[VENT] Please don't whinge to me.

* Please note this is a vent... Please also note that this vent does not include my gorgeous BB friends who are pregnant - you are all being so kind to me... Love you all...*

Dear pregnant friends,

Do you not realise how lucky you are??? Do you not understand that there are so many people who are desperate to be where you are? To feel a baby kicking them? To watch their belly grow? To hear that precious heart beat? To see a waving hand on an ultrasound screen?

I can't listen to you. I'm sorry. I want to sympathise but I just can't. You don't know why I can't - I am sorry that I am not willing to share with you... but listening to you whinge about being pregnant is ripping me to shreds.

Maybe one day I will tell you what has happened to me over the last few months. Probably, I won't. You don't need to hear about my pain. But you need to be happy that you are growing a new life inside you and experiencing something that I am desperately trying to achieve. :crying:

Especially you, E. You are due one week before when I would have been due. You don't know that... I'm sorry... but I am finding it hard enough to deal with your growing belly, without hearing you complain about how much you hate being pregnant, how you "should have hired a surrogate" and how you are "never doing this again".

I'm sure once your newborn bub is in your arms, I will be my normal self. I will love him or her and I will cherish any cuddles I am able to steal. But until then, I'm sorry, I can't listen to you. At this point, I don't even think I can be around you.

Love
OP

:hug:

OP look after yourself xxx

Oh babe I'm so so sorry.

I guess like you've said they don't know so as hard as it is to hear them go on the only thing I can suggest is distance or just throw in a casual 'atleast your PG, so many ppl out there want to be' and see if they stop.

If not hun you have so many of us who would willingly spend time with you and the kids and not make silly comments.


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

:hug:

Oh no - please be kind to yourself OP. xxxxxxxx

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I can suggest is distance or just throw in a casual 'atleast your PG, so many ppl out there want to be' and see if they stop.
!

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Most people outside a forum don't share what's going on with them. What ZF said is a good way to make them sit back and think for a minute. It's the same as asking the question "so when's the next one coming?". Things that should never be said.

I've said it before, I wish it was different. I think with this particular person it might be better to give it some distance for now if that's possible :hug:

OP - I TOTALLY understand. I could have written your post word for word. So many of these to you :hug:. Im sorry you are hurting.

I am lucky that in my little IRL world everyone is past the baby-making stage (including me it seems :( ) so I am very fortunate that I don't have to face people complaining, etc except on here. And then I can silently say, 'get over yourself' and stop reading. I am also very fortunate that I have never been in your situation. I share a similar pain with infertility but I know it's not the same.

I was wondering though, if you don't want to share your own story, maybe you could share someone else's. I don't mean specifics, just general wide brush strokes like, "I guess you have to remember how lucky you are, I know of so many women desperate to have a baby but they are infertile/suffer from recurrent miscarriage/can't find the right partner, etc. Sometimes physical pain and discomfort is a blessing. Sure we whinge about it but it is a small price to pay for being able to do what so many can't.'

Stay strong OP, and vent in here all you like x

*hugs* I can empathize and that was just from TTC. I am so thankful at I have never had to also deal with the pain of a miscarriage. I have a friend who is now 3 days overdue and all through the pregnancy all I heard was complaints about how fat she was getting and how uncomfortable it was and how annoying it was when the baby kicked etc. Took all my energy not to scream at her to just be thankful because I would have given anything to be 'fat and uncomfortable'.

I would suggest giving yourself a little distance or even straight out saying (providing she's not the kind of person that is easily offended) that it's too hard for you to hear the complaints right now.

Thanks, everyone. It just topped off an exceptionally sucky day yesterday that I had to deal with two of them last night whinging. And then trying to explain to my sister why I didn't want to sit next to one of them and she says "But I thought you were ok with everything now?"

She doesn't ask me how I am - how would she know? Sigh.

N2L, that's what I did yesterday, something on here set me off and I just stopped reading it. But last night, I had to be there, it was an ABA training thing, and it seriously felt like little knives every time one of them whinged. I actually sent a text message to someone who WOULD understand saying "Kill me now."

