Leaving your little one overnight

Hi girls

My LO is nearly five weeks old and BF and my DH mother is already asking him when she can hqve him overnight. I said straight away she wouldn't be having him overnight for ages. Which hubby has now taking as an insult to his mother and family.

That isn't it at all - yes, I do express occasionally but it is tO increase supply not to feed him and he doesn't feed great from a bottle yet and also I have no idea how much he is actually taking in a feed so how would I know how much to give to someone for a whole night. And plus mainly - he is my little boy and I don't want to leave him anywhere now let alone for a whole afternoon and night!

I don't want ppl to think I don't appreciate the offer (I do) but why does my husband not understand that I don't want him to be away from us?

When did any of u girls firs spend a whole night away from your little ones?

I left my DD o/night for the first time at 6 months.
I could have done it earlier, but didn't feel comfortable.
Is it possible for your MIL to watch your son for an hour or 2 at your place, while you sleep, do housework, cook dinner?
So she feels involved?


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I have not spent a full night away from my girls yet, even when I had DD2 I was there to put DD1 to bed and did not leave home till 1am. So I am not much help there.
I would be telling your DH and MIL that DS is not a share toy, he is your baby and when you feel ready for him to spend a night away then you will let them know. Until then don't keep asking because your not trying to be insulting, just trying to be a mother.

My DS is 10 months old and I still wouldn't let him spend the night away from me. I don't think my DP would want him to spend the night away either.

We don't have parents near to us so I guess I'd never thought of overnights before but at 5 weeks of age is it a little strange that your IL's would want him overnight anyway? Maybe it's just me but it's still so.....brand new, bubs wouldn't even be used to his own sleeping arrangements yet.

My DD is almost 19 months and i refuse to let anyone have her overnight. I don't care who they are i just don't feel comfy about it.

She will have to be atleast 3 or 4 before ill feel comfortable. Even when we have this next bub my mum will babysit her but they will both be at the hospital so DP can take DD home.

My DS is 2 and I couldn't imagine leaving him overnight. He still needs me in the night. Does your husband understand about the biological bond between a baby and mother. It took my DH a little while to understand it. He used to carry DS in a sling when he was newborn and I used to get all anxious, wanting to hold MY baby! And when he was around his parents and they criticised my 'constant feeding' we would argue because he was even slower to give me the baby back. I look back on it now and I should have just told everyone to go to hell as I am the MUMMY and my instincts were right just like a mummy lion, gorilla, cat etc would rip apart anyone who tried to take away her babies for even a minute!! OUr society is not really good with the mother and baby bond unfortunately.

My DS is almost 3, and he only had his first night away just after Christmas. It was with my parents who live 2 minutes up the road and who he has had heaps of contact with since birth. He is completely comfortable with them, and I trust them with him. At a younger age I wouldn't have been comfortable with it, but he seemed old enough and comfortable enough so we tried it out (with the promise of a phone call to come pick him up if he got upset). He was completely fine - had heaps of fun. I did miss him though.

If she wants to help, the best thing she can do is take care of the household chores for you so you can sit on the couch and be with your baby. I don't understand why people think that taking the baby away from the mother is the only way to help. You can say thank-you for the offer and in the future that may be useful, but right right you need to be with him so you can learn his cues, connect with him and get the feeding just right. As he grows there will be plenty of time for hugs and time with him alone. It is a tricky time for the MIL she is trying to find her new place in the family, which is no longer the mother but now the grandmother, and some women adjusting to this new way of being can cause issues, it's important for you to feel supported by your partner, even if he doesn't always agree with you, at the end of the day you are adjusting to a huge new role of motherhood and it's a journey that changes, but it's important for you to be supported and follow your intuition!

Go Well

DS is 2 and 7 months and I wouldn't even consider leaving him anywhere over night. A couple of hours is absolute max for me and even then I stress about him the whole time.

My DD1 was about 18 months when she started having sleepovers with my parents but we had lived there so she was very comfortable with them and still is. I'm glad she has a strong bond to other people. She stayed with them while I had DD2 and even though we went home the next day she asked to stay with them another night, I bawled my eyes out but it really is a good thing lol. They are taking her away to the beach for a couple of nights next week actually.

But 5 weeks? No way! You're not being unreasonable or insulting at all.

i can't remember when i first left my DS overnight but i'd say he was between 12-18 months. he'd been waking every 45min-2 hours every night since he was born so one night i slept at my MIL's house while she & DP stayed here with DS. we've left him a few times overnight at her place since but she lives round the corner & he is actually excited to go there to stay (he's 2 & 7 months). i wouldn't have felt comfortable with it until i was absolutely sure that he was happy to be there & that i know DP's mum has very similar ideas around parenting/comforting as we do.

it is lovely that she wants to help, but i agree with ladybirdflies that there are far better ways she could be helping at this stage, especially as you are BFing & essentially wouldn't be getting extra sleep as you'd still be expressing when baby would have been feeding anyways!

there are lots of years to come when she can babysit overnight (if you're comfortable with it) :hug:

My first night away from my girls was when i had my gall gladder out last year, DD1 was nearly 5 and DD2 just 2. Only hospital would have made me do it, and even then i postponed it over a year so DD2 was a bit older.

