To find out or not to find out......that is the question

Soooo….what were your reasons behind finding out/not finding out.

Reason being that DH and I are both torn. Neither one of us can decide whether we want to find out the sex of this baby or not. DS was a surprise. And it was really fantastic. But we’ve put together a whole heap of pro’s and con’s both ways, and we’re stuck. Not that we don’t have heaps of time yet anyway before we need to make a decision. But I was just curious as to what the reasons were that some others either did or didn’t find out.

I never wanted to know I always wanted the surprise at the end of labour or CS.

I just loved the idea of us discovering what baby was.

Friends/Family have known sex and told everyone and often the name as well, so there is no surprise and little excitment when baby is born (off course excited as new baby but you know what I mean otherwise)

We didn't with either as it was dp's role to be the one to announce what we had. It was something special for him to do at the birth rather than be told by someone we had never met a an ultrasound.

And congrats on your pregnancy!

I had to know because I'm a control freak and wanted to get everything sorted out before he arrived.;) We kept our name a secret until he was born though.:D

We found out too as were planners.... but as someone said above didn't want to be told by someone we didn't know in a clinical fashion.

So we made a celebration of it. We got the ultrasound tech to write bubs sex on a card & not tell us in the room or show us on the screen. We then went to where we got married, ordered lunch & opened the card. It was beautiful & we spent our lunch talking & dreaming about our little Poppet. Then later that night we had a big family dinner & revealed it to everyone. We didn't want to cold call everyone and say boy or girl as we wanted the anticipation and excitement to still be there. All the family said it was like being a little kid at Christmas waking up on the day of our ultrasound.


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We havent found out. i never planned to. personally the only reason i can see me maybe finding out is to help a little sibling understand better. so if it that means i only get 1 'surprise' im enjoying it (even tho it is driving me insane!!) but not to know colours etc... Because i want to know who it is (because we have names sorted) so i would like to know what initials to use. but enjoying not knowing so much more!

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I wasn't phased with DD as i knew she was a girl. Then my 20 week scan came along and people were telling me i was having a boy as i carried all out the front so when the lady asked me if i wanted to know i said YES! she didnt even have to tell me i could see for myself.

A friend of mine said that people wont be excited if we find out when the baby is born, she says they will see it as "woo they had the baby, what else is new" which i think is wrong i know our familes are very excited about new babies, we have all found out what we were having except for one SIL who couldn't the baby wasnt willing to show and we all were over the moon when we had babies.

I've found out every time, DH only this time.

DD1 - cos I'm a control freak too, hate surprises and needed to know
DD2 - was nowhere near ready to be pregnant again and so I was very depressed about it. Needed something to try and start me bonding with my baby
DD3 - we were overseas when I thought I was having a miscarriage. Ended up in hospital and just needed to know.

My mum has also known each time (with DH's consent) because I needed to tell someone. Nobody else ever knew - no way I would tell anyone except mum before my DH found out.

With DD, I just wanted to know. To plan etc. With this baby I needed to know to prepare myself if it wasn't a girl. Which he definately is not. It hasn't helped me bond or anything it's more mentally preparing myself.

We didnt find out, wanted the suprise. But I am so glad we didnt find out because at the 30 weeks scan the sonographer announced the baby had a head full of hair, it took away some of the guessing we had been playing and I was feeling a bit sad that I knew THAT so you can imagine what i would have felt knowing what 'it' was! I completely understand the needing to know though, especially if you like to do the colour thing with a boy or girl, there are very limited clothes that are gender neutral ;)

We found out mainly because we were so excited. I was glad we did thought because we both thought it was a boy and everyone was saying I was carrying like it was a boy, and I wanted a boy. But she is a girl. As horrible as it sounds I felt disappointed but now because I know I have come to terms and I am looking forward to meeting her :)

We didn't find out with DD. It was my first and I wanted that surprise. I didn't feel the need to have a gender specific nursery and for us that was the only real reason DH could come up with to finding out. Funny I didn't even have a slight urge to find out....even after I had her I forgot to ask what sex she was for a few minutes.....

This time around DH found out but again I haven't. I don't know his reasons for wanting to know but he did. I still didn't so I told him he had to decide if he could keep it a secret from everyone then he could. For me I just don't want to know. I want the surprise of finding out once I have him/her.

The only problem I have is that I don't want DH to know the name before me so we still haven't worked out that!

DH and I have already made the decision not to find out. Our reason is that IVF is so invasive and there is no surprise in anything so we want something to be unknown and exciting for both of us :)

We found out with DS, and this time round too. My reasoning is that I'm such an impatient person I just couldn't wait, and DH, well I don't know what his initial reasoning was but I know that he loved knowing as he felt it helped him bond. We didn't tell anyone with DS, we told everyone we didn't know the sex. This time we've told a few people but for the majority it will still be a surprise at the end. Although I have no comparison, I certainly didn't feel like I was missing out at the birth because I already knew DS was a boy, we were really excited to finally meet our little boy who felt like a long friend.

