How to chose the Guardian of your children...

Another thread about life insurance got me thinking how did you chose your Gaurdians for the kids?

I am just about to do our Wills and will need to get something in place also about who would have the kids. The obvious choice is my parents which we would both be happy with, but I need a back up in case something happens to them. My choice would be my brother even though he has not kids of his own he is great with mine and even used to mind DD one day a week when I went back to work.

I was just wondering what others had done...

This is one thing I am having a huge amount of issues with..

Im divorced from my childrens dad, remarried and I have full custody apart from every other weekend. I really need to sit down with him and discuss this issue.

I very much doubt exH would want to take the kids on full time or even be able to afford too, (with regards to my life insurance it is in my husbands name, my husband is aware though that the majority of the money is intended for the girls, with some for him as well, but the reason it is in DH name is I dont want exH only taking the girls due to the money he would have access to and then it not being used for the girls.. if that makes any sense. So IF exH decided he wanted full custody then he would be forced to access the money from now DH meaning the girls would still have access to the step dad and the money would only be used for the girls not exh beside a weekly maintenance amount... confused?)

in saying all of that, if anything was to happen to me, even with DH in the picture I wouldnt expect him to take the kids on full time instead of exH and in all honesty prefer them to go to my parents. My parents would then allow the girls to still be apart of their step families lives.

I really do need to get a will written up and speak to exh about this all.

This is a tough decision I've been thinking about a lot. My first choice would be my aunt and uncle, they've never been able to have kids if their own and would've been awesome parents. However, my mum would be upset by that fact and everyone in my family live so far apart so it wouldn't be easy for everyone to look out for him etc.. So starts the debate in my head...

GL with whatever decision you make, it's so important.


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This is something that has been playing on my mind lately. My choice would be my parents and I think DH would be ok with this but we have not discussed this. If they couldnt do it for what ever reason I would be stuck choosing between my brother and his wife and a close friend of mine whom the boys see once every week or 2 and adore. She loves the kids and currently has no kids of her own or a partner.
Of course there is also point that DH may want his sister instead.

Its not an easy decision and not an easy discussion to bring up.

I have thought about this, alot. I always thought my parents (DH's family are not an option) but as time goes on I have come to realise Mum and Dad are only getting older, so the logical answer is my brother and SIL.


From Queens IPhonio

We made our decision based on who we thought would bring up our children in the most similar way that we would. My parents are still fairly young (in comparison to DH's parents who are closer in age to my grandparents) and I was brought up with a very similar parenting style to what we use for our kids. So we have chosen my parents. I know that one of DH's sisters would probably be a little upset that we didn't chose her as she is single and adores kids, but her parenting style would be wildly different to ours and we didn't want that for the kids.

This is a difficult one for us as all our family lives in another country. However my sister and I have agreed that if anything should happen to either of us, we would take each others children. I know if anything happened to my sister and BIL that my mum would expect custody of her children as they are very close, but as my sister pointed out my mum is a smoker and that is not a situation she could put her children into. Ditto for me if something happened to DH and I, his mum is very old and my mum is a smoker. My brother is living the single life and DH's siblings are not the sort of people we would want our children with as a first choice, so it would have to be my sister.

i too have been thinking about this lately and i honestly dont kow how you would chose someone besides parenting style, age and finacial security.
i instinctivly would like my sister but she is single, about to graduate uni and has just moved interstate (:crying: thats a whole other subject!) but before she moved cared for DS more than DH and i know has the same parenting ideals etc. BUT i also know that she has no finacial security and would struggle emotionally with whatever situation would cause kids to come into her care as well as everything that comes with full time care of kids. that being said i wouldnt choose my mum for emotional reasons going back to when i was a kid (and also her partner's personality and parenting style) and i wouldnt choose MIL & FIL or my dad and his partner for similar reasons. which leaves us with BIL & SIL who are good with their parenting style, age, kids similar ages to ours, financially secure but are strongly christian where we are atheist.
GL with your decision hun. its definately a hard one!!!!!!!!

DH has no siblings and all our parents are 60+ so the only logical guardian is my sister and BIL. But they have 3 kids of their own and I honestly don't know how they would cope with suddenly having 5 children.

I was also torn between my brother and his wife, and my sister (DH's family live interstate/overseas and were never an option). We chose my brother and SIL because they have stability, financial security (although they'd get our money it was important to us that having our children wouldn't be a burden) and the same values as us. I know they would raise our children in a manner consistent with DH and I. Not to say my sister wouldn't but I believe she would struggle emotionally (she suffered from depression and borderline personality disorder when younger and sometimes lacks coping skills without support. My parents are 60+ so not sure how much assistance they could provide her). Having said that though, my whole family would be involved in the children's lives and I'd be upset if that wasn't the case.

It's such a hard decision, hope you can reach one soon xx

We have chosen based on many things. Similar parenting, an actual love for our children, age/health, locality and the means to look after them. DH was still quite set on his mother being guardian for ages, but has at least gone with my suggestion as long as we give MIL first right of refusal.

