Which would you choose - the 'best' school (at a cost) or a better lifestyle?

I am completely smitten with our local Steiner school and really, really want to send my kids there. It's got everything I could ask to give them the most ethical, nurturing and inspiring education. Problem is, the fees are private. Starts at 6k a year, and goes up from there.

We're really struggling on one income ATM, but we get by with the basics and just manage the mortgage. There's no way we could afford the school fees unless I go back to work full time (or almost full time).

I'm currently looking at enrolment (kids are still little but you have to get in really early) and am basically weighing up this:

A) Send them there. Means that for 5 days a week they will have what I consider to be the best environment for their emotional, social and spiritual development. BUT... Mummy won't be around as much and will be more inclined to be more frazzled when she is. We won't have the extra money for holidays, activities or to maybe upgrade our home one day.

B) Just go local public school. Still looks pretty good, just not my 'ideal' IYKWIM. Mummy around more, and more cash for a nicer lifestyle.

Sorry... 'Mummy' is frazzled as it is, so hope that's not too garbled.

What would you choose? Or have you already have to make this choice and how did you come to your decision... and is it working for you?

It would really depend on what the next best option is IYKWIM.

From my perspective: there is a very real chance that, with your guidance and parenting approach that your children, even without the steiner school, will have access to ethical, nuturing and inspiring education. Having you around a bit more will help compensate for a little less immersion in the school environment. having the extra finances is, a necessary component in helping to create a more harmonious home (money stress can be really hurtful on a wholistic level IYKWIM).

that said, if the public school that is the next best option, is in fact, not the best option for your child, then it may be worth the sacrifice of time (yours) and money. For example, if there is a real possibilty that your child might not cope at all within the public school environment (and may suffer for it), then the answer is clear. Children still get a fulfilling life and love from parents that work full-time. and if this creates the necessary harmony and aspiration of dreams in your home, then it is worth it.

It is not an easy decision :hug:

All in all, whatever you decide, your child will be surrounded with love and be given all the best opportunities for life fulfillment: something that is not necessary only acheived by where they get there school education.

Goodluck with this decision xx

Its such a tough one. My girls are at a private school now - kindy and pre-primary, and it is a struggle for us to pay two sets of fees on a single income but the private school is a kazillion times better than the local public primary schools. We moved to thsi area a couple of years ago and it was something we factored into our decision - had we stayed in our old house the girls would have gone to the local public school. I will be home with our new baby for a few years (we have agreed that is the right thing for our family), so things are going to be very tight. When DD3 starts kindy there is no way I won't be having to work - just to keep the fees up for the three of them.

I do think we have all become more materialistic and perhaps unreasonable in our views of what we "need" to have a good life. Time at home with your family when you're not shattered from work is a different issue though. Is it possible to send them to the public school to begin with, and then the Steiner school later? In your position, if you think the public school is still good then I would be inclined to try that out first. If you have issues, or when your kids are older, then you can reassess.

I would go with the normal school for sure. There is no way we could afford those fees for one let alone more than one child.

I'm in the same dilemma. I have my heart set of a private school half an hours drive away. Luckily the fees aren't quite as high as the school you are looking at, but now I have to factor in three kiddies, not just two (fingers crossed they have a good sibling discount!). I've already done the "pre-enrollment" paperwork for Kyson to put him on the waiting list so hopefully he gets in.

I guess my main concern when it comes to deciding between a school I think will be really good for them and the financial hardship, is the fact that they are going to be spending soooooooooooo much time at the school. I mean 9-3.30ish, 5 days a week is a huge amount of time, so the environment and basically the entire schooling system is going to have a huge affect on how my kids learn and grow. It's for that reason that I am inclined to bite the bullet and go with the more expensive school that is further away from us, rather than any one of the 5-6 public schools within a 10 minute walk/drive from our house.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the school I'm looking at goes from pre-prep through to year 12, so I have already been looking at outcomes for the senior schools in the area, and this particular school I want to send them to has a really large and varied range of subjects offered in year 11 and 12 (the public school seemed to be quite limited around here), and it also has one of the highest average year 12 scores for not only this area, but in general. I feel really strongly about how important those final two years are even though Kyson's only 2yrs9mths and one bub is not even born yet, lol!!!

