how do i work on believing in me?

i'm starting to think about labour & birth for baby #2 & i'm feeling a bit anxious. apologies for the lonnnnng post!

last time round i was induced right on 40 weeks because i had insulin-dep GD & BP that was controlled by medication for almost my entire PG.i did lots of research about inductions & knew the risks but i was taken aback by the amount of pain i was in - i'd sort of prepared for the idea of painful contractions but had no idea that i would have almost unbearable back pain (although DS wasn't posterior) & when the syntocin was up high, i had extreme contractions without a break for almost an hour before they turned the drip right off. i'd always thought i'd had a reasonably good pain threshold but began to wonder if i'm just a giant sook. i had gas, which helped but when DS' heart rate decellerated as i reached the pushing stage & they took me off to theatre i felt like i could hardly breathe through panic & whilst they were already planning to give me an epidural in case they needed to do a c-section, i was begging for the pain relief.

i am likely to be induced at 40 weeks again due to insulin-dep GD again. it's not my preference but i am slowly doing more research & have spoken to a couple of IMs who have reassured me that induction the 2nd time is less traumatic & does not hold the same risk of ending in a c-section. i have asked questions about how to give myself time from each stage of the induction (last time when the gel hadn't worked 12 hours later, my waters were broken & i was on the drip within an hour). i have a student midwife who is lovely & has similar beliefs regarding birth as me. and i would always tell other people that they should trust their body to birth their baby - but why can't i believe that i can do it? why am i doubting my ability to birth this baby with just (for eg) gas? i am worried about back pain again - last time the only comfy place to be was on my back on the bed - the one place i swore i wouldn't be!

ETA - i don't mind other people having whatever pain relief they want but i really don't want an epidural again - last time i was left on my bed, by myself while DP went off with DS for him to be weighed etc and his first feed was formula to try & get his BSL up :crying: i didn't even have a chance to offer a feed first. poor DS must have had an almighty headache after being delivered with forceps & i couldn't get up to walk around with him or try to comfort him properly cos i was stuck on a bed.

sorry if this is a jumbled mess...but does anyone have some stories/advice on how they prepared themselves mentally for the birth & really learnt to believe in themselves? i don't have a lot of cash so can't do any birthing or calm birth classes although happy to buy any books you can suggest. i'm also planning on some a/c in later weeks to help prepare my body.

I found one of the best things was to read positive birth stories others had posted. I also read one of Ina Myas birthing books that had lots of birth stories in it. I hope you can find a way get your confidence in your body bak :hug:

Hi there,

Same as Sararose, I read lots and lots of birth stories. I also used a virtual labour "game" to help me visualise what I could experience and what I would do in those situations. It was brilliant as I ended up labouring mostly on my own at home while DH raced back from work!

Are you able to go to prenatal yoga classes? I also found that very useful in terms of breathing and staying calm and focused. I started around 24 weeks until about 35 weeks. Bubs dropped at this point and I was hard pressed walking, much less getting into half-moon pose!!!!

I'm expecting my first soon so no advice but I'm interested in the answers and I've also been collating lots of really positive birth stories. :)

Oh yes purplepixie you reminded me- I've been doing prenatal yoga since about 22 weeks and it's great for breathing techniques in particular and my instructor was great. But I've not been since mid December as the yoga place is on break. I'll be doing another three classes from next week which will take me pretty close to my due date!

Can I ask re yoga- mine were weekly classes. Would that be enough do you think? I guess it's too late for me now but for others :)

First off: :hug:

Second off: you can do this. I know what you mean about dishing out advice to other people but not believing in yourself. We do it all the time. People in general I mean, not specifically you and me ;) That's why that saying exists: "Do as I say, not as I do!"

I don't know how to encourage you to believe in yourself. I *do* believe you can do it and I do believe you can achieve the birth you desire. But as for how to convince you... sorry hun, I don't have any magic words... I hope someone else can come in and post something inspiring in that regards.

What I do want to say is if you are worried about advocating for yourself, finding the strength in yourself, etc, can you get someone to help you do that? A doula? Or a family member or friend who will be at the birth with YOU in mind?

