"No Kids, No Kids" - Heartbreaking Childcare Drop Off

“No Kids, No Kids Mummy”

I have been hearing this all day, this is DSs way of telling me he does not want to go to Child Care. Normally he goes quite happily, no tears at all, has been going for 18 months so is an old hand. We had a 2 week break over Christmas/NY and he’s been back two weeks and every day he has cried when I’ve dropped him off, and it’s getting worse. Yesterday I could barely get him in the car to drive him there (had to pin him crying into the seat), and when he saw his childcare bag on the kitchen counter he lost it and clung to me. The drop off was just horrible, we both ended up in tears and he screamed and screamed my name as I left “Mummy, Mummy, CUDDLES MUMMY”, he was shrieking and sobbing uncontrollably while his carer hugged him tight, I cried for the first hour of my work day. He is reluctant to have breakfast, put clothes/shoes on or wash him face/do his hair as these are all rituals that involve getting ready to go out (to care)

Today I work from home, and already (including the first thing he said when he woke up) he’s said ‘No Kids, No Kids Mummy” constantly, I’ve reassured him constantly we are staying home today – but am dreading tomorrow.

He goes to care on Mondays and Wednesdays, I work from home Tuesdays, have an RDO on Thursday and my Mum has him Fridays (he is totally fine spending the day with Nan). I’ve asked childcare if anything has happened that may have spooked or upset him, they can’t think of anything, and once I drop him off, he’s usually fine within about 5-10 mins and totally enjoys the rest of the day, full of smiles and fun, and is happy when I pick him up and tells me about his day. I on the other hand cry all the way to work and need a strong coffee to settle my nerves and get over my total Mother guilt.

I just don’t know what to do, How can I get him used to the drop offs again? I’ve been giving lots of cuddles and reassurance, tried to talk to him and remind him Mummy always comes back. Should I try rewards? Stay with him at care longer (this doesn’t seem to be helping) or do a quick drop off to get it all over and done quickly. And what about before we leave at home when is wont help me get ready – should I get tough or keep giving cuddles? I don’t want to lie to him and not tell him we are going to care as I don’t think that’s fair either

What to do, what to do? I don't think I can cope with these devastating mornings ongoing :(

My DS is five and did this on and off in childcare for 3 years! I dread what starting school will be like on the 6th! There really isn't any easy answer. Hopefully he will settle back in soon and it will be fine. Maybe two days in a row would be easier for him? Just a thought anway.

It is so heartbreaking watching this little person you love so much sobbing their little heart out!

:hug: It's so hard when they don't want to go.

When DS1 decided he didn't want to go it wasn't a lasting phase he got over it in a month or so.

Yep Onyx, I ring about half an hour later, only once he was still a bit upset, but I rang back again and he was happy about 15 mins later

It's so stressful and upsetting


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I read your first post more closely and realised that you already mentioned that he settled after 15 minutes or so :doh:

I used to find that playing with DS and getting another child to join in and then leaving when they were engrossed was the easiest way to leave. It felt bad to be sneaking off because I felt like I was being less than honest with him but I decided that if honesty made him cry that sneaking was better. It took a lot longer (30 minutes or so) but for me it was worth it.

Oh hunni, just wanted to offer some hugs :hug: I've got no experience with this, but I can imagine how stressful it's for you both ATM. I dread the day I will be dropping wee man at day care! I think I will need some valium :o I hope it's only a stage he's going through (maybe with the break he's gotten used to not going?) and he's back to his normal cheery self very soon xoxox

DS did the same thing to me last year. I found that everytime I had to break the routine in some way. So it might be a cool funky bandaid that he get's to show the kids, focusing on one of his little friends that will be there. OH would take him in with no problems at all and I found that after letting OH do it a couple of times DS would settle for me. Can Nan (or dad) take him for a week and see if that makes a difference?

Do you work full time? I wonder if it would help to do a few visits that aren't dropping him off e.g. go in to talk to the teachers or pay a bill, or he have a little play then you head home together. He has obviously worked himself up about it and it might help for him to develop some positive associations that aren't about you leaving him there and having to go to work. :hug: It is so hard when they are crying as you leave. I wouldn't be able to handle it either.

:hug: :hug: DS did this at his old childcare but wouldn't calm down. I would run to the car in tears every time then normally get a call an hour later saying he was still screaming, did I want them to deal with it or pick him up. It was so stressful, I took him out. He is now at another centre and loves it. DD1 is starting next week, she really wants to go, so I'm hoping there are no tears. I hope your DS is back to wanting to go soon. :hug:

Nai miss J did exactly the same thing late last year. Screaming mess at drop off but fine within 5 or so minutes. She got over it within a month but it was so stressful. I found distraction the best method. I would get her to help me put on my lipstick or perfume when we got there and then put a little perfume on her top. She would then happily go off to show the carers and her friends. Seemed to just help her to get over whatever was going on.

