What do you do if they cry?

DD is spending her first bit of time at daycare tomorrow. I'm nervous! We've been there for half an hour together twice now, and last time a carers came up to where she was sitting to put sunscreen on - DD just grinned at her the whole time :) Then the carers took her outside for a play, she just waved seeya to me lol.

So I'm not too concerned, DD has been very excited when we got there those two times, and played on her own with the carers and other babies. But she did keep looking over to me, kind of just checking. She knew I was still there when she went outside.

So on the offchance that she does actually cry when I leave, what do I do? Keep going and let the carers settle her? If she's crying really badly I can't leave her. Do I calm her down and try again? What do you do if you're in that situation?

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DD1 I never really had the problem of her crying. DD2 however I did. I found though that by the time I had left the room and gotten outside where I could spy on her that she was not crying and playing. So now if she looks like she is going to cry I give her a big kiss and cuddle, tell her I love her and then go outside and spy until I am comfortable to leave her. The first few times I did stand there with my own tears though. I think by staying when she is crying just prolongs the crying for DD2.

I'm not sure of your DD age but my DS1 is 2 yrs 3 months. He cried pretty consistently for the first 4 weeks of this year. Most days were hysterical.

I have a very good relationship with the carers and trust them implicitly.

I talk a lot about what is going to happen the night before and on the way there. When we get to his room I help him put his bag away and find his friends. Then I give DS1 a cuddle, tell him that I love him, that I'm going and what time I'll pick him up. Then I leave. A carer will then come and comfort him by taking him to the cushioned area for him to wind down, but they stay with him.

I hope your DD is all good.

Yes, keep going and let the carers settle her. If you feel happier, watch from somewhere she can't see you - or ring about 30 mins later to check on her. It's tough - but in my experience, drawing it out, going back, just makes the leaving all the harder.
A good centre will take your child and distract them with an activity or something else and give lots of TLC.

I just walk away, then spy til she has calmed down. Its always been set so that if a child doesn't settle after 15 minutes they will call you to collect your child, it may vary with centers though.

Thanks everyone. I am really happy with the centre and the carers, they've all taken her for cuddles and she seems to love them.

She's 8 months old, so I do explain everything to her but I'm not sure exactly how much she understands. So I'd planned on giving her to a carer, giving her a kiss and telling her I love her, that she's going to stay for a little play and I'll come get her in 2 hours.

I definitely get the point about going back making it worse. I'm more worried if she's absolutely hysterical - I think I can handle "small" crying, but if it's where she's seriously crying and reaching out, it's going to tear me up to walk away :(

I guess that's why we do these orientation days! I think there's somewhere I'll be able to spy on her, that's a good idea.

Thanks again :)

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If you've decided to go, it's best not to drag it out. hand over to a carer so you know someone is cuddling her and say good bye and leave. Hanging around or coming back again can make it worse. It's ok to hang around together for a bit before leaving, I think, but once you're going, go (if that makes sense). Then call them a little while later and check on how she's going.

ETA - I would cut it short if she's hysterical and they can't calm her, yeah.

Good Luck tomorrow Kaytee :)

In the early days with DS, I found that if I stayed and played when we arrived for 5-10 mins to settle him in, but kept the actual goodbye part short, sharp and sweet it worked well. Even if he was teary or crying, the carers were always excellent with comforting hugs and distraction and he would settle within minutes

It got harder after Christmas break this year, at 2.5 we have had a month of heartbreaking drop offs, but thankfully he is settled in again and loves to go to care and waves me goodbye without a second thought.

Definitely call (as many times as you need to) :)

So it sounds like even if they do cry, they're ok. I'm pretty certain she won't, but it's nice to know anyway :) Tomorrow I'm just gonna come home and watch a movie so if they can't settle her I can go back.

I think the main thing will be how I feel, if I can keep calm and happy I reckon she'll be fine.

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No advice, but just wanted to offer hugs. I had my own anxious hours when DD2 started kindy a few weeks ago so I know where you're at. Good luck. I'm sure she'll have a great time and you'll wonder why you worried. Enjoy your movie!

Give her a kiss and cuddle say Bye bye mummy will be back later and keep walking.

They will settle her down and within 5 mins will be happy and distracted!