Just because YOU find out, doesn't mean you have to tell everyone!

Hope you come to a decision you're happy with :)

I like the idea of involving Professor, making that his job after the birth. Until I read this thread I always thought I'd find out, but nope, I wanna get him to tell me. I'll be the one telling him we're having one, so it's only fair that he tell me what it is :)

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I like the idea of involving Professor, making that his job after the birth. Until I read this thread I always thought I'd find out, but nope, I wanna get him to tell me. I'll be the one telling him we're having one, so it's only fair that he tell me what it is :)

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Thats what we did! It was in my birth plan that DH was to tell me.....he forgot :lol: but when he finally remembered he did share the news ;)

I didn't find out with the twins or J.ett.. I loved the surprise.. Especially when you think you know but there's still that chance you're wrong.. (I wasn't by the way ;) ) It was so amazing when J.ett was between my legs after birth and I moved his little foot out of the way to reveal :) Oh I'm emotional just thinking about it! It's also nice to make the calls and say I've had a baby boy.. I got to do that with Jett..

With the twins their dad was supposed to tell me but it didn't pan out that way, it didn't matter though, it was still exciting!

Everyone was surprised with my births though because they were so early!

Found out with DS cause we just wanted to know :p

Found out with DD cause we had so much of DS clothes, and wanted to see if we'd need to keep them or sort them out and get rid of the ones we ' couldn't use for a girl' according to DH

If we have anymore I'll be sticking to my guns this time and won't be finding out. I did want at least one surprise, but caved each time! :p


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No, I didn't find out with DD. I had no desire to buy specific colours or decorate the nursery specific. Everything was neutral and we have added to it DD room since so it is more feminine. I don't know if I'd find out when we have another baby. In someways I'd like to b/c I have kept alot of DD clothes and things, so if it is a boy I'd sell or donate it but like Amy said, we are doing IVF now so you know where everything is at in your cycle and it is really invasive. I don't think DH wants to know so I probably won't for his sake.

The first time I didn't mind either way. I'm glad we found out those. Didn't tell many people, mostly just close family. I still bought gender neutral clothes though. Where as with DS2 I had to find out. To prepare and plan. We had rules though, we both had 2 people we told but they couldn't share with anyone else, so still a surprise for almost everyone. I don't think I could have waited especially since it wasn't an easy pregnancy like DS1's was so it helped me get through the tough parts.

If there are anymore kids for me, I'll find out again and keep it mostly a secret.

I found out with both DS1 & DS2 because I just couldn't stand the suspense and because I am a control freak and I have to know everything all the time, lol. I will also be finding out with this little peanut. It helps me to bond with my babies :)

DP and I have decided that that when I get UTD (hopefuly am now :lol:) That we wont find out, we want it to be a surprise. I was undecided until reading some of these answers and yes, I would like to know in advance to get ready, but at the same time I want to be surprised when the time comes :)

We were never ones for wanting to find out, but that changed.

#1 we didnt find out and it was lovely, though i always had this "knowing" that she was a girl :)
#2 we didnt want to find out again but little mr exposed himself to us all in a big way on the ultrasound and there was no hiding what he was.
#3 we decided to find out, not really sure why, but we did.
#4 we wanted to find out but she crossed her legs and had the cord between her legs for good measure, so we got a lovely surprise when she was born.
#5 we decided to find out.
#6 by now we can read ultrasounds without being told what we are having.
#7 same as above

Its lovely having a surprise but its also good to know what colours etc to be buying and what you need. Particularly when #7 was a boy after a string of 5 girls in a row, we had to buy everything for him as over the course of 5 girls we had gone from having lots of neutrals to some neutrals to everything pink.

We never told anyone the names of any of our babies until they were born and we didnt tell the sex either, except for with #7 :)

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I had to know because I'm a control freak and wanted to get everything sorted out before he arrived.;) We kept our name a secret until he was born though.:D

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Same + my husband hates surprises!

All though for number 2 we have made the decision to have a surprise! (will see how I go with that!)


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I found out because after 7 years of fertility treatment and never knowing if it would work or if I would ever have a baby, I wanted to be sure of something!

DD1- We found out, I wanted to set up the nursery.... Though I was told boy till my 36 week ultrasound and I mentioned boy and the lady was like "um it's a girl".
DS- we found out cause he was going to be our last and I really wanted one of each (I know it shouldn't matter) and when we were told boy I knew it really was cause I seen the "part".
DD2- I found out cause she was to my new partner, a surprise baby and my new partner and I had separated in the beginning of the pregnancy. I had not one baby thing as I got rid of it all cause I didn't want anymore kids.
#4- I'm having ultrasound next week, don't think we are going to find out. I think it's another girl. I think DP would like a boy as it's def my last and DD2 is his only other child so one of each for him.