Fortunately there was a teeny little 4 week old bub so I just cuddled him and ignored the pregnant ones. Oh and had a glass of wine. That helped ;)

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I think with this particular person it might be better to give it some distance for now if that's possible :hug:

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And yes I think this is what I need to do. Fortunately I can't go to ABA meetings during the day so I just need to try and scope out the night time ones... see who is going to be there...

I am now trying to prepare myself for Tuesday night. We are having a BBQ at home with three families who were are close to, who know about the mc. One of them is pg, due four days before when I was.

I think I need to talk to her beforehand and let her know that I am not dealing so well at the moment... Fortunately we have already had a chat about my need to protect myself and the fact that I might draw away from her, and she understands, so I think she will at least be sensitive on Tuesday.

I hope.

It's great you have other ppl to talk to Hun, and once my girls are better maybe we can organise an out north lunch, kid friendly with a bottle of bubbles for us all (adults obviously) to share... MIL has suggested a bottle that was actually quite nice.

Here if you ever need a vent, you have my number but otherwise utilize those who do know and who you trust to be kind.

BOO to your sister, your feelings will always change she should think before she speaks :wall:


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

:hug:

Regards,
Dianne

Big hugs hun :comfort:

I think about you alot, OP. I still pray for you and you're in my thoughts.
After my niece passed away I remember my sister yelling many times about how much she hated pregnant women in town.

I wish I could do something to help, or give you massive :hug:s IRL.

Please know that you are in my prayers.
Squishy hugs, beautiful.

Oh babe I totally understand .... to the point that I am going to counselling starting Feb as I am finding it sooooooooo hard..... the pain in my heart is so intense that I cry when I see a pregnant lady and I think gee thats how big I should be with Hugh, or newborns or anything relating to pregnancy!! It is amazing how many people think 'oh I thought you were over it, or I thought you are ok!'.......Just because you have a your brave face on (you have to for you kids) doesn't mean your not in a world of pain in the inside!.....


sorry waffling about myself I guess what I am trying to say is I understand your pain and sending you lots of love and strength ......

P.s breaks my heart when my dd points to my belly and says baby gone mummy sad

:hug:

i hope you enjoyed that glass of wine in full view of the PG women! might as well give them something else to complain about :lol:

i'm glad you're able to talk to your friend & hope she will be sensitive on tuesday & that you can enjoy your bbq. and feel free to give your sister a teeny little slap from me. there's no deadline on your feelings or grief.

:hug:

Your sister sounds like a "get on with it" sort of person, which is good normally, but unfortunately emotions don't work on that same path.

People often expect you to get over it though. And quickly. Which is why this is such a private pain. People don't know how to react or respond sometimes - some are sensational, while others wish that you'd never told them because they don't know how to deal with it.

It's okay that you're feeling like this, just remember that. If you're anything like me, you probably feel like you're being silly or overly emotional. So what? It doesn't just go away at the flick of a switch. The pain rears it's head when you least expect it, and then there's occasions where you brace yourself for it and it never actually arrives.

:hug:

:hug: Huge hugs OP. I really feel for you. I know just what you are going through. I was pregnant 4 times in 2009 and thankfully the last time was sticky and we ended up with our beautiful ds in 2010. At the time we didn't tell anyone about what we were going through. Every time a friend was announcing their pregnancy it was like a stab in my heart especially the friends who had their babies around the same time ours were due. Now I am going through a different kind of pain as those friends are announcing their 2nd pregnancies and my dh has decided that he doesn't want another baby :crying: I'm not coping well at all with it. It's hard but remember you are not alone. I hope you get to feel another buba growing inside you again.

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...breaks my heart when my dd points to my belly and says baby gone mummy sad

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I bet it does :( :hug: I wish we never had to deal with things like that. My DD brings it up every now and then too... always makes me cry...

LOL Sloane I was like "YEP! Wine me up." :lol:

Pac, thanks for validating that it is ok. I suspect my lovely PMS hormones were running a bit wild yesterday and making everything 100 times worse...

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:hug: Huge hugs OP. I really feel for you. I know just what you are going through. I was pregnant 4 times in 2009 and thankfully the last time was sticky and we ended up with our beautiful ds in 2010. At the time we didn't tell anyone about what we were going through. Every time a friend was announcing their pregnancy it was like a stab in my heart especially the friends who had their babies around the same time ours were due. Now I am going through a different kind of pain as those friends are announcing their 2nd pregnancies and my dh has decided that he doesn't want another baby :crying: I'm not coping well at all with it. It's hard but remember you are not alone. I hope you get to feel another buba growing inside you again.