With DS he didn't have a sleep over until 6 months and that was only because we had a wedding. Actually that month we had 2 weddings, so 2 sleep overs in 1 month!
DD I actually don't remember but she would have been over 11 months as I bf until then. The kids will every now and then go for a special sleep over at my Mums just because. That's maybe once every 2-3 months and otherwise they have sleep overs every so often if we have an event or something on. My ILs also asked at around the 6 week mark when they could start having DS at their house. Actually they still do now. I haven't felt nervous leaving the kids with my Mum but with my ILs I do. I just don't feel they are the kind of people that will take care of my kids how I feel they should. So we limit that very much and I just don't see the point in dropping the kids off just because they want them. They are always welcome to call and come and see them if we're home.

It's all personal choice, your situation, the people looking after your child/children and how comfortable you feel. I know for us, a break is good every now and then and the kids love going to their Nanny's house but it's not for everyone and that's more than ok!

We left DD with my ILs while I had DS, although I went into labour at 6am and he was born at 9am so really, we didn't need to, but I wanted to spend a night with just my new bub in hospital. DD was 16 months at that point. She'd spent a lot of time there, they had a proper bed for her, it was comfortable for her, my MIL didn't mind getting up in the middle of the night to her nor did she mind starting the day at 5am when DD decided it was time to get up ;)

It isn't an easy thing, taking a child overnight, before I reckon about 3yo. They often still have needs overnight... it can be hard for anyone who isn't the parent to respond to them.

We haven't left DS anywhere yet - he's 19mths.

I would just say to MIL "Thank you so much for the offer! That is incredibly generous of you! However, I'm not going to be able to leave him anywhere for a while as he needs to feed overnight and won't take a bottle, sorry!"

We left DD overnight at 12 weeks (we'd been home nearly 6 weeks). But, we had concert tickets booked for nearly 12 months and we couldn't miss the concert. It was the opportunity of a lifetime and the band had since gone on a indefinate break.

We've left her a few times. Only ever with my parents, as they know her routine and what she can and can't eat. They were also the only people trusted when DD was on all her medications.

DS is 4 in March and he has never had a sleepover. For me, I get up to DS and comfort him straightaway and, I don't trust other people to do that. I hate the idea that they would let him cry for however long when I wouldn't do that if he woke up through the night (especially in a different environment to what he use to, I believe he would be disorientated and scared if it wasn't handled right)

I have had a few nights away but OH has always looked after DS and OH has been away overnight heaps but I was there.

I don't think it is an insult to his family that you don't want to let your LO stay with your IL's. This is your baby and it is upto you when you are ready to let her sleep anywhere else.

I don't have any advice sorry. My excuse was BF & night waking. My DS was 14mo before I let him stay overnight at my mums. He was fully bottle fed by then. DD is still BF & has never stayed overnight anywhere (she's almost 10mo). DH wants me to wean her so that we can go away for our anniversary but I keep telling him it is up to her. I'm not going to wean her just so he can get some lol!

I have left DD with DH overnight but not with anyone else....and she is now 3 1/2.
To be honest while you are breastfeeding I wouldn't even entertain the idea.... but you need to be comfortable with leaving her and if your not then don't be pressured into it.

I would probally sit down with DH's folks and just say thank you so much for the offer but at the moment Im just working on breastfeeding and settling bubs into a good sleeping routine....

Maybe if you have room you can have them stay over and look after her for the night while you sleep!

My 21 month old hasn't spent a night away from us yet. And at 5 weeks, she hadn't spent any time away from us. It was months before i even left her with my Mum for half an hour to go to the shop.

You will know when you and bub are ready, and having pressure from anyone will just make you less comfortable with the idea.

My DS is 2 and 7 months and I still haven't had a night away from him... But that will all change in a couple of weeks. I'm going away for a spa weekend by myself so that DS and DH can have a practice run with me not being around in preparation for when we have bubs. Right now I feel good about it. I think he is old enough, but I do expect that it will be a difficult night for them (hence the practice run).

We don't really have much family support, so have never really had the opportunity of both of us leaving DS with someone else overnight. In our case DH's family is all overseas. While I think they might jump at the chance, I really wouldn't feel comfortable at this stage because I know they don't share (or respect) our parenting ideals and more importantly they struggle to engage with DS. Maybe in a few years... But not now.

That said, I wish we had someone in our lives who we could trust to look after DS (and bubs down the track) overnight. While we've had a few nights out here and there, we would both love an entire night to ourselves (or a weekend, or a week LOL) and be able to wake up together in the morning and snuggle like the old days.

If I was in your shoes I would tell your MIL how much you appreciate the offer and reassure that you will definately take her up on it down the track, but you're not ready now and don't expect to be ready for sometime to come.

DD1 was 12 months and 5 days the first night she was left to wake up with someone else. I went into labour with DD2 at 2am and my parents came over to look after her. She woke up with my parents, and then my husband was home with her by about 10.30 am. I was home with them all that night. The next time would have been when DD1 was 3 or so and DD2 2 or so. They have only ever stayed with my parents, who they see multiple times per week.

