Is it really that much harder going from 2 to 3?

Everybody (parents, inlaws, boss, to name a few) have been asking DH and I lately whether we plan to have anymore children. And when DH and I say "maybe" we keep on getting the same old replies:

"Why on earth would you want another one, you've got your pigeon pair"

"Two is hard enough"

"Two is expensive enough"

The negativity is really starting to give me the poos.

Is going from 2 to 3 seriously THAT bad? Is it much harder to cope? Is it really that much more expensive?

Whinge over, but would love to hear your experiences/opinions.

For me going to 2 to 3 was a big shock, it was much harder than I expected but I had three under 4 and ds had reflux and problems putting on weight. We were also in the middle of moving when he was born too. The hardest part was getting out on my own juggling three was tricky with the two girls being so young they were still likely to bolt.
These days though I love it, they kids all play together and get into mischief but we have a lot of fun. I am finding that now ds can feed himself and happily play on his own or with the girls that I can keep up with the housework again.
So yeah it's hard but I wouldn't change anything, I get sick of comments about having three, one lady was really rude it front of my kids when they were all behaving!

Hey there Stranger! :) Thanks for your honesty. I can imagine 3 under 4 would be tough. If we did have a 3rd it would be highly likely that DD would be in prep (or about to start prep at the earliest) and DS would be somewhere between 2 and 3. So I'm hoping that might make it more manageable ;) Please tell me yes, haha

Hi mammaspice! Yes I think that age gap would be much easier, that when they are more independent it's easier to manage. My SIL has a similar age gap to what you hope to have and loves it, her hardest thing is keeping up with the washing and fitting things in between the school/kinder drop offs.

I've heard it gets easy after 3, so just keep going if it's hard ;)

I found it harder going from 1 to 2 than 2 to 3 for some bizarre reason. Three is great, DD is a little mum and DS1 can't wait for DS2 to get a bit bigger so they can play together, they both love DS2 and he gets loads and loads of cuddles all day long :)

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Everybody (parents, inlaws, boss, to name a few) have been asking DH and I lately whether we plan to have anymore children. And when DH and I say "maybe" we keep on getting the same old replies:

"Why on earth would you want another one, you've got your pigeon pair"

"Two is hard enough"

"Two is expensive enough"

The negativity is really starting to give me the poos.

Is going from 2 to 3 seriously THAT bad? Is it much harder to cope? Is it really that much more expensive?

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Thats all we heard for so long! just because we had the pigeon pair didnt mean we were finished! then when we fell pregnant with number 3 all i got was so when are you having a 4th! just because we wanted 3 ment we were having a 4th!
now my age gaps are close DS1 to DD 17months and DD to DS2 is 19months
now my older 2 were never planned that close but watching them be so close we wanted our 3rd to be close too, howeve we didnt plan on falling pregnant the day we decided to try and we didnt plan on DS2 being 3 weeks hence the 19month age gap i almost has 3 under 3years
To be honest i had a lot of help from family and it mader it much easier, (i had a traumatic birth and bad back) but seriously adjusting to 3 was easy :D and gets easier easier so fast! i watch my 3 now and LOVE IT! having said that i couldnt have a 4th so close again! (several reasons health of me mainly and i dont want a 4th)

so do what you wanna do
you and YOUR DH will have your number of children, forget others! xoxo

My hardest thing is getting us in the car and on time to school each morning and if that is the hardest thing then it really is not all that bad!:D

DD1 is a fantastic help and a real little mother - but that is in her nature anyway. Having her around to play with the youngest has been a godsend and really has made it easier. DS and DD2 fight quite a bit but that is her age atm, as a baby we didn't have any issues.

DH works away a lot so the majority of the time it is just me, truthfully you manage and it is definitely not as hard as anyone says it is!

Expense wise, well we have a lot of hand me down clothes and toys (she still does get new stuff tho), currently food wise she doesn't eat alot so that doesn't make a big dent in our grocery bill. Our biggest expense will be when she starts school - we are opting for private education from kindy onwards but we are starting to allow for that now.

