Help with weaning?

As the title suggests, I am after some help with weaning DD. mainly night feeds, as often she is still waking very 2-3 hours and it's killing me!!!!! :( she is down to around 3 feeds during the day, her own doing, which are just before naps and her night time sleep. I guess a large problem is now she feeds to sleep, where she never used to before, but at around 7-8 months she just started doing it!

How did you all wean your bubs?? I'm not overly fussed about the feeds before sleeps, but I really want more sleep during the night. Even if I were to just get 5-6hours straight that's fine! It's just driving me crazy :(


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

I was given some great advice recently to have a look at Dr Jay Gordon's article on sleep. Best advice I could have been given. My dd was still being bf to sleep when she woke in the night. We have had about 2 weeks now of her sleeping through! It was tough the first night but we never left her, gave her plenty of comfort, just not boob. Dr Jay explains it really well. Good luck :)

Gem you must be a mind reader lol, I was going to make this exact same topic! So interested in hearing the replies!

Babyluv, I've briefly read over that article. What time frame did you pick to stop feeds in? Did you do all the settling or did you DH help? DS only settles for me, and often its mega tantrums when I dont offer the breast (so I always give in, because 8+ wake ups a night is killing me lol). A bit scared to give it a try, he wakes so many times already that I reckon he'd be up most the night crying for the boob haha

Do you cosleep? That's the only way I could survive, but it would also help with night weaning. Keep in mind at your bubs age most calories are from milk, so you'll have to get some extra feeds in during the day to wean at night.

Good luck. When I night weaned dd I aimed for 11pm to 5am as a goal and I did all settling, but she was much older, about 18 months.

Good luck!

Just by the by, we often blame breastfeeding for poor sleep, but night weaning does not always mean better sleep (unfortunately). I do hope you get more sleep soon.

I'm on my phone so can't actually see how old your bubs are but I personally wasn't ready to try any form of sleep training under 12 months. We chose from 11pm Onwards. The first night she cried for 45 mins on and off, she was really trying to go to sleep but also really cross she didn't have booby, she woke three times. DH was the one getting up to her because if I'm there then she will scream a lot more, she knows I have the booby. 2 nd night was about 20 mins of tears, 3rd night she slept through. Never did we leave her, it was lots of cuddles and comfort. We have only ever taken a gentle approach and found this quite challenging. I cried the first night but I'm now glad we persevered. She didn't need to wake 2-3 times a night , she was waking out of habit and is much happier during the day now she is getting a good nights sleep.

Sorry ladies, I forgot all about this thread, got very distracted :(
DD is nearly 13 months now, her sleep is just so atrocious that I am constantly exhausted. DH can't settle her, because now she only settles with boob (she used to be able to be settled sometimes without it) and she's more often than not waking every 1-2-3 hours recently.

I am getting quite desperate for this to be fixed, as I REALLY need sleep, and am sick of walking around like a zombie :( I don't know how DD can survive the way she does on such a shoddy quality of sleep!


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

Did you google Jay Gordans changes in the family bed.

Yes I have, I'm wanting to try it, just dreading the lack of sleep that will come from it, as she tends to scream and scream until she gets boob :(


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

I'm actually wondering whether I can just go straight to the second 3 nights, because she never actually "feeds to sleep" she more needs a feed in order to sleep (ITMS?) she has a feed, gets sleepy, comes off, gets dummy, and off she nods.

Hmm... I don't know.. Too tired!


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

I too have just recently been through this and am currently on my way to being on the other side. I feel for you with the lack of sleep i know exactly what you're saying. And only settling for you and only resettling at night with a feed. DD did exactly the same thing.

I had a few melt downs before we got to the point where i actually made changes. I called sleep schools around melbourne a few times but never actually went to one with DD. I did back when DS2 was 5 months so i kind of knew what would be done and i figured i just needed to try and do it myself. I did speak to a couple of the nurses though and was able to de-brief and get some ideas of where and how to start to make changes.