Give centre a call later and check on her. I called at lunch time to check boys were ok.

DS2 has been crying when I leave him for a year and I know he is fine within 5 mins, he then crys when I pick him up as well.

Good luck

i am assuming from your sig. that your bub is 8 months old. My experience (in what you ask about) happened from 17 months old, when my child began CC. What i did was take her in, say hi to the workers, show her i felt fine with the place (positive), give her a breastfeed to settle her, she would then be feeling satisfied, i would put her down near some toys, and start playing with her. When she stopped looking to me for reassurance, and was getting into the toys, then i would kiss her, and tell her i would be back later.

The CC stays started at 3 hours and built up gradually.

when i collected her, we reconnected with a breastfeed, then collected her things and left. That breastfeed settled her for the car ride. I think she enjoyed the cuddles too, before going into her carseat.

that was our routine and it worked well for us.

it was very interesting, for me as a consumer of a CC centre, to sit in the centre and settle my child, as i got to see things, that maybe i wouldn't have, if i had been in the position of not being able to stay as long as i did.

Thanks for all of your advice everyone. Unfortunately I won't need it today, the little one is sick and can't go in :( I was actually beginning to look forward to seeing how she goes today, but hopefully she recovers quickly and we can reschedule for Monday.

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Awe, I hope she feels better soon. Now you can watch a movie and cuddle her all day:)

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Awe, I hope she feels better soon. Now you can watch a movie and cuddle her all day:)

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Yep, that's the plan :)

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Well I don't know why I was worried! I dropped her off at 9 thinking it could be rough - she was due for a nap and had fallen asleep in the car, there were two carers she hadn't met before, and she's still a bit iffy taking milk from a cup. But I had a quick chat to the carer, she asked DD for a cuddle (DD then gave her a big grin and practically leapt out of my arms), I asked for a kiss (didn't get one :(), said that I loved her, she was going to have a play and I'd pick her up later. Said seeya (didn't get a wave :() and left.

No tears from either of us! I called when I got home 20 minutes later and they said she was absolutely fine, having fun and enjoying watermelon & rockmelon for morning tea. Meanwhile all I've managed to do is vacuum and count down the minutes til I can go get her :lol:

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That's fantastic news. I hope she's had a great day and and you do to.

That's great!

Thanks girls :) I've just picked her up. Apparently she was fine most of the time, but because she'd been due for a nap and was avoiding it, she got overtired and had a bit of a cry :( When I got there a carer (one of my faves lol) was cuddling her and she was asleep. She was still doing a few sleep sobs :(

She kept sleeping in the car, and for the first time EVER she stayed asleep when I got her out. She's in her cot sleeping now, it's been about twenty minutes. Poor button must be exhausted, and I can still hear a few little hiccupy breaths through the monitor :(

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Sounds like she actually had a very great time though. My DD2 does thse hiccuppy sobs forever after a cry, even a little cry.

Yeah, she did love it :) She woke up after an hour at home, and is seriously happy! She's excited about everything! Daycare might be good for her, wear her out and help her sleep more.

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All the new stimulation and new faces work wonders, I am happy that you and your DD are happy, makes it all so much easier to handle.

I'm so glad she had a great time - you'll get used to it and start enjoying your time away too soon enough!

Thanks Kazzo & Ausgirl, now I can relax and enjoy my massage when she goes on Thursday! :dance:

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Message sounds way better then the vacuuming you did today:)

Lol yep! I've never had a proper professional massage before so I'm going to really soak it up!

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My Mum has been in child care for 20 years. From Kinder for 6 then onto a day care centre for the remaining time.
She said the worst thing you can do is linger if the child is upset. She said the best thing to do is to walk in, stow the bag, sign the child in and do any necessary paperwork (if the child is clinging to you or upset go over to the career and hand the child to them,) kiss good bye and leave. Don't hang around, don't peer through windows just leave. Call if you desire when your in the car, when you get home/work. Children will usually settle within 5 minuites. There will be time for questions when you pick them up and then you can take your time to look at what they did that day etc.


Sounds like she had a good day. Day care can be exhausting for he first few weeks/months.

what a relief for you Kaytee, glad it's going well.

yep, separation anxiety can be a two way street!