Birth of my little Baby C
It's long! Dont say I didn't warn you! I'll come back and edit at some point - I haven't had a chance to proofread it yet!
The Back Story
Ever since I was a little kid, I understood birth to be a natural and normal process. I was present when my little sister was born at home when I was 7yo and it had a lasting impact on me. Out of nowhere in late 2008 I decided I was ready to start a family...the need to grow and birth a baby grew stronger and in early 2009, I took out private health insurance and started researching obstetricians, private hospitals, maternity leave etc, convinced that the best, most personalised maternity care would come from an OB in a private hospital. A few short weeks of research and I realised that staying home with an independent midwife was going to be the best chance of having the birth I wanted - physiological, calm, uninterrupted and private.
I went off the pill in January 2010 with an aim to start TTC in September, but DH and I got carried away a few times and I fell pregnant in July but miscarried. Devastated, we decided to start TTC straight away and got our positive test in March 2011, giving us an EDD of 7th of November.
My pregnancy was physically easy, but at times difficult on the emotional front. I avoided telling people of our plan to stay home because I knew I would have to defend myself. I couldn’t talk to my mum about my pregnancy or our plans because we have a terrible relationship and my best friend, while saying she was supportive of our plans, told me many times she was worried for me. I was feeling very private and protective of myself and our baby and was so grateful for the independent midwife we had asked to support us. Our midwife, G, has the most calming and positive energy of anyone I’ve ever met and always encouraged us to form opinions and make decisions for ourselves. She gave us so much information but also supported us to follow our instincts. We opted to have one ultrasound at 13wks and decided not to test for GD or GBS.
I finished up at work at 37+5 and experienced lots of pre-laboury BHs and extra mucous in that last week. On my last day at work I had a feeling I’d be lucky to enjoy one week of mat leave before the baby arrived. A week of mat leave came and went – I did lots of nesting (sugar soaping walls, scrubbing grout) and when I rested, I watched a pair of Sri Lankan turtle doves build a nest in a tree in our backyard and wondered if they chose our backyard because they knew I was busy building a nest too :)
By 41+4, I was uncomfortable and exhausted after a couple of weeks of pre-labour and disheartened at waking every morning without my baby in my arms. I had a m/w appointment that day and decided I would ask for a cervical exam to see if there was any sign of progress. G came, I told her how I was feeling and she reassured me that my body was doing great things; that my baby would come when it was ready. I never did get the guts to ask for that cervical exam – she would have told me there was no need to check my cervix to know the baby would be here soon. After our appointment, I felt so much more relaxed – I let go of my expectations about when baby would come, satisfied that it would be some time in the coming weeks, and decided to enjoy my last days/weeks of just DH and I.
The following day, Friday 18th of November, I tweeted (I use twitter a lot and had created an account to live tweet some details about the birth) about my wonderful m/w helping me relax and that baby would come when it was ready. A lovely m/w I follow on twitter sent me an email reinforcing what my m/w had told me and shared some information about how our emotional state impacts on the release of hormones that get labour going. Late that evening, I got a call from my mum insisting I tell her when I go into labour so she could get on the first plane to come and meet the baby. I told her I had decided to call when the baby was born because it was possible labour would go for days, or that it might be a false alarm, and I wanted to be able to labour without pressure. She was furious and told me how disappointed she was that I hadn’t involved her more and that if I didn’t want her to meet the baby (on her terms) then she’d just stay out of my life forever. We argued for 2 hours, but for the first time in my life, I was completely calm and just told her over and over that it was my decision, that it wasn’t about her and that if she didn’t want to meet the baby that was her choice but it certainly wasn’t what I wanted. I was pi$$ed that she felt it was appropriate to call me when I was just short of 42wks pregnant to tell me how disappointed she was with me, but surprisingly I wasn’t that upset. DH and I climbed into bed at 11:30pm, I was in the best mood I had been for weeks - we chatted and laughed together, and I kept saying how wide awake I felt.