So as you say my DD sounds to have been exactly the same, she would feed to sleep all sleeps day and night and if i tried to settle without a feed at night i got huge protests and DH got even more. I began changing my feed to sleep pattern during the day, i would feed maybe half an hour before a sleep. It was more so when i remembered, things would get often get a little hectic :) We did this and then when it was time for a sleep i went into her room, pulled down the blinds, shut the door behind me and she knew it was bed time. This is usually when (and still is actually) when she starts climbing my belly/chest and protesting. I would hold as best as i could or otherwise put her in her cot, when she clearly didn't like this i'd pick her back up again and i repeated this until she'd relax in my arms. I was rocking her to sleep in my arms in the beginning and/or getting her sleepy enough to be able to put her into bed. To get to this point took a couple of days but it didn't take her long to realise this was the way it was going to be. I also chose to stay in the room until she was asleep.

Once i had her not needing the feeds during the day to get to sleep i started on the nights. They were tough because i was so tired and it always was so much easier just to feed her and get back into bed. But i gave it a go, it wasn't easy and some of it did end up in feeding in the end but eventually she began to get it. I did get DH to help out and once she started to realise that she wouldn't be getting a feed she started to settle for him, sometimes quicker then she would for me. After a few nights the resettles got easier and we finally began to make some progress. She started to sleep heaps better and even sleeping 7-8 hours at a time. She never did this!!! We have been doing this for about a month now and we're doing well. Some nigths if she really protests and i maybe get her back to sleep to have her wake again 5 min later i will feed her, i don't fight that. We now get through to the 4am mark at the least before we have a fight on our hands because she really wants a feed. This morning it was just before 4am so i was resettling but she then heard DS2 call out and she just wasn't going to do it. I generally give her her first feed of the day at about 4:30-5:30 and she goes back to sleep until 6ish.

One month later and I'm so happy with where we are now, it's taken some determination but it's been done with so many hugs along the way, lots of kisses and lots of whispering that everything is ok. We're flexible but are working towards an end result of being in a much better place than where we were.

My challenge now is the way we get her to sleep, as i said we do a bit of rocking to get her relaxed but she often won't allow that but then doesn't want to be in her cot, it's a bit of a vicious circle at the moment that also needs some tweeking but i'm just so happy that somes changes i've made have worked.

Weaning all together just to get sleep was not an option for me and who knows if it'd even work like that anyway? I'm not ready for my breastfeeding journey to end with her get and neither is she. Her day feeds vary but it would be three at the least.

I'm not sure if this would be considered as a 'gentle parenting' approach but i know i was gentle with my DD and i needed to do this to get better quality sleep for the both of us. I hope that in some way i may have been even the tiniest bit helpful to you. It's so tough and i'm only hoping that i can now help someone like i have been helped by others previously.

Good luck and if you have any questions just ask :)

ETA oh and i just remembered that i went from feeding DD in her room, with the blinds down to feeding her out in the lounge room. I started feeding in her room because there was less distration but she's feeding quite well out in the lounge, i try and do it in a semi-quiet place away from her brothers but it's done so as she does not fall alseep doing it anymore. If she's hungry enough she'll feed anywhere ;)

Oh EJ, that is most reassuring!! :hug: did you just randomly start one day feeding half hour-ish before sleep? Or was it a gradual transition to half hour?


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

No it wasn't gradual, it was me deciding enough was enough :lol: I suppose you could say it was gradual in myself though i had for a while been thinking of changes to make and how to do it and then it's just a matter or making the decision to do it. My DD can really seem to have a temper on her and i thought i'd have a real fight on my hands but it wasn't as bad as i thought. If your making the changes when she's tired and would be going down for a sleep anyway she may protest but be tired enough to just give in without too much of a fight ;) She will get it in her own time with your gentle guideance :hug: When things start to be making some progress get your DH to have a go also so she can start to settle for both of you. It'll take a whole lot of pressure off yourself. I know when my DH would get up to her i'd still lay there awake listening to how it was going but the fact that i was having a break from doing it was the main thing.

With regards of when to feed do what your comfortable with, maybe 10min before if that suits? Now my DD knows she doesn't have a feed before a sleep so when it's sleep time it's only about that. Feeding is for feeding and sleeping is for sleeping. But having said that if for some reason she's a little upset and not going down well an occasional feed before a sleep isn't an issue, i can do it without it being a sleep associaiton.