Lol redrobinridinghood to the wanting to be sure of something! Like Zee we were told one sex only to discover later in the pregnancy it was the other ;) but we still decided to find out for this one and I'm pretty sure they're not wrong abut another boy this time, there were very clear boy bits!!

DD we planned to find out at 20 weeks because we wanted to know! We ended up finding out at 12 weeks after we had CVS, we were so stressed and upset that we wanted something positive to come out of it, so we found out from the chromosomal analysis.

DS, we also planned to find out at 20 weeks, because I wanted to be prepared with clothes - was I washing and getting ready all DD's old stuff? Or did I need to buy boy stuff? We ended up finding out at 12 weeks again, but not because of CVS, because our little man was in a good position. We didn't tell anyone until it was confirmed at 20 weeks though.

If we have another, we won't find out. I want one surprise - although DH says it can only be a surprise once and whether that is at 12 weeks, 20 or 40, does it matter? But I want one time where DH can hold the baby proudly aloft and shout "IT'S A..." whatever it is! :D

For us i think it was choice and timing.

With DS1 we didn't find out and it was wonderful.

With DS2 we chose to find out, there were a couple of outside factors but planning wasn't one of them. It turned out that i felt a lovely bonding knowing DS2 was a boy.

We found out with DD also. We tried to keep it a surprise but the temptation was too much and knowing the bonding feeling i had i wanted it again. Knowing DD was a girl was wonderful.

ETA both times when we found out we didn't reveal that we knew. I told a select few as i couldn't help myself but it was still a surprise for everyone. Even once they were born i still didn't let one to many that we knew.

we haven't found out either time. neither of us wanted to, which was lucky!

this time was close though - i had a cvs & one doctor didn't think & just gave us the full results (which include ALL chromosomes so can definitively tell you the sex at 13 weeks). i hadn't wanted to know until i knew the info was in our house! DP has far better self control & hid it from me until it was time to pass them on to the hospital. i'm so glad i didn't (couldn't!) look now.

We didn't find out either time. Although i get antsy towards the end, i am glad i haven't found out each time. The surprise at the end is worth waiting for. And it is lovely ringing people once bub has arrived and letting them know.

We found out with DS - it was just the excitement of it all, after ttc for quite a while. I wanted to be able to call the baby something other than 'belly bean' and start the bonding process as early as possible. The nursery was gender neutral, though tbh I'm not sure it would've been gender neutral if we thought we were having a girl...

We kept the name a secret so we had a surprise to share with everyone (though it took 12+ hours after he was born and numerous phone calls before anyone actually asked us what his name was or DH remembered to tell anyone, lol!). I couldn't help but feel that finding out the gender as well as examining this gorgeous newborn baby all at the same time would've been too overwhelming for me personally. Having a baby in the first place was huge, let alone adding having an 'unknown' baby - I wanted to be as prepared as I possibly could, mentally and physically. I also wanted to be able to take DS home in gender specific clothes that I'd picked myself, and I couldn't have done that otherwise. I wanted a name picked out and ready to go and that was a huge, huge task when we only had boys names to go through. I can only imagine how much longer it would've taken if we'd needed a girls name on standby too, lol! In other words, I like to be organised!

If we have a second, I won't be so anxious about the 'unknown' (as I'm guessing it would be with you). However, I think I'd still prefer to find out, to be able to start bonding, to have at least one gender specific outfit, to pack away the 'boy' clothes if it's a girl and to mentally prepare myself. I also feel there could be a bit of gender disappointment for me, so having time to get used to one or the other would be good. If we did find out, we'd rethink how/if we told everyone else though, because as a pp mentioned, it didn't feel very special reeling it off in a series of phone calls...

I love, love, love Rosey's idea of having the sonographer write the gender on a card and opening it at a special lunch or ceremony too. That would make it really special.

Can't wait to hear what you decide to do...:)

Wow….so many replies.
Thank you everyone for sharing. It’s given me lots more to think about :lol: Not sure it’s helped me make a decision either way, bit it’s given me a lot more to think about :doh:

We find out with ds. I may have id dh wasnt so adament on a surprise. We only had 20wk scan so not much temptation.

The surprise was great.

This time again id prolly find out if it was my choice but dh wants another surprise, so thats prolly what we will do. We have gender neutral clothes up to 00 so its not really like we have to go buy any new clothes.

Dh figures if we were meant to know id have a window in my tummy. Lol