We've always chosen lifestyle over private school.
For the cost of a decent private school we can afford to take our children overseas once a year and IMO they will learn more from travelling the world than they will in school.
We moved into area for an awesome public school so we could get the best of both worlds - a great school and no school fees.

would they go to the steiner school right through to year 12 or is it just for primary school?

I'm opting for public school and a better lifestyle for my kids. I'm researching schools now so I have ample time to move into my chosen schools catchment zone.

It's such a hard decision, but I think if you are going to scramble for the money you arent going to be a happy mummy or daddy. We fell in love with one of the private schools too but just cant justify the cost with three kids.

We have chosen lifestyle over private school. There is an awesome private school near us but it is so expensive, if I was working full time it would take all of my income to pay fees. We would rather use that money for holidays and other experiences that they can learn from. However this decision is influenced by the availability of other good schools in the vicinity of our house and if there was absolutely no other school nearby that could help our children have a great education then we could change our minds.

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From my perspective: there is a very real chance that, with your guidance and parenting approach that your children, even without the steiner school, will have access to ethical, nuturing and inspiring education. Having you around a bit more will help compensate for a little less immersion in the school environment. having the extra finances is, a necessary component in helping to create a more harmonious home (money stress can be really hurtful on a wholistic level IYKWIM).

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Totally agreed - Personally I would go for option B, because I would want the time and the finances to be involved personally as much as I could in their development. Also schools change over time even Steiner schools so personally I wouldn't want to invest that 'heavily' in a school. My brothers girlfriend went to a few Steiner schools as a child and didn't always have the best time, seems there was a certain rigidity in their methods which didn't always suit her. I suppose what I am trying to say is you can't predict exactly what your children will be like and what will suit them as individuals (My cousin sent her DD to a private grammar school for her kindy year with the intention of her staying there, but the way enrollments went and people leaving she was the only girl in the class and would have continued to be, and started to really dislike it, so has now started at her local catholic school instead) so I wouldn't want to choose a specific school if it was to the detriment of other things because you just don't know what the school will be like in 8 years say or what your kids will be like - but you know that you as a parent will be able to be flexible to meet their needs and assist in their development - so I would want to keep the time and the finances for that.

A better life style. You could provide alot of other learning opportunities for that amount of money per year (and much MUCH less!), plus they get the added bonus of having you around and you being happier. Whilst life is about trying to provide your children the best things in life, it also needs to be balanced. You need to think of you too. If you're going to be frazzled and tired alot of the time, and the kids won't be getting the best of you because of you trying to give them their education, as a child, I know what I would much rather have- my mum happy and nurturing me rather than in a hurry and frazzled because there isn't enough time int he day for her. I'm sure you and your DH could teach them many similar lessons and if you live the kids of lifestyle you aim for, then they will learn that way.

Better lifestyle - well not really that, more secure financial future. We are behind the 8 ball here and trying to catch up the best we can. We have lived on the edge and it is not fun. We would like to be able to take the children just on simple holidays to visit family. We want to have financially stable (mortgage paid off, money in the bank) by the time they hit uni age, as that is where we feel they will probably need the greatest level of financial support from us.

Sometimes it is not just a matter of the now, or the next few year, but 15+ years down the track. We always need to keep that future in mind.

Thankyou all so much for your thoughtful replies. It's given me a great deal to think about. TBH, I was surprised that the majority lean toward option B, mainly because I think I have generally been tending toward option A.

My argument to myself is that school is the place that they will spend the majority of their days throughout their childhood, and so the culture in which they are immersed is bound to have a huge impact on their imagination, intellect, relationships etc. DH and I will be who we will be. Yes, having to stretch ourselves financially and time-wise will leave us 'frazzled', as I put it, but I hope that we will still maintain our ethics and parenting style. A house is just a house, and whilst we may never afford a bigger one, this one will meet our children's basic needs. And there's nothing wrong with camping rather than trips to far-off places.

