Sitting down for dinner with the family

Hi all, i just wondered what you do in your house?

DH and i had a bit of an arguement tonight about the fact that we dont sit together at the table to eat anymore, before we moved we used to do this every weekend when DSD would come up, and the plan was that once DD was old enough to know the difference we would do it everyday. We then moved, things were a bit busy at the start and the table covered in stuff waiting for a home, days turned into weeks, turned into months and over a year later we havent once sat down at that dinner table to eat as a family in this house.
Tonight it got the better of me and i said when are we going to start doing what we always said we would and eat like a normal family at the table, together, with no tv? DH replied with never, i only went along with that to stop your nagging, i have no intention of sitting anywhere except in front of this tv. I pushed DD's chair over to the table, got my dinner and we sat there and ate, i turned her away from the tv and talked to her while we ate. DH remained in front of the tv, i said why dont you eat with us as a family, its the only time youre ever going to get the kids to sit quietly and talk to you, he said no i told you where im eating and here i'll stay, what you want is out dated, irrelevant in this day and age and i think youre expecting too much.
DH's family always sat in front of the tv its the norm for him, whereas mine sat together, maybe this plays a role in it too?

So i guess the question i'm asking is, do families sit together to eat dinner, turn the tv off (or down) and talk?, or is it out dated and i am expecting too much?
I just want to get an idea of what other people do in their home these days, not looking for a way to justify my desire, just wonder is it no longer the norm to do this?

Ahh I'm sorry he and you disagree on this issue.

We have dinner together at the table every night, no TV. My family did the same thing when I was young.

we do, most nights. Although admittedly I often eat a different meal from the rest of the family. But we usually don't have the TV on at that time of day so we take it as a chance to talk and share our day.

I don't think it's outdated. There are lots of studies that support the fact that it has real merit.

We do it. Not absolutely every night, but very often.

Yes we all sit down at the table to eat.....always at tea time, sometimes at lunchtime and breakfast we eat at the table but not all together.

We live in an old style farm house (not open plan) so our dining table is in the kitchen, but there is also a TV. Now that my older kids have started school I like to have a rule that the TV isn't on during tea time. (My DH wasn't as keen on this rule) some nights we do turn it off, mainly during the week, weekends I'm a bit more flexible. But I do enjoy the fact that we are all sitting together and eating.

We do it almost every night. Even when we eat take away we sit at the table and I turn the TV off. It's very rare that we have a dinner in front of the TV.

Breakfast the boys eat together at the table while I make their lunches. I eat breakfast standing after I make their lunches.

Lunch at the weekend is usually a sit down meal but sometimes we just graze.

ETA - I can't stand the TV on while we're at the table. There is nothing I dislike more than someone craning their neck to look around you at the TV while they eat.

ETA - I love the conversations we have at the table. they crack me up. And it gives me a chance to teach them their table manners.

We sit at table most nights and have a chat. Sometimes with the tv on, sometimes without it. DS is in bed or having his bottle normally when we eat, but otherwise he joins us. (unfortunately his only contribution to the conversation is mumumumum and dadadadad and dogdogdog!)
My family never ate at the table growing up, and I always felt like I was missing out on something which is why I like to do it now.

We eat at the table every night. Breakfast and lunch never seem to be eaten by anyone at the same time so they are eat anywhere meals. We normally have the TV on the news so we can hear it but we don't watch it. We never sat at the table when I grew up but I love the time we sit there together now so it will be something that we always do now.

Our family sits at the table, with the tv off. THere are odd occasions where we will sit on the floor in the lounge on a rug, and have an "inside picnic", usually with the idiot box on. When it was just the Man and I we usually sat on the floor in front of the tv, but it was something we both wanted to change when DD and DS came along. He didn't seem to want to when the Boy was over, unless I put my foot down. Whilst he said he wanted to, the actions didn't usually say the same thing, and more often than not, the tv was on during dinner, even if we were at the table.

I don't think that it happened "overnight". My Mum would tell me jsut to turn the tv off, but I know that is easier said than done. When we grew up, we ate at the table, no tv. I'm not sure about how the Man grew up. My kids accept it as a house "rule" that the tv is off, and if it is left on, DD will say the rules are being broken, and get up to (first pause the tv then) turn it off. I don't think it is outdated. Reasons of support for your argument would include: family life is getting busier and busier, so this time together everyday is special and will be remembered and appreciated by your children. Modern tv allows recording and pausing of shows, so there is no excuse for (heaven forbid!) him "missing" a show. Eating together as a family is STILL recommended by experts (don't ask me who, but I have heard it lots), to develop social skills, table manners, family interaction and appreciation, sharing the day's events. ETC. ETC.

