How soon is too soon?

I just saw an ad for this weeks The Project and one of their topics is about mums returning to work after having a baby and they will be discussing "how soon is too soon?"

My first shift back at work was when DD was 8 weeks but it was just a 4 hour shift. I did that for a few months before returning back to work permanently when she was 6 months.

I know that the paid parental leave is for 4 months so alot of mums can't return to work until atleast then but is that too soon?

What are your opinions?

I think it's different for everyone and totally up to personal choice. My 'baby' has turned 4 and I still don't feel ready to return to work. I don't think anything is too soon though, it is completely up to the mum and I think has a lot to do with the support structures that families have in place.

I personally believe there is no set time and that its entirely up to the mother. My bestie is due 6 days after us and sadly they are not in a position where she can be an at home mummy BUT she is taking ALL her paid mat leave time.

I stopped working when I was 34 weeks pregnant with DD and am due within the next few weeks. I have no intention on returning to work until my youngest is in Kinder (assuming we can afford it for that long) We're doing it extremely tough but we also know its not going to be forever.

A Mummy friend returned to work 1 day a week after only 2 weeks.

I wish I could say on behalf of everyone that I think returning to work before bub turns 12 months was too soon BUT everyone has different ideas and different circumstances.

Nae x

You have to do what you have to do. I don't think anyone should judge anyone for going back to work, not going back to work, whatever....unless, of course, you are putting your hand up to financially support them ;)

Depends on the mum and bub, there is no hard and fast rule. I think BF is harder to establish if you are working, but also working benefits some women by maintaining that style of thinking and work associations etc etc, it can be good to get out of the house... I will be going back after 6 weeks next time, DH is the stay at home dad though.

I went back at about 4mths but I always knew I'd be going back full-time after baby as I am the main breadwinner. DH was able to cut back his work hours and be a part-time SAHD (2 days a week) so we were fortunate in that as DS only had to go to CC 3 days a week. It's likely that it will be similar with this one when he/she arrives but I may have to go back earlier :( as DH is not working but studying part-time at the moment.

I am hoping for 6 months after I have a baby. Depending on how broke we will be :lol: I would love 12 months, but I don't think that will be possible. DH says I can have all the time off i will need, but i don't want to make him bust his butt to pay for our expenses because I don't want to go back to work.

One thing I can't get my head around is going back to work way too soon because you have built an 'expensive' lifestyle that you need to maintain. A friend of mine had to go back to FULL TIME work (property manager, so long hours and Saturdays) when her baby was 5 months old because they simply couldn't afford to keep repayments on things (mortgage, nice new car etc) I felt sad for her, but at the same time I wondered if they had considered how they were going to pay for things once she had the baby. It was a planned pregnancy also.

For me, I can't imagine returning to work any time soon. I've never had more than an hour away from DD, for me, it would be awful to be away from my daughter, especially ending the exclusively BF relationship we have, as I'd have to pump and have others feed her. I feel lucky that DH has decided to take a few extra hours a night so that I don't have to return to work unless I want to. We don't have an expensive lifestyle (but live comfortably for a two adult one baby family), we have no credit cards or debts. We had two years of TTC to make sure we could afford a child and budget as if we had one already. DH has also moved up a lot in work in the last 12 months. I feel really grateful that I'm currently privileged enough to choose to stay home for as long as I'd like, but we're aware circumstances are ever-changing.

It's different for everyone. I'd planned to go back to work when DD was 7 months and, for me, it turned out to be too soon. I extended my leave for 2 weeks because my mum died 2 weeks before I was due to go back. I worked for one week then had 6 weeks off with glandular fever. This time I'm taking 12 months, but DH and I will reassess things towards the end of next year because I'd like to stay at home if we can afford it.

I went back to work four days per week when my DD was 10 mo & DH became the SAHD. For me personally, it was too soon and not long after I returned I went to a five day per fortnight and have stayed doing that (DD is 4 yo). I don't ever want to go back full time but given it looks like another baby is not on the horizon anytime soon, I really can't justify being at home whilst DD is at school (2013) and money wise it would be beneficial

I agree its different for everyone, and I also think that sadly there are some women that would choose to stay home with their LO but finances just don't allow it. I'm really lucky in that I'm still home with my girls 4+ years on and will be after #3 is born. I have a friend who is due mid Jan and she willl be back at work at the end of March - not by choice but necessity. Her DH is the stay at home parent so while their new bub will have a full time caring parent, I know it breaks her heart that she is returning to work so quickly.