The Labour & Birth
12:30am on Saturday morning, I got an intense pain low in my tummy, I jumped out of bed and ran to the loo thinking it was one of *those* pains. I sat there for a few minutes and nothing. Thinking that was a bit odd, I hopped back into bed, suddenly feeling really tired. By the time I’d gotten comfortable again, I had another cramp that lasted about 30 seconds. I took some deep breaths until it passed and started drifting off to sleep. I woke up with another cramp, looked at the time and it was only 12:52...I breathed and counted and realised that one also lasted 30 seconds. Three cramps in 20 minutes, all about 30 seconds long....maybe this was labour? I knew if this was really it I’d need as much rest as possible and to conserve my energy so went back to sleep. I woke again 8 minutes later...DH stirred this time, I told him I thought I was in early labour, to go back to sleep and that I’d wake him if I needed him. I was surprised by how strong they were – I was doing my best to ignore them but I was needing to focus quite hard on breathing deeply and staying relaxed. I managed to sleep in between, but all night was waking every 7-8 minutes. I got up at 6:30am, leaving DH to sleep and enjoyed the morning sun and talked to my baby about what was ahead. Contractions at this point were still about 7-8 minutes apart, lasting 30 seconds and really making me stop what I was doing to concentrate, breathe and relax.
DH woke around 9:00am and made me some fruit salad for brekkie. At around 10am, I went to the bathroom and when I wiped, there was a big bloody show. By 11:30am, contractions were at 6-7mins apart and lasting 45-60 seconds - I decided this was definitely it and texted G to let her know I would need her at some point over the weekend. This was it! Baby time! I was excited and feeling so ready to meet this baby! DH realised one of the lenses for his camera was with a friend of ours, so he organised to pick it up – I insisted he lie if they ask if I was in labour, which they did. I did some last minute cleaning up and laundry but it was all taking so long because I had to stop every time a contraction came. By 3pm, they were consistently 6mins apart and lasting a minute. DH and I cuddled lots, he gave me foot, shoulder and back rubs, I had a long shower and DH cooked some meals to eat over the coming days. I tried to keep moving, bouncing on a fitball while I rocked my hips, walking up and down the hallway. Just before 9pm, I texted G again to tell her contractions were now alternating between 8 and 5 minutes apart, and sometimes up to 90seconds long, but sometimes only 40. I was a little frustrated that they had become irregular but was grateful that some were further apart so I could rest. The contractions were too intense for me to lie down to sleep so I made a pillow mountain on the couch and lay over it, resting between contractions and up on all fours and rocking during them with a wheat bag low on my belly. DH and I tried to watch a movie, Balibo, which we got through but I could only follow it very loosely Once it was over, I sent DH to bed around midnight to get some sleep while I tried to sleep on my pillow mountain. I was tired – regular contractions had now been going for 24 hours.
I guess DH was too excited to sleep, because he was back up by 2am – today was his birthday! I wished him a happy birthday and joked that the baby better be born in the next 22hours or I wouldn’t have a birthday gift for him. He got back to the business of heating up my wheat bag, rubbing my back during contractions, which were now consistently 5mins apart and lasting 60-90secs. They were so strong by this point – I couldn’t really talk or interact with DH between them and decided it was time for some extra support. I asked DH to call G and ask her to come. He suggested breathing through a few more contractions, so we did that. Then he suggested having another shower – I shook my head, ‘no, call her now. I need her here now.’ Poor DH was doing such a great job supporting me – it was now just after 3am – he’d had hardly any sleep and must have been aching after massaging me for hours on end, but he still remembered what he learned in antenatal classes :) At my insistence, he called G who said she was on her way and would be about 40 minutes
G arrived, DH made her a cup of tea and she supported me through a few contractions while giving me some gentle reminders to make low sounds, relax my shoulders, relax my jaw. She told me I was doing a great job, that baby would be here soon, and suggested we go to bed and try to sleep between contractions.
DH made me another pillow mountain in bed to lie over and we went to bed, G having a snooze on the couch. I was still waking with contractions every 5 minutes but after a few hours in bed, felt much more rested, as did DH. I got back up at about 8am and had a long shower, leaning forward against the wall so the water sprayed my lower back. I was amazed by how much difference the hot water made to the intensity of the contractions and couldn’t wait to get the pool set up. I hopped back on the fitball for a while and G woke up, telling me she could tell from my voice that things had really progressed. I asked to fill the pool but she recommended holding off for just a little longer.