Reading your other ideas has given me pause to consider 'B' more though. Obviously, I was thinking about it, as I wrote this post, but I don't think I really considered the many valid points you have made. Fortunately, I have a while to make the ultimate decision and will then know more about what our budget looks like when I return to work.

I think if it was just a matter of private versus public school, I would have a clear preference for the local public school, especially for primary. I went to a mainstream private school and don't think it afforded me any great advantages, except perhaps for the final couple of years. In fact, the culture of the school really didn't suit who I was and I found it stifling and in many ways, quite damaging. The confusion really comes from my love of the Steiner ethic and culture. It's just an aside... a really big, expensive one, that the fees are what they are. I'm more than happy to accept that Steiner education may not suit my children's personalities and learning needs and will try and be as responsive to what suits them as possible. But in the mean time I have to make a decision based on what I hope might be best for them, and i really feel like this school might have 'it'.

Ginger... and someone else who asked (??!!), the school has long waiting lists and esentially I'd have to start from primary to ensure that they'd have a place. I understand that it's next-to impossible to get a place in the senior school without having been in the primary. I think that the Steiner style of education really suits young children and how I want their childhoods to be 'shaped'. I would have to re-assess when they're heading for secondary school as of course it would then depend on what they want in terms of academics, structure, subjects and teaching style.

Ummm... sorry, so utterly brain-dead, I'm not sure if I've covered everyone's comments and queries. Thanks again ladies. Lots to think about. xoxo

I personally think B. In my personal opinion (as an ex teacher and mother) I think it is the parent's job to 'shape' their children's childhood. Schools are only a new institution in our culture. In fact schools were only really made compulsory and state funded for all in Victorian times when Big Business Heads realised they could get a more compliant, punctual and efficient workforce if they could create institutions where children were taken away from the 'influence' of their parents and shaped to fit the schedules and restrictions of their factories and workplaces and not question authority etc. So in reality the softer, more natural approaches to education like Steiner and Montesorri were attempts by progressive people to try and return to the sort of gentle loving education that parents (in an ideal pre-industrial world!) would have given their children. By education I mean of course, life skills, personal skills and skills needed to work in their profession so not necessarily reading and writing. With today's emphasis and the necessity on academic skills things have changed but I think there is no reason an involved parent cannot provide these skills with the help of the internet and libraries.
In my experience as a teacher I believe that once a child has the tools to read and they are happy and confident because of a loving background and they have a sense of wonder and have been inspired then it doesn't matter whether they learn at home or school, they will do well. But nothing can replace the loving influence of a parent that has time for them and can help them on their learning journey.
That is just my pretty radical opinion. I seriously felt sad for all those children who I taught in many different schools, in two countries, who spent more time with me in a week than with their parents. Not that I was cruel or awful but I just couldn't love them or have as much time for them as their parents would have if given the chance. So if you want Steiner and can't afford it, then give them Steiner in the home. Your version of Steiner would be a hundred times better than from someone who can never know and love your kids like you do. Even if it is only in the afternoons after 'normal' state school. Your influence is so much more important I think.

Sorry full of punctuation mistakes as I am dealing with a climbing toddler and I can't go back to find them all...even so I hope my rambling makes sense!

i've just started my child at a public primary school, that has a Steiner stream. I've heard there are many dual stream primary schools in Melbourne, so could you consider one of those, instead of a pure Steiner school? It's a compromise, but i'm assuming, like it is for me, the fees are HEAPS less than $6k. Even the pure steiner schools here are WAY under $6k, more like $1k, last time i heard. Paying a few hundred, instead of a few thousand, is much more manageable. Fingers crossed for you that you can find a dual stream school near you, that has similar fees to ours.