I think they're being very unreasonable to put any level of pressure on you whatsoever at this point. Babies aren't toys to be handed around on a whim.

I had my first night away from DS when he was about 16 months old, but I only left him with DH! MIL has started asking when she can have DS overnight and we've tentatively arranged it for this weekend. He's 21 months old. I'm comfortable with that now because he's sleeping well etc etc, but I DEFINITELY wouldn't have let DS sleep anywhere else at 5 weeks.

I can't believe you are being pressured to hand your baby over like a toy for your MIL to play with! I'd be letting both of them know in uncertain terms that neither of you are ready for that and to lay off the pressure. Maybe she can stay with you overnight and help out that way - take DS while you rest, help around the house etc. Or you could arrange a regular time for you to all go out/get together for coffee, do the grocery shopping together, for her to take him for a walk or look after him while you rest or do whatever you want to etc. I understand she wants to feel involved, so maybe you can work out another way for her to start bonding with her grandson... that doesn't involve her taking him overnight. I know MIL wanted to 'show DS off' to her friends and work colleagues when he was little - she wanted me to drive 40 mins so we could just 'pop' into her work!

DD1 and DS were probably about 3 or 4 the first time they had a sleep over at my mum's. DD1 is now 8 (almost 9) and she had her first sleepover at a friends house last year. She has had a couple of sleepovers at the home of that particular friend but nowhere else. DS was invited to a sleepover last year (he's 6) but he wanted to come home so I went round to collect him at about 8.30pm. Of course, as soon as I got there he wanted to stay! I told him he needed to come home because I had come to get him but he could try again another time. We haven't tried again yet.

DD2 is 14 months now and still BF's overnight as well as co-sleeps. She is comp fed with FF, so she will take a bottle but has a preference for the breast. My mum has been staying with us for several months and for our wedding anniversary on Friday DH and I are staying at a hotel in the city. Mum is great with the kids and because she is staying with us DD2 is very familiar with her. Mum will sleep in my bed and has said that if she needs to walk around the house with Miss P all night she will! I am feeling rather anxious, can you tell?? Seemed like such a good idea when I booked it...!

No way would I let anyone have my baby overnight at 5 weeks. Nooooo... I do like the suggestion PP's have made that perhaps your MIL could come to your home and look after bub while you have a rest or she could help with the housework. Overnight?? Uh, no.

ETA DD1 went on school camp last year, 3 days 2 nights. It almost killed me!! She had a fantastic time...

I haven't read any of the replies so apologies if I'm repeating anybody :D I left DS1 with my mother when he was about 20 months old. She stayed at our house so it was all familiar to him, plus I thought it would make things easier for her. It was our wedding anniversay so we just stayed a night at a hotel, he was sleeping really well at that point and I had her over a fair bit in the lead up.

I don't think I'd be comfortable with him actually going to stay with anyone until he's in primary school and can ask to go stay with Nanna or Raa Raa etc.

Definitely at just weeks old is too soon in my opinion. I understand if people want to help but a baby is not a plaything, they have their own needs that are more important than people feeling left out etc.

Obviously I am one on my own. I never had a problem leaving DD with my parents or PIL. She was left for the night for the first time at 8 weeks I think? My PIL were visiting from Scotland and DH and I stayed at a hotel for the night (anniversary present). She was bottle fed and my PIL had been in the house for about 2 weeks by that stage. She was 3 months when we left her with my parents for a weekend while we went to a wedding. Both times she was fine, although I missed her like crazy!! I know I wouldn't be comfortable leaving her with anyone else for a prolonged period of time but I trust my parents and PIL to look after her the same way we would. For me personally, the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" is how we try to do things which means that DD sees her grandparents as much as possible.

Having said that- that is MY experience and they are MY feelings. Reading over the other replies I am obviously the odd one out in this and I can understand completely being uncomfortable leaving your baby. Nobody should be pressuring you to do anything you don't feel is right! It is not fair for your MIL to be putting her own feelings above those of you or your baby. Hugs honey, there is a lot of pressure that comes with being a new Mummy and you don't need it from family as well!

do you have room for MIL to stay over with you? You could go out to dinner with DH for 2 hours, MIL gets her "alone time" in the home your baby is most comfortable and hey, if she wants to wake in the middle of the night and try settling him and wake in the morning so you and dh can sleep in - win/win! as for letting your baby sleep at MIL's - I'm with you - that is way too early in my opinion and anyway, the only real one to say what is too soon is you - you have to be comfortable with it for it to be right and that's the only right answer.

We have been having regular sleepovers with both boys from about 3 months. They were both bottle fed and I was very comfortable. Both sets of grandparents have full kids rooms with cots set up.

To us, the boys having a strong relationship with their grandparents is very important. They are as comfortable at the grandparents places as they are at home.

However, you will need to reach an agreement with your DH. This is something that has the potential to become a very big issue, especially if your MIL doesn't let it drop.

Good luck.