There was a female partner in a law firm over here a few years ago who was induced on a Friday afternoon and was back at work, full time, on Monday morning. Both husband and wife were high level partners so obviously for them career was the No. 1 priority. Bub was with a nanny from day 1.

I will be taking 8 months off. returning to work when bub is approx 6 1/2 months old. Unfortunately some bad circumstances we have suffered in the last 12 months mean I can't afford to stay home any longer but I am hoping to recitfy that by bub no.2 and not go back to work til it's in primary school.

I think its different for each family

With DD1 I went back to work 1 weekend a fortnight and it wasn't soon enough, I needed the stimulation and think I might have had PND if I had stayed home longer. I eventually increased to 3 days a week

With DD I think it was around 8 months and went back 5 days a fortnight, working back up to 3 days a week

This time I am in a very lucky position that between paid maternity through work (18 weeks) Long Sevice (9 weeks) Annual leave (5 weeks) and PPL I will have 50 weeks paid leave so am planning to take a full year which will give the first couple of weeks of settling DD1 into year 1 and DD2 into kindy before I go back to 3 days a week. I can take up to 2 years off unpaid ML and then have 12months to adjust my hours before having to revert back to my pre maternity working contract or negotiate a new contract.

Im a nurse so Im currently working 2 afternnons during the week and every second weekend, my DD's go to family day care one afternoon, my mums the other and DH is home on weekends. Once the kids are all at school weekend work might be more difficualt but currently the extra pay from loadings makes it well worth it

I also have a very breastfeeding friendly work place. We can use a special staff room off the maternity ward to express and use the hospitals pumps, we also get an extra paid 30minute break per 8 hour shiftt to express or breastfeed until the child is 12 months old. I dont think I could have continued to breastfeed without this support

Its a personal decision for each new parent. Some people just arent the type who can cope with being at home, some cant do it for the money reasons and so on. The projects article will be useless in its reporting like always, it will go round in circles and end with 'its up to every parent in the end, blah blah blah.'

I stopped working when I was pregnant with DD1 at 35 weeks. And doing the census stuff this year was the first bit of work I have done since 2007. For us, we never made a decision as to when I will return to work. Although I started to think about going back to casual when I found out about DD2, and again this year was the same, found out about sprout. My immunity status means I cant work whilst Im pregnant due to added risks. On top of that Dh gets tues and weds off every week, he works huge hours and we rarely get any family time together. We had initially thought about me working on his days off so that he could care for the girls, but then we would miss out on any family time we could get. After doing the census stuff this year, I know for sure I am not ready to go back to work and miss out on family time. That time right now is more important to our relationship, to our family, than any dollar amount at the moment.

I wouldn't hazard a guess as to what was too soon for anyone else, but for me 12 months was too soon. I was still breastfeeding through the night and having no family around to help meant I just wasn't ready. So I ended up resigning instead of going back to work and have yet to work since.

Must admit I could not have gone back to work until the girls were sleeping through, wouldn't have been fair on them, me DH or my work place

I always thought I would be a SAHM until my youngest kids were in school, but as it worked out I was ready to start thinking about work within 6 months of each baby's birth. The first couple of times I put my energies into getting pregnant again, but after the twins it was a real struggle to stay at home and only the cost of daycare stopped me applying for uni earlier. I thought I would struggle to leave my kids but I actually found it really draining and unsatisfying to be a SAHM full time until they were 3, which was the point at which all 4 of my kids went into some sort of nursery/kinder programme. When the twin were 3 I started uni and they went into full time daycare. I don't regret it for a minute.

I didn't return to work but I did return to study when my first two were both 6 weeks old. I only took one subject so I was gone for 4 hours, one day a week. I needed to because looking back, I had my first two before I was really emotionally ready to so I was trying to keep in touch with former life and career ;)

I wasn't interested in doing any kind of study or work when the 2nd two were newborn though and I actually knocked back a job offer so that I could stay home with #3 a bit longer. Then #4 came along...