Well I'm flying in the face of everyone else, because eldest DD has just started high school at a school that I believe strongly is absolutely the best place for her to go, despite our budget shortfall. In our case it's a little different because it's a catholic school so there is some room for negotiation of fees (which may also be an option at the Steiner school, it's worth asking about), but even so the next couple of years (esp while we're paying the same again in childcare for our youngest) will be tight tight tight. Partly it's an act of faith on my part that by committing to this for DD's highest good, that the universe will support this path, and the abundance needed to get through this time will arise as it is needed (which, LOL, is a very un-catholic way of thinking about it). We've never really had a lot of money to do activities, holidays, house renos etc, so - what difference will a few years more of living with less make?

I think the answers depend on the interpretation of the question - with the original post it my interpretation was that you were concerned about the lack of time with Option A (maybe frazzled gave a stronger impression than you meant), so came across like A)Steiner School vs B)More time with you/parents. So I said B.

Your reply highlighted money more - so if it was A)Steiner School vs B)More money in pocket - I would most likely choose A.

So based on the above if had to make a decision I would ignore the money aspect (unless A) would put you into severe financial hardship) - as think kids enjoy the simple things in life anyway and I would quantify the amount of extra time you will need to spend working/thinking about work to go option A (you still need time to go camping etc) - if is small like an hour a day then A) sounds good. Once it gets into multiple hours a day and not seeing kids before bedtime etc then for me then B starts sounding better.

But I guess there is an inherent relationship between money and free time if the number of hours you work is the key factor in how much you're able to increase your earning power.

For me, I'm choosing a fabulous (out of area enrollment) local government school for primary, but my children will go to private secondary schools.

I will take three jobs, cash in my super and even sell my house if necessary to fund their private secondary schooling.

This is how strongly I believe in private secondary schools.

I live in Melbourne and I believe that has a huge influence on whether or not private schools are necessary.

I'm in my mid 30s and still get asked what school I went to. It still influences people's perceptions of me as a person. Sure it shouldn't be that way, but it is.

And that's my personal choice. I'm going to have to find $50K per annum (after tax) to fund the private schooling. I'm single, but lucky enough to (probably) earn enough to make it happen. Their father has already indicated he will not be contributing at all to private school fees.

So I'll be sacrificing lifestyle for secondary schooling. I probably wouldn't do it for primary though. Again that's choice - in primary years I'd choose lifestyle because I can teach them more at home.

I have always believed that education is one of the few things that no one can ever take away from you.

I think we should try to provide the best education we can for our kids.

That's not to say that private is necessarily "the best".

I am the same as Divvy in how i feel about the importance of it (and I am also in melb but didnt grow up here) - and my mum was a single mum who put me through a private school with a lot of hard work and I now realise juggling!
I think it depends on the school... and the kids and the family and friends...
there are so many reasons for me choosing the school i did...
my boys will go from kinder just bc i love the school and the community and the philosophy... it may mean we miss out on some things as a family but this is really important to me. that said, i have a good income and so does dh so we can still do holidays etc too (i think, at the moment not but this is a tough time for us) - but when i think of the fees it does make me think harder about it.
I live opposite a great public school and i see the benefits of that too (all friends living 5 mins away, local community etc) - but this has been the right choice for us.
So for my famuily i would choose the school but there are lots of factors that come into that for each family.

Is all interesting - not being from Melbourne but living here now I suppose my views might change overtime on the importance of a particular school. Here or the UK have never been asked about what school went to, University yes but school no - I would think it also very much depends on your profession - and can see in yours Divvy that it probably comes up more than in many others.

B. I would always choose more Mummy time, I think that's more important.

to me it sounds like you'v answered your own question. You obviously want them to go to the steiner school and your second response seemed very heavy on jusitfying why. I do this when huge amounts of money are involved... like i need to make it clear to myself that it's 'worth it'.
But personally, to me it sounds like you are actually seeking approval to spend that money and make that sacrifice.
Sorry if i'm wwayy off the mark tho! (unbelievably that does actually happen to me! lol).
At the end of the day, only you can answer your question because what i'm comfortable with may not suit your lifestyle etc I think there's great pros and cons to each solution.
Good luck in making the decision! :)

Grub - well, sorta! I was leaning toward A and I guess, because of that, I was expecting answers that affirmed that decision because it makes sense in MY head. More anticipating a certain response than actually seeking it. The reason I put it out here is because I did want to hear opinions on both sides, as I'm well aware that, particularly without actually experiencing these options yet, I have a very narrow view which is strongly colored by my own experience of school.