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Oh hun... Massive hugs to you too cherished. :hug:

So many people going through all sorts of different pain... :grouphug:

*massive hugs OP*

Sent via my vortex manipulator!

Oh sweetie :hug: I'm so sorry.

I remember feeling exactly the same way last year. One friend was particularly full on in her pregnancy whinging. I used to get all worked up inside, not just because of my own loss, but also because I know of so many gorgeous girls on here who would be so happy to have these complaints! Now she complains about missing being pregnant :rolleyes:

:hug: it's not easy but were all here for you.

It's hard and to be honest I think many of us had no idea either before it happened to us. Take some time away from the pregnant friends that's what I had to do. Hugs x

:hug:

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate the support.

I'm feeling better about things. I've bought myself a BBT and I'm going to start temping and charting in an attempt to take back some of the control... I hate that it feels so much like it is out of my control, it is really affecting me this time...

OP-
You know I'm always here for you...
Anytime, anywhere


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks Em, I know :)

One thing i made a very big point of doing after losing a baby at 19wks, was to never complain about anything during my pregnancies again. I appreciated every bit of it.

Like you, it upset me to hear pregnant women complain about their pregnancies, it still does.

Appreciate it, savour every second of it.

I totally understand why you feel the way you do xxx

hugs hun
no advice- just hugs and a friendly ear
you wanna come over for a cuppa and the kids can play?
always here with an ear
xxx

Hugs hun I have been there and through that and it really sucks, some people just have no idea how lucky they are.

Surround yourself with those who you are comfortable with to talk to, cry, hug, ***** and chat with xoox

mega hugs, my love :( :comfort:

what you're feeling is so valid, and I wish people around you were more aware of what they say, and how it might impact their fellow women ...

I'm sure your Tuesday friend will understand, and hopefully your sister understands better now too.

thinking of and praying for you, sweet xoxo

:grouphug:

:hug: It's so hard. I know. Sometimes people mistake silence for 'being over it'. When really you feel just as raw as the day it happened. Then there's the insensitive comments......... and the complainers.

I'm really glad you've got some people IRL to talk to though, turn to them when things get rough. And us of course. :hug:

Hugs OP

I have screamed in rage and plotted the murders of many whinging pregnant workmates ( in my head of course ) while TTC unsuccessfully time and time again and although a loss and infertility are two very different things the feelings towards ungrateful pg ppl seems to be the same when all you want is to be pregnant yourself.

So my point is vent and rage away, I'll listen and offer a shoulder

X x


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Thanks everyone.

I spoke with my sister a while ago to see what they were up to tomorrow and she asked how I'm feeling today, which was nice. Maybe she will realise that, as you say forshelby, just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean I am "over it".

You're never really "over it", I think.

no you dont ever get over it. my kids still talk about the baby i lost
they still dont get it totally and they were 6 years old when it happened
hugs hun

DD still asks me every now and then det :(

Thanks for the cuppa offer too. See how I go.

Huge hugs huni. At this minute Iv got DP's BFF fiance here who is in her 2 weeks of pregnancy and all the way through all she has done and moaned and been horrible, i sit with music on seeing as she doesn't speak to us when she is here and when she does its to whinge. Its hard huni. :hug: :hug: xxx

I have just read your "vent", and totally agree and feel everything you have said!! In fact, I had a similar conversation with my DH after our run in with our pg friends this morning. Thank you for putting into more elequant and cohesive words what I have been feeling since my first miscarriage over a year ago! My last miscarriage was 8 months ago and I still cry nearly everyday! Just a small tear here and there. Children are such a blessing and every moment should be cherished.

Thank you so much for sharing your vent...sometimes, as you know, it feels like your the only one with these thoughts and emotions.

As for family, one person (out of the 10) finally asked how I was on Christmas day-7 months after my miscarriage!! They don't really want to know unless I'm telling them I am PG, which at this stage feels like its never going to happen again. Sometimes family can be the most distant when you need them most!

I hope it has been getting easier for you OP! I too, and thinking and praying for you sooo much!!

xx

:hug: aww Hun. How upsetting xxx