back! But its part of the job so we dont complain about it, too much!

OK, she has forced her way into your house now you send her the house rules in writing so she cnnot say she wasn't warned. Include not smoking in the house or near doors or windows and no alchol of any sort on the premises. She will also help around the house as you are not up to hotel guests.
Then let her know if she cannot agree to these conditions then she needs to stay elsewhere.

Don't let her stress you out, you may find you will need to go on a few walks for some fresh air

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haha, yeah I wish he got extra $$.. He's on salary which means he get a day off owed to him instead! Same goes for every other public holiday he works, even though they rarely get those back! But its part of the job so we dont complain about it, too much!

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Oh that sucks! I am in hospitality also, no such thing as overtime or double time and a half!

Hugs hun. This is the last thing you need. Maybe it's time to set some firm boundaries and enforce them? Sounds like she's good at making her problems your problems, and you're too kind to say no. Is it fair on your little ones to have Christmas ruined by you being stressed over your mum driving you mad?

Sounds like she wants to stay for quite a while- can you put some limits on this? Can she stay elsewhere for some of the time? Really feel for you hun. Xo

Are we sisters... Lol this sounds like my mum!!
I don't have a relationship with my mum anymore as she is so toxic. But she some how believes she is a wonderful mother. Thankfully I will be in hospital at Christmas & miss her attempt at happy families. I wish you luck, I hope you can find a way to get through the week sanely x

Any chance you can send her the $150 and tell her not to come?

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Are we sisters... Lol this sounds like my mum!!
I don't have a relationship with my mum anymore as she is so toxic. But she some how believes she is a wonderful mother. Thankfully I will be in hospital at Christmas & miss her attempt at happy families. I wish you luck, I hope you can find a way to get through the week sanely x

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:lol: Now a week in hospital almost sounds better! :)

L&B- unfortunately not, not only could we not afford to do it, but I know she'd still come down.

Surprised- there will definately be some boundaries set, there always are. This time round though my girls are old enough to understand behaviours, and I need to make sure that everyone under my roof behaviours in a positive way for my girls.

If she's coming I'd be tempted to hire or borrow a caravan for her to stay in. This would mean she'd have her own space but still be "with you" and you could make that the alcohol/smoke area......just a thought

Oh, I feel for you, you poor girl. How does your mum go with boundaries? If you are firm does she adhere? Let us know and we can work out your next stratagie. Another thought would be could you ask a girlfriend to come over with her kids if she wasn't doing anything for Christmas, then she might be able to help you deal with your mum while hubbys at work?