My second response was purely to explain my current leanings... but like I've said, I've been given a whole lore more material for my inner musings now!

I think for now, I'm going to hedge our bets and just enroll them, with the view to seeing how we're going financially (and aspirationally) in a couple of years. I'll also look into our other local options to see if I can find something that might fit the balance between affordability and ideals.

Div, yep, I've been asked that quite a bit too. But I resent it. Yes, I went to one of 'those' schools. But I was miserable. I guess, because I now live and work largely amongst people who went to the local public school, I am conscious of being seen as a snob or somehow elitist because of my schooling. Might be just an old chip on my shoulder though... I was a bit of a leftie rebel at school and coped with the whole thing by deriding it!

Not sure where you are in Melbourne but might pay to look far and wide for a govt school such as a Montessori based stream (there is one in Mitcham for eg.) or a school that has a more wholistic approach to education, with play and inquiry based focus rather than traditional methods. I am a govt. primary teacher, and I believe in the public system but I also see gaps in the mainstream public system but there are schools that do it super well. We are going to look into other options for secondary, as others mentioned I would rather be home more than working during their primary years but depending where we are living will look at private/independent for secondary.

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I live in Melbourne and I believe that has a huge influence on whether or not private schools are necessary.

I'm in my mid 30s and still get asked what school I went to. It still influences people's perceptions of me as a person. Sure it shouldn't be that way, but it is.

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Yes, that was something I noticed in Melbourne. Even before having children, I was told that if and when I did have children, I would HAVE to send them to a private school, otherwise I would not get promotions. Ridiculous really and one of the many factors why I chose to turn my back on a professional career.

Thankfully with the move, the pressure to go private is much less, if anything the only ones who care about private down here, are not people who I tend to be friends with. Oh and MIL, but that needs a thread to itself ;)

i think it also depends on the quality of the individual schools you would choose for option B too. would you be sending them to a government secondary school if you send them public for primary, or what would your options be for year 7?
so much to think about!
we have been tossing and turning over a similar decision (not over a steiner school though) and have finally come up with a solution that we are happy with. its a big decision!

Have you looked into the Walker learning approach? It is more evidence based than Steiner and an increasing number of schools are adopting it.

It's a tricky one that's for sure. My approach is obviously based on my own background. I went to public schools and lived in a small community where most people were blue collar workers. No-one had aspirations and the teachers certainly didn't have any aspirations for their pupils. I was one of only five out of 300 pupils who went to university. When I was at university it dawned on me that my fellow undergraduates weren't any smarter than the kids I went to school with, just their expectations had been different growing up. The more I read, the more I truly believe that. If anyone's interested, google John Fleming - he's worked wonders in 'deprived' schools as well as private schools.

As much as I will instill in my girls that they can do or be anything they want, their community, schooling and peers will play a part in that. DP is a train driver, I was a middle manager so their aspirations from looking at their parents will not be super high. I still battle feelings that I'm not good enough to do a particular job. Logically, I know that I am. I know that I'm smart and capable but the underlying feelings of not being good enough are really hard to budge and they're hard-wired into me from my background. Our DDs will not in all likelihood mix with high-flyers in their local community. I think it would be beneficial to them to mix with kids of high achievers at school so they understand that 'those' people are no different to them. So on that basis, I am leaning to private school for their secondary schooling depending on what their interests are.

I think I've found one that parallels the ethos that I will be instilling in my girls which is, you are as good as anyone but better than no-one. Unfortunately, it's in Bendigo which is 70km away. If I truly believe that's the best school for them then we will move there. We are pretty secure financially but if push came to shove, I'd take a loan to pay the fees.

and by the way, I will in no way 'pushing' my girls to be high achievers, or what society deems to be a high achiever. If DD1 wants to be a builder then I will be as happy as Larry if it makes her happy. I don't want her to be a builder who actually deep down wants to be a doctor or a lawyer but thought she wasn't good enough, if that makes sense.