DH made some brekkie and I kept moving – fitball, walking the hallway, leaning over the kitchen bench, climbing stairs. I ended up moving the fitball to our bedroom, sitting on it and leaning my body forward so my head and torso were resting on pillows set up on the bed. I could feel the contractions so deep in my pelvis – they were strong but felt productive. G got her doppler and asked to listen to baby’s heartbeat – she put the doppler on my belly but no sound...DH and I looked at each other, panicked. G tapped on the doppler and fiddled with some buttons, put it back on my belly but still nothing. Now I was really worried. I had forgotten she dropped her doppler at our last appointment and broke it, and was borrowing another from a friend. Tears started welling up, I could see DH was feeling the same – G tried one more button and it worked this time – I could finally hear bub’s heartbeat, like racehorses. I burst into tears, ‘is the baby ok??’ G smiled at me, ‘of course darling, you knew that deep down.’ I asked again for the pool to be filled, G said she thought that was a great idea. DH went off to fill it up while G sat with me through some more contractions, rubbing my lower back and hips, reminding me to breathe deep, relax my shoulders, relax my jaw. I was exhausted and told G I just wanted a break for a little while.
With perfect timing, DH came to let me know the pool was ready in our loungeroom. I guess it was around midday on Sunday by this point. I climbed into the pool, surprised that I was a little self conscious about taking my pants off LOL. Oh my gosh – it felt incredible. The intensity from the contractions went from a 7 or 8 out of 10 to a 5 or 6 instantly. I floated on my back, head resting against the side, while G cut me up some watermelon. DH took a photo of me sitting up in the pool eating a bowl of watermelon - looking at it now I do NOT look like I’d been labouring for a day and a half! I’m like the cat that got the cream! I don’t know how far apart contractions were now but they seemed much closer than earlier in the day...with the pool though, they were so much easier to deal with I commented that I could do this for days to come. Poor DH was horrified!! He asked G if she thought we’d see a baby before the end of the day – she just gave a knowing smile and said, ‘wouldn’t that be nice! A baby for your birthday.’ I hung out in the pool for what felt like hours, when I had a contraction I’d flip over to all fours while DH or G poured water over my back, but in between either drinking diluted cloudy apple juice or sleeping. I needed to wee at some point so climbed out of the pool and off I went. I had a contraction while I was on the loo and the strength of it knocked my socks off after being in the water! G used my being out of the pool as an opportunity to get me moving for a bit – she suggested climbing the stairs sideways to open up my pelvis, then had me stand with one foot on the ground, one foot on the 3rd stair and when a contraction came, to drop down into a deep sideways lunge while holding onto the bannister. Hoooooly cow that was intense – I could feel my pelvis opening up and for the first time contractions really HURT.
I said I wanted to get back in the pool, and G, the clever woman, said, ‘you can do whatever you like darling, but those lunges will really open your pelvis and help the baby move down. A few more would make a huge difference.’ In my head I was so stubborn and about to insist that no, I WANT POOL! But I knew she was right, nodded my head and got through a few more contractions doing those lunges...by the time I’d done a few more I started to enjoy them – I was overwhelmed by how powerful my body was – I really didn’t know I could be so strong. At some point my legs got too tired so I started to head back to the pool. G suggested trying the fitball for a while, knees open as wide as possible and making hip circles. I did this for a little bit but felt really unsteady so DH sat behind me and held my hips steady while I bounced back and forward. It was too much, so I insisted on climbing back in the pool. As soon as I got under the water, I started to feel sick. I could feel bile racing up my throat and yelled for a bucket. DH didn’t make it in time and I did a massive projectile spew over the side of the pool...oops! G commented that was probably good for about a cm dilation and got to cleaning up the big mess I’d just made across the lounge room floor.
I did some more labouring in the pool while DH and G had catnaps on the couches and took it in turns waking and pouring water over my back during contractions. It must have been about 4pm when G said she had asked her backup midwife to make her way over to help out and that she would be about half an hour away. About 20 minutes later, there was a knock at the door. As DH answered the door, a huge contraction washed over me and I was being very loud. I heard the door close and one pair of footsteps come down the hallway. The knocker was a guy from the epilepsy foundation selling raffle tickets – the poor guy probably thought someone was being slowly tortured! DH said he told the guy it was a bad time, the poor man looked like a deer in the headlights and couldn’t get out of there fast enough! The second midwife, M, arrived minutes later, got everyone a drink and cleaned up the kitchen.