HTH.

I found the leap to 3 to be easier than when #2 was born. When DD1 was born, DS was 2 and still needed me to entertain him every moment so I was trying to deal with a cat napper baby and a busy toddler. This time around the big kids play with each other and my DD2 is a text book baby so it has gone quite smoothly. It is a rush to get everyone ready to leave the house in the morning and at bedtime and I am not getting all the housework done but that just means we do a catch up during the weekend.

It is much easier than I imagined.

Yelp threes a breeze. I had three kids four and under dd1 was at Kindy two days a week. I often say to people the third broke me but that's more him being a normal boy after two girls. And if you think three is easy, you hardly notice number four ;)

I didn't find it hard at all. It was hard going from 0 to 1! But not hard having more kids. My first 3 were quite close - they are all 20 months apart in age (DS1 was only 3 & 3mths old) and it wasn't a problem because I was still in my groove of dealing with babies and settling and all that stuff. DD2 just slotted in perfectly. It was a little harder going from 3 to 4 at first because the gap was bigger and DD2 was 3 &3mths old when DS2 was born so well and truly not a baby so it was a bit of a shock for the first few weeks to get used to having a baby again.

In some ways going from 2 to 3 is hard and in other ways it is easy.

Personally, I found it easier to have all of my subsequent children after the first, then it was with the first. Part of that was the childrens personalities and the fact my first had reflux, but part of that is my 'experience' - I have already learnt and been through the worst of it, so had all the little tricks and the confidence.

all my kids are close together (all four are five and under at the moment). Some days are a nightmare and others are a complete joy. I don't think any number of kids it particularly 'harder' each number brings its own challenges and rewards.

Although my mum (who had six of us kids to raise) always told me that once you get to 3 or 4, their really isn't any difference after that.... ;)

With each child I have found that I have had to become more organised and better skilled at watching the needs of my family and my self. I guess it's hard if you are feeling flattened by it and pulled around, but the more I can be objective and moving through what is needed before it is happening the easier things are. You get better at having things ready to go, and some things just have to give. With number three I was able to talk on the phone less and give up a few things that added stress to how the family rolled, but that was only for a few months until I got the knack of three. From what I have experienced people 'think' it's harder because they want things to stay the same, and even some people are not prepared to give anything up for the adjustments of a growing family. But like anything it's a time period that soon changes, eventually you will have time to do all the things you 'want' and have all the kids tended to... we are expecting number 4, I know we will be 'busier' (whatever that means we are busy already!!) But I know we can do it!!! It brings stuff up for people and you can hear it in their words if you truly listen. THey may not have been able to handle more then one or two and that's perfectly fine, but you can do it !!! Different strokes for different folks!

While i absolutely love having three my god it's exhausting. My DS1 was just over 1 month off turning 4 then DD was born so i had 3 under 4 for a short time also. It's challenging and demanding but we manage. Financially it's been tough as i've not been able to go back to work (or chose not to) with 3 little ones at home, living off DH's wage is really really tight but again we manage.

I'm a routine person and always would plan my days around the children's sleeps but with DD that hasn't been so easy. Now at 12 months i'm really starting to struggle with her continual wakings during the night and lack of day sleeps. I want more for her but it's so hard with the day to day/week to week goings on.

Getting in and out of the car can be a challenge especially when it's raining but that's only minor ;)

Even though some days i feel so emotionayl and physically spent i still dream of having maybe one more. I don't think DH does so much but you never know what might happen in the future.

I keep getting told by my godfather that you can't have a middle child :lol: Everyone has their opinions but what is right for you is all that matters.