Good luck, keep working at it.

Yep, TV off and all sitting down at the dinner table, always dinner and more than likely breakfast and lunch too. I also did the same growing up too.

Tell him to pull his head out of his bum! I wonder what makes him think that it's an outdated and irrelevant practice? I think it's never been more relevant to sit as a family to eat. We do it every night and it's great. Some of the random stuff that gets talked about makes for a really good meal together kwim?

It's also a healthier way to eat. People are more aware of being full if they sit at a table instead of in front of the TV so it reduces overeating.

We sit at the table most nights with the TV off. We play 'Best part of your day/worst part of your day' and everyone gets a chance to speak. It's a great way to get a peek inside the kids heads! Weekends we sometimes eat in front of the telly or have a 'Carpet Picnic' at the coffee table. The kids prefer to eat at the table or a carpet picnic, they enjoy spending the time together as a family.

My family was exactly the same when I was growing up. DH's family was heavily involved in sport and his dad worked late so he tells me they all used to eat separately and the meal was generally whatever they could grab.

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It's also a healthier way to eat. People are more aware of being full if they sit at a table instead of in front of the TV so it reduces overeating.

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Interesting!!

We sit at the table most nights. DH and I both insist on it. Family time. No tv, no iDevices, no phone. If DH's phone rings, he mostly ignores it, unless he's waiting for an important call (own business).

We have all our meals at the table as a family - no TV. Was the same growing up.

I can't remember the last time we didn't sit at the table to eat dinner...would've been when Moo was a baby. We eat as a family when DH isn't working, when he is Moo and I still sit together and one of us always has breakfast with him. DH likes the telly on in the background and while it annoys me I let it go as he'd never see any news otherwise!

We dont. Its only DS & I 5 nights a week as DP is a chef so is at work. We also dont have room for a table & chairs, so we eat in the lounge room. DS eats earlier than us around 5.30pm (we are late eaters, 8pm onwards late (habits formed from working in hospitality for years, we just arent hungry earlier on), so I sit down with him (he in his highchair sitting in front of me) and have a snack with him while he eats. The days DP is at work the TV is off, its usually on when he is home as he is watching it.
We done a bit of both growing up, it wasnt a hard and fast rule to eat together every dinner time. DP I assume has always eaten with family around the tv, its what they done when I started dating him and went over for dinner, and we have always done before having DS.
When we eventually move though to a bigger house that has a dining room (or even just room in the kitchen for a table & chairs!), I'd like to eat all dinners at the table (or at least every meal when its just DS & I, at least 1 night when DP is home). DS loves watching us eat and reaching to steal our food, so it'd be easier to deal with that sitting at a table lol

Children who grow up eating meals as a family have better relationships with each other and with their parents when they grow up.

It reduces drug and alcohol use and assists in identifying mental health issues. It improves communication and discussion. It assists with education and personal development.

These are all verifiable advantages of eating meals together as a family. It is something we always did as children (my parents are both educators, my mother is a specialist in gifted and talented children and this is where I get the above information from). We never had a TV. My parents still don't have one in the house. In my family, I go out of my way to ensure that we eat together Monday to Thursday. Weekends are different, but during the week it is a "tradition" that I intend to continue.

We sit together for all meals. Obviously DH is missing for some, if its just DH and I and were having take away or sandwiches for lunch or something we sit on the couch with tv. Pre kids we rarely ate at the table though

We sit at the table, as a matter of importance. Even when we were in the caravan and had the teeniest space for dinners and would have been more comfy spread out on the bunks and beds with DVD players. I felt those times were important to remember why we were sacrificing the comforts of a normal suburban home and following our farm dream while our shed home was being made.
Now we eat at a gorgeous old table that came from DP's family home that was sold years ago and demolished, and it focuses us at the end of our day when we've all been doing separate things.
There's not a lot of nice things we do as a family (though I'm pushing that agenda more and more) and this is one 'token' we have to hold onto for the sake of us. If we eat outside, it's at the table, too, with DD strapped into her outdoor highchair so that we're all still eating together before the kids go off on their trampoline or chasing chooks!
Brushing someone's desire to spend time with the family, for the sake of half an hour of TV flags a misplaced sense of what people are coming home for and to.
If this is important to you and it continues in this way then his own DD will pick up on it and form her own idea of her father that will last a lifetime.