Divvy's point about where you went to school being important is relevant here as well. I went to public school but worked in a profession that was mostly filled with ex private school and mixed with other professions who were likewise. There is an enormous benefit to being "an old Hale Boy" or "a St Hilda's Girl". Enormous. I agree it is wrong, but that's the way it is and I don't see it changing any time soon so that was certainly a factor for me in choosing a private school education for my kids - benefits of the here and now education but also benefits for their career down the track. Like fionas, I want my children to choose whatever career will make them happy, but I want them to have as many options to choose from as possible.

Were we living in our old area (affluent, inner city) they would be going to public school for primary and then private for high school. That's not an option here so they're private all the way. We made the move to our current area as a lifestyle choice though, so I guess we have the best of both worlds.

Wow, thanks Onyx. I just googled Walker Learning. Looks very well -rounded and covers some of the social and emotional bases that I feel are missing from mainstream curriculum. Will have to keep reading and investigating this one of course, but on first glance, it is appealing.

AND... would you know it?! Our local public school is one of the schools implementing the approach!

Great Santosha - you have a few great options
What Fionas said is a lot of the reasons my mum chose my school and i see it playing out with my school friends now too. this is a big swayer for me in choosing the schools for my boys too

Walker method is great! Lots of schools are going play and inquiry based now which is awesome! Glad you have one local!

Around our way there are lots of private schools so the public schools tend to be where those kids who have been asked to leave end up!
DH and I want to give our kids access to the best opportunities we can so will be sending them private in secondary and taking $$ out of the house if necessary to fund it. Luckily we have an awesome public primary school and really happy there so far.

Santosha - go and see one of Kathy Walker's talks - I really enjoyed her approach!

I have been out of high school for 13 years now, but in my experiance it's not where you get your education, it's what you do with it. I know alot of people that went to either the public HS and I would say 80% are doing alot better in career and life in general than those who went to the private HS here.
I will be sending my kids to public primary and secondary schools for sure.
Good luck with your decision.

We have enrolled Bailey into a private school that is luckily in our suburb and has a wonderful reputation and good naplan scores etc etc

Initially I was of the thought process that we'd send him to public school for primary and if he was academically minded or needed support in a specific way we could always change later. I felt that senior school was more important, However then a good friend put a different spin on it and pointed out that often the foundations we start while they are young have more impact on shaping the people our little ones will be come, rather than relying on 'fixing' things later when they are older, already influenced and less likely to adapt to change with ease. This really resonated with me.

However for us, the private school fees will be no more than our current cost of childcare (even with the child care rebate etc) - so when put into context we don't actually need to find 'extra' money, but rather consider that child care costs will become schools fees.

We did a tour of this school late last year and have his name on the 'waiting' list, but wont find out until late this year if he is in, so I also plan to enroll him in another local private school I also like (yet to tour). The reason this school is so important to me is I am impressed with the culture, the curriculum and the facilities and their values are aligned to mine - not in a religious sense, but more so with regard to respect, the importance place on education and also things like Leadership, Integrity etc. Also, its a feeder school into the High School I have my eye on (right next door so most of the kids will transition there)

I'm also a fan of the Steiner methods, we have a great public steiner school here (way to far away from where we live however) that is part of a regular primary school so if the steiner methods aren't a match for your child, you can move them into the regular school system on the same campus instead. But it would mean an hour or so of travel each day which is just not practical for us with balancing work etc also.

Personally, I'd go with Option A. As a part time working Mum I also recognise that quality time with my child is very important - as opposed to quantity. I have watched DS flourish and learn so much at his wonderful child care centre 2 days a week, so I don't necessarily think that more time with Mum is the be all and end all - the old 'it takes a village to raise a child' quote is a good one, our children pick up all sorts of learnings and influences from a variety of sources, not just Mum and Dad. As parents, its our responsibility to make sure these influences are ones we are happy with.....aggghhh what am I trying to say? Just cos you need to work more to support the cost, does not necessarily have a negative impact on your kids

Hope that helps x