My sister approached 42 weeks with her #2 baby and had induction looming... she knew nothing about induction so I read up for her and then when we went in to be induced, I was able to speak for her - they did an AROM first at 6am and I told her to start walking and asked them how long she could walk for, was lunch time ok? And we paced around the hospital room and bounced on the fit ball til noon. When the returned with the drip, I asked for it to be started on the lowest possible setting and they said "Oh we usually start straight on 20 but ok we'll try 10" (or whatever the numbers were). So we started low.

When they told her she needed continual monitoring, I asked for the wireless monitors and they appeared. When they came to turn the drip up, I asked them to turn it up by a smaller increment. They ended up turning the drip off around 4pm and my nephew was born 6pm. No epidural, no c/s, all good.

All of these things I'd learned off BB, by asking questions. Then I was able to advocate for my sister.

Can you get someone to be there for you, if you're worried about it?

thank you everyone for the replies :hug: i have emailed the yoga studio i have been planning on contacting for AGES to see if they have spots left in their pre-natal yoga class :) and i am def going to get my hands on an ina may book (or two).

OP - thank you & i think you're right about the advocate - i have a student midwife who i think is going to be great for me. and i know i only fought half the battle last time (i.e. to push the induction to 40 weeks & a wireless monitor but didn't say anything about the dose or timing). this time i am going to be more vocal about being allowed time for each stage to actually work!

i think i need to do some positive affirmations as well & just keep reminding myself. i can do this, i can do this! (and not be a giant sook :lol:)

Sarah - you can do this. I know it sounds silly but the anxiety gives you a chance to sort out some boundaries and get a plan for your new arrival. OP has given some awesome advice!!!!
I was in a similiar situation with # 2 and only worked out I was petrified of induction of the second at 32 weeks. I was lucky enough to avoid induction but only after I had done all my homework to have a battle plan in place. Infact it was only after my midwife told me she's sort things so I didn't have to see the very pro induction OB (I was a public pt) that I went into labour and had DD the next morning.
My issues were almost identical to OP's - I wanted to be able to access wireless monitoring and have really low levels of the synto before it was cranked up to max.

You are not a sook either - just trying to gain some control over a process that is really important. I think that that is very brave and also really sensible.

I'm going through the same thought process myself at the moment. For me, I know what changes I need to make to have a better labour. With DD, I stayed put on the bed, on my back. I pushed for almost four hours and ended up with an episiotomy and a forceps delivery after a failed epidural.

This time, I want to move. I want to shower and kneel. I want to do pre natal yoga and am looking into the benefits of a tens machine. I want dim lights and music. Last time, I just wanted baby OUT and I never thought about how I would actually do it. Reading birth stories on here has been a massive help and comfort. I'm going in this time knowing that I have limited pain relief options, but I also know that I've given birth before (so I shouldn't go into shock this time lol).

This time around, you have experience behind you, whether it be good or bad. It's easier to work out what you want second time around and I reckon just go for it. Good luck honey, I believe in you xxxx

hi sloane, I have been induced twice, second time worked thankgod! and I too was stuck to the bed the whole time and was in terrible back pain and didn't want to move, I found listening to my ipod helped and keeping my eyes closed most of the time, i did use the gas and I tried to rythmically breathe on it and focus on that, iiiiin and oooout and blocked everything else out. Have you ever thought of having a foley catheter instead of the gels, much less risk and once it falls out you know you are at least 3-4cm and that is mentally encouraging instead of wondering what is happening for the whole night with the gels. I found it less painful than those cramps you get with the gels. best of luck :)

Ladylove, my classes were weekly, I even actually missed a couple but was able to practice the breathing and relaxation on my own of course.

Ocean Princess, you rock :)

Sloane, absolutely you can do this xox

Can you set up a birth alter, with candles, oils, and some affirmations? I found it really helpful in the final weeks to light a candle each night and talk over my affirmations. I also selected a poem from the red tent which was lovely...I will try and find it all for you (need to be on computer instead of phone).

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Ladylove, my classes were weekly, I even actually missed a couple but was able to practice the breathing and relaxation on my own of course.

Ocean Princess, you rock :)

Sloane, absolutely you can do this xox

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Thanks for that - yeah I missed a few of mine too. The breathing was great though. I practised it at the dentist today while I had a filling! At the beginning I could not even inhale and exhale slowly to the count of three or five - inhaling was fine, exhaling was surprisingly hard as I just wanted to exhale with a WHOOSH! But now I can do it and it is such a simple way of forcing your mind and body to relax and focus on one thing - breathing.