I don't think there is an answer to this question. I think if mum is feeling up to it, she could possibly return to work by the week after having bubs (but I would hope that Dad is then staying home to care for bubs). It really is individual.

In my job, I certainly could return to work straight after having bubs if I chose to - it is only casual, and is only for 2hrs at a time that I would be away from baby, so not a big deal to me, so long as DH where there to look after them. But I have chosen not to for personal reasons completely unrelated to my baby (so I can loose as much weight as possible before returning). If I worked full-time I wouldn't return any quicker then I had too, but that is just a personal chose, which is evident in the fact that I have chosen to be a SAHM for the past 6yrs.

Despite my firm belief that every woman has the right to make the decision for herself and her family, I do feel sad for babies that are put into long daycare five days a week from a very early age so both parents can work. I feel sorry for the parents as well, as they are all missing out on so many special moments together. But I don't judge them for it - they must have a reason for doing it, because I don't know any parent who wouldn't miss their newborn and those special moments.

I went back with dd1 when she was 5 months and it was part time. And with dd2 she was not quite 4 months and it was fulltime. Each to their own I say!


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With my first son I was rung up when he was 5 weeks old and they were desparate for someone to cover lunches so I went in.. I was told it would be once a week. Within 1 week I was back monday to Thursday or Tuesday to Friday. I didn't even think it was too soon.....until my son was 11 months old and I was cranky and tired ALL the time.. I quit. I now have 4 children. My eldest is over 12 and I havent been back to work since. I might go back when DD is in school but I only want to work school hours so who knows

I can't wait to go back to work. I love my boys but I miss using my brain. I feel like I haven't used my brain in 2 years. Financially we would be ok if I stayed home full time but it's not for me.

With DS1 I went back 3 days a week when he was 13 months as starting work in January suited childcare. With DS2 I'll be going back 3 days in March when he is 9 months.

It's such an individual thing.

As others have said, it's a very individual choice and depends on so many factors including family support, finances, how happy you are being a full-time SAHM and the impact that has on your relationship.

With both my girls I felt the ideal scenario would be for me to work two days per week providing that they had one-on-one care when they were very little. That was possible with DD1 and I went back to work five days per fortnight when she was 12 months old with DP looking after her or a one-on-one carer that we managed to get from the local childcare centre still with the 50% rebate. We qualified because DP is a shiftworker.

If we could do the same arrangement again, I'd go back to work but we can't. We can't get one-on-one care for the girls in the country since we moved and I can't find a part-time job for two days per week. So I've compromised and I'll be putting DD2 into childcare when she's 18 months old and I will either try freelancing from home or do my Masters. That's earlier than I would like but I need the break and would like to start doing something for me. I also think that for me, being a full-time SAHM has a huge impact on my relationship with DP. Essentially, I'm a bit bored and need some mental stimulation.

Before I had bubs, I didn't want to return to work at all - at least until my youngest was in kindy. Then when I fell pregnant, I wanted to take 12 months off before picking up some casual work. Now, I'm looking at working three days a fortnight starting in January, so DS will be 6 months old. I feel torn about it - it makes me sick to think of being away from him for even a couple of hours, but I'm also looking forward to going back to work. It may sound silly, but I really felt good at my job, competent and confident. As a mum, I've felt lost and unsure, and being a SAHM isn't what I thought it was going to be. Our plan was for me to stay home and for DH to work a second job because financially, we need a second income. But I've decided to work one or two days per week and DH will stay home with bub those days. In saying all this, I don't think I would have made this decision if I had to put DS into daycare.

I've only just started back at work, so 4.5 yrs off, I only work 2.5hrs a week though lol!
We don't have any debt either except the mortgage

Thanks everyone for your wonderful replies :) And i really do agree with many of you that it is such an individual thing and it will be interesting or perhaps frustating to see what they have to say about it and whether or not working mummas will be bagged.

For us, we can easily survive off of one income but i need time to myself, i like socialising and i think DP having one-on-one time with DD is important. It does suck that we have no days off together but we make it work. I am considering getting DD into daycare once a week starting from 18 months i just think interaction with other children is important plus will give me a full day by myself at home to be myself.

I've been told numerous times by a particular family member that i am selfish and abandoning my DD for choosing to work but it doesnt phase me i wont be working full time until my kids are in high school or unless i have to sooner but not when theyre little.