Seeing as MIL is aging and been ill in the past 2 years, I am hoping she has the sense to refuse direct guardianship, but chooses to stay involved as Grandma. It is not only her health I have an issue with, but her parenting and she is a major technophobe. I could see the poor kids having to go through highschool with no computers or Internet, as MIL would not see the need :wall: I would much rather her just stay as Grandma and not become parent.

we went through this recently when we did our wills, i don't speak to my family after a fallout 2 years ago and my inlaws aren't an option and neither are our siblings on either side so we were really stuck. the solicitor asked if my parents would fight for the kids if something happened to us and i said definitely and she basically said well you might as well leave them to them then because in all likely hood they would get them and if its written down at least it would happen straight away and there wouldn't be fighting from the rest of the family.

i know my mum would be happy to take them but she isn't young and the reality is if she wasn't around dad wouldn't cope with them so i figure we have the next 5 years where they could go to mum and then we will have to change our wills and i have no idea what we will happen then, i just have to remind myself its unlikely something will happen to both of us and that this will ever need to be put in place

we've put my brother and his wife as guardians if DH and I were to pass away.

our choice was essentially because they have a son basically the same age as DS, and they have very similar values and parenting beliefs as us, and they live reasonably close by, so DS (and Ziggy, and any subsequent kidlets) would be able to stay at the same school and groups, and be brought up a comparable way ...

there are other family members who love DS and Ziggy just as much, and who have more money and time, but consistency was pretty important to us - and we've seen how they parent in practice.

Based on parenting style and age we'll be asking one of our best friends to be guardian. DH doesn't want his family to have g/ship and it's just my Dad on my side and he's already in his 60's and my brother whose child rearing I don't agree with. Our friend would love any children like they were her own and still give plenty of access to families, probably more than DH and I would to his :P.

both of my sisters have chosen dh and i and both gave the reason that we would parent in a way they agree with and that would be closest to their own.
i think that is the best way to choose and dont just go with the people who think they should be it... its a very important decision.

We have chosen my best friend to be the kids guardian if something was to happen to us.

It was simple chosing her. We have been bestfriends since we were 11. I have known her family for that long as well. DP has known her as long as hes known me and they get along great he classes her as one of his closest friends and vice versa. She absolutely adores DD which the feeling is mutual. She comes from a very wonderful loving family who also adore DD.

We share the same beliefs and values and she respects our parenting style. She also would make sure our familes see the kids regularly.

I plan on having a naming day at the end of the year and thats when we will nominate her then. She right now has no idea but we have talked about.

my sister and BIL are ours. they are ds' god paretns as well. but the reasons: my brother is single, young and working in the mines and would be unsuitable (although i know he would provide financial support if anything happen ;)); my SIL is young, single, living hand-to-mouth and has childhood diabetes; our parents are getting on and have raised their kids.

So that leaves my sis and BIL. But they are just teh last ones standing:
they are loving with my children;
their little boy has just arrived after 9 yrs of trying so the kids will be close in age;
my sister 'does things' like me;
they are financially secure and both have careers taht will see them advance further;
they live near my parents and family;
they get along wtih my ILs so i know there would be no issue with my kids staying in touch with the other side of the family;
and i just know how much love and support they would give my kids. and I know they'd be brought up to 'know' dh and i as well.
they would give them all they need emotionally and financially and would never make them feel like they weren't "theirs'' iykwim.
My sister is afirst time mum so is finding her feet and will do things parenting-wise that will be different to me, but i know her heart and that all that matters to me :)

good luck, it is a big decision that hopefully none of us will ever need to actually have used!

My parents. Sadly, Mum is mid 60s and my stepdad is 70+ so they're not ideal in terms of age but they are the only people I know that I would trust my children with. My girls adore them, and we have significant life insurance to enable my parents to hire whatever help they need to make it work.

Its probably inevitable that this will have to be revisited down the track, but at this point I would struggle to nominate anyone else - there is only one person I would consider and my DH may have issues with this person - haven't discussed it. No way do I want any of DH's siblings taking them. Really not sure what we will do. I just have to hope my Mum in particular stays in good health, and DH and I don't kick the bucket any time soon! If my older girls are 18+ then I will appoint them guardian of their younger sister if my Mum is no longer around/capable.

Wea re in the beginnings of getting our wills done. We have all our insurances done, written everything done and organised it but we just cannot decide/agree on guardians.
MIL is going to have caring responsibilities for FIL soon,
My parents are an option but they are getting older,
My two siblings are both Navy families so they move around every few years so not if that is the life we want for our kids,
DH's sister is single, no kids, lives in Melbourne and has never lived with anyone or raised kids so not sure about her,
DH's sister has three of her own so asking someone to take our three as well, making a family of 6 is a huge huge ask.
We have no friends close enough to consider as guardians.
We are so lost on who to pick.
Good luck with such a hard decision.

Such a hard decision and we agonised over it too. We decided to appoint my parents as guardians if both DH and I were to pass away. We have adequate life insurance so they would be well covered to hire any help they needed. In the event that they are unable to take our two kids due to sickness/old age etc then they will go to my brother and his wife. They have one DD and plan on having one more child in next couple of years so that means they will then have four. But we discussed it with them and they are happy to be our children's guardians if necessary and we agreed to be guardians for their DD (and future bub) too so it works out well.

Our kids have other aunts/uncles but we felt that they would be happiest with my brother and his wife and also we have very similar parenting styles which was another factor. I know my sister would take them too but she is currently single with no kids and living with mum/dad so we felt it probably best to not put her in that position. Good luck!

We chosen DH's brother & wife who we used to double date with

i cannot think of anyone, to be bilby's guardian.

My father (who she never met) died 18 months ago.
My mother (who she has never met), agewise and parentingwise is unsuitable.
My sister and brother, i haven't seen since 1997. I wouldn't trust them with bilby.

The one relative i have, my auntie, has said she is too old and fixed in her ways, to take on any children (this has come up already with her three grandchildren).

Ex's father is dead
Ex's mother is in an aged care facility interstate. She doesn't recognise bilby.

Ex's brother is unsuitable (and doesn't know bilby). interstate
Ex's sister - i guess would be better than state care, but has only met bilby for a few days in her life. interstate

So i cannot think of anyone to put down as guardian.

I guess if i died/was incapacitated, it would have to be ex, better than State care (living in a motel with constant change of welfare workers).

it's making me cry just thinking about it. i know this stuff if important, but god it's hard to think about it.