Yes, we sit at the table for dinner pretty much every night. The only times we don't are if the kids are super tired that day so I feed them an early thrown together sort of dinner then my H and I eat together when they are in bed. We only put the TV on for the kids to watch a certain show and it's never on otherwise anyway. All that said though, we can only really coax our autistic son to the table with a little iPad thingo or something for him so that kills the vibe a little.

we did then got out of the habit but have started again. i always ate at the table with my parents when i was growing up - well, always for dinner & for breakfast & lunch if we were eating at the same time. when DS & i go to visit my parents during the week for lunch the 4 of us sit at the table as well.

DS is usually asleep at lunchtime for DP & i but when DP comes home on weekdays for lunch we sit at the table together (even if i've already had lunch earlier with DS). for me the really important one is dinner - it's a nice time to chat as a family & also to help DS learn about table manners, i think he also eats more when we sit at the table without any distractions. sometimes the tv is on in the background but often it's not.

We sit down together, every night usually the news is on in the background or sometimes we have music on. I think this is a really important time for families to be together and discuss their day, catch up properly. There is plenty on time for t.v. after dinner or you can record something if you really want to watch it.

We used to sit at the table for dinner every night, but got out of the habit, and haven't quite got back into it yet ... but it's one of the things DH and I want to be back as part of our routine, once he's a SAHD again.

I have many happy memories of sitting around at the dinner table with my family - talking about our day, ideas, politics, world events, whatever came up. I really want those times of exclusive, TV/phone/internet free times for my kids, where they just have DH and my attention on them for the 30-60 minutes each night it takes to eat.

The time is so short before they will start to have sport or music or whatever after school, and I want it to be a really routine part of our days - that whatever we've done over the course of the day, we come home and eat together as a family ...

I think it's actually *more* important in this day and age to have that, rather than it having somehow become irrelevant or outdated.

We sit at the table together for dinner almost every night. Sometimes we have 'picnics' on the carpet and watch tv, but again, it's together and it's only if we have something like pizza or toasties. We talk alot together at this time of day and it's often a good time for DH and I to catch up a little on our days too, as well as the kids telling him what they have been up to for the day.

I think it's also an important social skill to learn, for young children to be able to sit at a table, eat with cutlery and then also talk and engage in the rules of conversation (eg waiting to talk, asking appropriate questions). It also makes time for us to be quiet and for one of us to take the spotlight for a little while, to feel special in the family unit, particularly with my children at the ages they're at, alot of the time is spent in chaos of some sort, be it playing like crazy chickens, them having tantrums, or me ranting at them for not doing what the should be, what ever. But the rest of our day is loud and raucus, so dinner time is a good time to respect each other's time to talk. To really listen and hear each other and to learn something small about each other each day. It's also a good wind down from a hectic day and a great way to lead into bath and bed time.

When it was just the 2 of us we sat in front of the TV every night. Before DS was born we talked about how important we both thought it was to eat together as a family. As soon as DS was old enough to sit in his high chair we all started eating together at the dinner table, as a family. It's wonderful. We talk to him and ask him about his day. He eats the same as us and feeds himself and he loves it. And we love it too.

On the rare occasion that DP isn't home for dinner I will sit with DS while he eats his dinner and then once he is in bed DP and I will eat together, in front of the TV. LOL.

I hope that you can talk your DH around because it's a lovely feeling to have the family around the table.

As kids we always had to sit at the table. Then the older we got we didn't do it anymore.

My house currently is too small to fit a table in so we eat together as a family in the loungeroom. Very soon i want to move to another house with a dining room so i can have my dinner table and we can eat as a family.

The kids eat at the table 13 nights out of 14, and us adults eat with them 90% of that time (we might not if DH is at army or if I am breastfeeding or holding a baby, etc). No TV. about once a fortnight we will sit in front of the TV and eat takeaway as a family (usually on a weekend). I think it is important family time when you have kids.

It's funny because we never had a big enough house to fit a dining table till recently and DH insisted on getting one because he wants to do the whole family meal thing. Yet he isnt home Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday or Sundays to have dinner with us anyway, if it isnt work its basektball.

So frustrating!!

Yes, we sit at the table together, it's important to us.

We are another family who sits together for dinner at the table. The only time we dont is if we have take away.

I am so envious of all that are able to do this.