I got out of the pool to go to the toilet again and when I was done, decided to stay on dry land for a bit. I was really tired now, and decided I was going to ask G to do a cervical check. I was starting to feel stuck, like things weren’t progressing and didn’t know how much longer I could last. I knew that she would be rational and tell me she didn’t need to do a cervical check to know that the baby was close and that baby and I were doing just fine. I told DH I was going to ask her and he asked whether I was prepared for the possibility that the examination wouldn’t give me what I wanted to know (smart guy!!). I decided I would ask and that I was prepared to hear whatever G had to say. I asked her if she could check and she said exactly what I expected, and asked me what I hoped the VE would give me. I told her I needed some reassurance that baby wasn’t too far away and asked her please to check. She got her gloves and told me she would be gentle but that she wanted to be thorough and it would likely last through a contraction. Far out it was SO UNCOMFORTABLE, even though I could tell she was being as gentle as she could – lying on my back was excruciating. DH lay beside me and squeezed my hand while I tried my hardest to relax and breathe. G said fully dilated on one side, but 7cm on the other side – baby’s head hadn’t fully rotated so was applying more pressure to one side of my cervix than the other. She looked at me and said the best way to get baby to move the way we wanted it to was lie on my left side with my right leg slung completely across my body and to stay there for about 40 minutes. She warned me it would be really difficult but that I needed to do it to move things along.
I got as comfortable as I could, DH spooning me and G sitting at my feet. First contraction in this position came and oh my god it felt awful – so counterintuitive and I just needed to MOVE but had to lie still and try to relax. DH and G massaged and breathed with me and when that contraction was over we all closed our eyes and slept. The next two contractions were awful and I’m pretty sure I said a few times that I couldn’t do this...but by the third, I had found my groove and was able to manage better, all of us napping in between ctx. After what only felt like 15 minutes (but G told me later was actually an hour) I was busting for a wee, but G encouraged me to try a few more ctx. A couple more and I was sure I was going to wet myself so got up and went to the loo, wanting to be as quick as I could to avoid having any ctx while I was there. As soon as I sat down, a massive ctx washed over me and I suddenly felt sick – I yelled out for DH but before he made it, I had a projectile spew and felt a pop and my waters breaking. I called out to G, ‘I think my waters just broke!’...she responded, ‘I know!! We heard it!’ This was 6:47pm.
I went back to the lounge room to try the fitball again, but felt so unstable sitting on there and vomited again. I was so tired and ctx were coming on top of each other. M gave me some rescue remedy and some other homeopathic stuff (not sure what) while G and DH reassured me, massaged me, put cool washers on my neck. I wanted to get back in the pool but the water was too cold. M set about getting it back to warm while DH, G and I went to the bedroom. I couldn’t get comfortable in any position and started to panic. I had a big cry, saying I couldn’t do this anymore and that I felt like a little girl and not strong enough to get through it. G whispered to me that I was doing it, that now was the time to surrender, and that this doubt was a sign that the baby was close. I knew deep down she was right but I just didn’t see how I could possibly keep going for much longer. She told me the baby was moving down but I didn’t believe her LOL. I ended up sitting on her lap and leaning against our dresser while she compressed my hips during ctx, which really helped me focus – I couldn’t believe how strong she was! DH took over after a while and I didn’t notice that G and M had been setting up towels and plastic sheeting on the floor beside me.
The pressure was incredible – I was so loud! I was trying to keep my voice low but a few times I felt so out of control I couldn’t help screaming...I was yelling ‘I WANT A CAESAREAN!’ ‘I CANT DO THIS!’...G just smiled at me, ‘when you say that I know the baby is almost here!’...’NO IT ISN’T ! IT’S NEVER COMING!!’ LOL. I told DH I wanted a caesarean, ‘GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!! IT’S NOT MOVING DOWN!! ’. He hugged me and told me the baby was close and the pool was almost ready for me to get back in. The pool! That’s right!! I needed back in there!