Is there any way you can avoid being induced? Perhaps get more opinions, some from Midwives who practice in birthing centres rather than Doctors who are trained to use intervention as a healthy precaution?

Good luck, maybe your little angel will even come early and you can avoid it altogether :)

Honestly, if I was faced with induction I would consider going into a batcave to have my baby. Every single woman I know who has been induced (which is a lot now) has had a difficult labour often resulting in a c-section after several hours. It sounds like with your situation it might be necessary, unfortunately I'm yet to see the merit of inducing with my circle of friends and family.

Ina May's books are really worth reading. Whichever path you take I hope your birth is an amazing experience.

Hiya,
If $ isn't a major issue. Look at calmbirth courses around you. I felt it was worth the investment based on what others had told me abt it. And i felt it did give me the 'empowerment' to accept what is coming. Trust yourself that it will be a positive experience for the precious LO coming.

Just offering hugs & seonding what everyone else has said. Affirmations, visualisations & reading positive stories.
I'm pretty sure there's some good induction stories on here. They definitely exist!
It kind of makes sense to me that it would be better the second time, because labour itself is generally easier the second time around. Your body has been there done that one before & will quite likely respond very differently.
:hug: You can do this. :hug:

I know people who have been fine with inductions. Yes they say it's longer and potentially more exhausting but they've equipped themselves with the right tools, support and attitude. We are not midwives or doctors so it's not our place to suggest anyone tries to avoid one as your birthing circumstance is complex and unique. Just remember to ask questions and make sure everyone involved is informed and on the same page- you as much as the staff. Talk about beginning slow/low doses etc, different ways of inducing. Be open and direct and curious and confident. :)

:hug: I only just saw this now :hug:

Unfortunately I can't offer much advice, but wanted to let you know that you're not alone in the thoughts you are having about how you coped with your first birth and how you will cope with this one :hug:.

I had a tens machine with DS which I found really helpful. Even though they say they're not great for inductions, I personally found that being able to do something (push on the button) and experience a sensation other than that of the contraction which I could focus upon, made a big difference. I'm not sure if I got the endorphin benefits that they are designed to give, but it definately helped in other ways.

The other thing that might be worth exploring is induction acupuncture from 37 weeks or so? Your midwife should be able to tell you if it's ok to start it a bit earlier than normal, but in your case they might bend their normal rules to help you avoid medical induction.

When I mentioned how painful to give birth, a friend told me, "This isn't pain like when you've broken your leg, it's not because something is wrong. It's just your body giving you a warning that something big is about to happen, and you need to find a safe and quiet place to have your baby where the lions and bears aren't going to eat you. OK, we've moved on from being eaten by lions and bears, but that's what the pain is for. It's NOT because something is wrong. So find your safe place, and relax into it. It's going to happen whether you let it or not, so give into it, relax and trust your body to do the job it's designed to do."

Find the right people to surround you, and you won't be scared. I don't have much advice but hope ithis is helpful for you. :hug:

Carolina that's a gorgeous analogy.

I've been having a LOT of counselling, and some extra long appointments with my ob etc at hospital so that we have some specific strategies in place, which are focussed around me feeling safe before during and after the birth.

I'm not there yet, but I'm doing everything I can to get me there, and DH is doing what he can too.

I've also made myself tell my parents and siblings exactly what happened last time, so they can understand my fears, and support me in different ways this time.

I can't suggest any books, as the ones I read were specific to my injury which is quite different from your previous experience, but a lot of what I have been doing has been focussed specifically on minimising panic and anxiety about being at the hosptial, being in the care of doctors and midwives, and trying to trust that they will take care of me.

I know that we will be having different "births" (as I'll be having a scheduled c-section) but I guess we will both be working on feeling safe and confident in your body's abilities, trusting our medical care providers, being clear about what we are and aren't comfortable with, feeling in control, being thoroughly informed about what's happening every step of the way, and having strategies and a plan for your birth what we'll both be focussing on.

Major hugs :hug:

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Carolina that's a gorgeous analogy.

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yep, Ladylove. She is really great by saying that. And she is also a great mom having three kids. I like to talk with her what she said usually makes me feel better and more desire to have children. I am proud of telling you who need her words and spirit to stay strong here. :p So ladies, don't soak in anxity of pain, trust yourself, trust your body, believe you can do it well.