As i child were lucky enough to be able to do this pretty much every night. My brother or i had to set the table and my dad would always play a record (do you remember what they were? :lol:) for us all to listen to. As kids yes we would protest about it a little but when i look back now i think it was a great thing to do.

I hope to maybe do the same still one day but so far we don't. My boys eat around the 5ish mark and DH is never home at this time. They are almost getting to the age where they may be able to wait a little longer but it's hard because they are asking if dinner isn't ready by then. The boys do sit at the bench or at thier little table to eat when they do. On the few occasions that we're a little late and DH is home in time we sit and eat at the same time but not all at the table still. It's something i want but it's not quite possible just yet.

We always sit at the table together. I have all meals and snacks (where possible) at the table so DD can sit in her highchair and have some. All three of us sit at the table for dinner - the tv is on in the background so we can hear the news, but we spend the time chatting to DD.

I love that we can eat at the table, as it's what we did growing up and it gives us some extra quality time together. Unfortunately our old house was very poorly planned and we had to eat in the lounge. Thankfully DD wasn't eating then so it didn't affect her much.

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the actual reason we started this in the first place was because DSD as a littley refused to eat, anything, ever (frustrating to say the least) and we'd tried all the other stuff to get her to eat, this was the last thing i could think of, (being 22 and never had anything to do with kids it just didnt seem overly important at the time, i loved sitting in front of the tv as id never done that growing up) but this worked, she started eating small amounts, talking to us, we were able from this quiet time together to chat, find out why she hadnt been eating, and how to get her to start. And she has asked a few times to sit as a family since we moved but its never happened, so obviously she enjoyed it.
I honestly do believe and it is my experience that so very much is gained in this short amount of time, and it is such a small 'sacrifice' to make, for the greater good of your family. I dont even mind if the news is on in the background, neither of us see or hear news at any other time of day so thats fine. But i feel it is important for our girls to have this time with us and each other, there is so much we can learn about each other simply by having one meal together each day. (DD and i eat together at breaky and lunch, but this is impractical with DH working 60+ hours a week so dinner is all we can get)
I also believe it has something to do with the relationships between familly members, i look at how distant DH is from his family and how they are with each other and compare (i know i shouldnt) them to my own who couldnt get much closer and i wonder had they sat together and found out about each others day's would they have slightly more respect for each other than they do.
I'm not going to push him into this, its entirely his decision, but it is something i will be continuing with, all meals will be served to the table and if he chooses not to sit there, he will have to take his dinner to the tv himself. DD (and DD yet to be born) and I will eat there and with DSD 2 nights a week as well. I think, given time to think about it and see us doing it he will come around without me 'nagging' him, after all if you have to force someone to spend time with you there is obviously soemthing else that needs addressing, so i will not be doing this. trying to tell him about studies and facts will only push him further away, this is a man who fought me on BFing our DD and it wasnt until i stopped shoving the facts in his face that he started to actually hear them (from others of course).
Sorry i didnt actually start this to bag my DH out or vent or get support for my cause (which is where its gone lol), i just wondered if it wasnt something that was done these days and my upbringing was out of the norm, as were my expectations for the way in which i wish to guide and raise my family, obviously it is something people do, and people feel just like i do, that it's more important than ever to do it.
I will just go about my thing, being the mother i want to be, and trying to raise the children the way i believe is best. I think the results will speak for themselves and in the end, his eyes will be opened.
thanks for all the replys ladies

oh and i love that when we go to my parents, DD has her own little place at the table on a booster seat, which is set up permanently, so she can eat with all of us, it makes me remember days gone by and feel that my child is as included in another household as she is here.

I think that sounds wise. If you just do your thing he will probably want to be with you.

and guess what happened at dinner tonight?
I served it up took it to the dinner table, said dinners ready and he sat there with us!
he either had a good think about what i said today, brought it up at work and found that a lot of other people do it too, or simply sat there without thinking.
whatever the reason (i didnt question it) i dont care, its nice to not have had to 'nag' or argue again, and it was nice not to eat without him again too.
Hopefully this trend continues

Yaay great news!!

We eat as a family, but not at the table at the moment (it is covered in zucchinis). When not covered in excess produce we at the table most nights. Takeaway is when we tend to eat in front of the TV.

I grew up with a mix of table and in the lounge room. I think it was the lounge room more than 50% of the time, especially when it was mum and me.

Hopefully his words echoed around his brain and he heard himself sounding like a person he didn't want to be!
Dinners together make a difference :)