Good luck i better clean the house up before visitors ox

I just realised, how did you get her to stop feeding through the night? What did you do? Just plain refused, or let her feed every 4 hours, or? Any particular method?

Sorry for the 21 questions lol, I'm very interested to know!


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

Don't worry about all the questions i'm more than happy to help.

Pretty much in the end i started to refuse if it had only been a couple of hours, i think in the beginning 4 hours might have been ok (it's better than 2-3 hours :)) And got her used to doing that and then eventually started to try and spread it out even more.

In the beginning she would go to bed at 7pm and be waking again by 9pm and then again about midnight and then again about 3am and then again about 6am where she's up for the day. Once i started trying to change things i would try to not feed before 11pm, we would often only make it until 10pm though. Then if she had that 10 or 11pm feed i would try and resettle any wakes between 4am (at the earliest). So idealy i might only have to go and resettle once between the feeds i was willing to give her. And as i said earlier if she was just not giving in i wouldn't push it too hard (although i have stayed up for an hour here and there in the beginning), i would feed her, get her back to bed and try it again the next time.

If you can get that going for a little while (a couple of weeks maybe) then i'd try and cut out the 11pm feed. This is where we are now, DD still may wake up before the midnight mark but she is not expecting a feed, just a little hug and she quite happily goes back to sleep. We then may not hear from her until anywhere from 4am, the 4ish mark i will still try and resettle if i can but if she won't do it i just feed her. I think she knows that it's getting close to 'that time' and even though it's a little earlier that i'd like by my expectations she's pretty determind to say 'no mum i want it now'. I also don't like to battle with her too much in the early hours as i don't want to wake the boys too early. During the night it's not an issue they aren't distrubed by her at all but i'm not risking us all being up at 5am if i can help it :D

Does that make sense? Think about what you want to do, what works for you and your DD and start trying to make your way to that point being flexible along the way if you feel necessary.

I'm pretty much happy with where we are for the time being, i'm just going to go with this for a little while now. It's such a huge improvement to where we were only a couple of months ago.

Give it a go if you feel your ready and hopefully in another month or so you can come and tell me that things are starting to change for you guys. Good luck xo

ETA i just re-read your post and the methods we used instead of a feed were a mixture of hugs and putting her in the cot and patting her butt and all along telling her softly that it's time to go to sleep. I also sing to her sometimes. I didn't ever leave her to just CIO :) This would go backwards and forwards depending on how stubborn she was feeling, if she was being particularly stubborn i would get DH to have a try. You could also have some water ready to offer bub if need be.

Well we've had some success!!! Ayva isn't feeding to sleep during the day anymore (well hasn't yesterday and today anyway), same with before her night sleep!! Last night I managed to get her to 4 hours after she first fell asleep, then she only lasted 2 because she was in our bed and I started feeding her before I realised what I was doing lol, and then it was another 4 hours!! Yippee!! I have yet to try anyone else Putting her to sleep because hubby's been at work, and last night he worked from 7am-9.30pm, so he's been gone all day, and today she crashed out at 6.30pm because she missed her afternoon sleep, poor poppet.

Fingers crossed for a better night again tonight!!

Thanks so much EJ for sharing what worked with you!!!! I have done the same thing, and it seems to really be working!! It's far less daunting to do (well for me anyway) than the dr jay Gordon method.

Huge :hug: and thanks!! I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but i can see the light!! Lol


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

Oh and I should add, she's accepting not feeding to sleep quite well too!! During the day she whinges a little, but it's a tired cry rather than an upset cry, and goes to sleep once she's tucked in/wrapped to sleep.

The only hard bit so far was last night, she woke up after 3.5 hours, so I tried to settle her for the half hour, and with cuddles, she'd calm down, then drift off to sleep a little, then wake and cry, so I'd try distracting her with her dummies and cuddles, and continue the cycle. Once it got to 4 hours, I waited for her to settle again, then fed her, but boy was it the longest 30 minutes of my life! Lol


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

I'm happy that things seem to be working for you. I'm sure you two could have done it without my help but i do know from my own expereince how much it can help to talk things through with others who are there too or been there. Just do what seems right for you guys.