With that, at 8:20pm, I felt the baby drop down and came an unstoppable, uncontrollable need to push. I said quietly, ‘oh wow, the baby’s moving down! I can feel it...I need to push!’ DH and G laughed – moments ago I was convinced the baby was never coming down and wanted a caesarean. I dropped to the floor on my hands and knees, but my hips low to the floor, with DH sitting in front of me. Pushing and feeling my baby move down felt AMAZING. It HURT but I felt like a lioness (and roared like one!), so purposeful and powerful!! G helped me get my underwear off and moved the towels under me. I must have had 3 or 4 ctx like that, feeling my baby moving down, pushing with all my strength and roaring the house down. I could feel the baby’s head just ready to be born when M came to let me know the pool was ready for me. I got up onto my feet faster than I had moved in about 6 months and almost ran to the pool, determined to get in there before the next ctx came. I could hear DH and G giggling at how fast I moved at the prospect of getting in the pool LOL
I climbed into the pool and got comfortable on my knees, leaning over the side with DH holding my hands. A ctx came and I went with it – I could feel myself stretching and reached down to touch bubs head, which was ready to come with the next push, I could feel that the baby had lots of hair!! G encouraged me to breathe through the next contraction to give myself time to stretch...I felt the burning and like my pelvis was going to snap in half but was still able to focus and breathe my baby out. G told me the baby’s head was born, the shoulders were rotating and with the next push the baby would be born. I looked up at DH to see him smiling at me, another contraction came and I felt my baby move down and out of my body and into the pool. I quickly turned over to see my beautiful baby under the water, white, eyes closed and arms outstretched , so peaceful, I don’t think bub realised it had been born yet! I lifted bub out of the water and up to my chest. I said, ‘hello baby! We waited so long for you!’ Bub opened its eyes and looked at me but hadn’t yet taken a breath so I rubbed bubs chest, blew a little on its face and kept talking to my beautiful baby - very quickly we heard a little cry. There was no panic, it just took a minute or two to truly join us earthside and I was glad we were at home to allow my baby to breathe when it was ready. DH was hugging me and leaning over my shoulders to gaze into our baby’s eyes, crying and saying hello. I asked if it was still DH’s birthday and it was!
I sat in the pool for a few minutes marvelling at the full head of dark hair and giant hands and feet before realising we hadn’t checked the baby’s sex...the umbilical cord was in the way so I hadn’t seen by accident. I untangled the cord, which was looped around the ankle, and took a peek to see we had a baby boy!! I looked at DH, who gave me a big kiss and we had a laugh together that we never ended up deciding on a name for a boy. I told G and DH that I wanted to do all it again!!
Bub and I were starting to get cold so we hopped out of the pool and sat on the couch and got to know each other. He attached to my breast easily and we enjoyed our first breastfeed together. G explained that his head was deflexed (instead of his chin being tucked down to his chest, his was extended...which explains why he took so long to move down!) and had his right hand tucked under his chin! I got away with a small labial graze - no stitches needed. I’m not sure how long it was (maybe 45-60 mins?) but I could feel the placenta move down so I wiggled forward on the couch, did one big push and it was out. G and checked that it was intact and commented that it was very healthy, but unusual in that it had an extra lobe (I asked her at a postnatal appointment what that meant and she said it was possibly a sign that there may have been a twin, but it was also possibly just an anomaly). G asked if we wanted to do a lotus birth which we had decided againsck was ext so she explained to bub that we needed to clamp his umbilical cord and that daddy would cut it, but it wouldn’t hurt him. DH asked for pointers on how to cut the cord in a way that wouldn’t give him an outie belly button LOL! After some food and a giant mug of raspberry leaf tea, DH had some skin on skin cuddles while I hopped in the shower and our m/ws made up our bed. I couldn’t believe how much energy I had – I felt fantastic!! By midnight, DH, my nameless baby boy and I were tucked up in bed and said goodnight to our midwives and drifted off to sleep as a family of three.
Casp ar F rancis, born 8:55pm 20/11/2011 (sharing a birthday with DH)
Weight: 3.8kg or 8lb6oz
Length: 51cm
Head circ: 36cm
Apgars: 8 at 1min, 9 at 5min