Janie xxx

We had 3 weeks at xmas, camping and doing fun stuff and for the first 2 weeks back, my almost 3 yr DS was exactly the same. :(
The last week or so has been back to normal, so hopefully your LO will come good soon.
The poor lil buggas must think we are off having all kinds of Santa-ey pressent-ey swimming fun while they are stuck at kindy :D

ETA, I think the clincher for my DS was spending 2 or 3 days straight with me at home where he realised how boring it actually is. Toddled off happy as larry on day 4 :lol:

I hate to say it but my almost 4 year old has done this for the last 18months... On a rare day she is fine when I drop her off but most days the carer will have to come pry her from my legs...

I hate it but hers is kindy so she needs to go, I'm dreading school


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we've just come out the end of a similar phase - gee it's hard! I just kept drumming in the 'mummy's always come back' line and talking about how he is safe at CC and XX his teacher will look after him. Personally, I found the quick drop off was best, I think the longer you are there the longer they have to get worked up, but that could just be my DS. Last week was the first week that we didn't have any tears at all and he is back to loving it - can't tell you whats changed though :dunno:

On a cute/funny note though, his carer told me that the other day after I had dropped him off there was another child who was upset when their mum left. DS said to them 'don't worry, mummy's always come back'.

im horrible coz i used to just go when he wasnt looking and they didnt have any issues with him and when he went to FDC i just handed him over and left thats wat she told me to do lol never a problem there either

Dd has been at childcare for 3 years and it's the same most days. On the odd day a good friend will be there and she will happily run off or her favourite carer. This year is harder as they had quite a few carers leave at the end of the year and while dds friends moved up to kinder she missed out by a month :(

We found out that she enjoys feeding the babies so we get there and see if she can help with their toast and bottles - sometimes it works. Also on the odd occassion we get her uncle to pick her up so that makes the day exciting for her.

She does settle very quickly though and screams when we get thereto pick her up MUMMY DADDY and runs over so that's nice - I know she still asks for us during the day though. I'm also dreading school - its heartbreaking :(


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My son is 4 and still has the odd day when he would prefer to stay at home. One thing that has worked for me is using the kindy bus, he enjoys riding to school with his friends. Another way is preparing him the night before explaining the morning ritual to him so he knows what to expect the next day.

I hope you find what is worrying him, we had a problem with the big boys bullying him but they have since moved up to prep. Good luck

An update, one step forward, two steps back.....

Well he's definitely not worried about anything in particular at child care as when Nan came to pick him up yesterday we had the same problem, normally he goes off to Nan's excitedly and without a second thought, but wow, yesterday was very upsetting, we had to come back inside, calm down, I had a shower while DS sat by the shower door and left for work, and he and Nan left later. Its definitely a clingy stage, he doesn't want to be apart from Daddy either, but can cope with it, but wants to stay with me all day.
I let him take a toy to care on Wednesday, it helped somewhat, however the goodbye was still teary and very emotional. I guess we just have to plug away and work through it :crying:

This too shall pass
This too shall pass
This too shall pass

I've had it with a couple of mine, they grow out of it. My Childcare taught us to look them in the eye say " bye, mummy will be back later" wave & just walk out. They didn't favor sneaking as it tended to make it worse because bub would go looking for me later, whereas when I say good-bye they would settle down after 10-15min & have a good day. Saying good bye vs sneaking is a trust thing.
Both of them now go to school & love it!

Just read this and wondering how things are going? I hope they are better for you! If not, is there any chance of someone else dropping him off? I wonder if that would help?

Thanks for asking Chody

Well on Wednesday we had no tears at all, On Tuesday night we talked about helping Mummy and Daddy and being happy to play with all his 'kids' and if he got ready in the morning and helped Mummy we would stop at the shops on the way home and buy some iceblocks. These seemed to give him some incentive as on Wednesday morning he told me he was happy to play with the kids and got ready without fuss and run off happily to his carer when we arrived. So when I picked him up we went straight to Woolies for some iceblocks as promised :) I am hoping it wasn't a once off and that we have the same success next week! We've also been letting him take a small toy (eg a car or train) to show the kids and we make a big fuss of writing his name on it in texta so it comes home again.

It was nice to go to work without the Mummy guilt or feeling emotionally drained, I felt like a new woman :)

I remember the first day Lachy did a no tears drop off.
I took myself out for coffee and cake instead of scuttling off guilt riddled to do as much work as I could while he was "being tortured" LOL
I am glad it is getting easier for you :)

I'm glad things have improved. I hope it continues.

Great to see he is having a better time Nai.

Janie xxx