Being a 'good parent'

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately, wondering if I've got what it takes to be a good mum - to be the kind of mum I want to be - to this little boy that's on the way. I'm really hoping that I've been able to learn from my own experiences in life, from the people who've been in a parenting role in my life.

So what does being a 'good parent' mean to you? Has it been something that you've consciously thought of? Are there any steps you've taken to make sure that you are (or will be) the best parent you can be?

To be able to have my sons come up to me (I hope) and be open and honest about what is going on in their lives and try not to be too non judgemental when they do and give them the best advice that I possibly can.

Love

angel this is so close to my heart. as with most parents/parents to be. having had terrible parental role models i just knew what i really felt would be important to a child. for me respect is up at the top. even before love cos you can't have love without respect. den and i really show that we respect our kids and they are growing into respected/respectful people. i love this about them. we consider their opinions and hear them out and if appropriate we will negotiate with them. somehow we manage to struggle along and know when to pull out the because that's the way it's gonna be card and when to allow a little bit of slack! just by getting to know you through reading what you write here on belly belly i sense you are very respectful of others and will be a great mum. good parents trust their instincts! IMHO anyway. i think to be a 'good' parent everything must be done consciously and alot of thought needs to go into what is said when and why to a baby/child. den and i are very conscious of our kids self esteem and feed it often and are very careful not to criticise them. and in my opinion parents lead by example that violence is never accepted and therefore discipline is never physical.

in saying all this good parents know they are human and make mistakes, they can learn from these and move on from it. they know guilt is a useless emotion. lots and lots of cuddles, reassurance and kisses don't go astray either!

wow i really did rave on! sorry

love beckles

I have thought ALOT about this recently.

I agree with what Kathryn said. Also I want Lily to grow up being her own person, iykwim? Like, I don't want her to become one of those people who everybody can walk over and is just a follower. I want her to be able to make her own decissions in life and learn from her own mistakes.

I want to be just like my mum (now who has ever said that?!). I want my kids to be close enough to me to be able to come to me for anything.

Well it sounds like I want to be just like Sarah's mum ;)

In all seriousness, I want to have an open and honest relationship with my daughter (and future kids [-o< ). I want her to feel respected as a person and not belittled in any way. I want to have the kind of relationship that is two way (in everything). If I make a mistake I'll apologise (I think there is nothing worse than a parent who thinks they are above this) and if they make a mistake I want to be there for them in a non judgemental way. I want them to know I trust them, and I also trust that if something doesn't go to plan no matter what I will be there for them. Good nutrition, Good education, and good communication with a lot of fun and a lot of love :)

*hugs*
Cailin

I think being a good parent is all about being there for your child no matter what. Supporting them in what they want out of life, even if it isn't quite what you had in mind, being open minded about their ideas and always ALWAYS listening to them, no matter how small the issue may seem. Talking to your children openly about what ever topic may come up and explaining things properly to them no matter how embarrising.

This seems like such a long list of things, I've found being honest, open and understanding with my daughter has us in a very close relationship, she will tell me all about her day, things that I would never have even dreamt of telling my mom. She'll ask for advice when she needs to about every and anything. We are just as much friends as we are mother and daughter.

I worry about this all the time!

Until I was a teen, my Mum & Dad were both utterly fantastic parents, and so I hope I can be like them. (Then my Dad got sick & my Mum had to care for him, so it all went a bit wobbly!).

I want to be the type of parent that raises happy self-confident children who feel totally secure and loved, from babyhood through the rest of their lives.

I want to be like Sarah's Mum too!! :D

Hehehe!!

Cailin, can I just saying you are a fantastic mum :) Over the weekend we stayed with you guys, there was never a raised voice & Paris was just an angel. You did tell her to stop doing things once or twice, but immediately she did & there was no need for yelling or anything. =D>

I also think something that is very important to me is to be able to have fun and laugh along with my kids. Whenever I see that ad where the boy shakes the fizzy drink and it sprays everywhere and the mother turns and hoses him, I always think to myself, I want to be able to be a bit like that (given hosing the kitchen would not be a regular occurance 8-[ )


Keen

a good mum would be the exact opposite to what i was today.......

seriously though, pretty much what others say, have fun, laugh together, but someone my kid/s could always come to and talk to me about anything. To have my child grow up happy, honest, independent and her own person weould make me think i'd done a good job

Oh sarah you must have seen the good side LOL! I have been known to yell, espeically when I lose my temper. But I ALWAYS apologise and we have a big cuddle, I want her to know that anger is a perfectly acceptable emotion but if you do upset someone in your anger then you do your best to apologise or make that person feel better. I treat her the same way I treat Marc and if I yell at Marc I always apologise.

