help - how not to fight over choosing a name?
Hi All, i have a bit of a dilemma.
DH and i simply cannot choose a name/s without arguing everytime its bought up.
We had the same problem last pregnancy too, we were still arguing over it while i was being wheeled into theatre, then when dd was here the nurse asked have you chosen a name and i said yes this is what it is, but DH now says he 'told me how it was in theatre and chose the name in the end' whatever, i dont care we both love it, it doesnt matter who said which we would go with in the end.
Its even worse this time, after the nt scan i handed him a list with 30 girls names and 5 boys names (i am a bit stuck on boys names, but have an absolute favourite so i feel i dont need to search much more) i said tick which ones you like. he read it, handed it back to me and said 'there is 1 that i might, possibly, in another lifetime consider'. Great thats promising, not.
He keeps going on about how i like 'hick' names and how it should be illegal for me to name a child. Since then i have attempted to bring it up by saying 'oh i thought of another name i like today' and he rolls his eyes, gives me a look that says 'what cr*p have you come up with now' and says yeah i bet you have. so i no longer feel able to bring it up, i feel like everything i come up with is horrible. I am currently in a place emotionally where i really need something to help me get excited about this baby, and coming up with names is something i love to do and do find exciting, a part of the bonding process in a way, so i really feel like my excitement is being taken away from me, and im starting to resent him for that. i dont want to get excited about a name, only to have it taken away from me.
I feel as i carry, birth, breastfeed and virtually single handedly (another sore point) raise my kids that i should have the majority say on their names, when i say this to him he gets all peeved and says things like 'what so im discriminated against because im male and cant have kids' and he believes that being the father and not able to have the kids that he should get to name them as his part in it all. so while i see his point, i need him to see mine and to stop making me feel like this.
none of the names on my list are that out there or what people would find strange i dont understand the problem.
I have also asked him for his input and he gave me 1 'non negotiable' name, he wont entertain the idea there might be a boy in there (i suppose he doesnt want to get his hopes up and then be disappointed) so he wont contribute a boys name at all, and i dont like the 1 girls name he has given me.
Has anyone had this problem and how did you deal with it?
i think last time i was just so busy buying things and worrying about things and all of the first time excitedness and business that i didnt have time to let it become an issue, this time theres hardly anything for me to do/buy/worry about that this issue seems to stick out and cause so much heartache this time.
help, anyone???