I looked up the Dr jay gordon website but as yet have not had a chance to read it :)

Sounds like you handled that wake up fine. The first few can be tricky and sometimes just doing it as long as you're willing to is a good way to start and then just try again next time. It's not easy and when you think about being in bed asleep it's so easy to just feed and be done with it isn't it!? :lol:

Another thing i thought to tell you was that it may be easier to hold bub upright and hug rather than nurse laying in your arms as she may expect a feed is coming. Never really was an issue for us but i thought i'd just mention it to you.

Hope tonight is successful also :)

I'm currently in shock... Ayva just slept 7 hours straight, and is back asleep for more!! She went to bed at around 6.30, woke up at 9.15pm-9.30pm, settled her until 10, let her watch some Mickey mouse on my phone and we had cuddles etc. then she had a feed at 10, and slept until 5am!!! In our bed too! (I let her fall asleep in our bed or nearly fall asleep, then transfer her to the cot in our room) and then had a quick feed at 5, and is back asleep!!!!!!

Here's hoping it wasn't a once off!!! I can't believe it... She hasn't slept that long since she was around 2-3 months old!!!! :dance: that's such a big step forward, even if she doesnt do it again yet, I KNOW she can!!!

Now to try get back to sleep... Lol I've been up since 4.45, when I stirred and checked my phone for the time, and when I realised how long she slept I haven't been able to get back to sleep! I've been so excited! Lol


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

Well done. It seems the effort has paid off for both of you.

xXHopeXx woo hoo so happy you got 7 hours!!! And that she did it lying right there beside you. How lovely is that!?

You're on your way to a little more sleep by the sounds of it. I think it's just knowing how and when you want to start to make changes. Hears to catching up on all that sleep. My issue now is that with getting a little extra sleep i too can wake up and not be able to get back to sleep. Grrrr :lol:

At least we know our girls are getting some quality sleeps :)

Thanks so much EJ!!

Well we've still been having success with sleeping!! Yay! Luckily we didn't have a big tanty day on the third day which I was worried about.

Last night she slept 3.5hrs (she actually woke up at 3.5 instead of 3, so I didn't have to resettle her!! Yay!) then 5 hours, then another 3-4 hours or so :)

So not as good as the night before, but I accidentally woke her up after 5 hours because I was having a drink during the night and started coughing because it went down the wrong way and woke her up, doh! But 2 wakes from when she went to sleep, to when she woke for the day is WAAAAAYYYYYYYYY better than it used to be!!

Funnily enough, I'm just as tired still, though! Lol I think my body's trying to catch up on sleep from the past like... Year! Lol

She's also actually seeking out boob during the day again too! She used to only want boob with sleep, so never used to "ask" but today she kept clawing at my legs and such, and doing her distressed laugh (signalling boob) so I fed her, and then off she ran, happy again! Yay! It's finally starting to sink in more now, boob is for food, not sleep! :dance: :leap:


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

Having said that, I'm not getting too complacent yet, still taking each day (even sleep!) as it comes, and hoping for the best!


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks ;)

Isn't it great when the breastfeed becomes about food again and not the sourse to get to sleep??!! I love it, i love looking down at her little face and seeing her little eyes look back at me or to be focused somewhere else but her little body still quite intently wanting to be with me.

I initially started feeding to sleep when she was about 5ish months i think when she just became way too distracted to feed out in the lounge room amongst the goings on of the boys. So we started going to her room, pulling down the blinds and feeding to sleep, it worked and it was lovely. But those many months later when i wanted to change things i did try and go to a quieter place (but not in a darkened room) and not necessarily at sleep time.

And woo hoo the breastfeed did become about food again!! Some feeds she'll relax really well and i can feel that she has a good feed, others she is a little trickier to get to relax and on days like this i just repeatedly put her back on 2 or 3 times to make sure she's really had enough. She'll have a few more sucks each time and then i figure all should be good.

Enjoy your sleeps and feeds for many many more nigths to come xXHopeXx oxox