But thanks sweetie thats really nice to know.

*hugs*
Cailin

wow.this is a topic that is really important to me.as i was growing up i told myself i was never going to put my children through any of the mysery i had to endure as a child,i wanted my children to always be happy and never ashamed of there home or family.
i ended up doing just that and more.i have infact gone over bored and spoilt them rotten and in dsoing so have actually taught my little boys how to be very selfish and inconsiderate..it is really difficult for me to say NO as i hate to see them sad but i now have caused them to think i am horrible when i really do have to say NO.they are so used to getting there own way that i have damaged them.
the one thing that is not missing among this family unit is tonnes and tonnes of love.our children know they are loved and really think themselves very very lucky and fortunate to live with the parents they have after visiting friends houses.
nikki

All the above.... Is what makes a good parent & we will all try hard to stick to it, but there will always be days when nothing goes right & so the Sh*t hits the fan & there will be tears, yelling etc... But these are gonna be few & far between...

I noticed our DD really is considerate of others feelings & is a wonderful sharer, I guess this might have something to do with spending a lot of time in Bali in the village with her cousins etc that literally have a few toys each, her bedroom at home is covered in crap that she rarely get's time to play with & I think it is a waste. We are gonna try hard to buy less crap & toys for this one.

Maddison is the kid at school that everyone seems to like, if she has 2 biscuits & a kid looks miserable, she will go over & give them both of her biscuits! She has always been like that.

I think I am blessed with an easy child, I am scared of what is growing inside of me now!!!! hee hee hee!

I want to be a parent that listens to my child, and takes him seriously, and treats what he has to say as important.
I want him to grow up to be self confident and assured.
I want him to know that his parents will always love him.
I want to be able to teach him about responsibility and consequences for his own actions/choices.
I want to show him how to love, and be generous, and to share with those less fortunate than him.
I want him to be able to love himself for who he is.
I want to be a Mum who can share a joke with him, and have fun together.

If I can achieve all of this (plus what everyone else wrote), I will be very happy with myself, and proud of my boy :)

to tell you the truth, i havent really thought that much or worried about it. i know i will be a great parent because i learnt from the best.

i adore my parents, and they bought me up fantastically (is that a word?!) and i am sure that their skills will have rubbed off on me. i always have been able to talk to them about anything, sex, drugs, whatever and i will make sure that our kids have that with us too. i am not one of those parents who says "if you ever did that, don't bother coming home!"

I agree Min, I won't be one of those parents that says if you ever do this or that, don't come home etc...

I always tell her her thoughts, opinions & dreams are really important!

One of the things DH & I agreed on when Matilda was still in my belly was that all we wanted for her was for her to find out who she was & for us to be able to encourage her to be that. (and hopefully have heaps of fun in the process!)

Wow, thanks girls. You've really given me so much to think about. I didn't have the greatest home life growing up and want to be the best I can be for Kynan so that he doesn't go through the same thing. It's always been one of my greatest parenting fears that in 20-30 years time Kynan's going to look back and hate me and think that I've been a bad mother to him!!

Really good point Nikki. I think saying no to your kids is very important too.
My step DD has always been given everything she wants no questions, as her dads family were trying to make up for the family breaking up (13 yrs ago). Now she is unable to see anything past what she wants and has no problem stepping on others to get her own way. She is so rude and inconsiderate to the very people that sacrificed for her it is heartbreaking to watch as it didn't have to be this way.
There is a really good book on overindulgence I gave to DPs family and that has helped.

I agree don't be afraid to say no, so long as you can respect their no's too (within reason of course ie. vs. their safety). We believe in everything straight down the middle. If there are rules for her then they apply for us. I have never EVER said "because I told you so." or "You will do what I say young lady" or any other crap like that. I think if you can respect your children young, they will respect you and with mutual respect you can't really go wrong. We talk about EVERYTHING, not just when I feel like it but ALL the time. If she gets chastised about something we always have a talk about it and I explain every why there possibly is. And I personally think because of this she trusts my judgement and doesn't rebel against things I ask her not to do. Whereas if you just give kids the whole "because I said" etc they start to think that is not enough of a reason and doubt your decisions or try to rebel against them.

*hugs*
Cailin

I guess the main purpose of parenting, other than to love our children is to give them the knowledge to be able to best predict the outcome and consequence of each and every one of their actions.

But to be able to do this with as much fun and love as we possibly can.


Keen