Well, going from 2 to 3 can't be too hard because it didn't stop us going for number 4! :rofl:

I have found that I have to be organised, but I like being organised anyway. There is more washing with each child, of course. But there is also more love and laughter (and frustration and mess!). I think it is a very personal decision. I am sure that many of my friends think we are a little bit mad for having 4 children. I have a supportive and involved DH - we share the load. I am mostly a stay-at-home mum (I do some work from home, and occasionally from the office). I think I would struggle if I worked full-time (DH works full time). Compared to my life pre-children, I do housework at what I would have once regarded as 'odd' hours - hanging washing out at 9pm, vacuuming at 7am.

But it is oh, so worth it! Life is busy but it is beautiful too :)

Good luck with your decision.

ETA - There is a gap of 2.5 years between each of my children. When our new bub is born my next youngest child will be three. I take my hat off to mum's who have a smaller age gap between their children.

Another thing. I would be looking at the people making the comments and seeing how many kids they actually had before listening to their opinion on this topic. If they haven't themselves had three kids, then they aren't qualified to have an opinion on how hard or easy it may be.

I found going from 0 to 1 the hardest. #2 slotted in quite easily. #3 and #4 were difficult for a number of reasons, mainly because my son was ill and that put a lot of demands on the entire family. Also being twins I got almost no sleep. But I would still say #1 was the hardest to adjust to. I had 4 under 3.5years so I don't think the age gap is necessarily the biggest factor. For me having them close was a major factor in having more so I just got on with it. I also think that not having another baby when you desperately want one and having to deal with that for a long time would be harder than adjusting to a 3rd baby.

Thought i might add also, that yes i too found DS1 the biggest shock of all time. DS2 i had these visions of having under control fairly early as i'd already been there once before.... didn't happen :) DD has been an absolute pleasure (not that my boys weren't) and yet she has presented us with the most challenges and yes i get frustrated at times but i know in myself i'm handling her much better/calmer this time around.

Life is crazy but i wouldn't have it any other way :)

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Life is crazy but i wouldn't have it any other way :)

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Yes! I agree.

I'm silently freaking out about soon having 3 under 3. For me it's not financial worries, it's all about "how on earth am I going to care for 3 babies?!" Lol. I remember thinking the same when I was pregnant with my second and wondering how I was going to cope with 2, but you just do. And I figure when number three arrives it'll be the same and you just work it out as you go along. My main worry is that my toddler might still be in the "tanty stage" that is so delightful right now, and that my DD will only be 14 months, so still such a baby herself. I'm sure getting out and about is going to be fun ;) Hehehehe.

I really think it's a lot to do with each person's own circumstances. For me it really wasn't that bad, yes it was hectic and yes it cost a bit more but it didn't kill us :) going from one to two was harder.

DD1 was 7 & DS1 was 4 so the age gaps were nice, not too tricky. And I heard the same, that after three you don't even notice another :)

For us financially having Pie has been harder because I have cut my shifts at work, whereas with the older kids I was a SAHM right through until DD2 was 3. So this time we have noticed the drop in income more.

Of course you know it's nobody's business, what you & your DH choose to do, but the comments get a bit wearing. I find on this, in particular, people like to share their 2c, everyone's a family planner :rolleyes: and it's worse from people in smaller families who of course think you are crazy (those with bigger families already know you're crazy cause they're there too :p)
Just tell them 'lucky we get to make the decision that's right for us, huh' ;)

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and wisdom :)
The jury is still out for us but I think DH and I will make a decision early in the new year. Our DD is really wanting a baby sister (a huge turnaround from a few months ago when she was adament she didn't want mummy having any more babies)

Oh, and I fully agree traveller that going from 0-1 is the hardest. I definatly found it harder going from 0-1 than from 1-2. Just the total life change I guess, was a rude shock to the system for me :)

I asked DH for rhe nabs perspective. Strangle but he reckons 2 to 3 was the hardest. The juggling act of not enough hands to hold someone. Cute.

Thanks for the thread MamaSpice. I too have heard all those comments and even though I'm really really pregnant, they're still coming.
Good to have some reassurance.

Dh finds it hard to cope with all three on his own, and he is a great hands on dad. The noise and trying to give each one attention is hard for him, he has only gone out of the house on his own with all three a handful of times.